Hillary is Coming to the Hilltop

If you’re anything like us here at 4E, you probably freaked out pretty hard when you found out Hillary was coming to campus. I mean, after all, What Dreams Are Made Of” is a modern classic.

But after watching “The Lizzie McGuire Movie” for the umpteenth time in order to prepare ourselves for what we thought would be the first stop in the 2017 Hillary Duff Comeback Tour, we noticed something a little odd about our email invitations to the event in Gaston Hall on Friday.

The invitation didn’t say Hillary Duff, it said Hillary Rodham ClintonThis couldn’t be.

Last we’d heard, the former Secretary of State and pantsuit-aficionado was lost deep in the woods of Chappaqua, New York with her dogs. We wanted to do something about it, but sending a search team to look for America’s most accomplished grandma isn’t a part of The Hoya‘s budget.

At first, we didn’t know what to think. After months of #FakeNews, we didn’t know if we could even trust our own eyes. But there it was right in front of us.

The Hon. Hillary Rodham Clinton is coming to the Hilltop!

Since the announcement, questions have arisen.

  1. Do we get in line at 3 AM or 4 AM?
  2. Should we wear that old campaign T-shirt we haven’t been able to look at since November 8th without vigorously crying?
  3. Will she mention Trump?
    (Editor’s note: In a perfect world, he would show up at the speech too and they’d have a wizard’s duel à la McGonagall and Snape in “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” over the presidency but hey, we get that that might be asking for a little too much. In fairness though, Healy Hall has always reminded us of Hogwarts.)

Whatever Hillz says, we’re sure it’ll be memorable. Almost as memorable as that time she won the popular vote by a few million votes and somehow still didn’t become president! Hahaha you’re so funny @ElectoralCollege! We’ll never get over that one! #TBT

Oh and Bill, if you see this, feel free to come too. We promise to get you lots of balloons.

Sources: giphy.com, tumblr.com, buzzfeed.com

Secret Service Champagne Conspiracies

Banner - Secret ServiceIf you’ve ever walked down one of Georgetown’s many enchanting streets, you may have noticed one or two black Chevrolet Suburbans parked along O Street a few blocks from the main gates. While the people inside these cars aren’t as friendly as the guy in the white van nearby who always gives me free candy after I help him look for his dog, I wanted to know more. My freshman SFS self last year was astonished to learn that they are actually government officers who protect Secretary of State John Kerry, who happens to be a long time resident of Georgetown:

shocked

Naturally, I was curious and wanted to stalk learn more about them, so when the opportunity to walk along this street presented itself, I took it, and walked by 3322 O St NW. Let’s just say I did some undercover work; I ~disguised~ myself as a “lost college student”:

spying

I waited on the side of the street opposite from Secretary Kerry’s house for about five minutes. And then it happened. A officer gets out of the driver’s seat side of the car and begins stretching:

rabbit stretching
Looked something like this…

I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next (and absolutely had to see what was to transpire), so I pretended I lived at the house across the street by sitting down on the stoop and taking a ~very important phone call~. The stretching officer was then approached by a second officer from a separate car; I vaguely overheard this second officer ask the first if he was “ready,” and then they went towards the trunk of the car sitting closest to the house. Out of the trunk, they pull out a silk bag:

popcorn

And out of this silk bag, they then pull a bottle of champagne. A MASSIVE bottle of champagne.

champagne

They then both went into Kerry’s house. At this point my ~very important phone call~ ended and I unfortunately had other places to be (read: the call of an Epi quesadilla was ringing loudly). So, 4E has come up with some conspiracy theories as to what was going on during that fateful night.

  1. Dip Ball was being held here. Considering that Secretary Kerry is the head of all US diplomacy, it is quite possible that they were having their own dip ball and were using the champagne to celebrate. Clearly, the officers weren’t dressed appropriately, though…
  2. It was actually a bottle of wine, sent from none other than the wine connoisseur himself, Donald Trump. We all know how ~successful~ his winery is, and he was just sending a special gift to Kerry, whose presidential campaign Trump supported in past years.
  3. Secretary Kerry was having a moving away party; his house will be up for sale and rumor has it, Georgetown is buying it and will be offering it up in the housing selection process for next year.
  4. As part of the Iranian Nuclear Deal, Secretary Kerry negotiated to get a lifetime supply of champagne. Given his advanced age, this came down to just one large bottle.
  5. They were preparing for their own, debaucherous anti-Dip-Ball.
  6. Secretary Kerry was preparing to imitate this gif:

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, encyclopedia.com, thefederalist.com

Look Who Just Joined Twitter!

Madeleine Just Joined TwitterThat’s right. There’s a new tweeter in town, and it’s none other than our favorite  brooch-branding former-Secretary-of-State-turned-Georgetown-faculty-member, Madeleine Albright.

As of yesterday, Secretary Albright had officially set up a Twitter. Her first tweet, which featured a nifty photo of her in a “Tweet” pin (how festive!) read:

Screen Shot 2013-09-24 at 2.38.19 PM

Though new to the Twitter scene, Secretary Albright has sure hit the ground running. She’s already been tweeted at by – and has responded to – Suzanne Philion (@SuzKP) and Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton). She’s also talked about one of her special musical talents.

To find out more about Madeleine’s entry into the Twitter-verse, check out her page here and be sure to follow her at @madeleine. And, as always, be sure to follow us @thehoya4E for our latest stories, tips and tricks. Happy tweeting, Hoyas! (That includes you, Madeleine!)