4E is here to bring you the scoop. Your Spring Concert headliner is none other than Grammy winner, R. Kelly. If you’re not as pumped as we are, then maybe you need a little refresher on some R. Kelly throwbacks and why this year’s Spring Concert will be one for the books!
R. Kelly is a must see because…
There is nothing wrong with a little Bump N’ Grind
Because my body is telling me yesss
Or some bouncin’ on that Ignition
And believing that you can fly
We believe you R. Kelly
Wait….the headliner for the spring concert has not been announced yet. Sorry guys!!!!!!
But really, how amazing would it be if it was R. Kelly??? Hopefully the Program Board will hear our prayers for next year!!!
Finals season: it’s the most wonderful gut-wrenching time of the year! Besides spending an inhumane amount of time in the Lau basement, imbibing unhealthy amounts of caffeine, and sleeping at wholly inappropriate hours, you have likely been doing some odd things in an attempt to avoid studying.
Perhaps you have taken a Buzzfeed quiz entitled “Which Mesozoic Era Are You?” (I’m Cretaceous). Perhaps you have found yourself stalking your Grandmother’s Facebook with alarming regularity, or accidentally liking your friend’s boyfriend’s roommate’s little sister’s Instagram post from 73 weeks ago.
It may seem like you are running out of appropriate ways to procrastinate, but don’t worry! 4E is here to save the day with some innovative procrastination methods guaranteed to help you put off studying for your finals until the last possible minute.
1. Watch all 33 chapters of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”
“Trapped in the Closet” is a musical and visual masterpiece. The “hip hopera” will also give you some tips and tricks for what to do next time you are forced to hide in a closet from your lover’s husband.
Time wasted: 133 minutes
2. Wait in the Leo’s pasta line
Artistic rendering of the Leo’s pasta line. Not to scale.
Usually reserved for special occasions and days during which you have a burning desire to wait in line for an unreasonable amount of time, the Leo’s pasta line is a prime destination for procrastination. Not only will you use up a substantial portion of your study time, you will also be rewarded with a delicious bowl of handcrafted pasta.
Time wasted: 25-45 minutes
3. Listen to your voicemails
Those voicemails on your phone won’t just listen to themselves, you know. What better time than finals week to catch up on the 47 voice messages from your mom passive-aggressively letting you know that you need to call her back immediately?
Time wasted: Varies, depending on whether you delete voicemails immediately or let them sit there because who knows, you might get to them eventually.
4. Go on a scavenger hunt in the ICC
If you’re brave enough for this suggestion, just be sure to bring plenty of food and water (suggested amount: seven days worth). Also make sure to tell at least one person where you are going so that the search and rescue team will know where to look.
Time wasted: possibly eternity
5. Plan your wedding to that boy/girl in your history class that you’re in love with but have never talked to
First, decide on the perfect venue. Then, figure out what flavor you want your cake to be, make the guest list and pick out the dress. While you’re at it, you should probably also shoot a text to your preferred Maid of Honor or Best Man and hammer down a date. Maybe you’ll even drum up the courage to start a conversation with your intended spouse!
Time wasted: depends on how many things you already have pinned to your Pinterest board
6. Watch the entirety of Weird Al’s “Trapped in the Drive-Thru”
This odyssey of a song is the definition of lyrical genius. It even has a twist ending!
Time wasted: 11 minutes that you will never get back
7. Rearrange the furniture on Lau 5
All those cubicles are not conducive to group projects or chats with your friends. Restore feng shui to the library by moving around the tables, desks and chairs as you see fit. You’re sure to get a standing ovation from all the cubicle-dwelling orgo students who have been deprived of human contact for who knows how long.
Time wasted: 120 minutes. Possibly longer if someone doesn’t appreciate your designing prowess and decides to engage in a verbal altercation with you.
8. Fix Congress
You’re a Georgetown student, so you’re definitely opinionated and informed enough to take on this task. Don’t let your years of hard work and infinite depths of knowledge go to waste!
Time wasted: ????
We hope these suggestions have given you some inspiration for your next procrastination tactic. Good luck on your finals and on getting Congressional Democrats and Republicans to agree on something!
Despite the snow and the cold, Spring is just around the corner, along with everyone’s favorite time of year: Housing Selection!
Last year, we taught you how to break up with your roommate without hurting their feelings too much. However, we realized that sometimes it can be just as hard asking someone new to live with you. So, for those of you that may be shy and/or lacking in creativity, but also want to make a sterling impression on your soon-to-be roommate, here are some pre-written proposal songs to really steal their hearts.
Sure, housing can be stressful. But once you’ve decided who you want to live with, the proposal should be the easy part. Just pop on some background music and serenade your future roomie, and you’ll be signing up for the lottery in no time.
Everybody needs a game plan when going out. The only way to get the boy or girl you’ve been eyeing is to plan out your moves; obviously the best way is to be jamming out to your soundtrack as you do it. This playlist will serve as your map through the night, from beginning to end.
You probably won’t be listening to your iPod, and maybe you’re not going through the 4E on a night out, but don’t be caught off-guard. These tunes tell you how and when to pull our your A-Game.
Ignition (Remix) – R. Kelly – It all starts on the dance floor. This song lets you put on your best moves, but doesn’t sacrifice lyrical quality. This song says it all: “So baby gimme that toot toot/ Lemme give you that beep beep” – well spoken Mr. Kelly.
In Those Jeans – Ginuwine – Let the object of your affection know that they’re looking good tonight. This is when you can move in a little closer as you dance. It’s a big step to take, but if you’re gonna do it, you gotta do it to the smooth voice of Ginuwine.
Between the Sheets – Isley Brothers – This song was a hard choice because it may be a bit too forward, but then I thought, you still want to have time to salvage the night if the person you’re aiming for isn’t on the same page as you. You can dance to this song, but if it doesn’t work it, it’s still okay. The night can be salvaged – just refer back to the first song.
Anxious – Sweater Beats – So you got this far and there are no words necessary now. You just have to head back home with company. So it makes sense that you’d be a little anxious.
Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye – Oh no, cold feet? Let Marvin bring his Motown feel to soothe any inhibitions that either of you might have.
Down Low (Nobody Has To Know) – R. Kelly –Does this one really need an explanation? If you’re listening to this song, you know why it’s on the playlist.
Love Making Music – Barry White – You didn’t think I was gonna forget the man blessed with a voice from the gods did you? This might be the definitive song of the playlist. It might not be. But it’s a hell of a jam.
Neighbors Know My Name – Trey Songz – This might be a more modern anthem of the night. Wake up your neighbors, get documented by the R.A., do whatever you want – just do you.
Be With You – Beyonce – This song is optional, I think. If you thinking you want to do this again, make it special. Tailor the night for the person you’re with!
Let’s Get It On – Marvin Gaye – At this point, you don’t need any more music other than the music you two are making by yourselves. Just to cap off the night, we turn to Marvin Gaye once again. This could be a nice chill out song, or maybe the song that fades the scene out as you get NSFW.
