A Guide to Move-Out Day

You are DONE. Finally. This finals season was the worst one in recent memory, but don’t get too comfortable just yet: You still have Move-Out Day. Though not quite as bad as the infamous Move-In Day, it’s still pretty unpleasant. So whether you’re bidding farewell to Harbin or Henle, 4E has got you covered with a step-by-step guide on what to do to make moving out a little less stressful.

1. Hide the Evidence

We know it’s been a while since you’ve interacted with them, but remember, your parents still think you go to Dahlgren Chapel on Sundays — and I am willing to bet that the current state of your room does not lend much support to that idea. So, before your beloved mom and/or dad show up to kindly help you move out, be sure to dispose of all remaining alcohol containers, “controversial” posters and anything you may have acquired from the H*yas for Choice table throughout the year. Move-Out Day is stressful enough as is; don’t make it any worse by having to awkwardly explain to your parents what a “Juul” is and why you currently have one sitting on your desk.

2. Attempt to Clean

Look around: You’ve been living in a literal cesspool for months. Forget romaine lettuce; it’s honestly a miracle that this place didn’t kill you. Every surface is inexplicably sticky. Your floor is covered in crushed Utz chips, empty Chick-Fil-A sauce cups and the remains of that Wingo’s order you dropped on Georgetown Day. At some point during the year, your trashcan became an amorphous “trash corner,” and now you’re really paying the price. Grab some Lysol wipes, rent a vacuum from the nearest RHO and get to work. We all know it won’t really make that much of a difference, but we also know that University President John J. DeGioia isn’t going to spend any of his Tulip money on tackling the campus rodent problem this summer, so a few minutes of tidying up is the least you can do for the sake of next year’s residents.

3. “Pack”

By “pack,” we really mean lie down on your bed and scroll through Instagram while your roommate or mom does most of the work involved in actually packing. If you have a minute to spare between figuring out what’s been going on with the whole Khloe/Tristan situation and getting caught up on whatever that Walmart-yodeling kid is doing these days, you can maybe put some folders in a box or throw some clothes into a backpack. These damn millennials! Lol amirite @EveryoneOverTheAgeofForty?? #lol #juul #relatable #PleasePayMeToWriteAnOpEdAboutThisHipTopic

4. Stress-Cry and/or Get Into an Argument With Your Mom

This is inevitable. Tensions are running high. No one involved in this process is in a good state of mind. You’re exhausted from having to take that “Problem of God” final, and your mom is exhausted from having to put up with you for the past two decades. Something as simple as taking the sheets off your bed or looking for a missing shoe can quickly escalate into complete pandemonium. Godspeed.

5. Say Goodbye

Even though your living space was absolutely disgusting, and you spent the last two weeks exclusively stress-crying in this place, it’s still sad to look around and see it look so empty. You had some good times in [insert residence hall name here]. So, goodbye, rats! Goodbye, black mold! Goodbye, neighbors who blared their terrible “Mr. Brightside”-themed playlist on a never-ending loop for an entire semester. You will be missed.

Gif/photo sources: giphy.com, housingwire.com

The 5 Parents You Will Meet During Parents Weekend

Take a break from rationing your remaining flex dollars and crying at the thought of having to eat at New Leo’s, because Parents Weekend (a.k.a. Beg Your Parents to Buy You Food Weekend) is upon us. And while it’s certainly nice to see the ‘rents (s/o my fellow #millennials), there are always some moms and dads you should be on the lookout for. To help you out, we’ve complied a list of the five parents you will meet during Parents Weekend:

1. The “Alumnus”

This parent answers the hypothetical question, “What if Jersey Night was somehow a dad?” Get ready for a weekend full of some definitely-not-exaggerated stories about those “wild nights at The Tombs” and how he/she totally used to “party with Patrick Ewing” “back in the day”. The “Alumnus” can usually be found reminiscing about how “the drinking age used to be 18” or how “the basketball team used to be good,” while staring wistfully at Healy and telling you about the time his/her roommate fell out of a New South window. Should you have to interact with one of these parents over the course of your weekend, our best advice is to continually reassure the “Alumnus” that you too love the movie St. Elmo’s Fire, while casually hinting how “cool” it would be if someone could buy you a case of Natty.

The “Alumnus” “Back in the Day”

2. The “Empty-Nester”

This parent is still having a hard time accepting that the baby of the family is off at college. The Empty-Nester will spend the weekend doing the child’s laundry and thanklessly trying to replicate a home-cooked meal in the middle of a VCW common room. If your parent is the “Empty-Nester”, be sure to blatantly lie reassure them that you are making good choices, exercising regularly, and studying diligently every night before going to sleep promptly at 10 p.m. If you come into contact with someone else’s “Empty-Nester” mom or dad, be sure to nod sympathetically and mention how your own parents have simply replaced you with a dog.

The “Empty-Nester” at Parents Weekend

3. The “Well, MY Son/Daughter Doesn’t Drink”

This parent is hopelessly out of touch with reality. When meeting other parents, this mom or dad will immediately assert a (false) superiority by saying some variation of “Well, my [insert child’s name] isn’t much of a partier” or “Well, my [insert child’s name here] is too busy studying to really go out much”.  Nine times out of ten, this parent’s beloved child is the same child you once found passed out next to an empty can of Four Loko in a bathroom on a Tuesday night. If you meet one of these parents, resist the urge to show off all those incriminating Snapchats you’ve screenshotted, and simply go along with the naïve charade. Someday, likely in the form of a hospital bill after [insert child’s name here] is GERMSed from falling down the Vil A rooftop steps, the truth behind all those alleged “nights in Lau” will come out. But Parents Weekend is not that day.

Interacting with The “Well, My Son/Daughter Doesn’t Drink”

4. The “Is This Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend??”

This parent will spend the entire weekend launching a full-scale, Spanish-Inquisition-style investigation into his or her child’s dating life. This will include asking every carbon-based lifeform that comes within ten feet of New South, “So…you and [insert child’s name] are…friends?” If this is your parent, expect a weekend of having your room discreetly searched for evidence, and continually being asked “whom are you texting?” and “is there anything you want to tell me?” as you walk around campus. If you find yourself in a situation where this is one of your friend’s parents, we suggest you remove yourself from this situation as quickly as possible, unless you want to become the next contestant on a never-ending Jeopardy episode where every category is just “Are You Dating My Son???”

We have all met this mom

5. The “Trump Supporter”

This one goes out to you, Hoyas from Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania. So step away from the “H*yas for Choice” table and rip that “Feel the Bern” sticker off your laptop, because all your friends are about to find out that your parent(s) are wholly responsible for the horrible and embarrassing end of American Democracy as we know it voted for Donald J. Trump. If you want to keep some semblance of familial cordiality and make it through the weekend on speaking terms, follow some of these helpful tips and tricks:

  • DO NOT mention what happened when Jeff Sessions spoke at the Law School a few weeks ago.
  • DO NOT mention that Hillary spoke in Gaston last year.
  • DO NOT mention anything about her famous Hoya Husband either.
  • DO mention that Steve Bannon and Paul Manafort are alumni? (#notmyhoyas).
You, when your “Trump Supporter” parents talk to your friends

So there you have it: The five parents you will meet on parents weekend. From all of us here at 4E: be safe, have fun, and enjoy putting off that midterm paper in favor of getting brunch with the #rents.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, wisegeek.com

Winter Break Grill Session

Banner - Grill Session

Winter break may be the closest the college body comes to hibernation. We build caves out of our comforters to watch Netflix, forbidding all other humans to enter this sanctuary except for parents returning freshly folded laundry. For three consecutive weeks, we leave the home only to go see Star Wars VII yet again, and live like Wookies with our unshaven legs.

And yet, break is also a time full of awkwardness, where you are debating whether to drink in front of grandparents on Christmas, and those uncomfortable moments when your parents walk in on a naked scene when you’re watching a rerun of Game of Thrones (even though you explain that the brothel scenes usually contain important political plot points).

And then the family and adults in our lives begin to ~grill~ us on the questions that we would rather avoid, making the itch to go back to campus burn even more. We’re all familiar with some version of the annual Winter Break Grill Session, as our relatives compare us to our peers, remind us of the real world outside of college and finally bring up some of the more questionable transactions on our debit cards. Thank goodness we’re finally back at school so we don’t have to answer these awkward questions anymore.

 

Parents: How were your grades this semester?

Well, they developed from B’s to C’s.

 

Parents: Do you have a secret boyfriend/girlfriend you’re not telling us about?

Yesterday I found a chocolate chip in my pocket and ate it. Does that answer your question.

 

Parents: [girl you hate from high school] got into law/med school!

Good for her, and thoughts and prayers to all who have to work with her.

 

Parents: Did you hook up the Saxby’s app to Dad’s credit card?

… But you get $2 off for every $20 you spend.

 

Parents: Have you figured out a plan for after graduation?

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No, but I know what I’m wearing to Senior Ball.

 

Parents: I saw that photo of you at [formal name] on Facebook. How did you wear a bra with that dress?

I didn’t.

 

Parents: Do you honestly think we’ll let you go on spring break [insert place name]?

There are far more dangerous places in the world with less all-inclusive packages than this.

 

Parents: Have you finally gotten lunch with [awkward family friend you don’t want to hang out with]?

Yah … I’ll take a rain check on that one.

 

Parents: Have you ever been GERMsed?

Not that I remember.

 

Parents: What is this “DFMO” I hear you and your friends referencing?

It’s just an MSB major… Da Finance Management Operations.

 

Parents: Wait, you’re still single?

Gee, Gerald and Karen, where do you think I inherited my inability to love?

 

Parent: Do you honestly think we’ll pay for your phone bill after you graduate?

~Yes~

 

Don’t worry, Hoyas. The doldrums of spring semester will soon hit us, and we shall overcome our latest grill session.

 

Image Sources: giphy.com, grovesacademy.org

The Dos and Don’ts of Move-In Day

1714_uc082114moveinday0001‘Twas the night before move-in day, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring- except for you, frantically running around and throwing every article of clothing and bath product you own, a picture of your second grade class and your dog into your already oversized suitcase because you procrastinated packing until today.

Move-in day is a rite of passage for every college student. It’s a frantic, chaotic mess of rowdy upperclassmen running you over with carts out of excitement, nervous and sweaty freshmen lugging 90 pound suitcases around in 95% humidity and dads becoming instant BFFs due to their mutual love of saying, “Hi hungry, I’m dad!”

You’re probably a little overwhelmed/excited/hysterical about the year to come, and move-in day is a fitting test for your ability to juggle a million things at once. You’ll be tasked with meeting your roommate, meeting your roommate’s extended family as they harshly judge you and deem you unworthy of their precious offspring, unpacking your endless belongings in a tiny rectangular room while 5 other people in the same tiny rectangle are attempting to do the same thing and preparing to say goodbye to your parents. We know this process can be a little overwhelming, so we’ve prepared you a handy list of Dos and Don’ts to help you navigate what’s sure to be a herculean task:

DO: If your mom wants to make your bed, fold your underwear, or otherwise profoundly embarrass you, let her. No one will notice, and you will be wishing you had your mom to make your bed in about 3 months when you’re sleeping atop a pile of dirty clothes and Epi water bottles.

DON’T: Let your dad bring a giant, unnecessary supply of school supplies into your room, especially pencil sharpeners. He will open the pencil sharpener all over your floor, and you will still be finding pencil shavings embedded in your carpet when you wake up face-down at 4pm on Georgetown Day.

DO: Be nice to your roommate and your roommate’s family, and be considerate during the unpacking process. Nothing says “I’m going to be a generally terrible person to live with!” like taking up the entire room with your 5 suitcases while your roommate has to awkwardly stand in the hallway.

DON’T: Worry too much about impressing anyone on the first day. Everyone is just as stressed out as you are, and no one is paying too much attention to what you or your parents are doing. You’ll have trouble recalling who you met on move-in day and who you met at your first Brown House party by the end of October.

DO: Give your family a huge hug, don’t be afraid to be yourself in your new environment, and get ready for an amazing first year at Georgetown. We can’t wait to meet you!

Photos/GIFs: tumblr.com, buzzfeed.com

The 5 Parents You Meet on Guided Tours

Guided ToursGuided tours are often the first experience that a prospective student has with any given college, but it’s often not just students who are present. These tours are an important experience for parents as well. It is a virtual guarantee that you will run into at least one of the following kinds of parents on any college tour:

1. The Alumnus

Attending Georgetown can often become a family tradition, so you are bound to run into alumni of various attitudes. Maybe they will want to reminisce about the “good ol’ days” that the tour guide has obviously not experienced, or maybe they are out to prove that they know more about their alma mater than their guide does. Regardless of their motives, don’t be surprised when you hear all about a die-hard Hoya’s Tombs Night while you are really trying to learn about Lau.

2. The “Social” Parent

Arguably, this parent could be considered polite or friendly, but they can be annoying nonetheless. This is the parent who attempts to make friends with all of the other parents on the tour, and attempts to make their child friends with everyone, too. If you come across one of these parents, you might just see a future classmate’s baby picture.

3. The Party Parent

This parent, whether they are a “helicopter parent” or a former frat star, will ask incessant questions specifically about the social life on campus. The tour guide will be obviously uncomfortable and unable to answer most of these questions, but that won’t stop the Party Parent from asking, “So what do Hoyas really do on the weekend?” with a not-so-subtle wink.reginas-mom-meme-generator-i-m-not-like-a-regular-mom-i-m-a-cool-mom-bb7047

4. The Parent With All the Questions

In the same vein as the Party Parent, the Questioner will bombard the tour guide with a never-ending interrogation. The questions will be about everything, ranging from the dining hall to CHARMS to class sizes to your favorite movie watched during the first three weeks of the second semester of your junior year. If you really want to learn about a school, having this kind of parent on your tour might actually be helpful. Or painful.

5. The Photographer

In the age of the smartphone, taking pictures on the go is easier than ever before. This makes college tours seemingly perfect for photo-ops. However, this parent goes a little too far, trying to get a picture of everything, often falling behind. Pictures can be great, but you don’t want to end up watching a tour through your iPhone camera. One thing’s for certain, though: This parent will definitely get the quintessential Healy shot from Lau steps. #InstagraMondays, anyone?

Maybe your parent falls into one of these categories, or maybe you’ve just witnessed these kinds of parents in action. Either way, it wouldn’t be a college tour without the lovely adults tagging along.

Photo: youngmegan.wordpress.com, salon.com

Parental Advice: Then and Now

Should I Still Listen To My Parents

Fun Fact: Parents aren’t always right.

Un-Fun Fact: We should still listen to them …

As college students, we are all (begrudgingly) managing the transition from childhood to adulthood. It’s time to substitute out juice boxes for cocktails, playdates for meetings and 8pm bed times for all-nighters. We spent our mischievous younger years Cool-Cute-Kids-Pics-by-cool-imagesoscillating between respecting and neglecting our parents’ advice but, in order to succeed as “adults”, we must take our parents’ advice with a grain of salt and choose for ourselves: should I still listen to my parents’ advice in college? 

Parental Advice #1: Don’t talk to strangers.

In college, this piece of advice turns from a harmless safety tip to social suicide. College is the time to spark a conversation with tons of complete strangers because otherwise you’re doomed to a life alone with one-too many cats. Meow.

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Parental Advice #2: Sharing is caring.

Have you heard of a little something I like to call mono? Beware, don’t share – especially if it’s a red Solo Cup.

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Parental Advice #3: Always use the buddy system.

In college, the safety mantra goes: never walk home alone. This is still valid: two is always better than one.

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Parental Advice #4: Do your homework.

Or don’t … and say you did!

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Parental Advice #5: Keep your hands to yourself.

College parties and 18+ clubs can get more handsy than a four-year-old at the Please Touch Museum. But please, respect others’ space. Hands where we can see ’em.

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Parental Advice #6: Ask anyway – there’s no such thing as a stupid question.

Don’t be afraid to ask a question in class, other people might also be confused. But do make sure you’re asking because you didn’t understand the teacher’s explanation, not because you weren’t paying attention. If that’s the case, just ask your friend Google or wait for office hours.

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Parental Advice #7: Manners matter. 

Amen. Can I get a please and thank you for holding that super heavy Lau door open for you?

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Parental Advice #8: You have to finish your dinner before you have dessert.

False,  dessert isn’t a “reward” for eating a balanced meal; it’s one of the major college food groups and something Leo’s consistently gets right.

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The examples above demonstrate that our parents’ advice can become antiquated as we get older but, in some other cases, their advice holds more true now than ever before. It’s up to us to choose whether or not to live according to our parents’ old advice. We may not be kids anymore, but we are still kids at heart. Which is why I have this gif of a cat for you to look at:

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Photos: Cool Images, Mashable, WordPress