How to Survive the Clownpocalypse

How to Survive the Clownpocalypse

Over the years, American civilization has encountered several major threats to its ongoing existence, such as terrorism, climate change and infectious diseases. Today, there is a new danger on the horizon: the Clownpocalypse.

Basically

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the last four days, allow me to explain. Across the nation, cities, neighborhood communities, and college campuses have been terrorized by machete-carrying, child-luring, simply horrifying clowns. Feeling freaked out and unprepared? Follow these tips to help you survive if/when the clowns arrive at Georgetown.

1. Use the Buddy System
Do not even think about leaving your room alone. Going to Leo’s? Bring a buddy. Going to Yates?  Let’s be honest, probably not. Going to Lau? Bring a buddy. Going to the bathroom? BRING A BUDDY. A clown will be less likely to approach you if you are in pairs, and on the off chance one does, you will also have a human sacrifice handy to allow for your own quick escape.

2. Exercise your Second Amendment right
I don’t care what it is. Pepper spray. A knife. A rifle (maybe not a rifle…). A baseball bat. Clown repellent. It doesn’t matter. Just arm yourself ASAP because these clowns do not mess around. Maybe even consider calling your dad back about that self defense class he suggested you take before college. It could come in handy.

3. If you see something, say something
I’m not one to advocate for clown profiling, but if you see anything that even resembles one of these mask-wearing reincarnations of Lucifer you better say something. Tell your floor mates. File a report on LiveSafe. Call GUPD. Organize a press conference. Whatever it takes to get the word out.

4. Master the art of disguise
This one is fool proof. Carry around a clown mask with you at all times, and if you happen to see a clown quickly put it on and pretend your one of his/her friends. They’ll never know.

5. Accept your death
If you failed to follow any of my aforementioned tips this is really your only option. It’s been nice knowing you.

Now that you have 4E’s official guide to surviving the Clownpocalypse, go forth my friends and stay safe in these trying times.

Images: giphy.com, https://bit.ly/2dv6Hv1

Lau Really is a Club!

spicy

D.C. has a ton of clubs: Cities, Eden or whatever the newest rage is… you get the point. Clubs and bars are fun to go to, but nothing can take the place of Georgetown’s very own Lauinger Library, the ultimate club.

Confused? Lau is basically the party of the year and by being a Georgetown student you are automatically invited!

Here are six ways a night at Lau is exactly like a night at the club:

1. Boys there ignore me.

tumblr_lj9mwaZhKN1qghpako1_500

2. It’s hard to tolerate without copious amounts of alcohol.

3. The area next to the (coffee) bar is always the most crowded.

But I just wanted a caramel soy latte!
But I just want a chai tea latte!

4. The bathroom never has soap or paper towels after the weekend.

5. You usually stay well past 2am.

Circa 4am
Circa 4am

6. It’s full of underage college students.

Next time you are feeling bored and restless, save yourself a few bucks, put on your cutest yoga pants and hoodie and head across campus to Lauinger.

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com; imgur.com; https://thetally.efinancialnews.com/; blog.goodosphere.com/

Halloween Movies for Easily Scared Souls

Halloween Movies For Easily Scared SoulsIt’s that time of year again, Hoyas. I’m not talking about the fall, though you have already been warned about them. I’m not talking about the never-ending midterms, and I’m not talking about the equally frightening flu season. Instead, this special part of October marks the beginning of three consecutive, holiday-filled months, starting with Halloween. For some, Halloween signifies a time filled with tricks and terror, a time when your fear consumes you and a time when you relish every moment of it.

However, there are those of us who prefer the treats rather than the tricks during this fall holiday season. We are people who hold the blanket close to our faces during each Halloween horror film that our friends insisted on watching. We are the people who then proceed to not sleep the next few days thanks to the enduring images of a vengeful dead (and/or psycho) girl or a physically impossible monster that suddenly seems a little less impossible because a movie just made us believe it actually exists. If you can relate to any or all of these moments, take comfort in knowing that during this (occasionally difficult) holiday season there are still some movies out there for you. Here’s a couple of movie suggestions that will get you in the Halloween spirit without keeping you up in terror for all of November:

1. The Addams Family Da da da dum (snap, snap). Follow the lives and quirky dynamics of a family that embraces the ghoulish side of life. Let’s be honest, who does not love them a little bit of Cousin It?

2. It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown Never have I found a reason not to watch a Peanuts show. Also, this movie has one of my favorite scenes ever – the one where Linus writes his letter to the Great Pumpkin.

tumblr_mu0bpvs3M31shef9yo1_500

3. The Harry Potter Series For most, these movies encompassed most of our childhoods (maybe even now, too). Nonetheless, Halloween provides an especially accommodating atmosphere for wizards and their magical world. Fair warning, though, you may experience a relapse of these feelings.

4. Hocus Pocus A Disney channel classic, this movie follows the return of some 17th century witches, who you love to hate and hate to love, into the 20th century.

5. The Nightmare Before Christmas Is this a Halloween movie if it has Christmas in it? Oh well. Throw in skeletons, ghosts and pretty much anything created by Tim-Burton, and your Halloween quota has been filled.

6. Casper I’ll let this speak for itself (What could be cuter?):Casper-the-Friendly-Ghost-Pictures7. Ghostbusters Watch the entertaining journeys of the recently fired Drs. Venkman, Stantz and Spengler as they rid Manhattan of all its ghosts and demons. Who ya’ gonna’ call?

With Halloween less than a week away, feel free to suggest any one of these classic films that not only embrace the holiday spirit but let you enjoy it too! Happy Halloween Hoyas!

Photo: BeliefNet