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Love Letter to the Witch Who Lives Under the Road Between Regents and Reiss

Dear Witch Who Lives Under The Road Between Regents and Reiss,

What’s cooking? No, literally, what you are cooking down there? There’s always this unhealthy amount of steam coming from the manhole, and I get that you have to feed your family, but I just wanted to check in. I tried understanding the construction email updates, but that requires knowing what things on campus are called. Anyway, I’m 90 percent sure they are going to close down that street sometime soon.

You sort of smell like a rusty harmonica mixed with whatever Florida smells like. Maybe add a little paprika? Oregano? The economy is doing pretty well right now; maybe you can move away from my early morning commute to bio. I don’t want to judge your family recipe, but I will call Child Protective Services if you’re secretly poisoning your children.

Or maybe you’re just a Vape God and enjoy hitting the juul, but instead of cool cucumber, it’s just the creme brulee pod. At least it smells just as bad. If that’s the case, though, I’m still concerned about you, because it looks like you’re addicted. You gotta take care of your pulmonary health, and being Thomas the Dank Engine all day is not a good look. And, heaven forbid you’re smoking that devil’s lettuce (not in my Christian neighborhood!!)??

Whatever you’re toking definitely borders on illegal.

Considering that you live between the sad, lonely uncle STEM building and the cool millennial mom STEM building, perhaps you’re just doing some strange science experiments. If that’s the case, there’s probably enough space for the entire biochemistry department down there. Usually when there’s a constant stream of gross-smelling, billowing gas coming out of a lab, that’s when you get help from your TA. Maybe try using the fume hood?

Update: I think they’re onto you: They’ve cornered you off like some biohazard, which I guess in retrospect, you could be. Whatever you do, just stay safe, witch.

Hoya Spooks-ya!

Sources: toptenz.net, 

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Senior Memories: Things that Only Seniors Remember

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As the first semester has begun to wind down, my nerves about leaving Georgetown in only a few months are increasing. I can barely remember my freshman year, the people I met then feel like people I have known my entire life. However, there are some things that have not been so permanent. From bars to fads, Georgetown has seen a bunch of turnover during the last three years.

So underclassmen, give me this one post to rant. And seniors, join me in my trip down memory lane.

Things Only Seniors Remember:

1. Tuscany’s. The pride and joy of our freshman year. If you didn’t sit on the sidewalk with a large slice, make friends with a stranger or get into a fight about who ordered first than you haven’t lived.

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2. Rhino. Okay, some underclassman might remember this one. But, only we remember how magical Rhino was once upon a time. Do I miss the idea of it? Yes. Do I actually miss it? To be honest, not at all.

3. Shit Georgetown Girls Say. This video defined my freshman year, and I still recite it weekly. While I was heartbroken that these guys took this video down, I am still petitioning for them to bring it back. Favorite lines include:

  • “Does Rhino take Go-Card?”
  • “What to chase with, what to chase with.. Diet Coke, zero cals!”
  • “Betch I’m drunk in Leo’s I need your help.”
  • “He must be cute, he went to Delbarton.”
  • “Son of a betch where is my Go-Card?”

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5. Reiss Pathway. As a former Darnallian, the Reiss Pathway was basically family to me. Best people watching and easy access to Leavy… what more could you want?! It makes me so incredibly sad that some people think that the construction has always been there. They don’t know the great things they have missed.

6. Omelet Lady. Feel free to correct me, as I have not been to Leo’s in a while, but I’ve heard that the omelet lady no longer exists? How does one get his or her omelet without the signature “getcha omelet” call? That was the only acceptable way to end a weekend.

7. New South before the Heal Fam Stu Cen. I had to explain to a freshman the other day what was in the HFSC’s place prior to its creation… and all I could say was nothing. It literally seems like that building sprung from nowhere. If only it had been around my freshman year, I probably would have been more inclined to study!

8. Leo’s Burrito Bowls. Ugh, back when Leo’s did so many things right. Their burrito bowls were my favorite thing. Like Chipotle, but from a meal swipe! You didn’t even have to pay extra for guac!!
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9. Juicing ‘Cuse in 1 Season. Way back when Syracuse was in the Big East. We were so lucky to see 2 wins against ‘Cuse in only one season. Hopefully we can juice ‘Cuse again this year on Dec. 5!

10. Epi before it became a hotspot. My underclassman sources have informed me that Epi is the new “late night hot spot.” Back in my day, it was just a great place to get a quesadilla and chill with friends. I guess we can blame the loss of both Tuscany’s and Eat & Joy for this one!

Photos/Gifs: huffingtonpost.com; giphy.com; hercampus.com

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Georgetown-Themed Rejection Lines

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‘Tis the season for love and emotions! Everyone remembers last year when 4E brought you the best pickup lines in the planet. I mean you should, 4E (cough, myself) basically became famous.

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But then… no one used the pickup lines. At least, not on me. THESE LINES ARE GOLDEN PEOPLE, COME ON.

Well anyway now we back, back again. And this time, we are better than ever. Because this time we are giving you ways to reject love. Maybe this will be more applicable to your lives.

4E PRESENTS: GEORGETOWN REJECTION LINES

You are more likely to get an appointment at the Career Center than a date with me.

The prospect of us having a relationship makes me want to run screaming down Prospect.

I feel more alone with you than I do in Lau.

Dr. Todd Olson: doesn’t exist. Your chance with me: likewise.

It’s not you, it’s your Wisey’s order.

You have a better chance of strolling down the Reiss walkway.

Of course I’ll go on a date with you! Meet you at the Georgetown Metro stop tonight at 7!

You are Los Cuates, and I am the police. Shutting. You. Down.

You may have stolen the clock hands, but you couldn’t steal my heart.

Do you know what NHS stands for? Not Happening, Sorry.

Make like JJ the Bulldog and bite me.

This conversation is a lot like the first week of school: NSOver.

Use them on a creepy classmate, use them on your friends. I really don’t care. Just as long as you don’t use them on me.

And remember, if you are #tryna, “let’s be like the cups in Leo’s and stick together” is always appropriate.

Photos/Gifs: eonline.com; tumblr.com