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9 Valentine’s Day Plans for Single People

It’s February. You’ve already broken your New Year’s resolutions, midterm season (aka the rest of the semester) is starting, and mother nature’s tease of 60 degree weather has ended. But most importantly, the most commercialized holiday of the year is coming up right around the corner: Valentine’s Day.

Of course, given that you’re reading the 4E blog, you’re probably a steady single just like me. But have no fear because I’ve got nine of the best Valentine’s Day plans for all you lonely, miserable, desperate solo people:

1. Stalk all your exes on social media to see if they’re as alone as you- Nothing makes me feel as satisfied as knowing my exes are failing in the world of love just as much as I am. Warning: it’s possible that your ex is actually doing great and has super fun plans coming up. If this is the case, might I refer you to #3 on this list.

2. Go to Lau 2 around 9 p.m. for The Annual Unofficial Singles Meet Up- Clearly whoever is on Lau 2 at 9 p.m. on V-day is not in a relationship. It’s the perfect opportunity to see who’s on the market. Will you slip a note to the cubicle next to you? Will you escort a lucky Hoya to late night Leo’s? Will you treat that cute guy or girl across the room to free printing? Don’t miss this chance to find cold, hard love in the most romantic place on campus!

3a. Listen to the “Sad Songs” playlist on Spotify- featuring songs with titles like “Secretly Hope You Catch Me Looking,” “You’re Gonna Break My Heart Tonight,” and “I’ll Never Love Again.” It’s actually pretty good. I’m listening to it as I write this article so I can really get in touch with my singleness.

https://open.spotify.com/user/spotify/playlist/37i9dQZF1DX7qK8ma5wgG1?si=_BHo_7TzRcaW_QCyG0z8HQ

Did You Know: Avril Lavigne is still alive and still making music.

3b. Listen to “Ridin’ Solo” by Jason Derulo on repeat for the whole day- Or maybe your whole life? I’m advocating for a Jason Derulo comeback.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6BaxqcoEM9r3LXisTyJjST?si=gSOSyA7zSsu_pfcAdDyquQ

4. Just have a nice, normal Thursday- Ignore my overdramatic suggestions and carry on because you accept or even enjoy(?!) your single status, which is very healthy and I applaud you.

5. Sit on John Carroll’s lap- Unlike your past significant others, he can’t run away from you. Don’t waste your time on real people with real emotions and complicated lives. Snuggle up and show our founder some love. Bronze > human flesh.

6. Make out with an Epi quesadilla- Everyone is sick right now, and germs are gross. But a quesadilla won’t spread illnesses! Unless you’re lactose intolerant, in which case I know you’re still gonna eat it. The only warm, gooey substance we need on this day is that melted, greasy cheese. Protect your immune system. Go to Epi.

7. Study for your midterms- Did all your professors schedule their midterms for this week? Mine sure did. It’s almost like they knew that there was no chance I’d have plans anyway. But fortunately, this also gives you a perfect excuse: when all your happy friends in relationships ask you why you don’t have any exciting plans on Thursday, you can just say it’s because you have to study! Thanks, professors!

8. Swipe vigorously on Tinder until your fingers become numb and then go watch one of those super predictable Netflix originals that each went viral for like two weeks– i.e. The Kissing Booth, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, and is it too late to still suggest A Christmas Prince? Or, might I recommend the Big Mouth Valentine’s Day special episode. 10/10.

^^^Team Peter Kavinksy or Team Andrew Glouberman?? If you don’t understand this, go to Netflix and get with it.

9. Treat yo’ self- Go buy yourself flowers. Go get yourself a gift. Go make a whole box of microwaveable mac and cheese and those little Pillsbury picture sugar cookies and don’t leave any leftovers. This holiday is about love, and I don’t know about you, but the person I love most in this world (besides my mom) is myself.

But still, if anyone (@my crush, please notice me) wants to take me on a V-day date, I’d obviously never turn down free food and affection.

I wish you all the best of luck this Valentine’s Day, and if you happen to be reading this article even though you are in a relationship, let me just ask you now to please limit your PDA to nothing more than mildly intense eye contact. Thank you.

Anyway, don’t forget to celebrate the superior February holiday on the 15th that is “Half-Priced Unsold V-Day Chocolate Day.” See you all at CVS! In the wise words of Kim K,

sources: giphy.com, spotify.com

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Things Worth Loving This Valentine’s Day

Down with capitalistic consumer culture that tells us that showering in materialism one day a year is a necessary approach to demonstrating our care for a significant other! Down with societal expectations that promote monogamy, heteronormativity and tacky, giant, useless teddy bears bound for eventual landfill!

Why just celebrate one person one day a year when you are surrounded by people and things worth loving every day, all of the time?!

Here’s 4E’s take on things that are truly worthy of love and celebration this Valentine’s Day:

Epi’s salad bar

DeGioia’s smile

Healy Lawn

The Office

Bathroom Stall Art

Peets!

70 degree weather in February

Tinder

Free cake samples at Dog Tag Bakery

GUPD officers who smile

Arrupe’s study spaces

Arrupe being called Arrupe

NPR Politics

Leo’s vegan options

Yates midday

The Law Center GUTS bus

Lau’s free feminine product dispenser

Super Bowl commercials that promote unity

A friend’s baby photos

Your grandparents

Bitmojis

Peanut butter

The Smithsonian Museum of African American History and Culture

Lau’s book request system

Research grants

Sunshine

Fluffy dogs

Naps

Big dogs

Netflix

Little dogs

Booeymonger

Rumchata

If you’re still reading this and feel as though your qualms for the holiday have not subsided, here’s a list of things you might not love, but nonetheless could make you more grateful today for the things that you do love.

Here are things to also love today:

Donald Trump’s twitter

Expired groceries

The patriarchy

Systematic inequality

Georgetown’s rising tuition

Racial disparities

Antisemitism

Being ghosted

Canada Goose jackets

People who walk slowly

Read receipts

Saxanet

Poor customer service

Class with your ex

Classism

Corp coffee

Splitting the check

Partisanship

The Metro

Weekly assignments

Rejection

2k17’s lack of snow days

Gifs: giphy.com

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Calling All Women & Men for CATS

catcafes

Calling all cat lovers, cat ladies, cat men, college students who miss their furry friends back home and essentially all gentle cuddle-loving human beings: 4E has BIG news for you.

CAT CAFEs are the newest, trendiest, most happening places around and we have one coming our way to DC!

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Crumbs & Whiskers, while not yet having an official location or opening date set, is advising prospective visitors to “BE EXCITED!” as there are full-fledged plans underway to bring a cat cafe here to the district. If you’re wondering what exactly this might entail, here is their blurb:

“Crumbs & Whiskers brings together some amazing things. Specifically coffee, tea, desserts, and you guessed it…cats! DC’s cat cafe will serve as a foster home for the Washington Humane Society’s shelter cats and as a really fun place to hang out for DC residents. The concept is pretty simple. Cats in cages are sad, so we get them out of there. Anyone without a cat is sad (or should be), so we hook them up. Then, we give everybody desserts and coffee and tea. The end.”

So pretty much it’s going to be the perfect venue for all things/moods: lonely, happy, sad, cuddly, first date(?) and even a space to add a new member to your family!

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Should you be worried that the prospect of a cat cafe might be an evil plot to exploit cats, fear not. Crumbs & Whiskers benefits not only its customers, but also its furry felines whose alternative would be a lonely cage. Being a cat at the cat cafe is a huge opportunity for our cat friends, as it greatly increases their chances for adoption! And YOU could be the adopter (I mean within or without respect to you campus housing codes).

If you are considering taking home a furry friend, know that adoption is not done on the spot, but through the Washington Humane Society – so at the least know that your decision will not be one done out of drunkenness.

Other important details to know:

  • No unsupervised kids under 12 (so basically like a 13+ cat club)
  • You must sign a waiver ( cats are animals capable of scratches and such)
  • Flash photos are not allowed for the safety of the cats
  • AND you must resist the urge to pet cats when they are asleep (r-e-s-p-e-c-t)

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To visit the Cafe: Reservations will be made in 30 or 60 minute increments and there will be a cover charge. Walk-ins are welcome if there is space. If someone does not show for a reservation availability will be made known via twitter. You may also schedule private events…team bonding, group study or birthday party???

Snacks & such will be prepared at a separate partner location and will likely be complimentary.

AND for those of you that are really into it- A GentleMeows Club will welcome feature members!!! (Yay exclusivity)

BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR DC’S SOON-TO-BE NEWEST THING 

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Gifs: giphy.com; tumblr.com; thenypost.files.wordpress.com

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Miley Mayhem and “Can’t Stop” Controversy

Miley

Miley Cyrus isn’t one to stray away from polemics. Over the course of her short career, Miley has caused more than one mouth to drop with her wild partying and rebellious antics. Most recently, she’s been spotted twerking with Juicy J and hanging out with Justin Bieber and his leopard print Audi. And just to top things off, Miley’s released a shocking new single – and let me just say, “We Can’t Stop” definitively lives up to her recent Disney-sweetheart-turned-bad-girl reputation.

From the first few seconds of Miley’s new tune, it’s clear that Miley isn’t looking to revert to her more innocent days. The song begins with a voice-distorted, in-your-face, YOLO-generation statement: “It’s our party/ we can do what we want… we can say what we want… we can kiss who we want.”

As the song progresses, Miley makes it obvious that for her and her generation, nothing is going to change. “We can’t stop/ And we won’t stop,” she sings, referring to the over-the-top party lifestyle of her millennial age group. But it’s not the lyrics about partying that are causing “We Can’t Stop” to garner such a mixed response from listeners. (After all, we already know that Miley “Can’t Be Tamed.”) Rather, it’s the salvia-smoking singer’s drug references that are creating quite the sharp reaction to her newest single.

Ms. Cyrus isn’t afraid at all to bring drugs into wild nights of which she sings. “La dee dee da dee/ Dancing with molly,” she croons, followed later by, “Everyone in line in the bathroom/ Trying to get a line in the bathroom.”

First MDMA and then cocaine? I didn’t see that one coming, Miley. Heck, even Kendrick Lamar is a bit shocked.

What do you think of Miley’s drug references? Think that it’s “her mouth and she can say what she wants to?” Or do you want it all to stop? Take a listen to the new single below and give us a holler in the comments!

Photo: Google+

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“New Slaves” and Kanye Controversy

kanye

If there are three things that Kanye West does best, they are the following:

1. Being provocative
2. Being dramatic
3. Being unintentionally hilarious

After making the entire musically-inclined corner of the internet explode by cryptically tweeting “June 18th,” which has since become the presumed release date of his new solo album, Kanye has been playing with us like a killer whale plays with a seal. (Deputy editor’s note: If you haven’t seen a killer whale playing with a seal, please watch this video. It is very graphic and disturbing, and it is very much like this moment where Kanye is the whale and Taylor Swift is the seal. Also, speaking of killer whales and Kanye West, this just speaks for itself.)

On the 17th, Kanye tweeted that his newest single would be premiering in a unique fashion – with installation art video performances at scheduled locations across the globe.

Why he always tweets in all caps is also a mystery
Why he always tweets in all caps is also a mystery

The song that premiered on the sides of buildings all over the world is the supposed first single off the new solo album – possibly titled “Yeezus” – and is called “New Slaves.”

Kanye has never been one to shy away from controversial statements about race in America or about life in general and this new track is certainly no exception. Juxtaposing the standards of life on the streets and life among the stars, “New Slaves” certainly follows West’s knack for stirring up polemic audience responses.

“New Slaves” is less personal than some of his other tracks have been, considering the fact that all of 2010’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (one of my favorite albums ever) is essentially a musical therapy session over the loss of his mother and the fallout over the Taylor Swift incident but Yeezy’s characteristic self-awareness is still evident. He knows that he is firmly entrenched in the upper echelon he raps about, but he still sees the effects of racism even at the top.

But it’s Kanye, so it’s bursting with attitude and loud-mouthed swagger. I’m already obsessed with it. Kanye has mastered the art of using overwhelming narcissism and materialism to cope with self-loathing and it shows on this track.

I throw these Maybach keys / I wear my heart on my sleeve
I know that we the new slaves / I see the blood on the leaves

He performed the song again this past Saturday as the musical guest on Saturday Night Live along with another new song called “Black Skin Head.” There’s clearly a heavy racial element going on with his new tracks, which may make some fans uncomfortable if the theme continues on the rest of the new album, but I doubt Kanye really cares how you feel.
 

If you’re ever feeling down, y’all should really consider trying Kanye’s coping method. It’s hard to feel bad about yourself when you walk around acting like the sun shines for no one but you. In the meantime though, keep your eyes out for the latest music and antics from the ever-controversial Kanye.

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Why We Love Beyoncé’s New Pepsi Ad (and Her New Single)

579591_484769011581390_1645608652_n_largeIt’s official (as if we didn’t know it already). Beyoncé aka Bey aka Mrs. Carter aka Honey B aka Sasha Fierce is the queen. And as if that wasn’t enough, she is also a grown woman.

Or so says her new single, aptly titled “Grown Woman,” which was teased as part of a brand new, 61-second, Pepsi advertisement called “Mirrors.” The ad, which was released at 9am on April 4, 2013, features Beyoncé looking at reflections of her former selves (and drinking Pepsi, of course).

The Fourth Edition has always shown Beyoncé a lot of love (here and here) but we can’t stop watching this new ad, and we can’t stop thinking about Bey’s new single. Here are some of the many reasons why we’re addicted to Beyoncé’s new ad:

-Beyoncé is seductively drinking Pepsi (0:10)
-Beyoncé is staring/wearing a pink Bootylicious-era body suit (0:13)
-Beyoncé is walking with a vengeance (0:18)
-Beyoncé is doing a crazy squat-headthrust-bodybounce (0:21)
-There is an appearance from Sasha Fierce (0:28)
-Beyoncé is dancing with tons of Beyoncés (0:36)
-Beyoncé is breaking mirrors with her amazingness (0:47)
and most importantly…
-Beyoncé’s new single “Grown Woman” is playing in the background!

According to Billboard, Bey’s new single is set to debut Monday, April 8. In the meantime, though, just Bow Down (and Bow Down Some More) and keep watching “Mirrors”.

Photo: We Heart It

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Friday Fixat10ns: Singles Appreciation Day

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Valentine’s Day can be a tough time for single people, and it certainly hasn’t helped ease anyone’s suffering that there were also midterms this week. But whether your date was with a stack of homework or  your good friends Ben, Jerry and Ryan Gosling last night, you may not have been feeling a whole lot of love if you’re single.  But now it’s Friday, it’s (apparently) Singles Appreciation Day, and it’s time to mingle in only ways that single college students can! So if these activities didn’t satisfy your thirst for adventure and you couldn’t find love on any of these sites, check out our Friday Fixat10ns playlist while you get ready to enjoy your Singles Appreciation Day (or night) the right way.

Someone Like You — Adele Somewhere, someone reaaaaaally pissed Adele off for her to belt out this one. Trying to get over someone that broke your heart and that you were wishing was there for you yesterday? I suggest you sing along in similar style.

Keep Your Head Up — Andy Grammar While perhaps a little mellow for a song that’s supposed to get you ready to go out, this is another great sing along with a terrific message. Life goes on, and you have to get out there and make something of it.

We Are Never Getting Back Together — Taylor Swift Of course this list wouldn’t be complete without some Taylor Swift on it.  Whether boys are constantly breaking her heart (maybe, or she breaks theirs and gets a hit song out of it (very possible), Taylor Swift sings some fantastic break-up songs. Belt this one out, too, and begin enjoying being single.

You Give Love a Bad Name — Bon Jovi As hard as it is to believe, apparently even Jon Bon Jovi was heartbroken once upon a time.  Now you have something in common with a rock star. That’s a good start, right?

Forget You — Cee Lo Green So now you’ve established you aren’t getting back together with your ex. Ever. And you’ve made it clear that you were so heartbroken that love is tainted. Still not enough? Luckily, Cee Lo Green wrote a song about the two words that everyone dreams of saying, but are too classy/polite/scared/civil to actually say. (Sorry, this one’s the clean version, folks. Still gets the message across though.)

Brand New Girlfriendv— Steve Holy Now this is why I love country music. Well, one of the reasons. Who needs to sulk, right? Apparently Steve Holy didn’t care too much about being single, but this song could get you started on one heck of a Singles Appreciation Day.

Go Your Own Way — Fleetwood Mac In case you don’t want to go the way of Steve Holy, take Fleetwood Mac’s advice and be independent for a while. Go with the flow. Follow your heart’s desires. Trust us, you’ll be OK.

I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In — Taylor Swift And back to Taylor.  This time, it’s to begin the “acceptance” phase. You knew he was trouble. Get over it :)

This — Darius Rucker Still moping a little bit? Just listen to Darius Rucker (of Hootie and the Blowfish) and realize that everything happens for a reason and one day, you’ll look back and laugh about how dumb it all was (or cry about how much ice cream you ate. Either one).

Single Ladies — Beyonce Well, you know how we at the blog feel about Beyonce.  And if another song says “Singles Appreciation” better than this one, I’m the next Pope.  In other words, there isn’t a better song to cap off this list.  Turn it up, try and dance and sing like the Queen herself, and enjoy the single life.  After all, it can be pretty fun.

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Valentine’s Day: Single Style

Take a moment from reading this blog post and freeze. Stop whatever you’re doing and just sniff the air in front of you. What do you smell? Love? Happiness? Chocolates? Now, what do you see? Was that Cupid just buzzing by? Did you just get hit by some little flickering hearts? Is Celine Dion singing a ballad that gently tugs at your heartstrings? Do you feel the love? Want some Candy Hearts? Will you be my Valentine?

If your answer is no to these questions, this post is for you. Here are the “Top Five Things to Do on Valentine’s Day if You’re Angry, Bitter and/or Most Importantly, Single”:

5. Get drunk and sit on John Carroll’s lap Don’t have a date for this year’s V-Day? Neither does Johnny-boy! John Carroll is faithful and committed, and you know exactly where to find him. He’s smart, sturdy and above all, loves it when people sit on his lap …

4. Crash the Interhall Housing Mixers I know you’ve seen the fliers. These events might be for people without roommates, but they’re also perfect for people without Valentine’s Day dates. So if you’re single and ready mingle, get dressed up and bring your A-Game. Or your C+ Game? Or look for a roommate? I don’t know.

3. Have a date with yourself That’s right. Stay in your room. Don’t wear pants. Eat three tubs of Ben & Jerry’s. Cry a little bit. Stop crying. Watch your favorite movies. Eat your feelings some more. Just celebrate being you.

2. Go to Cafe Milano and wait for a celebrity to come and get you I’m dead serious, though. Bradley Cooper was just there. George Clooney is always there. Every celebrity on Earth goes there. Basically, if you go to Cafe Milano, you will fall in love with an A-list star. It’s like waiting for a knight in shining armor, but instead of being locked in a castle, you’re being pampered and eating a veal chop.

1. Don’t do anything at all Be a normal person. Stop getting so caught up over Valentine’s Day and just treat it like Thursday. As in, Thirsty Thursday. As in, you know what that means …

Photo: MissIndependentMind