4E’s Declassified Freshman Survival Guide: Dorm Perks

Banner - Dorm PerksAt this point in the summer, every freshman’s parents are probably crying every day – partly because they are facing the dreaded empty nest, but mostly because tuition is due. You aren’t crying though, because you’re ready to be a Hoya, and Hoyas aren’t allowed to cry (except for in Red Square, the free speech zone on campus).

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In any case, you probably have a lot of unanswered questions. 4E has answers, in our latest installment:

***4E’s Declassified Freshman Survival Guide***

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So you don’t look like this ^

Today’s topic is Freshman Dorm Room Perks. Every freshman dorm has different perks, and it’s important to know what they are so you can manipulate and take full advantage of your ~friends’~ rooms.

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New South: No, your radiator definitely doesn’t heat the room, but did you know it doubles as a table? In most rooms, the front shell of the radiator pops off easily. Lay it across two chairs to make a table sturdier than the ones at our dining hall. Gold medalist water pong players always have humble beginnings.

Bonus: Your room has its own sink! Close the drain and fill the sink up with water. Plop a goldfish in there and voila: you’ve got yourself an aquarium.


VCW: The AC system here is surprisingly functional. Forgo the mini-fridge purchase; you can literally turn your room into a walk-in refrigerator if you set the temperature accordingly. In the rare case that your AC breaks, you can set your shower to extreme temperatures – simply turning it on can change the temperature of your room in just minutes.

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Bonus:  In the case you don’t like the people who live directly below you, just flush the toilet (if you’re lucky, their room will fill with sewage).


Harbin: The notoriously difficult Harbin RAs are out for blood. However, you can use the cluster-style to your advantage! Close off your cluster’s door properly and you can create an impenetrable fortress for fiestas free from RAs.

Bonus: The upper several floors of Harbin have some of the best views among the freshman dorms. Some rooms can see the National Cathedral and the Washington Monument! Others can see the dumpster right behind the building where Bill Clinton’s trash was once thrown out!


Darnall: As you may have heard, Darnall has twin beds, rather than twin XL beds. Depending on what way you look at it, this gives you 5 MORE INCHES for activities.

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Bonus: You live on top of Epi, the 24-hour eatery that is every student’s go-to place at 3 a.m. Getting there and back for a late-night snack couldn’t be easier.


VCE: Call the housing office and request to move. The only positive thing is that the elevator tends to move fastest here out of all the freshman dorms. Possibly because nobody dares enter VCE.

Bonus:                                (this area intentionally left blank)

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More to come next time on 4E’s Declassified.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, georgetownuniversity.com, tumblr.com

Manly Monday: The Valentine’s Day Bro-Date

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Valentine’s Day is just around the corner (Saturday!), so naturally the talk of the town (and Yik Yak) is all about big plans on the 14th.

While couples are all excited to go out on fancy dates, possibly the more vocal crowd are those people without dates. For those bros and manly men out there without a special someone to take out on the town, here are some suggestions for a great bro date on Saturday.

Disney on Ice: Worlds of Fantasy Tour. I was going to suggest a sporting event at the Verizon Center, but apparently this is the one weekend this winter that The Phonebooth won’t play host to the Wizards, Capitals, Hoyas or WWE SmackDown. Go figure. Disney on Ice would still be a lot of fun though.

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NBA All-Star Saturday Night. There might not be any games in town, but Saturday is an exciting night for televised sports. The NBA is holding their All-Star Saturday Night, and it always provides some thrills. Grab your buddies, pick up some wings and kick back watching the best players in the world shoot, dribble and dunk.

Hit the Movies. AMC Loews, down on the Waterfront, has some great movies showing. Nothing wrong with bonding with your bros over a nice Hollywood blockbuster. Plus, you should be able to get great seats in any screening you want, because everyone else will be seeing Fifty Shades of Grey.

Shoot Some Hoops. Yates will probably be pretty empty because everyone else will be on dates, so you and your buddies can have the court to yourself. Play some pick-up, H-O-R-S-E, knockout – you just have to be done by 10:00 pm.

Play Water-Pong. It’s like shooting hoops, but with cups and ping-pong balls. You could even set up a tournament.

Spring Cleaning. If you and all your roommates are staying in, just get a nice cleaning session in. That way, you will be prepared for the nights you do have a date.

Start a Band. You never know where this one could lead. Don’t know how to play any instruments? Now is your time to learn! Some of the world’s greatest bands started in garages – why not a Village A?

Watch I Love You, Man The ultimate bromance film, nothing says “guy time” quite like “I Love You, Man”. If you haven’t seen it, you should check it out. If you have, I’d recommend watching it again. Plus, it may inspire you to follow up on our band suggestion.

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Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

This post was co-written by fellow manly-man Drew Applebaum.  

 Photos/Gifs: Giphy.com; Tumblr.com