We Can Land on a Comet But We Can’t …

Comet Landing

As you may have heard, a few days ago the Rosetta probe successfully landed on a comet. Twitter users had a humorous response to mankind’s latest outer space feat, posting ridiculous things with the hashtag #WeCanLandOnACometButWeCant. We at 4E have compiled our own list of things we can’t do:

We can land on a comet but we can’t …

… get the USB in the port on the first try.

… find Waldo.

… stop Nicholas Cage from making movies.

… find washing machines that don’t eat our socks.

… make another Harry Potter movie.

… prevent the accidental photo like on Instagram.

… listen to Taylor Swift on Spotify.

… lick our elbows.

… dislike a post on Facebook.

… spread out our flex dollars over the semester.

… find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie pop.

… rub our tummies and pat our heads.

… decide whether Diet Coke is better or worse than regular Coke.

… pick up our omelettes when we’re supposed to.

… finish a whole stick of chapstick.

… stop missing Markel Starks.

… give our dominant hands presentable manicures.

… remember where we parked our cars.

… stop watching Snapchat stories.

… keep our headphones untangled.

… get restaurant reservations on Saturday at 8 p.m.

… finish our bottles of shampoo and conditioner at the same time.

… even

We get it, world. There is a comet out there somewhere with a probe on it. We can land on a comet. But just think of all the things we can’t do, and let’s get our priorities straight.

Photo: wikimedia.org

Staffer of the Week: Braden McDonald

Once a week, The Hoya recognizes a staffer that has done a particularly awesome job — now you can get to know about them, too. As part of our Leavey 421 series, we’ll be posting quick interviews with each Staffer of the Week! This week, Braden McDonald went above and beyond the call of duty and produced an exciting feature that, when being read, can only be described as pure ecstasy.

woodward2 copyName Braden McDonald
School College
Year 2014
Major Government
Hometown Ottawa, Canada
Position on The Hoya Board member; former executive editor

Why did you earn Staffer of the Week?

I think I earned it for writing the DT (double-truck, or main feature in The Guide) for this week. It was about MDMA — its highs and lows and its culture at Georgetown and colleges nationwide. I greatly enjoyed doing it. But Griffin Cohen, one of our freshman writers, did exceptional work interviewing sources because I’ve been so busy with the recruitment crunch, studying for the LSAT, etc. The feature simply would not have been possible without his industry.

What have you been most proud of while working for The Hoya?

By this point, my pride in The Hoya is just innate and unconditional, kind of like how one is patriotic to one’s country. It’s become part of me and my identity. But I think what I’m most proud of is our commitment as a mature, well-structured institution to make decisions systematically and responsibly, based on a set of guiding principles. We’re well run, and we’re accountable to our stakeholders.

You’re a fan of the Oxford comma. Defend its usage. 

The Oxford comma is the difference between life and death, saint and pedophile, incest and … non-incest. A few weeks ago for the weekly trivia question (Writers note: Each week, Hoya Staffers receive a copy of the week’s board meeting minutes. At the end, Braden includes a trivia question that, if answered correctly, wins the answerer a prize!), I asked people to submit responses “create a sentence in which the presence of an Oxford comma is
essential to clarifying meaning/its omission might imperil the speaker.” I received some excellent — and illustrative — responses, which I’ll quote here:

I just had a riveting discussion about the Hindu gods, Elmo and Mario. – Zack Gordon

Let me introduce you to my parents, Joe and God – AJ Brown

Meet Enrique, my cousin and my fiancé. ;) – Mariah Byrne [the winner]

You’re on a plane sitting next to Derek Zoolander and Ron Burgundy. All of a sudden, the plane hits violent turbulence and the cabin becomes depressurized. Then, only two air masks drop down! One is for yourself, and now you must choose to save one outrageous movie character. Who gets the air mask and why?

Good thing we’re doing this interview via email because I had to Google Ron Burgundy. Yes, I live under a rock, and no, I didn’t really have a childhood. I did recognize Ron Burgundy when I Googled him, to my credit. He annoys the bejesus out of me so I’d happily let him die in those circumstances. Zoolander is adorable.

What was your favorite Disney movie growing up and why?

Believe it or not, I actually did watch some Disney films as a child. Maybe The Lion King, because I was obsessed with Elton John growing up. Or maybe 101 Dalmatians. I thought Cruella was just so fabulous. Or Peter Pan. There was something intoxicating about Neverland. Maybe I did have a childhood after all.


And now you have another Staffer of the Week award, too!

Miley Mayhem and “Can’t Stop” Controversy


Miley Cyrus isn’t one to stray away from polemics. Over the course of her short career, Miley has caused more than one mouth to drop with her wild partying and rebellious antics. Most recently, she’s been spotted twerking with Juicy J and hanging out with Justin Bieber and his leopard print Audi. And just to top things off, Miley’s released a shocking new single – and let me just say, “We Can’t Stop” definitively lives up to her recent Disney-sweetheart-turned-bad-girl reputation.

From the first few seconds of Miley’s new tune, it’s clear that Miley isn’t looking to revert to her more innocent days. The song begins with a voice-distorted, in-your-face, YOLO-generation statement: “It’s our party/ we can do what we want… we can say what we want… we can kiss who we want.”

As the song progresses, Miley makes it obvious that for her and her generation, nothing is going to change. “We can’t stop/ And we won’t stop,” she sings, referring to the over-the-top party lifestyle of her millennial age group. But it’s not the lyrics about partying that are causing “We Can’t Stop” to garner such a mixed response from listeners. (After all, we already know that Miley “Can’t Be Tamed.”) Rather, it’s the salvia-smoking singer’s drug references that are creating quite the sharp reaction to her newest single.

Ms. Cyrus isn’t afraid at all to bring drugs into wild nights of which she sings. “La dee dee da dee/ Dancing with molly,” she croons, followed later by, “Everyone in line in the bathroom/ Trying to get a line in the bathroom.”

First MDMA and then cocaine? I didn’t see that one coming, Miley. Heck, even Kendrick Lamar is a bit shocked.

What do you think of Miley’s drug references? Think that it’s “her mouth and she can say what she wants to?” Or do you want it all to stop? Take a listen to the new single below and give us a holler in the comments!

Photo: Google+