While in the show “You” there are seven totems that mark one’s initiation into Los Angeles life, indeed there are another seven to become a full ~Hoya~. Read below to find out if you have actually reached full membership on the Hilltop.
1. Watch two rats fighting by a trash can in the dead of the night
D.C. is full of fascinating and beautiful fauna, but the rat is undoubtedly held in greatest esteem at Georgetown. If you’re lucky enough to see two of them fighting by a trash can in the dead of the night, preferably by a Henle, you’re more of a Hoya than you’ll ever know.
2. An overflowing toilet
While some may marvel at the charm of Healy and its surrounding tulip beds, I contend that the most pleasant aspect of Georgetown are the facilities — specifically overflowing toilets. Did someone clog it? Is it a simple, common malfunction? Who knows.
3. Cry over an abandoned, half-eaten grilled cheese from Epi
Anyone on the Hilltop will tell you that the proper night out ends with an excursion to Epicurean. Whether you’re merely chilling or ordering food after visiting a sweaty Henle, you and your friends (if lucky) will definitely end up sitting down at a table covered with half-eaten leftovers from your fellow, drunken Hoyas.
4. Have a cockroach in your dorm
If you thought rats were the worst thing to find in your room, guess again. Roaches also carry 33 kinds of bacteria, six different types of parasitic worms and seven known pathogens — just remember that next time one crawls across your desk.
5. Wake up to never-ending construction at 6 a.m.
If you live in Henle or Darnall, you’re all too familiar with the morning not being brought in by the sunrise, but with, well, the sound of a dump truck.
6. See the three-legged dog from SWQ
While you may have thought Jack the Bulldog was the goodest boy on campus, you were wrong. Keep an eye out for the three-legged doggo (named Crouton!) who lives in the Southwest Quad. Extra points if you pet him.
7. Admire the Harry Styles cardboard cutout in Vil A
Keep an eye out for the ominous presence of a Harry Styles cardboard cutout next time you drunkenly wander Vil A in search of a darty. You won’t be disappointed.
The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.
In other words, the start of a new school year is here.
View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.
We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.
1. Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.
You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.
2.Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.
“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.
3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.
Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.
4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.
Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…
5.LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.
Honorary AEPi member
6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.
What is tax fraud anyway, though?
7.Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.
Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.
8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…
With everyone talking about the premiere of Incredibles 2, I can’t help but wonder if it’ll beat the iconic original film. Edna Mode’s quirky yet relatable character? The memorable yet slightly overused line: “Where’s my super suit?!” Samuel L. Jackson in cartoon form? Need I say more?
Yet despite the hype of the upcoming sequel, the original Incredibles has been slept on. For 14 years. With this in mind, here are some more ~fabulous~ animated characters who have also failed to gain the recognition they deserve:
1. Kronk (Emperor’s New Groove)
Who doesn’t appreciate this friendly giant, who not only PULLS THE LEVER, but also can cook some delicious spinach puffs and fondue. Though he is a loyal evil assistant, let’s not forget the little devil and angel that appear on Kronk’s shoulders every time he faces a moral dilemma. Or his ability to communicate with animals (specifically squirrels).
Fun Fact: There’s apparently a show dedicated to Kronk called “Kronk’s New Groove”. Although I’ve never watched it, I’m glad the TV community is paying respect to the real star.
2. Shego (Kim Possible)
If you didn’t have a childhood crush on this super villain, you’re lying. Hot-tempered, sarcastic, and slightly offensive, she’s not much different than the typical SFS student who is accused of having a ‘light’ core curriculum. In addition, Shego is voiced by Nicole Sullivan, who not only was in Meet the Robinsons, but also came in second place on the show Worst Cooks in America: Celebrity Edition.
3. Gill (Finding Nemo)
Leader of the Tank Gang, Gill seems intimidating at first, but you soon come to love his integrity and the sacrifices he makes for Nemo. Also Gill means “mucus” in Polish. #TheMoreYouKnow #BilingualReaccsOnly
4. David (Lilo & Stitch)
As Nani once wrote in her diary, David not only has fancy hair, but also has a nice butt. He supports Nani despite being friendzoned multiple times AND is an amazing surfer– what more could you possibly want in a modern Disney prince?
5. Danny Phantom (Danny Phantom)
Black hair and blue eyes. Need I say more?
6. DW (Arthur)
By far, the most SAVAGE character in animated history, and she doesn’t even know how to read yet. Probably one of the most annoying sisters I’ve ever witnessed, I can’t help but laugh at all the Arthur memes that have starred her in the past year. Did you know the voice of D.W. is actually a boy? Actually, boys plural (6 male actors alternated voicing Arthur’s little sister).
7. Mushu (Mulan)
Who can forget his intro where he just magically arises from the ground in a cloud of red glittery smoke? Personally, I don’t think Mulan would be the icon she is without Mushu’s help; after all, he made her breakfast before her training session and was the best personal cheerleader of all time. Also, he’s a little lizard with fire powers. That’s pretty cool.
8. Chip Skylark (Fairly OddParents)
How can someone who sings about dental hygiene be so universally loved? 10-year-old me and current 19-year old me lives for his single gold piercing and ~swaggy~ dance moves. Let’s not forget that Chip Skylark is also secretly poor and a super humble guy. Not exactly your typical MSBro.
Alas, these are only a few of the animated characters who have long deserved the clout that has mistakenly been given to overrated characters like the Minions from Despicable Me (why are there THREE movies about them?) or the snowman from Frozen.
The members of 4E highly suggest you watch Incredibles 2, that is, if you want to stay ~cinematically cultured~.
This time of year, we all get a little burnt out. Take it from someone who has been binge watching reruns of How to Get Away with Murder since August. Netflix is more than a streaming service, it’s a lifestyle choice. Sometimes however, opening the Netflix home page to millions of choices just seems too overwhelming for the stressed-out sleep-deprived college student. Even worse, in a few months Netflix plans to get rid of ratings on its shows! So today, we present you with thedefinitive4E Guide to Netflix Binge-Watching. We know. Grab a jar of Nutella and a spoon and thank us later.
Stranger Things
Rating: 5 hours more of procrastination on that PST paper
A borderline-schizophrenic mother, creepy background music from the 80’s, and aliens (I still don’t know) dominate this genuinely weird show. I have no idea why this is as entertaining as it is, but somehow it just works. Also the cast is woke so you can feel good about watching it.
Santa Clarita Diet
Rating: Three human hearts and a leg.
In this Netflix original, Drew Barrymore is a vampire/zombie/otherwise-undead being that teams up with her husband to kill and eat practically everyone who annoys them. This show also includes inordinate quantities of vomit and lots of references to Medieval Serbia. Not for the easily queasy.
Black Mirror
Rating: Too problematic
This series of unrelated episodes is intellectually mind-boggling in its most intense form. This show has everything: time-traveling lesbians, a urinating bank robber, the Prime Minister of the U.K. having sex with a pig (although I’m not sure that one isn’t real…*cough cough David Cameron cough cough*), and more. Try watching more than two episodes in a row and not doubting everything you know and love.
Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events
Rating: One burned-down mansion, three genius children and an evil actor
Neil Patrick Harris? Need I say more?
Seriously, this Netflix original puts its movie, and even the books it was based on, to shame. Beautifully whimsical sets are filled with surprise after surprise, each more depressing than the last. Metaphor, allegory and wit abound in a show that casts children as geniuses and adults as absurdly inept.
The show’s theme song tells you not to watch it, that the show is too depressing and nothing good will come from it.
I would agree you shouldn’t watch it, but for a different reason–you won’t get out of bed until you’ve watched the entire first season.
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Rating: 5 mole women
Produced by Tina Fey and some of her colleagues from 30 Rock, Kimmy Schmidt is a hilariously self-aware satire of pop culture. Everything from the stupidity of reality TV to discussion of race relations falls in the writers’ scope, which usually provides lots of laughs while delivering biting criticisms of modern society à la Colbert.
A warning for my friends and family: Don’t expect to see me May 19th, the day the third season of Kimmy Schmidt comes out. I won’t leave my room for food or water and I probably won’t even get up to go to the bathroom until I’ve finished all the episodes.
Down with capitalistic consumer culture that tells us that showering in materialism one day a year is a necessary approach to demonstrating our care for a significant other! Down with societal expectations that promote monogamy, heteronormativity and tacky, giant, useless teddy bears bound for eventual landfill!
Why just celebrate one person one day a year when you are surrounded by people and things worth loving every day, all of the time?!
Here’s 4E’s take on things that are truly worthy of love and celebration this Valentine’s Day:
The Smithsonian Museum of African American History and Culture
Lau’s book request system
Research grants
Sunshine
Fluffy dogs
Naps
Big dogs
Netflix
Little dogs
Booeymonger
Rumchata
If you’re still reading this and feel as though your qualms for the holiday have not subsided, here’s a list of things you might not love, but nonetheless could make you more grateful today for the things that you do love.
Having one of those weeks where all you want to do is take a nap? Well, you are in luck because here at 4E we have come up with the perfect soundtrack to listen to (or sleep to) while you catch up on those Zzs. If you fall asleep before this playlist ends, we did our job.
“In Your Atmosphere” – John Mayer: Didn’t get that dream internship in L.A.? Neither did John Mayer it seems.Let the soothing sounds of John Mayer sing you to sleep as you contemplate the fear of living at home for yet another summer with your family.
“Like Real People Do”- Hozier: Learn to nap like real people do with awesome sound tracks like this one. Listening to Hozier’s mellow sound will send you into a hypnotizing sleep, the kind of 8 hours a night sleep that “real people” are supposed to get.
“Landslide”- Fleetwood Mac: Georgetown is stressful, with so many clubs, classes and other activities, it can seem like a landslide of work is constantly pilling up. Listen to this song to get away from your worries, if only for an afternoon nap.
“Stop this Train”- John Mayer: Yet another shining example of why I consider John Mayer to be the mayor (haha get it) of nap time. Drift off to sleep while contemplating growing old and all the stress that comes with it.
“Clean”- Taylor Swift: This song may be inspired by Taylor’s breakup with One Directioner Harry Styles, but it can also be applied to your soon-to-be breakup with your high GPA. Listening to this song will give you a sense of peace and make you feel “clean” inside and out.
“I Want to Write You a Song”- One Direction: Speaking of Harry Styles, here is a super cute 1D song that is perfect for dozing off. Bonus points if you end up dreaming about writing a song with 1D.
“Cherry Wine”- Hozier: What could be better than wine and napping? That’s right, listening to this Hozier song about wine while napping. If you listen closely, it almost sounds like Hozier himself is getting a little sleepy just singing.
“Hate to See Your Heart Break”- Hayley & Joy Williams: Your heart will break if you don’t listen to this one. It has some low notes and some high points, but most importantly it will rock you to sleep like the lullaby you wish your mom could have sung to you.
“Autumn Leaves”-Ed Sheeran: Yes, I know, it is technically spring right now, but it has been so cold lately that it is practically autumn again. This Ed Sheeran bonus track might be one of my favorite nappy time songs, it is just so sweet and sleepy.
“I’ll Be Good”- Jaymes Young: Ah yes, what I tell myself every Friday night. I’ll be good this weekend, I’ll wake up before 11, I’ll do my homework, I’ll work out. Instead of actually doing any of those thing, just listen to this song and you will be filled with a sense that you actually did something good.
Well, there you have it! 4E’s perfect playlist to nap to this weekend! So don’t start working on all of those huge final research papers, take a nap instead.
“New year, new me.” We’ve all heard it; hopefully none of us says it (because, lame). Some of us make New Year’s Resolutions, most of which are some variation of “get my crap together.” Here are some you’ve definitely already broken:
Watch Less Netflix
But New Girl is coming back (and it’s with Megan Fox). And there’s another season of Parks and Recreation. And there might be a new season of Arrested Development.
Get Eight Hours of Sleep Every Night
Your first Netflix binge undid this one quite quickly.
Exercise Everyday
Like, sure, but it’s 19 degrees and the gym is a seven-minute walk from my dorm.
Quit Gossiping
But your ex’s new bae is a major downgrade and your former best friend got rejected from her dream job. Grab a roommate, a bottle and some glasses and get chatting.
Drink Less Alcohol
“You don’t need alcohol to have fun.” You also don’t need running shoes to run, but it really helps.
Drink More Water
Hydration is important, but champagne is cheap, coffee is caffeinated and wine is social.
Be Less Stressed
With 5 classes, internships, job applications, social obligations, best friends, rivals, family…it’s impossible. Keep stalking your ex-boyfriend’s Facebook page and try again next year.
Stop Twerking
Lets face it: you probably broke this one moments after you toasted in the New Year.
Quit Judging People
You helped your friends break this one the second you started twerking at the New Year’s party.
Spend More Time With Family
“How are your classes?” “Are you seeing someone?” “What are you doing after graduation?” Lol, bye.
Spend Less Time Online
You’re reading this. You lose.
Resolutions don’t help, and you’re probably already great anyway. If you have any resolutions still standing, best of luck achieving them, Hoyas!
Gratitude is always important, but we recently celebrated an entire day dedicated to it. And there are lots of things to love: turkeys, colorful leaves, family…the usual.
We at 4E have compiled a list of 101 things that Georgetown students are and should always be grateful for:
That one time my professor tore into that know-it-all when she said wrong things
Professors who ignore the instructional continuity policy
Roommates who don’t suck
The Instagram “gufreshmendoingthings”
Inattentive student guards
Free food
Free t-shirts
Student discounts
Getting a table in lau
Leaving lau
Not having to go to lau
Club Lau
The really nice security guard in lau who doesn’t judge me for always leaving lau really late
Netflix
Netflix and chill
What happens after Netflix and chill
Being featured in Georgetown’s Instagram
The girl who lends me a chair from her table so that I can put my feet up
Dogs
Let me say that again: dogs
T Sweets
Christmas lights
The “share location indefinitely” feature on the iPhone
Brown house
Slutty brownies
Friends who distract you via text message while you’re in a boring class
Georgetown basketball
Professors who are chill
Professors who care
Free Chipotle
When the guy at Chipotle doesn’t remind me that the guacamole costs extra
Guacamole
Beyonce
Friends who make you food
Friends who actually return the stuff they “borrow”
When the pasta line at Leo’s isn’t eight miles long
The “doge” meme
First dates
Second dates
What even is a third date?
Brunch
Drunk brunch
Not throwing up at drunk brunch
The friend that patted my back after throwing up at drunk brunch
Tequila
The Harbin security guard that let me back in without a GoCard when I left the building in my pajamas to pick up the Mai Thai I had ordered for the fourth time that week
Happy hour(s)
Nutella
When the Metro is on time
When the GUTS bus is on time #rare
Finding your wallet and purse safe and your phone fully charged despite not knowing how you got home
Losing your phone and having someone you don’t know find it in their freezer
Awkward times in class when you are placed in a group project with a Tinder match
Cancelled classes
Todd Olson
Jack DeGioia
When the other person cancels plans first so you don’t have to
Sweetgreen
The bread at Sweetgreen
Parks and Recreation
Donald Trump’s hairspray
When the professor forgets to pass around the attendance sheet the day you skip
Heely’s
Hoverboards
Friends with free MSB printing
Kylie Jenner’s Snapchat stories
When your Safeway order shows up on time
When they don’t include rotten avocados in your Safeway order
The one crazy dude who carries on class discussions in Problem of God
Georgetown sunsets
When randos let you pet their dogs
2000’s era Cartoon Network/Disney/Teen Nick channels
4E (duh)
Ducking autocorrect
Double stuffed Oreos
When your favorite elliptical/treadmill/bike at Yates is free
The fact that in New York they actually put cream cheese on your bagel
The Lau geo-tag
People who studied abroad but don’t start every sentence with, “When I was studying abroad…”
When you see a former hookup but you look super hot
Chick Fil A not having E. coli
The smoothies at Leo’s brunch
Yahoo answers
When somehow ace a pop quiz without doing the reading
The kid who dropped a dish in Leo’s last week and it shattered
DFMOs
Group texts
When you put your music on shuffle and all of the songs you like come on
Professors who don’t give a sit-down final
When the Corp’s coffee isn’t burned
The new athletic facility that we all get to use #loljk
The cops who didn’t arrest me when I threw my fake ID at them
Social justice Facebook posters
When random organizations give out free food and you pretend to be interested just for the candy
Rumchata
#Jesuits
Intramural battle ship
Epi’s lax refill policy
Epi’s quesadillas
Drunk Epi
Epi
And just for fun, here are the few things we are not thankful for:
Epi buffet prices
Group texts
Georgetown basketball
Kylie Jenner’s ability to inspire an entire generation
The cops who arrested my friend for using his fake at Towne
The guy tapping his foot really loudly in the cubicle next to me in Lau
We all know and love Gilmore Girls. I mean, if you didn’t grow up thinking you were either “totally a Lorelei” or “such a Rory” then I don’t understand your life. Go home and stop lying.
Very recently we have learned that Gilmore Girls is making a comeback, on Netflix. There really is a god. This reunion will include four 90-minute episodes, the original cast (YES, EMILY GILMORE FOR THE WIN) and the return of series creator Amy Sherman-Palladino.
As a major fan, I am beyond ecstatic. The coffee, the humor, THE FAMILY LOVE. Ugh, can’t you just feel the excitement brewing.
Sadly, the late Edward Herrmann will not be reprising as Richard Gilmore. No one can replace him and his Yale wit. He will be missed.
Even Madeline Albright is beyond excited about this event!
If you actually haven’t seen the show, email your teacher for an extension on your paper, pick up a pint a Ben & Jerry’s and four cups of coffee and go spend some quality time with your new bestie, Netflix.
It’s that time of the year again. As the weather slowly but surely gets colder, all we really want to do is stay in on the weekends and binge watch our favorite shows on Netflix. While the traditionally popular series are always a safe bet, try a documentary out. Not documentaries about something cool, but really weird documentaries. There are a lot of them.
We at 4E have done all the dirty work and have uncovered five unforgettable, award-winning and bizarre documentaries. Grab some popcorn and enjoy!
The Act of Killing (Watch on HBO): Two of Indonesia’s most prolific gangsters masterminded an extermination of around a million suspected communists during a military coup in the 1960s. This documentary seeks to recap their reign of terror and is directed in part by the gangsters themselves. What makes this a must-see (and really strange) is the fact that it is mostly reenactments of murders by the killers themselves, giving the viewer a first-hand view. This brings a whole new meaning to the saying “Nobody was harmed in the making of this film.”
The Imposter (Watch on Netflix): When a 13 year old boy disappears from Texas, he suddenly reappears in southern Spain three and a half years later. Something is fishy here. In fact, it’s really a 23 year old French man, who is then able to fool the real boy’s family (and international authorities) for almost five months and assume the identity of a 16 year old American. The Imposter presents a terribly eerie story with many unexpected turns.
The Final Member (Watch on Netflix): Thanks to the isolation of their country and culture, Icelanders are often misunderstood. So, too, is Siggi Hjartarson, the founder and curator of the Icelandic Phallological Museum (Read: a private collection of private parts). Only one thing is missing from Siggi’s collection: a human specimen. Watch The Final Member to find out if Siggi can secure a human donation and to learn more about his strange passion for all things phallus.
Tales from the Organ Trade (Watch on HBO): A slightly different take on organ collection, this one is actually really enlightening. But don’t fret: it’s still very strange and creepy. Tales from the Organ Trade tracks the black market trade of human organs, from donors in peripheral countries to organ brokers who buy their organs to the people willing to pay insane amounts of money for a new kidney. It provides an in-depth look at a hidden trade that spans the entire globe. Definitely a must-see!
The Source Family (Watch on Netflix): A seemingly normal married restaurateur turns into the leader of a psychedelic jam band polygamist cult. The Source Family details the life of cult leader Father Yod and his merry band of fourteen wives living in a Hollywood mansion. Watch to find out how the cult grew to around 150 people at its peak and discover the cause of its eventual demise.
