2016 Presidential Candidates as Told by 90s Songs

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As the 2016 Presidential race heats up, there is a lot of information to digest. The candidates’ platforms (or lack thereof) are constantly mutating and they are saying crazier things every day. If you’ve missed out on some of the news about the candidates, here is what you missed, as told through the greatest music hits of the greatest music decade: the 90s.

 

Ben Carson

Dr. Carson may have had a hot temper as a young child but one day he got The Sign (Ace of Base) from God and, ever since, has mellowed out. Syrian refugees, which he likened to rabid dogs, have him asking: “Who Let the Dogs Out (Baja Boys)“.

carson nod

Hillary Clinton

When Hillary asks herself “What a Girl Wants (Christina Aguilera),” her only answer is “…Baby One More Time (Britney Spears)” in the White House.

hillary music

Jeb Bush

As the son and brother of former Presidents, he has lived a Semi-Charmed Life (Third Eye Blind). But don’t let this “semi-charmed” life fool you: he also speaks enough Spanish to do the Macarena (Los Del Rio).

jeb nod

Donald Trump

He wants to build a Wonderwall (Oasis). He also wants to say Bye Bye Bye (*NSYNC) to anyone who doesn’t fit in his image of a “Great Again” America.

trump nod

Chris Christie

The only place to Drive (Incubus) in Christie’s home state was Under the Bridge (Red Hot Chili Peppers) because the traffic on the bridge was almost as gridlocked as Congress. He was cleared of the charges of closing the bridge but only after he said “It Wasn’t Me (Shaggy)”.

christie dance

Marco Rubio

This Florida senator, the son of Cuban immigrants, was born in the city of Miami (Will Smith). Ever since, he’s been Livin’ La Vida Loca (Ricky Martin) and wants to do that in the White House.

rubio drinking

Bernie Sanders

This senator from Vermont wants the top 1% of the income bracket to Give it Away (Red Hot Chili Peppers). He may or may not have threatened to Eat the Rich (Aerosmith).

sanders laughing

Now that you’re more informed, you can get out and vote!

 

Photos/Gifs: usatoday.com, giphy.com

Blogger Voices: “Mazel Tov, Obama”

Congratulations Obama

In Jewish tradition, when a boy turns thirteen he is called to read Torah in front of his family and friends, and in doing so, he becomes a man. He becomes someone who can shoulder adult responsibility. But, this is all lies. Voice cracks and braces overshadow the transition to adulthood, and so that pinnacle turning point remains a mystery. When does a boy become a man? Simple, when he cuts the bullsh*t.

drake-snl-bar-mitzvah

Likewise, last night, Barack Obama became the President of the United States. President Obama, despite the jeers and sometimes absent applauses, shouldered his responsibility and asked us to do the same. Last night, Obama cut the bullsh*t (for the most part) and thank God for that. He resembled the anomalous Jewish boy who experienced puberty before his Bar Mitzvah rather than after. Yes, he checked boxes off the public servant list, but he did so with a suave sternness that galvanized some Republicans to at least contemplate standing.

Don’t let Boehner’s Botoxed expression fool you; he’s just jealous his wife isn’t as hot as Mrs. Biden. Every party has petty people who assume the superior position as “observer“ and self-bequeath the right to judge those they spectate, and last night, the Republicans sat and watched. Of course that’s only their poor justification for why no has asked them to dance. Crossing the aisle requires participants, not spectators, and if the Republicans refuse to compromise then we are condemned to externalizing our prepubescent fears of rejection.

President Obama Delivers State Of The Union Address

Time and time again, thirteen-year-old boys have had to face their peers (invited by one’s parents without one’s consent) in a uniquely embarrassing ritual in the naïve hope of becoming a man, and in the end, the bullies and nerve-wracking cuties alike congratulate the boy out of respect for the ritual. The United States too holds itself to a holy ritual – that of democracy.

In last night’s address, Obama asked that we bear the weight of that platform in mind, because in moments where we may lose respect for one another we can reorient ourselves through the respect we owe our country. Obama acknowledged the bipartisanship of this country, because non-partisanship would be like an atheist Bar Mitzvah. Someone has to believe in something to sanctify the ritual in which they partake.

So when Obama inched closer to the podium ready to engage the congressmen before him, he did something somewhat unprecedented: Obama cut the bullsh*t (once again, for the most part). With regard to partisanship, Obama is not colorblind. Our ritual requires the vibrancy of the blues and reds we celebrate and purpling Congress will not make us stronger. Democracy breeds contention with the long-term goal of consensus. However, gridlock is not inevitable. Obama prescribed a new technique for Congress: rather than going backwards, try working backwards. Begin with the fundamental values both sides share because only from that origin do we honor the ritual that frames us.

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During the State of the Union Address, President Barack Obama poked holes in our binary understanding of America. Obama took a humble step back and outlined the often-missed big picture: if we don’t respect the ritual than we are nothing more than a prepubescent boy publicly committing social suicide.

Photos: Google Images, whitehouse.gov

The 6 Questions About the Government Shutdown That You Were Too Afraid To Ask

Budget BattleWell, Hoyas, midnight happened: Healy bells were chiming ominous tolls, Congress was screaming in a blur of Obamacare and budget failures and then, in a fury of doom, death and drinking, the federal government shut down.

So what exactly does that mean? Does Wisey’s have to close? Since we live in the District of Columbia, do we still have school? (You already know the answer to that.) But don’t worry — 4E has you covered. Here are The 6 Questions About the Government Shutdown That You Were Too Terrified To Ask:

What causes a government shutdown?

The United States Congress has many responsibilities, and one of them is passing bills that fund government spending. The federal government’s fiscal year is from Sept. 30 — Oct. 1, so, in order for the federal government to have the money to function in the coming year, Congress must pass the annual budget by Sept. 30 of the previous fiscal year. Today, as you might have realized, is Oct. 1 — in other words, a new fiscal year. The problem is, Congress failed to agree on a new budget by 11:59 p.m. last night, the end of the old fiscal year. No budget = no money = government shutdown.

So, what exactly is a government shutdown, and what in the world is happening?

Since the government didn’t pass its budget, it no longer has the money to perform all of its services and pay all of its employees. Don’t worry, though: Some of our most essential functions will keep going during a shutdown. You’ll still receive your mail, Social Security will keep getting paid and the military will keep fighting — and the same goes for other essential positions like food inspectors and air traffic controllers. That being said, a large number of government workers will be furloughed. As in, they don’t get money and don’t go to work. (Congress members and the president will still receive their salaries! Currently they clearly deserve them.)

Why is the Lincoln Memorial closed?

Because of the shutdown, more than 400 national parks are closed. Those include the ones in D.C. The same goes for government services across the board — in healthcare, immigration, veterans affairs, housing and law enforcement. A good list of what will be affected can be found here.

Okay. We know what’s happening. So why couldn’t Congress pass a budget?

This Congress is currently the most politically divided Congress in recorded history. As such, Democrats and Republicans have radically different views on what should and shouldn’t be taken care of in the budget. Adding to the problem, Democrats control the Senate and Republicans (a large number of them Tea Party conservatives) control the House. As you also probably know, it takes both the House and the Senate to get a bill passed and signed into law by the President. Recently, Congress passed several “stopgap” budget bills, which have essentially agreed to fund the government for some time and allow them to return to the issue at a later date. This was that “later date.”

The debate surrounding spending bill for this year’s budget centered around the Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare, which took effect today regardless of the shutdown. Many Republicans, especially the Tea Party members in the bunch, wanted to see parts of the Affordable Care Act defunded and delayed. Many of them want to see the law repealed altogether. The Democrats, however, remained firm that the law should not be defunded or delayed. (Click here for some more information about that.) The result was a stalemate. The House passed budget bills that would take away parts of Obamacare. Then the Senate would reject them. It went back and forth until — you guessed it — shutdown.

Now what? Will this affect the economy?

Yes and no. According to the most recent numbers, stocks have still been doing fine. Nonetheless, depending on the estimates, a government shutdown might knock off approximately 0.5 percent of annual GDP growth. Projections show that the U.S. economy is only set to grow by about 2 percent this year. That means a quarter of this year’s economic growth might not occur because of this budget nightmare. But this is all still speculation, and accurate numbers won’t come in for a long time. It also all depends on the length of the shutdown and events in the future — like raising the federal debt limit, which needs to occur by Oct. 17. (But that’s an entirely different and complicated story for which you need to do your own research. So, start here.)

But really, this is important. Is Wisey’s still open?

Yes. Thank goodness there is still some hope in this world. Go grab a Chicken Madness and just wait things out. Congress will fix this mess eventually (our last government shutdown lasted 22 days) and federal workers will return to their jobs. But with the political stagnation occurring in Congress, you better be prepared for a lot more fighting. In other words, you should probably get a chocolate-chip Oreo cookie while you’re at it.