A Sneak Peek Into Your Semester Online

Due to the ongoing public health crisis, Georgetown has decided the majority of students will remain home for the fall 2020 semester. Hoyas received a taste of online learning during the spring of 2020, but this fall, admin has spared no expense to offer a semester with even more precision and in-depth planning than the last.

Photorealistic representation of McKinsey consultants unraveling and editing DeGioia’s reopening plan.

While this won’t be the semester anyone had envisioned, we may as well prepare for what lies ahead. The 4E is here to offer you a ~sneak preview~ of your online fall semester!

John DeGioia, do your worst.

Classes:

With full course loads and asynchronous lectures, Hoyas everywhere can expect ~The Grind~ to never stop!

Chad from Apple Pie Delta gets frustrated during his OPIM lecture.

The Grind, of course, comes with its own challenges. Living at home means parents and younger siblings interrupting lectures and valuable study time. Staring at your online class crush covertly (or even enlarging their picture in Zoom) is enough of a distraction!

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There’s no place like Lau 4! There’s no place like Lau 4! There’s no place like Lau 4!

There are some bright sides to online classes, though. Over Zoom, Hoyas can live out their reality television star dreams by sitting in their very own confessional square! Use the background of your favorite Confessional Booth™, and, suddenly, you too are a Kardashian!

Me trying to get through a 9 a.m. economics lecture.

Hoyas can also take advantage of the small screen to show off their quarantine fits. Of course, stunting in Lau is a Georgetown tradition, so you can bet some students will be angling their cameras juuust right to show off a glimpse of that Gucci belt!

Sweatpants and slippers are also a ~stellar~ option.

Parties:

While the Vil A rooftop won’t be baptized with the annual syllabus week parties to kick off the semester, online classes can’t stop Hoyas from turning up! Zoom parties will be just like regular ones, only much less sweaty. And you’ll have complete control over the aux (and a mute button)!

The “Devil’s Advocate” from your political theory class acting like a young Ben Shapiro after drinking two White Claws again? Mute him!

These Zoom parties will have an unlimited capacity for fun guests, so no need for a pledge asking freshmen at the door, “Who do you know here?” Just don’t be surprised when your friends 8+ timezones away from you ~darty~ while you ~party~!

Class of 2024 crashing seniors’ exclusive Zoom parties.

To top it all off, Natty Light will also no longer be the only alcoholic option for (21+) Hoyas to enjoy! Nothing says “lit” like the unopened red wine your mom got as a gift in 2016!

Clubs:

While parties can easily be transitioned online, Georgetown’s Club Culture™ is harder to recreate over the internet.

How can the Hoyas get rejected from The Corp if there’s no coffee to serve in the first place?

Some of Georgetown’s most ~exclusive~ clubs will have to transition online for recruitment, initiation and everything in between! This may serve as a huge advantage for the business crowd: No more running across campus in suits only to be rejected by the consulting club of your choice! For other clubs, it may not be as simple, resulting in a few hiatuses.

An exclusive look into GU Eating Society’s next gathering.

Reminder: The Hoya is always looking for new talent ;)

Work-Study and Internships:

Many students lost their on-campus jobs in the spring, including students working at Lauinger Library and Yates and as student guards. To compensate for this sudden unemployment, Georgetown is offering a number of online work-study positions.

Georgetown isn’t known for its IT positions (I’m looking at you, always empty UIS Service Desk on the third floor of Lau), but in this unprecedented time, innovation in student work is necessary. The 4E personally brainstormed ideas for online jobs for Hoyas:

  1. Zoom Bombing Student Guard
  2. Exam Proctor (see: Narc)
  3. OnlyFans Content Creator
  4. Author Of a Book Written in Quarantine Set To Be Published In April 2021
  5. “Tennis Coach”

We also can’t forget those students experiencing remote internships! Let’s hear it for our remote Hillterns™!

“The West Wing” but make it ~virtual~

Traditions:

Hoyas already missed out on Georgetown Day 2020, so we deserve a fun homecoming at the very least. Even though there will be no football, we all know that, at Georgetown, homecoming is never about the football anyway.

“Homecoming” can take on a new and more literal meaning in this quarantine. Hoyas could flood campus for a weekend in September (while social distancing, of course) to bring us together for the first time since March and keep the Georgetown spirit alive!

Hoya Saxa!

Students turning 21 will also have to adapt the Tombs Night tradition to an online platform. When The Tombs finally reopens, you can bet most of the bar’s patrons will be stamping their foreheads to make up for their missed birthdays. But for now, a postal stamp and a speech on Zoom will have to do.

A cake also couldn’t hurt. Or, if you’re anything like me, try a piñata!

Spring:

While the future opening status of Georgetown is unknown, we can all do our part to stay safe now to be together as a family in the future.

Where’s your mask, Andy Samberg?

For now, live your Georgetown career without regret! DM that cutie in your theology class on Canvas! Take “International Finance” pass/fail! Email your TA to round up your grade! Catfish your professor by using a hot person’s photo as your Zoom avatar!

From all of us at the 4E, stay healthy Hoyas! We hope to see you on campus soon!

Awkward Zoom Conference Moments to Avoid this Winter

Happy New Year, Hoyas! Coming back to campus can be hard with a whole new season of classes, clubs and dodging rats, but sometimes the Old Gods of Georgetown feel that pain and grace us with the desperately needed ~snow day~.


That being said, all our joy can be taken away in one fell swoop with killjoy policy of “Instructional Continuity” and its chief agent: the Zoom Conference.

So, while we hope our snow days remain snow days, here are some awkward moments to avoid while using the bootleg version of Google Hangouts.

Sneezing obnoxiously

Folks, for the love of John J. DeGioia, mute your mics if you ain’t talking.

One of the most criminal occurrences while discussing the minutia of literary criticism is getting a front-row seat to an ear-piercing jet stream of mucus. While the winter season can bring us some childlike fun and top-tier snow selfies, everybody gets sick at some point.

Even so, no one wants to see how sick you are.

Eating aggressively front and center

Everyone knows that snow doesn’t just stop classes. It disrupts the whole infrastructure of the well-oiled machine that is Georgetown University. Leo’s can potentially be inaccessible (blessing in disguise??), which means scrounging for whatever leftovers or unhealthy snack foods you have stocked.

Hunger, sickness, cold and laziness all work together to make any meal you have just so gross. Don’t get caught munching on the oddly shaped apple or unnecessarily wet Epi quesadilla.

#BlockDatCam #MuteDatMic

Recording uncomfortable yelling in a public place

Why anyone would want to “Educational Facetime” their History professor in the chaotic throes of HFSC is a mystery to all of us. Overhearing “weekend plans at Vil A” while discussing the Khmer Rouge is definitely one of the most uncomfortable experiences known to man.

Find a quiet place to conduct this most awkward of educational tools and don’t submit your classmates to hearing things they could die, live and die again without ever hearing.

Unexpected roommate entrances

They say that communication is the most important part of any relationship, especially when living with someone.

So, when everyone ends up trapped in the same building for 12+ hours, it’s pretty important to communicate if you have some necessary and graded online conference you need some space for.

If not, one could, let’s say, capture their roommate yelling some obscenity from some song they’re just really into right now. OR, catching them right after they come back from a good ol’ shower.

Both are pretty bad. Trust us.

Having your professor call on you only to realize you joined the call and immediately turned off your camera and mic and left

No one wants to be there. Not even your professor. Literally, everyone involved would rather be doing anything else.

But desperate times call for desperate measures, and, sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. So, don’t get caught ditching, not only by the person who controls your grades, but by all the equally tired and lazy people who are choosing to tough it out.

They will have their revenge.

Not knowing when to talk

Since the birth of modern education, classroom participation has revolved around the “raising of the hand.” But when that fundamental function is robbed from you, how are you supposed to do that thing that counts from 25 to 35 percent of your final grade???

Some have taken to awkwardly jumping in, squeaking out a weird noise, coughing, or just screaming to claim their place.

There’s no solution to this one. Sometimes, you just gotta fight for what’s yours.

Just looking real gross in your dorm

It’s been three days. You stayed up until 4 a.m. for the last four days. You begged for a snow day and got one, but the universe spat on this blessing and gave you a 9 a.m. Zoom Conference for Intensive Spanish.

Not only do you look like Todd Olson after a noise complaint from the Georgetown neighborhood, but you’ve also lost all ability to speak your already rudimentary Spanish, much less the English you though you knew.

You literally haven’t showered in days and your last meal was a milkshake from Epi five hours ago when you went to bed.

Take care of yourselves.

Oof…

The semester has only just started, and it looks like this winter’s gonna be a long one.

So, while you should try your best to avoid these terribly awkward moments, you should do better and just take care of yourself.

In the end, we’re all just trying to make it to Georgetown Day.

What We Learned From Instructional Continuity

Banner - Instructional ContinuityJust last week, many of us thought that Georgetown snow days would be filled with sledding, hot cocoa and even a snowball fight with Father O’Brien himself. But Georgetown had a special surprise for us: instructional continuity! What is instructional continuity, you may ask? Well, not even all of our professors are quite sure. Below are some things we learned from instructional continuity.

snowball

Professors are truly gifted when it comes to technology. The Zoom interruptions from the tech guy were obviously part of the pre-planned lesson.

hi computer

Reading an extra book and writing three Blackboard blog posts on top of completing your already assigned readings, is way more enjoyable than building a snowman or binge watching ‘Making of a Murderer’.

read book

Lau never closes. Who knew 1970s architecture could be just as warm and welcoming as your fire place back home?

fire

Sometimes instructional continuity is in the classroom. State of emergencies are merely suggestions to professors.

blizzard

The internet moves especially fast when every student attempts to access Blackboard and lecture files at the same time.

throw computer

And finally, classes will resume, Lau will still be open, professors will still be great with technology and everyone will still be on the internet! Happy first full week of classes.

spongebob

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, shsleaf.com