It seems like common sense to avoid stun-guns, right? I mean, Georgetown’s own Bradley Cooper demonstrated pretty well why getting shocked isn’t a whole lot of fun in this memorable scene from The Hangover. However, some geniuses from up north (I’m looking at you, Canada) have decided that soccer would be way more fun if played with a giant ball, smaller teams, full contact and tazers. Yes, you read that right, tazers. Let this week’s edition of WikiWhat? not-so-proudly introduce the world of Ultimate Tazer Ball.
I remembered reading about this sport about a year ago, and sure enough, while perusing the limitless expanses of Wikipedia, I stumbled across this entry. Sadly there isn’t a ton of information in the article itself, but the description was enough to make me first question my faith in humanity, and then keep scrounging online for more information. Sure enough, there is an official league website that provides slightly more information as to the “logic” behind the game. I also found this YouTube video to be helpful in explaining the brief history and questionable purpose of this new extreme sport. Before going further into my questioning of this bizarre game, let’s recap what we know so far:
It appears as though the game is set up to look like soccer, but beyond that, there aren’t many rules. Just get the ball in the net. At least that’s what it looks like in this fascinating and cringeworthy highlight reel. These highlights bring just a few questions to my mind.
First, why is the ball so big? Is it because it’s funny? Could it be so it’s easier for players to score? Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because the players can only focus so hard while being tazered, so a small ball was difficult to use. These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.
Second, to take a question from Seth Meyer’s repertoire, really? Is there really an Ultimate Tazer Ball League? Are there really people willing to subject themselves to this? Doesn’t this go against literally every possible survival instinct that we have as humans? I mean, while the game might look a tad bit fun, I also always go back to the fact that they are getting TAZERED. Really guys?
Well, that’s what made me double-take and ask myself what this world is coming to this week. Maybe some of you adrenaline junkies out there would think otherwise, but here’s to hoping we won’t be seeing a Georgetown ultimate tazer ball team/club any time soon.