Georgetown, Please Offer Better Electives

Finals season may be upon us, but our fall classes are right around the corner, and hopefully, next semester won’t be over Zoom! While Georgetown students have just registered, it’s clear there needs to be a revision of the schedule of classes.

“United States Political Systems?” “Problem of God?” Boring.

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Georgetown clearly needs to spice up its academic roster, and we at the 4E have some suggestions for new classes that are sure to make students cry on registration day when they realize that there are no spots left.

Me, when the entry-level history course I need to take to graduate on time filled up because all of the spaces are reserved for first-years.
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THEO 666: Cats and Satanism

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The Blue and Gray Tour Guide Society has been complaining that “Dogs and Theology” — which is a real class that I took in fall 2019, shoutout to Father Steck — has not been a compelling enough draw to get prospective students to attend Georgetown. The administration should respond to this with another whammy of a theology-requirement-fulfilling class, by offering the exact opposite. What could be more enticing than a class on Satanism and cats offered by a Jesuit school with a dog mascot? It’s perfect!

MARK 019: Rebranding After a Deadly Pandemic Takes Your Company’s Name

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The unprecedented events of the last year led to one unexpected consequence: a fall in the sale and halted production of Corona beer. How can a company bounce back from such a disastrous naming coincidence? Only the MSBros can find the true answer in this tantalizing class.

INAF 101: Devil’s Advocacy

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This class would be perfect for carefully cultivating Georgetown’s next generation of “Devil’s Advocates!” You know the type: a Pocket Constitution always on hand, always saying that “both sides are to blame,” and always on the lookout for their newest ~victim~ to engage in an unwilling debate.

BIOL 069: The Jesuit Identity and Your Body

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This class, cross-referenced with theology, will explore the relationship between Georgetown’s Jesuit Values and your ~body~ (think: “the birds and the bees,” but if taught by Father Carnes)! With course modules featuring “Hoya No Sex-a” and “How to Use Bathroom Doors as a Propaganda Tool,” this class is sure to hit the perfect balance of scandal and intrigue.

CHEM 411: Mixology

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What could be more scientific than experimenting with delicious drink combinations? This upper-level chemistry elective would be perfect for fulfilling Georgetown’s Science for All core requirement and for ensuring that the Village A rooftop has more to offer (21+) Hoyas than lukewarm Natty Lite. Plus, if your career in consulting doesn’t work out, this class would give a great backup plan for graduation!

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Hopefully this refresh on Georgetown’s course offerings will make our undergraduate population much happier! Keep that GPA up, Hoyas!

Header Image: GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY

4E’s Georgetown Classes Wish List

Class Wishlist

In honor of pre-registration opening up this week, here are a few classes that would be awesome to add to the Hilltop. Take note, John Q. Pierce!

Sociology: The Development of and Societal Influence of the Basic Betch 

Description: Have you ever wondered about the development of this basic species? This course will teach you all you need to know about their pseudo-fascinating lifestyle and increasing influence on society. The course will include a mandatory field trip to Starbucks, the Ugg boot challenge (in which students will be given a pair of said shoes to wear for a week straight) and a final project on the art of dressing for Coachella.

Recommended course materials: Seasons one through five of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” “1989” by Taylor Swift, a one-month membership to Soul Cycle and white wine (because after this class, you’ll probably need it)

History: The Historical Outlook of Game of Thrones

Description: Are you an avid Game of Thrones enthusiast or, if you’re not, have you always wondered what all the hype is about? Through this course, you will not only have seen every episode of this fantastic series, but you will also learn the historical background of each kingdom. There will be no more confusion about the origin of the White Walker or the background of the Targaryens and their long rule of the seven kingdoms. By the end of this course, you will know the creed of the Night’s Watch by heart and every lineage of each family. Lastly, this course will teach you how actual historical events are integrated into the plotline of this world.

Recommended course materials: HBO subscription, sweats and snacks

Government: Inside the Mind of Frank Underwood

Description: Frank Underwood is one badass that no one wants to mess with. How is he so successful, classy and relentless all at the same time? This course will explore the motives and mind behind this political social climber. By the end of this course, you will be able to manipulate anyone into giving you what you want and screw over close people in your life without mercy. At the end of this course, there will be a mandatory field trip to Freddy’s BBQ joint.

Recommended course materials: a stone-cold fox of a spouse and a lack of morals

Chemistry: Mixology 101: The Art of the Cocktail

Description: Are you a senior freaking out about finding a higher paying job, but you realized you picked a major that provides no future career? Then this is a course for you. This course will teach you all the skill sets for becoming the best bartender — I mean, mixologist–out there. You will know how to make any and every drink known to man. Seniors only.

Recommended course materials: none, because let’s face it, you should probably start saving your money now

Marketing: How Chipotle Became So Popular: An Overview of a Successful Business Model

Description: Haven’t you ever wished that you could have been the genius to think of Chipotle? It’s fast, it’s amazing, it’s always filling and it’s really one of the very few satisfying meals one can get for under $10 in D.C. For all you entrepreneurs out there trying to come up with the next best thing, this is the course for you. This course will include several trips to Chipotle (all expenses paid) and an end-of-the-course phone interview with the chain’s founder himself, Steve Ells. You’ll learn everything to know about creating a financially sound business venture.

Recommended course materials: an empty stomach, burrito cravings and toilet paper — lots of toilet paper

 

Gifs: Tumblr; Photo: csmonitor.com