Word Wednesday: Zombieing

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Lemme guess. You woke up last Friday, armed with a Saxby’s iced coffee and ready to take on a heavy-lifting day of people watching on Healy Lawn. Your phone died late last night, so you haven’t had a chance to check your notifications yet. You’re scrolling through when you notice that Jacob*, your one-time high school sweetheart has liked an Instagram post of yours. But wait, you haven’t posted since last week. Hold the phone, this picture is from 42 weeks ago! Feeling shocked, alarmed, and a little smug? Well, congratulations! You’ve been zombied.

Zombieing [zom-BEE-ing] (verb):  (1) the horrifying act of double-tapping someone’s Instagram post, favoriting a Tweet, or liking a Facebook photo from more than 4 weeks back who you have not spoken to in, like, forever.

‘Yikes’ is right.

The verb derives from the root “zombie” (noun): a human who has risen from the dead. If you partake in zombieing, you have metaphorically “risen from the dead” as you have not made real human contact with your victim in an extended period of time. Zombieing is often accompanied by embarrassment upon revealing your late-night social-media stalking habits of:

1.  A previous significant other (and no, it didn’t “end well.)

2. That girl from high school who just rushed Kappa Zeta WTF-ever and is SO excited to meet her Biggie!

3. The hot best friend of the cousin of your longtime BFF who has never heard of you.
4. The #PuppiesOfInstagram account of the promoter you met at Cities last weekend.
5. Your Econ TA celebrating his 2 year anniversary with his girlfriend.
Listen, we’ve all been there. Just keep those fingers to yourself, you know?

Gifs: giphy.com, https://sequart.org/magazine/

SEE THE CHERRY BLOSSOMS…From Lau!

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How is the 3rd hour of your study session? Where is that study break you intended to take?

You’ve somehow found yourself trapped in the unforgiving walls of Lau 2, wondering if the room is really full of talkative people or if it’s all just a dream? You somehow have only been living within the confines of this book filled, fun sucking metropolis, for the past week and have missed out on all of the friendly tourist filled cherry blossom hype?!

Whatever your pity story, 4E has good news: you can see the cherry blossoms from Lau!

Here’s how:

1. Enter the building.
2. Flash your card at the security/student guard while complimenting them on their shirt choice (especially if it’s uniform).
3. Rather than go to Lau 2 head to the basement, not Lau 1, the basement.
4. Find a cubicle farthest away from all windows (if there even are windows down there).
5. Sit down.
6. Try and cover the top of the cubicle to block out all light.
7. Put on your weirdest playlist to set the mood for any of other Lau-basement-ers that might be in your company.
8. Once you’re in this position you’re in a great spot for cherry blossom viewing! Just click here and enjoy.

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If this isn’t quite what you had in mind maybe you should check out: New Jersey… Is this home?! Or Dubai… check out this water park while in Lau! Or this panda down the street, this egg hatchery or spot cute couples lounging by the ocean (ahh awkward) in St Croix!

Too bad there isn’t a view of campus to offer up- you could creep on your friends and all things going on while you continue to sit there alone in that cubicle and procrastinate.

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Happy Studying,

<3 4E

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com; https://washington.org/

Totally Absurd Christmas Gifts

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Tired of giving your friends and family members the standard, generic Christmas gifts: jewelry, gift cards, food, clothes? This year, get a little more creative with some totally absurd presents. You can be completely sure that your acquaintances won’t have – and probably have never heard of – any of these gifts. Here is 4E’s list of unique and novel gift ideas that even the most picky loved/tolerated person on your list will appreciate and use forever.

Facebook Finder

This nifty device will notify you whenever a Facebook friend is within 2 miles of you. Stalking your exes just got a lot easier. Instead of looking through their photos (and those of the girls/boys they’re tagged with) you can go find them and actually physically stalk them. Goodbye sanity, hello psychiatrist!

The Tie Tie-r

Tired of wasting precious time tying your tie every single morning (and some nights)? Buy that friend or family member this device with settings to make all the crucial knots – Eldredge, Tulip, Trinity – in about 10 minutes!

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Solar Powered Flashlight

How often are you outside in broad daylight wishing you had a powerful flashlight? Simply push the “on” button to harness the energy of the solar system’s most powerful star into a hand-held beam that shines with the same brightness as a blubber lamp. Must have access to direct sunlight to be effective.

Cargo Shorts Kit

Love cargo shorts, but hate the bulky pockets? This kit gives you the best of both worlds. The khaki slightly-below-the-knee-length shorts feature strips of Velcro on the side of each leg, allowing you to add the included fake pockets (piece of fabric resembling a pocket) in whatever design, ratio or even shape that you desire. Kit comes in a variety of colors and themes including camouflage, Hello Kitty and Disney princesses. The perfect gift for anyone on your list!

Remote Control for iPhone 6

Ever want to change the song or check social media but don’t feel like taking out your cell phone to do so? Use this remote control instead. Roughly the size of the ancient relic known as “the iPhone 4s,” this remote will fit conveniently in your other pocket and allow you to control your new iPhone 6 with just a few taps.

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Left: iPhone 6. Right: Size of iPhone 6 remote.

Relationship Scoreboard

This computerized device will keep track of everything you argue about in your relationship: Who forgot to do their chores? Who had the last sassy remark? Who made a mean comment? Fights will be more productive than ever and revenge will be surprisingly easy. Warning: may cause deterioration of relationship.

 

Recipients of these gifts have deemed them “life changing” and “what gets me out of bed in the morning.”

When asked if they recommend the gifts, people on the internet said:

“The Cargo Shorts Kit saved my marriage.”

“Thanks to the Tie Tie-r, tying my tie is knot a problem.”

“I saw a commercial for the Facebook Finder while I was in prison and immediately sought parole so I could get one ASAP.”

Hurry up and get these gifts before they’re sold out and everyone’s lives are ruined forever.

Photos:  agreeordie.comwww.gottabemobile.com; https://www.theguardian.com/money/2011/nov/05/christmas-shopping-rights-return 

The New Bloggers Are Here!

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Meet the new 4E bloggers because they’re awesome people, you’re about to be reading a lot of their uproarious posts and what else is there to do on a Sunday night?

Michaela Murphy (SFS ’16)michaela

The 5 Most Profound Rap Lyrics of the Ages:

1. “My wrist deserve a shout out I’m like what up wrist” – 2 Chainz, “Fork”
In giving his wrist that simple “what up,” the distinguished lyricist 2 Chainz defies our expectations. He doesn’t aim for classic subtle rap allusion that incorporates ambiguous street terms, but tells it straight, directly addressing his wrist in casual greeting.

2. “Good googly moogly that thang is juicy” – Project Pat, “Good Googly Moogly”
What exactly is juicy? And why googly moogly? What about “Good grief?” or “Good gracious?” By using “googly moogly”, perhaps Pat is implying more than we can ever know. The genius is that Project Pat will always keep us wondering.

3. “Iced out ring, iced out chain, Ellen DeGeneres, you’re so generous” – Lil B, “Ellen DeGeneres”
Playing off of DeGeneres with “generous?” Brilliant. Did Ellen give Lil B the iced out chain? Is that why she’s generous? We can only hope so.

4. “Hologram on my hand gave me a tanned wrist / Diamonds dancing on my fist look like a blank disc / Teriyaki suit with the lemon Fanta / Heavyweight, heartburn, My lanta” –Riff Raff, “Cuz My Gear”
Not much one can say here.

5. “This one’s a beast, but way too wonderful to be compared to an animal, she’s like what I’m sippin’ on … Shirley temple on ice” — Akon, “Day Dreaming”
A great qualifying phrase. Props to Akon for clarifying that he wasn’t trying to be degrading.

Sara Carioscia (COL ’17)

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The average Georgetown student’s spirit animal is Jennifer Lawrence.

Like Georgetown students, Jennifer Lawrence is very capable of excelling in trying circumstances (maintaining composure alongside Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook could not have been easy). JLaw constantly defends her beliefs, which is a main tenet of Georgetown life. She once said it should be illegal for someone to be called “fat” on television. Similarly, Georgetown students constantly fight for understanding and cohesion on campus.

JLaw is seemingly perfect, but exceptionally self-deprecating (recall interviews in which she has revealed personal details or opinions of herself, such as the asymmetry of her breasts and her self-classification as an “obese actress.”) The typical Georgetown student acts similarly. I constantly hear kids say, “I’m not a great writer,” “Math isn’t my strong subject,” “This isn’t my best work,” etc. Meanwhile they won a statewide essay contest, scored 780 on the Math SAT and are about to graduate magna cum laude.

Catherine McNally (NHS ’17)

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The Top 5 Party Picture Poses (and what they say about you):

1. The Skinny Arm
You may be in a sorority or you may not, but one thing is clear: you want to look good. Even when you’re posing in the middle of a Village B apartment filled wall-to-wall with people you don’t know, your main concern will always be embracing your inner Sasha Fierce.

2. The Sun out, Tongue out
You like to party and you want everyone to know just how rowdy you can get. The sun doesn’t even have to be out to warrant this pose because you really are that much of a party animal (but hey, I needed to make it sound catchy).

3. The Casual Peace Sign
This pose could really be interpreted in a variety of ways. For example, you could be a tween girl anxiously waiting outside of a Justin Bieber concert or you could just be throwing it up in ironic reverence of your Myspace days. In either case, you do you.

4. The Number 1
This one is pretty self-explanatory, you’re number one and you know it. Now what you did to earn this ranking, no one quite knows. But that doesn’t matter to you, so keep on throwing up that index finger.

5. The Power Point
You’re the Big Man on Campus and you want everyone to know it. This pose is sort of complementary to the “Skinny Arm” and is oftentimes the go-to pose for true bros.

Elizabeth Harvey (COL ’17)

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5 Best Songs to Blast in the Shower

1. “She Will Be Loved” – Maroon 5
I’m not sure what I love most about this song – Adam Levine’s semi-feminine voice, the beautiful lyrics, or its ability to somehow convince you that you’re an amazing singer. You’re not.

2. “Irreplaceable” – Beyoncé
This is an anthem – and it’s only complete if you add some sassy finger-pointing and shampoo bottle-brandishing. “Single Ladies” or “Drunk In Love” are also viable options.

3. “The Middle” – Jimmy Eat World
Warning: Excessive rowdy jumping as induced by this song can lead to serious injury. Proceed with caution.

4. “Complicated” – Avril Lavigne
Let the mascara run down your cheeks, ‘cause this shower just reached a whole new level of angst.

5. “The Scientist” – Coldplay
Feel free to cry – no one can tell through the steam.

Honorable Mention: “Piano Man” – Billy Joel

cristinaserraCristina Serra (SFS ’17)

Top 5 Responses to “I’m from Guatemala.”

1. My gardener (nanny/maid/butler) is from there!

2. I love Mexico!

3. I don’t get how you can be born in Guantanamo Bay. Isn’t that illegal or something?

4. Wow, I’d love to live on an island. So breezy.

5. Is that divided in tribes? Or, like, chiefdoms?

Meg Lizza (COL ’17)

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The hyena is the spirit animal of Georgetown

Blatantly underrated in the animal kingdom, yet a complicated and highly intelligent creature, the hyena is most definitely the spirit animal of Georgetown. Sorry Jack, but the hyena embodies the competitive and clever nature that most Hoyas have. Although they are very hard workers, hyenas usually scavenge off other animals in order to survive. Like hyenas, most Georgetown students could not have gotten to where they are now without leaning on their parents and other support systems. Thank you, mom and dad, I am forever grateful. Hyenas also have extremely evolved and diverse social groups. Unsurprisingly, Georgetown offers an array of social groups that are all complex and unique in their own way. Hyenas are very familial, in that they are prideful and loyal to their group. At Georgetown, we are all about that Hoya Saxa, “It’s been so long since last we met”, bleeding Hoya blue spirit. Next time you think hyenas are a competitive herd of scavengers, think again, because there is more to them than meets the eye … and you’re basically one of them.

Photo: 4E’s stellar stalker team