5 Types of People Running for GUSA Senate


It’s October, and you know what that means. It’s that time of year when the real issues begin to be discussed, when world-class leaders petition for our support. Campaign season is upon us, and the New South/VCW District is feeling the heat. 4E has exhaustively analyzed the various campaigns, and has broken down the candidate’s qualifications and positions on the issues in order to help you make your decision today.

  1. The Future President


Platform: This person doesn’t care about Georgetown, the issues or you. This is merely another stepping stone in their path to the Oval Office that began in 5th grade. If elected, their first act of business will be to organize a committee to discuss how best to make “Freshman Dorm Representative” sound good on a resume.

Last seen: In a suit, giving weirdly firm handshakes to other freshmen.


  • Their parents
  • Future Secretaries of State
  • Members of the 2024-2028 cabinet


  • Future Vice Presidents
  • Anyone within 15 years of their age
  • Their parents, when they don’t win
  1. The One who Actually Cares

white anglo saxon

Platform: Social justice, all bathrooms become gender-neutral.

Last seen: Painstakingly drawing out handmade signs when everyone else just prints them out.


  • Ability to appear in any room whenever the word “privilege” is used
  • Being raised in an upper-middle class white family
  • Multiple ethnic friends


  • Hasn’t actually taken an African-American studies class
  1. The Cool Dude

zefron neighbours

Platform: Booze. Lots of it


  • Charisma
  • Actually very strong. Rumored to bench anywhere between 330 and 550 depending on how much you say you can bench
  • Good Jawline
  • Excellent Hair
  • Still has suit from that basketball dinner


  • Refers to New South as “Zoo South”
  • Campaign posters are just dick drawings which, while funny, wont get him the same kind of broad support he enjoys on NS2 where, according to our sources, he’s “a legend”

Last seen:

  • Coming out of that girl you like’s room at 2 a.m.


  • Basically everyone, because who doesn’t like school-sponsored keggers.


  • The Living Well LLC
  • Lame RA’s
  • Other NARPs
  1. The Panderer

all ur dreams

Platform: Free food all the time everywhere. Not only off-campus meal plans, out-of-state meal plans. Everything is free. Electric bill? Free. Will fix everything freshmen complain about during NSO. Like that time you ran for middle school council but got beaten by the kid who promised kool-aid water fountains.

Last seen: Staggering under the pile of 15 pizzas he promised for his campaign event


  • Freshmen who haven’t yet had the hope beaten out of them


  • Anyone with actual experience dealing with any kind of administration

Campaign Slogan: With great power comes no accountability

ann perkins shrug

  1. The Serial Advertiser

don draper wink

Platform: Who knows. All we know is that he needs to stop.

Campaign strategy: Post at least 3 times a day on the GAAP Facebook group, each time prefacing his pitch with an apologetic “I know you guys are tired of these, but . . .”

Last seen: Furiously trying to think of rhymes for his first name


  • His multiple Facebook friends that promise he’s “a really chill dude with lots of great ideas”


  • Pretty much everyone, but ends up winning from third choice votes, purely through name recognition

So, whatever your choice, remember that participating in democracy is one of the most important things we can do for our country. Now go out there and make your voice heard!


Photos/Gifs: Giphy.com; tumblr.com; sheknows.com

4E Contest: Calling All Doppelgängers


Does anyone ever tell you that you bare a striking resemblance to a certain celebrity?  Maybe your friends constantly tell you that you’re as ***Flawless as Queen B herself.  Perhaps you’re in the MSB and are actually a doppelgänger for Leo DiCaprio in Wolf of Wall Street.  Whoever your lookalike is, 4E wants to see it!

That’s right, for the next month or so (until May 10) you can submit pictures of you with your famous, possibly separated at birth, lookalikes.  All you have to do is email a picture of yourself, your friends, your professor, your dog, etc. along with a picture of their famous better half to [email protected].  At the end of the month, 4E will select the best submissions and open a poll where you can vote for the best/funniest/most ridiculous doppelgängers.  Which ever submission receives the most votes will win a super cool ~prize~ (tbd).   

To get you thinking about who you may resemble, 4E has complied a list of celebrity lookalikes we really hope exist on the Hilltop:

  1. Olivia Pope: If you happen to look like the leading lady of Scandal and you’re a Georgetown student then you might as well really be Olivia.  Before long you’ll be busy running your own super successful consulting firm specializing in political affairs and being an overall boss.
  2. Ryan Reynolds: Seriously, if you look like Ryan Reynolds and go to Georgetown please submit your picture.  You will undoubtedly win.
  3. Kim Kardashian/Kanye West: Maybe you and your significant other happen to look like this famous duo.  If so, you’re probably really into taking selfies on selfies and comparing yourself to Steve Jobs.  Bonus points if you have a friend who also resembles North in the future!
  4. Lindsay Lohan: If you happened to look like Lindsay circa 1998, then you may have missed your shot at fame.  You definitely could have played her twin in Parent Trap so she didn’t have to take on both roles, plus you would have gotten to star in a great movie.
  5. Todd Olson: Yes, campus celebs definitely count for this.  While his stylish tie selection and captivating emails about our lovely residential neighbors may make him difficult to impersonate, we certainly hope he has a lookalike wandering around on campus.

So get your best celeb lookalike pictures ready, Hoyas!  Trust us, the bragging rights (and prize) will be totally worth it.

photos/gifs: perezhilton.com, alumni.georgetown.edu, imgur.com, buzzfeed.com, entrepreneurmag.com

The Five People You Meet at a Super Bowl Party


With the Super Bowl fast approaching, it’s probably time that you start finding a place to watch the Pats and Seahawks battle it out.

Super Bowl parties are awesome because you get to eat a ton of delicious greasy food, drink endless amounts of beer and watch TV. I mean even the commercials are fun to watch. At most Super Bowl parties, there are always the same characters in attendance.

Here are the five people you meet at a Super Bowl Party:

1. The Super Fan. This guy is rowdy and ready to go. He’s got on the jersey of his favorite player and if someone disturbs him, well it just won’t be pretty. You probably don’t want to be in close proximity with this person as they may suddenly jump up and start yelling at the ref. I guess, we should just let him do his thing because his passion can never be tamed.

2. The Provider (of food and beer of course). This person is always behind the scenes and rarely sitting on the couch.  This person is essential for a successful party because they are the ones that just keep whipping out food.  Hot wings, cheese dip, ice cold beer, taquitos… You name it, they are cookin’ it up.

3. That one guy who roots for the “other” team. Yeah, you know this guy. He is the one that gets all offended when you diss his team.  He is the one person at the party in the wrong colors. I mean, we should not bag on this guy too much. He is passionate about his team and hey, maybe you are him.

4. That person who has no idea what is going on, but tries to pretend like they do. This person obviously has not been keeping tabs on their fantasy team or anything football-related all season. They pretend like they know how each team played throughout the season, but they’re bluffing and everyone knows it. This guy should just sit back and be quiet.

5. The Commercial Connoisseur. They are watching the game not really for the game, but for the reveal of the commercials. This person can rattle off commercials from three Super Bowls ago and they have probably watched last year’s Budweiser ad way too many times. They get especially all hot and bothered when the Doritos and GoDaddy ads pop up and cry like a baby each time they see a Clydesdale reunite with his Budweiser loving friend.

So cute!!!

You might think the question is “who will win?”, but in reality it’s “who are you?”

Gifs: Giphy.com; Tumblr.com; https://rpmmultisite.s3.amazonaws.com/