Oscars Drinking Game

Get out your champagne flutes and call your limo driver!

It’s red carpet season, and the greatest awards show of all is TONIGHT: The Oscars.

Even if you’re having trouble locating your Cartier earrings and haute couture ballgown, don’t stress. Get yourself to a TV, pop that bubbly, and get ready to judge the rich and famous as if you didn’t wear sweats to class on a daily basis.

If you are over the age of 21 and read Daily Mail updates as soon as you get up in the morning, this drinking game is for you. If you’re not into showbiz, this will help you become an interesting/worthwhile person to hang out with.

Without further ado…

Take a shot every time:

There’s an awkward break in the program because they couldn’t get it together and find an inoffensive host. Why’d you have to go and be homophobic like that, Kevin??

Someone’s heartfelt acceptance speech is played off.

I’d like to thank my mom for giving birth to me so that I could write this article.

There’s a Trump joke but it really just isn’t even funny anymore. :/

Rami Malek has a wide-eyed look on his face that makes you want to cuddle him and ask, “Baby are you okay???”

Take 2 shots every time:

You see a celeb with a whole new face. Renée Zellweger  is that a mask, sweetie?

Someone does the “Wakanda Forever” salute.

A winner doesn’t show up to grab their statue because they’re just TOO GOOD. My money’s on Kendrick — the man has a Pulitzer and simply does not need a little golden naked man on his shelf.

Your fave gets absolutely ROBBED. Glenn Close is cute and all, but if Gaga doesn’t get that gold, I’m gonna take to the streets. Sorry, not sorry.

Finish your drink when:

Lady Gaga repeats her now-iconic line: “There can be 100 people in a room, and 99 don’t believe in you, but just ONE…”

BUT I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN YOU, GAGA.

You spot a Hoya! #Hoyas4BCoop #ButtChug4BCoop #WhoSaidThat

You make it through the entire show!! You are a star and you deserve your own award!!

Stay fabulous, my friends. Perhaps we, too, can be as hot and cool as Bradley Cooper someday.

 

Sources: Giphy, Tenor, Buzzfeed

Fashion Police: Holland Women Edition

Fashion-police-1

I don’t know about the women in your family but, when it comes to awards shows, my ladies get serious. Last night, when we found ourselves separated during the Golden Globes, we promptly started a group message and carried on as if we were all home and had shunned the boys to their football upstairs.

I was at a 4E meeting (THANKS EMILY) for most of the red carpet portion of the night (Emily: No problem girl! Any time!) so I was not as active in our conversation as I would have liked, but I will interject as I please here. Allow me to introduce to you: Fashion Police: The Holland Women Edition.

The conversations went a little like this:

Sister Holland: “Let’s get this group text going! Mom you keep emailing me instead of texting.”

Mama Holland: “Send me a text and I’ll stick to it.”

Sister Holland: “Just keep responding to this one. The one about mango salsa was an email.”

Mama Holland: “Ethan Hawke looking fine. Lorde is also impressive.”

Sister Holland: “I do like Lorde’s look.”

lorde

Me: “I agree ladies. Lorde is fierce. Love her hair. Who’s next?”

Mama Holland: “Giuliana’s hair looks fried and in need of a serious haircut. Too much boob. She needs a different neck line.”

giuliana

Mama Holland: “I think I saw Tina Fey with a pretty ponytail.”

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
“Thanks, girl!” -Tina

Mama Holland: “Yuck Brandi Chastain looks like Jessica Rabbit.”

Me: “The resemblance is eery. Unfortunate because she normally brings her A-game.”

brandichastain
Jessica, Brandi… Potato potahto.

 

Mama Holland: “I love Sienna’s dress. LOVE.”

Me: “LOVE AS WELL. CAN I HAVE IT?” (No response)

72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Mama Holland: “Love Maggie Gyllenhaal. Who’s Anna Kendrick? So pretty.”

Sister Holland: “She’s in Pitch Perfect. So awesome.”

Me: “When I’m gone… When I’m gooooone!”

72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Mama Holland: “Love Christian Dior on Felicity.”

Me: “Omg. Can I make this a blog post please?”

Sister Holland: “Downton!!!”

Mama Holland: “Downton wins!!!!!! … Are you mocking me, Emma?”

Sister Holland: “No, mom. I seriously think it would be a hit.”

Me: “No I’m not. You’re right about everything. Keep it coming.”

Mom: “I’m switching to Downton at 9…. Downton.”

Mama Holland: “Oooh Naomi needs a Sephora color specialist to check her foundation.”

Sister Holland: “Lol”

Mama Holland: “Do we like Kerry Washington’s dress? I think I don’t love it.”

Sister Holland: “I like the cut but not loving the colors.”

Mama Holland: “Agreed. Love the cut of the top.” kerrywashington

Me: “Same… Did you guys see the opening monologue? So funny.”

Sister Holland: “With Amy and Tina? They’re amazing. The Bill Cosby jokes? Yikes.”

Me: “I know but I think it was kind of awesome.”

Mama Holland: “I didn’t think it was that funny. Not their best work.”

Mama Holland: “Good night girls. Love you xoxo”

We love you too, Mom.

Conclusions: The Holland women are on a first name basis with all the celebs, we have high-ass standards and we love Downton Abbey more than exclamation points can express.

Photos: https://www.kansascity.com/living/xcqmd5/picture6034677/alternates/FREE_960/72nd%20Annual%20Golden%20Gl_Schu(49).jpg, https://img.trendencias.com/2015/01/lorde-golden-globes-2015.jpg, https://www.usmagazine.com/uploads/assets/photo_galleries/red_carpet_galleries/5041-giuliana-rancic-2015-golden-globeshap/1421016482_giuliana-rancic-zoom.jpg, https://heavyeditorial.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/461356046_10.jpg?w=708, https://www.blogcdn.com/slideshows/images/slides/326/178/4/S3261784/slug/l/72nd-annual-golden-globe-awards-arrivals-1.jpg, https://photos.laineygossip.com/articles/miller-globes-12jan15-07.jpg,https://photos.laineygossip.com/articles/kendrick-globes-12jan15-03.jpg, https://www.usmagazine.com/uploads/assets/photo_galleries/regular_galleries/2701-golden-globes-2015-red-carpet-fashion-what-the-stars-wore/photos/1421023513_kerry-washington-zoom.jpg; wikimedia.org