Dating Advice from Donald Trump

Hear ye, hear ye! A proclamation to all the Georgetown romantics looking for or currently involved in a loving relationship: Valentine’s Day is just around the corner! You may think that you are an expert on the lovely world of dating, but there can only be one true master. And that master just happens to be the President of the United States. We here at 4E have searched for and archived some of our new President’s greatest pieces of advice just for you!

Follow this advice and you can be            just like The Donald!

Have no tolerance for cheaters.

The fall of 2012 was a rocky time for everyone’s former favorite celebrity couple, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. With allegations of cheating by Kristen Stewart running amuck, many were outraged–including America’s very own, Donald Trump.

In the span of approximately one month, our President tweeted a total of 6 times voicing his opinions on what Robert Pattinson should do about his former partner’s infidelity. The rampage begins with the following remarks made on October 17, 2012:

While this tweet includes a few troubling remarks, the overall message is clear–Robert Pattinson should not tolerate cheating and neither should you.

Have high standards for yourself.

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are not the only celebrity couple Donald Trump felt the irresistible desire to weigh in on. He also simply had to tell the world his opinion of Katy Perry and Russel Brand as well. On October 16, 2014, Donald Trump sent the following tweet.

Considering he is the father of two daughters, it should come as no surprise that Donald Trump has taken the “over-protective-dad” approach to this one. He only wants the best for Katy and you. Find yourself a significant other who’s got more going on than Russel Brand and don’t settle for anything less.

@RusselBrand

Don’t date unattractive people (inside and out).

On August 28, 2012, Donald Trump offered a compliment to the husband of Arianna Huffington for his decision to divorce his wife.

Donald Trump raises some very important points here. Physical and emotional attraction are key for any relationship to flourish. In this tweet, Donald Trump also displays a clear understanding of how sexuality works–Arianna Huffington’s former husband was clearly so repulsed by the unattractiveness of his wife that he became gay.

If this does not show Donald Trump’s support of LGBTQ rights, I don’t know what does.

Don’t date your daughter.

While I thought this was an unspoken rule, Donald Trump has made it very clear that you should not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, date your daughter–no matter how attracted you are to her.

Donald Trump has often made remarks on the physical beauty of his daughter, Ivanka, in the past. In fact, on one 2006 episode of ABC’s “The View,”  “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.” I guess a biological, paternal relationship is simply an unfortunate deal breaker for our president.

That’s it for now kids! If you simply follow Donald Trump’s advice, you will wake up on Valentine’s Day with a relationship as strong and genuine as his and Melania’s.

Photos/gifs: twitter.com, giphy.com 

The Five Phases of Writing a Final Paper, as told by Melania Trump

melaniaWe’re sad to report that finals season is once again upon us, and the only thing that could make this worse is remembering that Donald Trump won the election. But here at 4E, we have decided to embrace reality and take these two terrifying things in stride by finding a way to combine them. With that in mind, here are the five stages of writing a final paper, as told by our future First Lady, Melania Trump.

Phase 1: Confidence

You stroll onto Lau 2 with your squad, feeling good and looking even better. You pick up your usual vanilla latte and lemon poppy-seed muffin from Midnight, snag a prime table near the vending machines, and you’re ready to crush this paper. You’ve totally got this.

Phase 2: Distraction

You’ve got plenty of time. This paper isn’t due for another ten hours. That’s like a week in college time. Before you start writing, you can definitely afford to spend five minutes stalking that guy from your French class on Facebook or searching for some fire memes to retweet.

Phase 3: Realization

Okay, so five minutes has somehow turned into four hours and all you’ve done is people-watch and take a Buzzfeed quiz to find out what Zoey 101 character you are. Time to get serious. You log on to Blackboard to look at the topic for the first time. Wait… What is this paper supposed to be about? It slowly dawns on you that this paper might not be as easy as you initially thought.

Phase 4: Desperation

Ok, it’s officially time to panic. What is going on? When did the professor ever talk about any of this? You are really regretting your decision to skip so many lectures in favor of waiting in line for a crepe at the farmer’s market. At the height of your anxiety, you seriously start to consider how serious this whole “no plagiarism” rule is. Will anyone really notice if you copy and paste your entire paper from Wikipedia?

Phase 5: Acceptance

There’s no more time for panicking. You’ve got an hour left, and if you type fast enough, you’re pretty sure you can still pull a solid B-. Don’t let the fact that you have no idea what is going on stop you! Just make things up! Literally say anything. If this election cycle has taught us one thing, it’s that you can blatantly lie and people will still believe you:

                                                       Example 1
                                                           Example 2
                                                        Example 3

So there you have it: the five phases of writing a research paper, as told by First Lady-elect Melania Trump. From all of us here at 4E, good luck with your finals and with the next four years.

Gifs: giphy.com