A Guide to Holiday Breakups

winterbreakups

As the New Year approaches, you may want to start considering some potential resolutions for 2015. Perhaps you want to stop taking Buzzfeed quizzes or going on Netflix binges when you really should be cramming for that Econ exam tomorrow. Or maybe you really feel like you need to shed some dead weight (either figuratively or literally).

If you opt for the latter resolution, and interpret it in a more metaphorical rather than literal sense, then 4E is here to lend you a helping hand as we present the top 5 ways to breakup with your significant other this holiday season.

  1. The “I got rabies from a reindeer” Text: Shoot your significant other a text informing them that you have recently contracted rabies as you were bit by a wandering reindeer on campus and are no longer able to be involved in the relationship. Make sure you emphasize that it’s not them, it’s really you and your foaming mouth that’s ending things. You’ll seem super considerate for taking on all of the blame for your relationship woes, which your soon to be ex will surely appreciate.
          
  2. Choreographed Dance to “Let It Go”:  It’s a known fact that everyone loves the element of surprise, especially when it comes to a relationship. So why not make the end of your relationship the biggest surprise of all? Choreograph an entire routine to “Let It Go” with the help of some background dancers, just like all the proposal videos you’ve inevitably watched on Youtube. You can think of it as your anti-proposal for your soon-to-be-ex. This option is a great way to prove just how thoughtful and creative you are, as you put so much effort into your breakup.
  3. Anti-Pickup Line Candy Gram:  Since it’s the holiday season, a lot of groups are selling candy grams all over campus. Swing by one of their stands and purchase one for your significant other. Make sure to include some sort of cheesy anti-pickup line so they know that isn’t your average holiday-themed candy gram.  We recommend something along the lines of “Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?”. While the sting of rejection might hurt, the candy they’ll receive with your witty note is sure to dull the pain!
  4. Christmas Song Themed Letter: Nothing gets you in the holiday spirit quite like some Christmas carols! Sprinkle some of your favorite lyrics into a traditional breakup letter and you’ll end up with the most festive approach of all. Some lyrical suggestions include: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas without you” or “Joy to the world, my freedom from you has come”. Make sure to sign the letter with “Have a holly, jolly Christmas!” so they know that you don’t want any hard feelings to exist!
  5. The “I’m Moving to the North Pole” Convo: When all else fails meet up with your significant other in person and inform them that you are moving to the North Pole to fulfill your lifelong goal of becoming Buddy the Elf. Invest in an elf costume and continually quote the legendary movie throughout your conversation so it seems like you’re being genuine. When your former girlfriend/boyfriend refuses to believe you, pretend to receive a very important phone call and answer by saying “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” as you slowly back away and fade out of their life…

It is beginning to look a lot like freedom. And may all your breakups be merry and brief.

Gifs: tumblr.com, reactiongifs.us

Photo: https://images.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_600/631_holiday-break-ups-1055439-flash.jpg 

Georgetown Fall Epidemics: Weather, Fashion and Other Horrific Plagues

Fall EpidemicsIt’s that time of the year again, Hoyas: Georgetown is being plagued by the autumn and fall epidemics of every sort are spreading like Chicken Finger Thursday madness, and there isn’t anything we can do to stop them. I have nobly taken it upon myself to guide you through this insanity with some survival tips! I’ve compiled a list of the top four worst epidemics, so let’s go through them together and hopefully make it out alive:

Fall Weather Epidemic The winds are changing – literally. If you haven’t noticed the drastic difference in weather, look up: Between the dark, looming clouds, the chilled winds and that week of incessant rain that pounded the Hilltop (although that could have easily been the birds and insects crying over D.C., lamenting the government shutdown), it’s clear that D.C. weather has arrived. The weather may have been nice today, but don’t be fooled! D.C. Fall Weather Epidemic comes and goes faster than you can say, “Oh, look! The catastrophic rain stopped!” Just know that surviving these fall weather disasters is all about mindset. Be confident in your sweaters and umbrellas, move quickly when outdoors and don’t let that hurricane-level wind tunnel between Healy and Copley knock you down!

October Midterm Epidemic When your friends at other universities ask you when you have midterms and you reply, “forever,” you know that you’re caught up in the October Midterm Epidemic. Here at Georgetown, we don’t really have “midterm season”. Midterms begin at the beginning of October and continue until finals start. Unfortunately, every Hoya must trudge through weeks of studying, writing and testing until their fingers are bruised from typing, their notebooks are ruined by the tears and their pencils and spirits have broken. But, wait, there’s hope! Surviving midterms is difficult if you make it difficult. Keep calm, study early and don’t get caught on Lau 2 at 3 a.m. talking about all the work you need to do but aren’t doing.

The Flu Epidemic You didn’t think I would forget about actual epidemics, did you? I know as well as you do that the flu is not a game, but if it were we would all lose. In the middle of the October Midterm Epidemic, the Flu Epidemic would surely destroy us all. Nobody looks forward to taking their midterms or stays up all night studying with a smile on their face, so imagine how unproductive we would be with the flu on top of everything else! In order to skirt this terrible epidemic, stay on top of your health game. Also, make sure you drop by Yates on Oct. 22nd, Oct. 30th, Nov. 7th, Nov. 13th, or Nov. 19th at the designated hours to get your free vaccination – holla!

Georgetown Fall Fashion Epidemic Goodbye to Nantucket Red, hello thrift store flannel (Blog editor Lindsay Lee is rejoicing)! Because of this epidemic, every Hoya and their Jesuit father will start swapping their flashy summer garb for something more suitable for the temperature. To survive, blend in with the crowd: say goodbye to your favorite pair of shorts and cover those gams with something a bit warmer. Maybe dust off that winter coat you never unpacked from your move-in day luggage bag. But, here’s my favorite tip: it’s officially in-style to dress for comfort, which means comfy pajamas (my specialty), over-sized scarves and ugly sweaters are a go! However, make sure to avoid peacoats and artisan woolen socks: these are tell-tale signs that you are doing too much and need to do less … or you will face being sucked in to the epidemic.

That’s all of the epidemics for now! If you see me out there owning these epidemics, I’ll be the sleep-starved, brain-fried one in flannel pajamas finally done with his midterms crying over his flu shot and avoiding the outdoor weather at all costs. Hopefully, I’ll see you surviving as well! Keep calm and good luck!