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Things Georgetown Students Spend More on Than a Certain President Spends on Income Taxes

Hoyas everywhere know the struggle of tuition, Flex dollars, Canada Geese (Gooses? Goslings?). Living in Washington, D.C., is costly and drains students’ wallets.

Me, begging my work-study job for extra hours.

In honor of the release of a ~certain someone’s~ tax returns, here’s a shocking list of some items some Hoyas spend over $750 on over the course of a semester, or about 16 weeks.

Wisey’s Chicken Madness (or Hot Chick if you’re feeling ~spicy~)

Certified Wisey’s Fan // Seven days a week // Delicious @%$ sandwich make all Hoyas weak.

A gal can’t survive on Olive Branch grain bowls for every meal! At $8.95, a Chicken Madness from Wisey’s is a staple food in the Georgetown neighborhood (especially if you live in LXR). If you eat one Chicken Madness a day, your soul may thank you, but your wallet definitely won’t.

$8.95 x 16 weeks at Georgetown x 7 days a week = $1,002.40

Cover Charges for a Night Out

College for students 21 and up isn’t complete without some wild nights, right?

Heading out to the bars and hitting the clubs on the weekends come at a cost. With the average cover charge around $30 and many students going out both Friday and Saturday, 21+ Hoyas are looking at nearly $1,000 in costs.

$30 x 16 weeks at Georgetown x 2 nights a week = $960

A Double Room in Darnall

This one may be both self-explanatory and the most shocking. A dorm room in one of the worst dorms in America is expensive af! While Darnall residents (current and former) think of their time in the Dirty D fondly (Author’s note: I was a Darnall resident 2018-2019! <3), it has garnered a certain reputation among students.

For the cost of the room, which you share with a roommate, you’re paying more than four times the cost of some D.C. residents’ income taxes!

$4,398

Canada Goose

A closet staple of the ~chilliest~ Hoyas! Who can forget about this overpriced parka?

Women’s parkas range in cost from $795 to $1,595. Imagine how many properties you could own (or Chicken Madness sandwiches you could buy) with that money!

Let’s call it an even $1,000

Yerba Mate

What late night Lau study session is complete without a few cans of the ~Yerbz~ (Author’s note: It’ll catch on, just wait)?

Hoyas can’t get enough of this caffeine-infused tea, and so, at about four cans per day for the ~most avid~ Yerba fans, and about $2 per can if bought in bulk, students are spending to get their fix.

4 cans per day x 7 days per week x 16 weeks x $2 dollars per can = $896

Bribery Paid to the Admissions Staff

$500,000

Keep on ~boosting the economy~ Hoyas!

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Goodbye, Food Trucks?

FOOD TRUCKS

There’s nothing better than walking around after a long day of classes only to spot a food truck parked on the side of the road, dishing out all kinds of crazy cuisine.  Better yet, if you’re out sight-seeing or shopping and simply don’t want to deal with the hassle of a restaurant, D.C. can almost always bail you out with a food truck in the immediate vicinity. However, according to The DCist, the food truck culture of Washington DC may change as we know it.

Although there may not be reason to panic yet, more difficult restrictions imposed on DC food truck “zones” coupled with looser laws in Arlington, VA may shift the epicenter of the D.C.-Metro food trucks away from D.C. and across the Potomac.  On April 20, Arlington County is holding a public hearing regarding a change in restrictions that would allow for more flexibility in timing and location of food trucks in the area.  Later, on April 30, the D.C. Council is holding a hearing that would change the process of “zoning” into lottery allocation, which would mean that unlucky trucks would be forced to shift away from D.C.  Plus, the combination of the rule changes would simply make it easier for trucks to operate in Arlington.

D.C.’s food truck industry is extremely profitable, though, and the trucks would probably do more business here than across the river.  However, these restriction changes could certainly mean a large change in availability and accessibility to food trucks, as numerous businesses would likely shift to Virginia.

I personally don’t know what I’d do without cheap delicious food on wheels, so lets hope that they’re here to stay.

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Stop the Presses: It’s a Cupcake Conundrum!

Oh no! Egads! Gadzooks!

According to DCist, tourist mecca Georgetown Cupcake owes $189,000 in sales taxes to the District of Columbia! The cupcake shop, which has been in business since 2008, received a lien this week for not submitting sales taxes for August, September and October. With penalties, Georgetown Cupcake owes the District $69,571.78 for August, $66,353.74 for September and $53,357.19 for October. An attorney representative of the cupcake boutique has assured that the amounts would be paid by last night.

Clearly, the moral of this story is to eat at Baked and Wired. But just in case you haven’t decided between the two cupcake dynasties in town, here are our Top 5 Reasons to Eat at Baked & Wired instead of Georgetown Cupcake:

5. Baked & Wired pays their taxes on time When I go for cupcakes, I want to feel at ease knowing that my sales taxes are going to their proper ends. I no longer have that reassurance from Georgetown Cupcake.

4. Baked & Wired has a cupcake called Uniporn & Rainhos It’s like eating Ke$ha in cupcake form!

3. B&W makes me feel cooler than I really am Every time I walk into Baked & Wired and see that weird picture of the old lady with a duck face making a peace sign, I feel all hipster and awesome and stuff. At Georgetown Cupcake, I just feel like I’m standing in line … usually because I am just standing in line.

2. Georgetown Cupcake is for tourists I am not a tourist. You are not a tourist. Even if you are a tourist, don’t eat there.

1. Baked & Wired is just better. The end.

Photo: Yelp