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Thanksgiving FAQs

thanksgiving faqsIf you’re anything like us, you’re probably #hyped to be heading home for Thanksgiving. This is the perfect time to sleep in, eat some home-cooked meals and try not to think about how you’ll be back to eating Pringles out of the vending machine on Lau 2 at 3 AM in a few weeks.

But most of all, Thanksgiving is the perfect time to catch up with your family. To make sure your dinner table conversations with your relatives go as smoothly as possible, we’ve prepared some helpful Do’s and Don’ts for answering those fun Thanksgiving FAQs:

1. “So, do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”

Do: Laugh casually and say something along the lines of “I’m too focused on my schoolwork to have time for a girlfriend” as you try not to think about the fact that you’re supposed to submit an essay you haven’t started yet by midnight.

Don’t: Mention the guy you met on the Vil A rooftop on Halloween. Don’t mention the guy from that Henle party the weekend before either.

2. “How about that election?”

Do: Change the topic as quickly as humanly possible. “Grandma, have you seen these hilarious Joe Biden memes?”

Don’t: Ask your relatives who they voted for. There’s a good chance that those of you in Wisconsin, Michigan, and/or Pennsylvania won’t like their answer.

Don’t: Think about the next four years. Your crippling anxiety is sure to put a damper on dinner.

3. “Are you eating/sleeping well?”

Don’t: Mention that you ran out of Flex Dollars two weeks into the semester and have resorted to signing up for clubs that you have no interest in for the sole purpose of getting free pizza at their meetings.

Don’t: Draw attention to the fact that you’ve gained the Freshman 15 despite the fact that you’re a junior.

Do: Say “O’Donovan’s at the Waterfront is an enjoyable and delicious dining experience. I frequently eat things other than chicken fingers there.” and “The fourth floor of New South is a quiet and relaxing place to sleep. Our RA does a great job of enforcing the noise rules.”

4. “How are classes?”

Do: Throw around some complicated-sounding buzzwords you’ve picked up from your IR class. “Hegemonic stability theory” and “Neoliberalist perspective” are two of my personal favorites. This is a great way to reassure your parents that you’re actually learning things and your tuition is money well spent.

Don’t: Mention that you haven’t actually gone to IR lecture in weeks and you’re less than 60% sure of what your TA’s name is.

5. “What’s a Hoya?”

Don’t: Worry about the fact that it’s been three years and you still don’t have a good answer.

Do: Just say any random sentence that combines the words “Stonewall” “Latin” “Greek” “a long time ago” and “Jack the Bulldog”.

So there you have it: some simple Do’s and Don’ts to make sure your Thanksgiving is a great one. From all of us here at 4E, safe travels and Happy Thanksgiving!

Gifs: giphy.com

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25 Things to Expect on Election Day

Election Day

Four years ago at this time I was a sophomore in high school, wondering who would be running for president when I would finally be able to vote. Fast-forward to now, and let’s just say many of us are surprised by where we are today in terms of presidential candidates.

Now is the time we all have been waiting for. After all, many Hoyas look forward to Tuesday because being in D.C. will certainly make things interesting. As doomsday Election Day draws closer, people are undoubtedly wondering what the day will entail. As always, 4E is here to help you and present you with a list of things to expect on election day.

  1. Expect to wake up at 5:00 AM to the loud noises and chants of campus campaigners.
  2. You’ll probably step out of your dorm room and find your hallway wallpapered with pictures of Hillary, Donald memes and ads for those other candidates that you forgot existed.
  3. Leo’s will be full of people wearing campaign shirts, pins, hats, etc. You may see some joke shirts too (I don’t think we really need to go into depth on why). 
  4. You’ll walk into Red Square and witness a number of things, first and foremost, a great swarm of students.
  5. College Democrats will be rooting for Hillary.
  6. College Republicans will be rooting for well…we don’t really know, since the ol’Donald’s policies have been denounced by many Republicans on the Hill.
  7. Matthew Kroenig will be lecturing to the public on the current election situation and predicting what will happen to our country depending on what candidate wins.
  8. Some random student will also be trying to lecture. People will stand by to either listen or put it on their snapstory…
  9. …Leading to the next observation: Snapchat will be full of “I Voted” stickers and all sorts of filters for this special day.
  10. Some organization will have written (in chalk) messages about remembering love and peace during this election season (will they end up vandalized?).
  11. Finally, one last group of students won’t be campaigning for anyone, but just telling you to vote and fulfill your ~civic duty~.
  12. Dahlgren Chapel will be packed with students, faculty, locals and maybe even Joe Biden, all praying for neither candidate to win and for the next four years to be over quickly.
  13. Will Hillary Clinton herself make an appearance? She’ll probably be in Washington anyway, so why not head to a college campus?
  14. On a similar note, John Kerry will most definitely be seen around the neighborhood. You may see him around O Street or, like Hillary, possibly campaigning on our campus.
  15. If you see John Kerry, you’ll also see his security guards. Be sure to look if they seem slightly tipsy…
  16. …Which leads to my next point: you may, in fact, see plenty of drunk Hoyas (21+ of course). Just as some played drinking games to get through the debates, some will drink to get through the day (let’s hope not for the next four years).
  17. Back to campaigning: will Eric Trump make an appearance at his alma mater? His father might want to balance the Dems’ campaigning efforts, so he may send Eric out from the golf clubs to do some #work.
  18. Later in the day, all the interns from Capitol Hill will return to campus. Some will talk about how they monitored results when in reality they were just getting Congressmen coffee.
  19. Expect some mild rioting throughout the day. No one’s happy, but no one’s going crazy…yet.
  20. Around the time that the results are announced, you’ll see a large crowd running out of the front gates. This isn’t a revolutionary force; it’s just GRC going on it’s White House run. Check it out- you’ll get to see all the craziness downtown.
  21. Walking through HFSC at this time, amid all the shouting, you’ll hear various news channels gauging the international response. From laughter to threats of nuclear war, expect foreign leaders to have a wide variety of responses.
  22. IF HILLARY WINS: Expect many people to relax, mostly out of relief that Trump wasn’t elected president against all odds.
  23. IF TRUMP WINS: Much of D.C. goes up in flames, along with a large part of the country. Expect mass rioting and looting throughout the city.

    Maybe not this drastic…
  24. Will anarchy spread to campus? It’s possible that some crazy students will rob various Corp locations of bagels and coffee beans. Tables in Lau could be overturned. Hoverboards may even make an appearance in apparent disregard for authority.
  25. And to finally close out the day, you’ll get that Public Safety Announcement from Todd Olsen and Jay Gruber, encouraging students to remain in their dorms and act responsibly, even though this election was just a disaster from the start.

On that note, there’s only one thing to say as we come up on one of the most controversial elections in American history: 

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, https://bit.ly/2fpYCnS