PSA: No One Wants to Netflix & Chill

o-beyonce-funny-face-facebookIt’s 3 a.m. on a Saturday night, and you’re standing outside of your room trying to unlock your door while not dropping your keys, Epi Quesadilla or dignity. Just as you stumble through the door, your phone goes off. You look down and see you’ve just received a text from that ~special person~ who only seems to text you once all the bars are closed and SNAPS has shut down every Village A rooftop. Nevertheless, you’re still excited to see that name on your phone and drop everything, including the quesadilla, in your rush to see what they sent.  The message reads: “Netflix and chill?”

Your excitement quickly fades, surely there must have been a slightly more original way to ask for that late night hangout. You’re unimpressed, decide that text doesn’t even warrant a response and head to bed. In the end, no one wins when such an unoriginal pickup line is used. So, in an attempt to relieve Georgetown of the Netflix & Chill plague, 4E has compiled a list of the newest alternatives that are guaranteed to elicit positive responses.

  1. Amazon Prime & Fine Wine: Some people are about the finer things in life, so a simple Netflix & Chill text just won’t suffice. Hit up Wisey’s for a bottle of their finest Woodbridge and grab your nicest plastic wine glasses, because there’s no way you’ll be rejected when using this line.
  2. Hulu & HU: There’s no need to disguise your true intentions when asking to Netflix & Chill. You might as well be straightforward because honestly goes a long way, and nothing could be more direct than this text. It’s all on the table, so they can either take it or leave it. (Note: For you non-trendy Hoyas who aren’t up to date, “HU” is the new term for hook up)
  3. RedBox & Relationship: Maybe you’re ready to take your late night encounters to the next level. Using the old Netflix & Chill line won’t really get this point across, so sending this text is really your best alternative. Plus, you’ll get to avoid the general awkwardness of actually talking and defining your relationship.
  4. VHS & Viagra: Honestly, if you’re old enough to still own a VHS player you probably need the Viagra to go along with it. There’s really not much else to say about this line other than to use it sparingly.
  5. Put Locker & Procreate: Seriously, who doesn’t want to procreate to an illegal video streaming website?

So go forth and embrace your creativity. Putting in this extra effort really might help you seal the deal.

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com, moejackson.com

How to Survive Awkward Family Parties

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The holiday season is always the perfect time of year to lounge around binge-watching Netflix, take advantage of home cooked meals and attend as many family holiday parties as can be jammed into three weeks.

What? That last one doesn’t sound too fun.

Admittedly, family parties this time of year can be stressful, as you’ll likely find yourself deflecting questions left and right about your major and life plans from relatives you didn’t even know existed.

The worst thing you can possibly do in such a situation is be unprepared. If you find yourself stumbling over your words as you try and tell your Uncle Jim about Georgetown’s social scene, then you may want to keep reading as 4E presents the best ways to answer relatives’ awkward questions this holiday season.

Imagine this: you’re at a family party, minding your own business, sipping on some non-alcoholic eggnog and enjoying a festive holiday cookie.

Things are going pretty well, you’ve made some rounds and managed to avoid any super uncomfortable encounters so far. You feel like you’re in the clear when all of a sudden you hear your name being called loudly from across the room. Your palms begin to sweat as you slowly turn and see your mom’s third cousin twice removed wildly waving her arms in an attempt to flag you down. Sheer terror crosses your face as you realize it’s too late, she’s spotted you.  After a customary awkward greeting the interrogation begins…

You know, when I was your age, I was already engaged. Any prospects for you?

Yeah, I’m really hitting things off with [insert roommate’s name here]. We’re basically inseparable, so inseparable that we’re living together. We have a lot of the same interests, I mean we both agree that sloths are really weird animals. Plus, no one understands my eternal love of Eat & Joy pizza after a really late night quite like my roomie. I really think I’m in this one for the long haul!

Have you decided on a major yet? You don’t really have a lot of time left to decide!

I’m actually more of a free spirit so I don’t really think it’s necessary to make such definitive plans. I’ll just go with the direction of the wind and see where I end up. Nothing is really permanent anyway. You should understand where I’m coming from, right? Weren’t you at Woodstock?

How’s the social scene? I remember all my crazy times back in college!

When I’m not in the library studying, I sit quietly in my room all day waiting for my professors to assign more work. There’s really no time to be crazy in college anymore these days, things must have really changed…

So do you know what you plan on doing after graduation?

Yup, I know exactly what I’m going to be doing. After finding the cure for cancer, I plan on personally building a spaceship to take me to Mars. I’ll then use my new spaceship to get off of this planet in order to avoid any future awkward encounters with you. And hey, if this plan ever fails, I’ve always got my parents’ basement as a backup!

[Insert any question that takes you by surprise].

Quickly shove as many holiday cookies as possible into your mouth and start mumbling a response.  Pretend to choke on the cookies so you can quickly excuse yourself and hide for the remainder of the party. 

Best of luck this holiday season, Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: survivingcollege.com, howlatthemoon.com, tumblr.com; kanyetothe.com