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The Five Stages of Being Sick at Georgetown

If you haven’t spent these past weeks drowning in used tissues and Advil, this Hoya desperately wants to know your secret.  Yes! You heard that barely concealed coughing fit from the back of your crowded microeconomics lecture correctly, the Georgetown Plague™ is upon us.

While we may be living in a petri dish, at least the relatability of this struggle can be exploited by your friends at 4E. Here are the five stages of being sick on the Hilltop:

1. Attempting home remedy

Throat coat?  Check. Advil?  Check. Suddenly wishing you were pre-med?  Check. All of the Aspirin that you packed from home might be able to save you, right?  Right??

Although copious amounts of tea and Tylenol can’t stop your impending doom, it won’t stop you from trying! 

2. Taking a trip to the Student Health Center

After your own medical knowledge fails, surely Georgetown, the fine institution you are paying your life savings to attend, will be able to rescue you from yourself!  A quick 30-minute phone call later, you’ve booked an appointment to see a doctor… next Thursday.

3. Accepting your fate

It’s true!  Sometimes you need to be sick in order to appreciate being well — or, at least, that’s what you tell yourself to feel better! Your roommate has to inevitably put up with 4 a.m. coughing fits, and you have to fight through that 9 a.m. lecture while putting up with dirty looks from students and professors alike.

Apparently, being sick is a natural part of life. Just one that no one wants to experience.

4. Freedom

The long journey comes to an end. Alas now, you have no more excuses for procrastinating your midterm paper!

The sudden rebirth you feel is accompanied by a newfound appreciation for health, along with promises to work out at Yates every day and stop eating Chick-Fil-A every night.

 

5. Repetition

That’s right folks, your already-weakened immune system will inevitably fail you again!  The close quarters of dorm life and crowded Vil A rooftops are breeding grounds for contamination.  

But fear not!  Because if you can survive the Georgetown Plague™, you can easily survive anything the Hilltop throws your way.

From all of us here at 4E, get well soon!

Sources: giphy.com, choicechiropractic.net

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The Five Worst Types of People During Midterm Szn

Okay, first of all, why are they called midterms when they start during the third week of a semester and last until finals? Honestly, it’s a living hell.

Now that our first week of bliss has ended, midterms have inevitably begun to plague our lives. Who knew that we could cram five books on the theories of Plato into our poor little heads during one night in Lau? We begin the long nights of studying, the copious amounts of caffeine and the stressful ordering of Dominos’ unhealthily-cheesy pizza.

And during this infamous #szn, there are a few types of ~special~ people who make midterms even better. And by better I mean worse:

1. The “I Have More Work Than You” Person

We all know this person.  The moment we decide to tell the rest of the world that we have an Econ midterm and that we’re dying, this lovable individual decides to announce that they have a ten-page paper along with two midterms.

Um, did I ask? No. Let me wallow in my own misery and self-pity for my current state of being. Please. Don’t compare your overbearing workload to mine. Don’t turn this into a contest for who has more work. Trust me, you don’t get a prize.

2. The Wannabe Einstein

“Omg, I didn’t even study for the test, and I got an A.” Right. That’s believable. I’m sorry, are you a genius, or just incredibly lucky? You really mean to tell me that you didn’t pay attention to a single lecture and your eyes didn’t even unintentionally glance over a few sheets of paper to review for the test? Really? Call me a pessimist, but for some unfathomable reason, I find that hard to believe.

3. The Whiner

Maybe this is me just being really unsympathetic toward others or just being a terrible person in general, but I don’t want to listen to you complain about your workload. Then again, I’m guilty of this so I really have no valid reason to be upset. I guess the overall lesson is that college — as fun as it can be — really,  likes to make our lives miserable at times. Who would’ve thought that staying up until 5:30 a.m. in Lau and writing a paper on British poetry was not an ~ideal~ way to spend the night?

4. The Mathematician

“If I get a 86 exactly on this midterm, I’ll for sure get an A for the semester.”  Let me preface this by saying that I’m already stressed as is for tests and I don’t need a grade to quantify my own stupidity. That was a little bit harsh; I’ll rephrase. Please don’t tell me what you need to get an A for the WHOLE semester. I’m just trying to pass one little test over here. Baby steps.

5. The Plague-Bringer

To be fair, I was this person during my first semester, so I know how awful it is. It’s that one individual who decides to hack up a lung every five seconds or unapologetically sniffle continuously for an hour.

I know, I know- we really shouldn’t get mad. But just imagine being on Lau 4 – it’s dead silent, and you’ve finally gotten into the working mood (if that even exists). All of a sudden, this lovely person begins to cough so badly you don’t know whether to go over and ask if they need help or just slowly get very, very annoyed until you call it quits and leave Lau altogether.

Spoiler: it’s usually the latter.

So there you have it: all your favorite people during midterm szn. Good luck, Hoyas. You’re going to need it.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, oxbridgeacademy.edu

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The Best Things About Flu Season

Although midterms are starting to pick up steam, it seems like “Flu Szn” is at its peak since almost everyone you know is suffering from a terrible strain. The flu is awful, but looking past those sleepless nights where you lay in bed, shivering and coughing your lungs out,…

…having the flu is not so bad. In fact, here are the best things about getting the flu.

Missing Class

It’s every kid’s dream to skip school, and now your dream has come true. You don’t have to listen to annoying professors promote their own book that they made you buy for class. Finally, for one day, you don’t have to go to your Econ lecture and sit there confused, wondering what one could possibly do with an English major.

TV

Having the flu means bed rest, and bed rest means binge-watching every TV show possible. Who knew it only takes 2 days, 14 hours and 24 minutes to watch all of Game of Thrones?

Weight Loss

Want to lose weight? Don’t want to embarrass yourself at Yates? Well no need to fear, the newest diet trend of 2018 is here! With one dose of the influenza virus, you can get rid of the “freshman 15” in only three days!

Bonus: Downstairs Leo’s will taste as good as…upstairs Leo’s when you finally start eating again!

Sobriety

The flu will make you experience your first weekend in college completely sober! What a strange feeling it is to not shove disgustingly flavored Burnett’s down your throat as you walk through a sweaty, fire-hazardous Henle while trying to breathe through all that mango-scented Juul smoke that may (or may not, who knows) give you cancer.

Despite all these benefits, the flu still sucks, and you can’t wait to start partying “studying” again with your friends. Just make sure to wash your hands and don’t share drinks!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, youvisit.com

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Staffer of the Week: David Chardack

Once a week, The Hoya recognizes a staffer that has done a particularly awesome job — now you can get to know about them, too. As part of our Leavey 421 series, we’ll be posting quick interviews with each Staffer of the Week. This week went to someone who did a very “sick” job with their work: David Chardack!
IMG_0016
Name David Chardack
School College
Year 2016
Major Undecided (possibly American Studies)
Hometown Salt Lake City, Utah
Positions on the Hoya Copy chief
Why did you earn staffer of the week?
I earned staffer of the week for being really really sick but still getting all of my work done. And for writing a viewpoint on short notice concerning why it stinks to be really really sick.
What’s your favorite part about working for The Hoya?
I like working for The Hoya because being locked up in the office almost every night means ordering delivery almost every night: Mai Thai, Jetties, Dominos (which is vastly under-appreciated), you name it. Because of The Hoya, I eat like a king.
If you could take any celebrity on a date, who would it be and where would you go?
I would obviously go on a date with Miley Cyrus (#yolo). We’d probably go to Leo’s just because I have so many meal swipes left, but I’d be open to suggestions.
Soulja Boy likes to “crank that.” Your dream date Miley prefers twerking. Blog editor Lindsay Lee loves the bachata (I’m making that up.) What’s your go-to dance form?
Pas de chat. I’m a master.
You’ve just been asked to fly to the moon – with two Hoya staffers. Who would you take on your lunar landing and why?
The two Hoya staffers I would bring to the moon would definitely be:
1. Guide editor Sheena Karkal because she is a font of ridiculous and hilarious phrases, and
2. Opinion editor Katy Berk because she understands my complicated and dysfunctional relationship with food.
Glad you’re feeling better, David! Keep up the great work.
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How to Beat the Flu (Before it Happens)

Sneeze PicIt’s that time again, Hoyas: BeWell Week. So if your life is anywhere near as ironic as mine tends to be, you’re either deathly ill or you’re about to become so in the coming days. And, chances are, you’re about to get hit with that bizarre throatache-turned-flu that’s been hitting campus harder than these gymnasts hit the mat.

While 4E has given you tips and tricks before for beating illnesses, we’ve never really told you how to prevent them. So, before you catch the strange bug that’s going around, follow some of these pointers to keep yourself in tip top shape:

1. Don’t touch the railings I know, the Hilltop is covered in stairs. And I know, that means the Hilltop is covered in railings, too. But I beg you, please do not touch them. Handrails are homes to all sorts of viruses, bacteria and germs (E. coli and mucus are quite common… Yuck!) Just work your legs a bit harder than usual and don’t grab those railings.

2. Carry wet-wipes and/or a container of Purell This goes along with good ol’ #1 (see above). If you aren’t going to touch anything, then it might get a wee bit difficult opening doors, walking up stairs and going to the ATM. A little bit of sanitizer can go a long way, people.

3. Beat your illness before it starts I made a quick trip to Vittles today to give you the scoop on preventative medication.

One-A-Day Vitamins: $11.19 for a mega bottle.
Airborne immune booster: $9.29.
Emergen-C immune pack: $8.25.
Not getting devastatingly ill while the rest of Georgetown does: not priceless, but pretty darn close.

4. Eat well Neither The Hoya nor The Fourth Edition advocate stealing an orange or two from Leo’s, but I personally do, especially if it means beating the common college cold. Stick to those fruits and veggies; they naturally pack a punch to any of those pesky viruses that are circulating. Also, get some electrolytes in your system and use a healthy diet to keep your immune system in peak condition.

5. Get some (more) sleep I’m not trying to make a joke. Really. Though it’s really difficult to find any time to sleep while trying to balance the million and five things you’re juggling as a Hoya, getting 8-9 hours will save you a lot of grief in the future. Do it now, or you’re going to be doing it in a few days… just with a 102-degree fever.

Now, get Purell-ling, stop touching, start sleeping and prevent those illnesses, Hoyas!

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The Cure* for the Common Cold

 I have this theory that once you get sick in college, you never fully regain your health. You kind of just fluctuate between very sick, kind of sick and barely sick.

Well, it’s November now! That means midterms, colder weather, and the resurgence of that “very sick” stage. And, of course, your sickness will always come at the least convenient time. So whether you have a friend coming to visit or you just want to be 100% for whatever Halloweekend Part II festivities await you, here are some steps to help you get back to that “barely sick” level that we all lovingly endure.

*Okay, so maybe not the ‘cure’, but a great way to fight it off in a week.

To Fight the Cold in General:

1. Take your medicine regularly Follow the dosage instructions on your preferred medicine and take it promptly and regularly. Also do not stop taking it right when you feel better. Continue to take it a day or two after your symptoms go away to ensure your lasting ‘health’!

2. Do you have spring allergies? If you do, they may be the cause of, or may be increasing, your cold symptoms. Fall allergies are a thing too, so be sure to treat your allergies on top of treating your cold with these tips, regardless of the fact that it’s only November and not April!

3. Vitamin C Whether it be in the form of a vitamin supplement, Emergen-C, or some freshly squeezed OJ, get a healthy dose of Vitamin C a day (see the sore throat section for exceptions).

4. Catch some extra Z’s I know you have a midterm tomorrow, but I guarantee that going to bed at 2AM after cramming in Lau will NOT help. Getting 2-3 more hours of sleep will guarantee you a few more REM cycles, which will make you well rested and healthier so that you can actually focus during the test.

5. Hydrate! Water is your best friend. Try to finish off at least two nalgenes a day, your body will thank you for the extra fluids.

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