4E’s Ultimate Guide to Procrastination

spongebob-rainbowFinals season: it’s the most wonderful gut-wrenching time of the year! Besides spending an inhumane amount of time in the Lau basement, imbibing unhealthy amounts of caffeine, and sleeping at wholly inappropriate hours, you have likely been doing some odd things in an attempt to avoid studying.

Perhaps you have taken a Buzzfeed quiz entitled “Which Mesozoic Era Are You?” (I’m Cretaceous). Perhaps you have found yourself stalking your Grandmother’s Facebook with alarming regularity, or accidentally liking your friend’s boyfriend’s roommate’s little sister’s Instagram post from 73 weeks ago.

It may seem like you are running out of appropriate ways to procrastinate, but don’t worry! 4E is here to save the day with some innovative procrastination methods guaranteed to help you put off studying for your finals until the last possible minute.

1. Watch all 33 chapters of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”

“Trapped in the Closet” is a musical and visual masterpiece. The “hip hopera” will also give you some tips and tricks for what to do next time you are forced to hide in a closet from your lover’s husband.

Time wasted: 133 minutes

2. Wait in the Leo’s pasta line

Artistic rendering of the Leo’s pasta line. Not to scale.

Usually reserved for special occasions and days during which you have a burning desire to wait in line for an unreasonable amount of time, the Leo’s pasta line is a prime destination for procrastination. Not only will you use up a substantial portion of your study time, you will also be rewarded with a delicious bowl of handcrafted pasta.

Time wasted: 25-45 minutes

3. Listen to your voicemails

Those voicemails on your phone won’t just listen to themselves, you know. What better time than finals week to catch up on the 47 voice messages from your mom passive-aggressively letting you know that you need to call her back immediately?

Time wasted: Varies, depending on whether you delete voicemails immediately or let them sit there because who knows, you might get to them eventually.

4. Go on a scavenger hunt in the ICC

If you’re brave enough for this suggestion, just be sure to bring plenty of food and water (suggested amount: seven days worth). Also make sure to tell at least one person where you are going so that the search and rescue team will know where to look.

Time wasted: possibly eternity

5. Plan your wedding to that boy/girl in your history class that you’re in love with but have never talked to

First, decide on the perfect venue. Then, figure out what flavor you want your cake to be, make the guest list and pick out the dress. While you’re at it, you should probably also shoot a text to your preferred Maid of Honor or Best Man and hammer down a date. Maybe you’ll even drum up the courage to start a conversation with your intended spouse!

Time wasted: depends on how many things you already have pinned to your Pinterest board

6. Watch the entirety of Weird Al’s “Trapped in the Drive-Thru”

This odyssey of a song is the definition of lyrical genius. It even has a twist ending!

Time wasted: 11 minutes that you will never get back

 7. Rearrange the furniture on Lau 5

All those cubicles are not conducive to group projects or chats with your friends. Restore feng shui to the library by moving around the tables, desks and chairs as you see fit. You’re sure to get a standing ovation from all the cubicle-dwelling orgo students who have been deprived of human contact for who knows how long.

 Time wasted: 120 minutes. Possibly longer if someone doesn’t appreciate your designing prowess and decides to engage in a verbal altercation with you.

8. Fix Congress

You’re a Georgetown student, so you’re definitely opinionated and informed enough to take on this task. Don’t let your years of hard work and infinite depths of knowledge go to waste!

Time wasted: ????

We hope these suggestions have given you some inspiration for your next procrastination tactic. Good luck on your finals and on getting Congressional Democrats and Republicans to agree on something!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, youtube.com, neatorama.com, tumblr.com

Life Hacks: Midterm-Style

midterms

Tis the season…

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Oh wait, not that season!!

EVEN BETTER: MIDTERMS SEASON!

4E is back and ready to help you combat them. In 2012 we told you some great tips, but have decided with all of the advancement in the world that we needed to elaborate and update our advice to catch up with the times:

  1. Relax. ‘nuf said.

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2. Take Breaks. Here are a few ideas:

Call that one weird uncle we know you have and ask him for life advice.

Prep for the upcoming weekend festivities by teaching yourself the infamous Hoedown Throwdown which is sure to come in handy.

Try to teach yourself a new language. Better yet, make up your own and share it with all your friends via the book of face (read: Facebook)! Then, only communicate using your new language when answering phone calls, texts and instant messages.

3. Make Plans.

Perhaps a full detail layout for your best friends wedding! She didn’t ask you to, but that’s what friends are for, right?

You’ve been assigned a secret mission to trek across the country. How will you do it? By foot, tricycle, a combination of the two? Better start working on logistics.

Maybe you’re concerned about retirement. If so, you could take a brief study break and research all of the possibly nursing homes throughout the world that cater to your specific tastes, accessibility, and climate.

4. Keep Working on Your Fitness.

Our primary suggestion would be to find an open building on campus during a busy time of the day and sprint up and down the stairs repeatedly while chanting a personal mantra or favorite chorus. Should you choose to pursue this phenomenal idea please do so dressed like this:

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5Stay organized. Sock drawer is priority.

6. Naps on naps on naps. (With a little twist). Dare you consider pulling an all nighter you must:

Do it in Lau: capitalize on the misery in anyway you can.

Bring your mattress. (SLUMBER PARTY!)

And Footy PJs.

And your retainer, do not forget your retainer.

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7. Reward yourself. (read: TREAT YO’SELF):

This can be done in a multitude of ways but we advise chocolate, excess carbs, Netflix, dancing, bananagrams, spinny chairs, sweat pants, friendship, rooftops, M street, Chipotle, running (or not running if that’s your thing), real mac n cheese, more footy pjs, people watching, guacamole, Snapchat, Buzzfeed, girl scout cookies, ice cream and so forth…..

Just Don’t Forget to Remember:

A number does not define you or your future.

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 Photos/Gifs: ironwoodcrossfit.com, giphy.com, tumblr.com

Breaking: Georgetown Alumna Has Seen a Diamond in the Flesh

Lizzy Wilson

To paraphrase my girl Lorde, I will never be royal. But I can think of a Georgetown alumna who is closer to royalty than I’ll ever be: Lizzy Wilson!

Granddaughter of the founder of the Holiday Inn corporation, Elizabeth Alleen Wilson, went to the University of Virginia for her undergraduate degree. She went on to enroll at Georgetown for graduate school, earning her degree in art and museum studies. While living in London after graduation, Lizzy met the one and only Guy Pelly. Who’s that, you may ask? Oh, just one of the BFF’s of Princes William and Harry and Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie.

Newlyweds: 1, Hat-Haters: 0

Pelly, ever the romantic, stated after his engagement to Lizzy, “I have calmed down quite a bit socially and I love babies.” The two were married in Dahlgren ­— just kidding — in Memphis this weekend! Joining the happy couple were the royals, enjoying everything Memphis has to offer, including Graceland and good old BBQ.

Why Memphis? It’s a city where the Wilson family has quite a bit of social capital.  And it looks like they’re going to earn a lot more now that their prodigal daughter has entered the inner(ish) circle of the royal family. Congrats, Lizzy! You may be a Pelly after this weekend, but you’ll always be a Hoya.

Special thanks to the Daily Beast for this article.

Photos: dailymail.co.uk, clevescene.com