Best Places to Be Dumped on Campus

As cuffing season comes to an end, so will the PDA in freshman common rooms. While many were blessed to already find their soulmates in a sweaty Henle, SOME of us have already accepted our permanent statuses as third wheels (I’m not salty, it’s whatever).

Nonetheless, if you’re thinking of ending it with your significant other, consider these trendy spots on the Hilltop.

1. Lau 1: This is the quiet zone, which means no sounds. No one can hear you cry, and you can save yourself the embarrassment.

2. Leo’s on Chicken Tender Thursday: This is your last chance to be featured on @couplesatleos.

3. Yates at 12:01 AM: Word on the street is that the lights spontaneously shut off promptly at 12:01 AM—whether you like it or not. Now, no one can see you weep or mourn over your short-lived relationship.

4. Epi: I’m sure you’ll make friends with the other heartbroken Hoyas who are drunkenly eating away their feelings with a warm chicken quesadilla.

5. Walsh elevator: At least you’ll be in the cramped comfort of 18 people who chose to wait 12 minutes for an elevator instead of taking the stairs to the 3rd floor.

6. GERMS Truck: Treat your alcohol poisoning AND your heartbreak for the price of one expensive and overrated hospital fee.

But fret not—70% of Hoyas marry Hoyas, right? Its always okay to be a #SingleLady.


Word Wednesday: Tricycle

Banner - Tricycle
noun: tricycle
Definition: an entity formed when the third wheel of a relationship has been embraced, by conscious choice or by happenstance.third-wheel
Example: As the third wheel of the tricycle I’ve already planned a wedding speech for Sara and Ben because no one knows their relationship as well as I do.third_wheel_outer_largeAs we all know, the third wheel of the tricycle is obviously the one in the front, determining the path of the relationship. This leadership comes with great responsibility.
The duties of a third wheel are as follows:
1. Photobombing
Because you’re the poster child of their relationship…
2. Coordinating Group Costumes
Because if you don’t plan it out, no one will…
3. Intrusive Commentary
Because you’re a troll…
Screen Shot 2015-12-09 at 3.04.43 AM
4. Initiating Group Messages
You know… for those times you can’t poke your nose into their relationship from the bottom bunk. Extra points for choosing an awesome group name.
Screen Shot 2015-12-13 at 1.41.24 AM
5. Supporting the couple
Because you are the glue that keeps the relationship together…
Without the third wheel they are just a bicycle, and bicycles topple easily. A tricycle is sturdier and able to stand tall when things slow down in the relationship.
Screen Shot 2015-12-09 at 3.28.32 AM
Relationship is to Bicycle as Relationship+Third Wheel is to Tricycle
And we all know tricycles are way cooler than bicycles, so third wheels: keep on pedaling!