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2019 March Madness Advice

Well, folks, as the saying goes: close, but no Juul. G

Despite a valiant effort, our Georgetown Hoyas juuuuust missed the NCAA tournament this year. But it’s not all bad! Be sure to tune in to the NIT, which sources tell me stands for Not In the Tournament! For those unfamiliar with the world of college hoops, this is kind of like ending up at a Henle party after getting rejected by Piano. It’s certainly not the outcome you were hoping for, but it’s still better than sitting at home alone. 

So as much as I <3 Patrick Ewing, it’s time to turn our attention to the real action. Without further ado, here is 4E’s guide to filling out your March Madness bracket:

Virginia is (Not) for Lovers (of Winning Basketball Games), Too

Loyal readers will remember that this writer totally called last year’s unprecedented and historic upset, accurately predicting that the 16-seed UMBC Retrievers would knock off the juggernaut top-seeded Virginia Cavaliers. Click here to see that this is actually true and one of my greatest life accomplishments to date. Yes, that prediction was “mostly” based on the fact that I liked UMBC’s adorable canine mascot, but we cannot rule out the possibility that my keen college basketball acumen played a role as well.  And guess who Virginia is playing in the opening round this year? You guessed it: The Gardner-Webb Runnin’ Bulldogs. History tends to repeat itself, and this writer sees Virginia heading home early once again. Don’t bet against the dogs.

Gardner-Webb Bulldog Mascot Roebuck “Bucky” will single-handedly lead this team to the Final Four

We’ve Heard Those Loyal Fellas Up at Yale (and Then We Decided Not to Pick Them to Win Any Games) 

I have it on good authority that the Yale basketball team is solely comprised of kids with rich parents who claimed to be really good in high school but have actually never stepped foot on a basketball court. Looks like it won’t be a “Full House” in the arena during this game, am I right? (Get it? Look, I know it’s a stretch but I can’t afford to hire a proctor to help me punch up these jokes, so this will have to do)

“Yes, my son is excellent at the basketball. Here is proof”

Remember Your Jesuit Values

The Duke Blue Devils? The Arizona State Sun Devils? Not today, Satan! These squads are clearly trying to tempt you into straying from your Jesuit values. March Madness is no time for such sinful endeavors, my fellow men and women for others. (Editor’s Note: I literally cribbed this exact paragraph from my March Madness article last year, and guess what? Neither of these teams won! The facts don’t lie, my friends!)

Case in point: did you see what happened with Zion’s shoe earlier this year? I cannot definitively comment on whether or not the eternal war between the Almighty Lord and Beelzebub definitively played a role in that occurrence, but I can confidently say that Mac McClung’s shoes looked pretty sturdy to me all season. They won’t teach you this in PoG, kids.

Related: it is NOT COOL that Obama still lives in D.C. but never comes to our games anymore. And yet he goes all the way to North Carolina to see Duke play? All while leaving us stuck at home with Mike Pence??

Alexa, play “Yesterday’ by The Beatles
CREDIT: Lou Capozzola (Photo by Lou Capozzola /Sports Illustrated/Getty Images) (Set Number: X83493 TK1 R7 F148 )

Is this team from Tennessee? Cause they’re the only Ten I See!

The Tennessee Volunteers? That sounds pretty cura personalis to me. Great name. Much better than a team with orange jerseys just calling themselves something dumb like the Orange. Could you imagine? Man, that would be ridiculous. Tennessee is the only orange team I choose to recognize, and I think the Volunteers are winning it all this year.

So there you have it. Good luck on your brackets! And hopefully next year, we’ll be cheering on our Georgetown Hoyas in the big dance!

And by we, I mean you, because I will have graduated and it won’t really be the same for me watching at home as a washed-up post-grad! I’m not upset that the team didn’t make the tournament for a single one of the four years I was a student here though! Seriously, I don’t care and I’m fine! I mostly came to Georgetown for the football culture anyway! I love tailgating at Cooper Field! Hoya Saxa!

Also, it is so sad that Jack got too fat to do this and now he has to be driven around in a car…

Sources: giphy.com, gardner-webb.edu, getty images, tumblr.com

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March Sadness: Georgetown Edition

As the real March Madness came to an end, we here at 4E decided to give some ~content~ to all of Hoya Nation who had to sit through another NCAA Tournament without a team to root for.

We all have places on campus where we like to be sad. Whether it’s public, private, has beautiful views, reinforces the stresses of everyday life, allows you to forget about your issues or just involves you staring at your pillow, we all can root for our spots in the first annual March Sadness Bracket Challenge: the end-of-season tournament to determine where exactly is the best place to be sad on campus.

Some Notes

Dahlgren Chapel – Dahlgren is a heavy hitter in terms of sadness. I talked to some of my friends about this one, and they singled out something called “Catholic Guilt.” Since I’m Jewish, I don’t really know what that is. However, I would be super sad if I had to tell someone all of my sins every week because there must be SO many. I am, as they say, a sinner. I don’t exactly know what’s considered a sin, but I feel like I commit at least seven of them every time I watch an episode of “Storage Wars: Texas.”

My Bed – My bed is a great place to think about all the times that my friends have abandoned me (looking at you, Mark) and my family has shown little regard for my feelings. It’s great because if you squeeze the pillow really tight, you actually can’t hear any of the sounds of the cruel outside world.

Back of ICC 214 – The back-left desk of ICC 214 is a great place to be sad. This one is especially true when you get back your chem midterm and it’s not what you expected, even though you studied really hard and answered all the questions coherently but your TA really screwed you and must hate you because of that one time she said liked your sweater and you didn’t understand what she was saying at first so you just kept walking. Maybe this is more of a me problem.

Gaston Hall – Gaston has great acoustics for not only a cappella concerts and Rangila, but also for crying. If you really want to hear yourself cry (that is, bellow all of the half notes and pitch changes of your sobbing), there’s no place like Gaston to sit and bawl.

Yates Steps – Sometimes I like to pretend I’m going to Yates and start to walk up the steps, then I realize the steepness makes those steps really hard to ascend. Naturally, I just turn around most of the time. But that makes me extra sad because not only am I skipping Yates because I’m lazy, but I’m also physically incapable of exerting the necessary amount of energy that will allow me to even start working out. In the end I just cry, which one could argue is a form of exercise for your eyelids.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, capitolhillhotel-dc.com

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March Madness Advice

It’s official: March Madness is upon us. I’m told by some alumni that there was once a time when the Georgetown basketball team was part of this tournament, but much like the stories of the days when students allegedly “went to games” and “could name a player on the team,” I’m pretty sure this is just a rumor. Regardless, we here at 4E (AKA the ~real~ sports section of The Hoya) have come up with some helpful advice for building that perfect bracket.

When you see that Syracuse somehow made it in

Consider Picking Schools That Have Jack-Like Mascots

The real tragedy of us missing the tournament is that the world will be deprived of seeing our beloved Jack the Bulldog ride his skateboard or drive his car around the court. But luckily, March Madness will still have some canine representation. Here are some possible picks you should consider based on their potential for adorableness:

Gonzaga Bulldogs:

Their “dog” is named Spike. It’s just a guy in a suit. No actual dog. Disappointing. 2/10.

Butler Bulldogs:

Their dog is named Blue. He’s no Jack, but at least he’s an actual dog. Overall, pretty cute. Nice smile. Would definitely pet. 7/10.

UMBC (University of Maryland, Baltimore County) Retrievers:

The dog is named “True Grit”. Creative choice. Unclear if the mascot is “officially” just a guy in a suit, but according to Google Images, they seem to frequently have a plethora of live retrievers present at many events. I endorse this. Reminds me of Air Bud. 9/10.

      

 

Stay Away From the Big East

As many of you may know, many of the other teams in the Big East were very mean to the Hoyas this season. They often (very rudely) chose to score a lot of points and also frequently prevented us from scoring some points of our own. Very inconsiderate! Karma will not be kind to them in the tournament — stay away!

When someone says Villanova is going to win it all this year

Also, Providence has this horrifying mascot. We can’t pick them knowing this thing will be there.

It’s gonna be a no for me, dawg

Remember Your Jesuit Values

The Arizona State Sun Devils? The Duke Blue Devils? Not today, Satan! These squads are clearly trying to tempt you into straying from your Jesuit values. March Madness is no time for such sinful endeavors, my fellow men and women for others. We suggest you play it safe and stick with the Penn Quakers — based on what little information I remember from my sixth-grade social studies class  my extensive research, Quakers and Jesuits are essentially the same thing.

Also, remember that Penn once kindly took Ivanka off our hands, further proving their charitable nature (#NotMyFirstDaughter #WhyIsGeorgetownAssociatedWithSoManyTrumpChildren #TiffanyActuallySeemsOkThough). With all this in mind, Penn is pretty much a surefire pick for the Final Four.

When God sees you filling out your bracket

Don’t Pick Michigan State.

This one may seem both arbitrary and contrary to popular opinion, but remember this: current star player and probable future lottery pick Jaren Jackson Jr. chose Michigan State over Georgetown. Yes, way back in 2016, the highly touted recruit included Georgetown among his final five school choices and then somehow didn’t pick us. Wyd Jaren?? Didn’t the tour guides tell you about new Leo’s? Were you not impressed by Lau? Did the rats scare you off??

Whatever the reason, to quote the internship rejection emails I keep getting, we’ve unfortunately “decided to go in a different direction” on this one and cannot recommend that our readers pick Michigan State. And if you’re reading this, Jaren Jackson Jr., please consider forgoing your lucrative NBA career in favor of transferring to the Hilltop next year. Patrick Ewing is really cool and some students will probably show up at a home game at some point. Also, we have a Chick-Fil-A now!

Bet you thought all my advice was going to be based solely on mascots, didn’t you? #insightful

And finally….

Do Not Pick Syracuse

Enough said.

We hope you have fun this month, and remember: next year will be better! We look forward to seeing you all at the Arena Formerly Known as the Verizon Center for the one game you’ll attend before leaving early to go to Rocket Bar.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, pinterest.com, golfdigest.com, kentuckysportsradio.com

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An Ode to John Thompson III

Well Hoyas, those of you who actually pay attention to the real news and not any of those alternative facts know that last Thursday, our beloved men’s basketball coach, John Thompson III, was dismissed from Georgetown University. Let me paint a picture of the general reaction of Hoya fans when they heard the news:

We at 4E were certainly pleased to hear that change is finally happening, but how could we let JTIII go without a proper sendoff? He stayed with the basketball program for thirteen years and was very firm in his dedication to Georgetown. In honor of JTIII’s final days on the Hilltop, here is 4E’s tribute to the basketball coach we know and love.

The Verizon Center is bumping and ablaze with light,

Filled with students who all came out to watch the Hoyas fight.

The lights start to black out on the court,

Signaling it’s almost time to watch Georgetown’s worst favorite sport.

The announcer begins his usual spiel,

Saying stuff we know not to be real.

For example, he yells as we watch game time approach:

“Here’s John Thompson III, everyone’s favorite coach!”

We sit and watch as the Hoyas play some pretty bad basketball,

While my father, a huge Hoya fan, is probably banging his head against a wall.

Another week, another basketball game lost.

We all know something has to change, but at what cost?

Many think it’s necessary JTIII has to be fired,

An idea as appealing as Baked & Wired.

 We lose game, after game, after game,

But nothing changes; our team’s pathetic nature is still the same.

Remember the days when the Hoyas used be victorious?

Yeah that was in the 1980s, oh those times were glorious.

 That was when JTIII’s father, JT Jr., was in charge,

When Georgetown’s chances at winning were, for once, quite large.

We had great expectations for the team in 2004,

When Georgetown brought another Thompson to the coaching floor.

Players like Hibbert, Wallace, Freeman and Green

Made Georgetown basketball a winning machine.

We hoped for great things from JT Jr.’s son,

And there were definitely great moments, but they are now over and done.

Those times of victory and glory are now long gone,

And it’s time for JTIII to pass the baton.

It’s time to say goodbye to JTIII,

And now it’s the dawn of a new era for Hoya fans like me.

Although we are all excited for this wondrous new age,

We must pay due homage to JTIII and redirect our rage.

We must move forward and prepare to juice ‘Cuse,

Something too important for us to refuse.

Coach Thompson, we will always remember your dedication and spirit,

Those who heard you speak about the team all were able to hear it.

You stayed with us for a good long while,

Through the good times and bad times, you truly exemplified a Hoya lifestyle.

You cared about our players, something we will never forget.

So in a few months when we look back on your thirteen years,

We’ll feel appreciation and gratitude, not regret.

Photos/gifs: guhoyas.com, giphy.com

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The Five Types of Georgetown Basketball Fans

Banner - FansAs winter break thaws out, Big East conference play is just starting to heat up. While we’ve probably all watched at least one Georgetown Basketball game in our lives, I’m sure we all have had different feelings surrounding those games: frustration, excitement, dread when you realize you left your GoCard at the Verizon Center, and even despair. For some, the games are merely an opportunity to watch some basketball, and for others, the games are an opportunity to cheer drink away the Sunday Scaries on a Saturday morning.

In any case, Georgetown certainly has some interesting fans. In fact, there are many stereotypes for the typical Georgetown game attendees one might run into at the Verizon Center. Here are some of 4E’s favorites:

  1. The Instagram enthusiast. They enjoy a nice outing once a semester downtown to the Verizon Center, where they are sure to get a decent amount of likes off of posting a pic of themselves and their freshmen roommates having SO much fun at the game. They probably don’t even know what the players’ names are, but that doesn’t bother them. They aren’t sure why Georgetown switched baskets halfway through the game and are likely to put Jack skateboarding on their snap stories. They may even post a finsta of how #turnt they got if we’re lucky enough.
  2. The ones who still believe in JT3. Don’t trust them. They like to be let down. They will probably lose in many respects in life. They are probably disillusioned with being a Georgetown student, so you won’t likely find this person in the student section. They always buy season tickets, and would rather hold the ticket for a game they can’t attend rather than sell it off to a petty “Down-with-JT3” cheering fan. If it’s possible to blow a lead in life, they will do it.
  3. The fans who have an obsession with cutout heads. While basketball is exciting and all, these are the people who merely go to the game to wave around a piece of cardboard. No, they aren’t just looking for attention, but in addition, an opportunity to escape their real lives, and become the Pope/John Thompson/Bradley Cooper/etc. They will risk their lives to get the cutout of their choice and probably have a hearty secret collection of cutouts.
  4. The serial dancers. We have plenty of dance groups on campus, but these fans aren’t interested in group-sponsored theatrics. Instead, they will be heavily featured on the big screen for their less-than-stellar fantastic moves. It’s not hard to be featured when you’re the only one in the arena moving and shaking, but they will tout their big screen appearances to no end and will perhaps even consider putting it on their resumes. They are huge fans of the student section and will try to conduct the attention of all students in said section.
  5. The avid basketball fan. There isn’t anything more exciting (frustrating?) for these people than watching some great (frustrating?) Georgetown basketball. They wish they were attending the school back in the ’84-’85 season and have memorized so many stats that they have no room left in their brains to study for that philosophy final. They think about the cost-benefit analysis and the prospect of the team’s success in the upcoming season before buying season tickets. They wouldn’t miss a game — even though they often turn them off and cry into a pillow at halftime.

    Wrong sport, right reaction

Time to break some stereotypes.

Photos/Gifs: scout.com, giphy.com

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Manly Monday: The Real March Madness

manlymondays

In case you haven’t heard, it’s time for everyone’s favorite season: March Madness! The NCAA Basketball Championship Tournament begins this week, and everyone is scrambling to fill out a bracket or do some last minute scouting on this year’s Cinderella Story (anyone but Eastern Washington, please).

But you can tune into any sports show and get your fill of bracketology talk, so we won’t bore you with that here on Manly Monday. Instead, it is time for an in-depth look at a true art-form that is perhaps this manly man’s favorite part of playing basketball: The bench.

Ahhh, the bench. When you’re younger, the bench is the last place you want to be during a game, much less watch. However, as you advance into higher competition, riding the pine takes on added importance.

College players who once dominated in high school have to find some way to contribute to their team, even if they don’t get any minutes on the court. This can result in some unbelievable celebrations, and quite a bit of added entertainment to your game-watching experience. Here are just a few classic “cellies” to look out for while watching March Madness.

BENCH

No one is really going to leave the bench out of excitement. But just in case, this brave Hoosier acts like a seatbelt for his fellow players.

The Three-Point Monocle 

This one can be done any time, anywhere, once a teammate hits a three-pointer. This Butler Bulldog just brings so much energy to a simple celebration. Good for him.

The Archer

An impressive take on another old classic, always be aware of archers on the bench. This guy even has his own spotter. For being players at Villa-no-fun, the bench at least has a good time.

Air Guitar

Definitely the most relatable celebration. I know everyone has dreamed of playing the air guitar on national TV. Some people just have all the luck.

Untitled

No real creativity here, just pure, unadulterated excitement. Critics have been harsh on Texas sneaking into the tournament this year, but if nothing else, their bench earned them a shot at the spotlight.

Finally, one last shoutout has to go to the Colby University basketball program. They won’t be dancing on a national stage this year, but I’m sure their bench players will be dancing somewhere. Check out this clip of arguably the best bench crew around.

Love the game, hate the game, it doesn’t matter: everyone can enjoy March Madness if you know where to look. Happy benching, and go Hoyas!

Gifs: USA Today; Next Impulse Sport; Complex

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Friday Fixat10ns: One and Done

[8tracks width=”300″ height=”250″ playops=”” url=”https://8tracks.com/mixes/3730198″]

March Madness is in full swing, and while I know it’s a touchy subject on this campus, at least we can be assured of one thing: Georgetown will never be considered a “one-hit wonder” of the NCAA Tournament.  However, in honor of the schools that you will never hear of again once March is over (what’s up, Mercer), here is a compilation of some of the greatest one-hit wonders of all-time.

Take On Me- A ha! One of the more reputable karaoke songs ever, it’s a shame A ha! couldn’t find success beyond Take On Me.  It’s such an upbeat song!

No Rain- Blind Melon I wish we didn’t have any rain.  Lucky you, Blind Melon.

Come On Eileen- Dexy’s Midnight Runners Another song that just about everyone can sing along too.  They’re like a prototypical March Madness Cinderella team: everyone remembers the song that they sang (or the games they played), but no one can ever remember their name.

Here In Your Arms- Hellogoodbye There is something oddly catchy about this 2000’s one-hit wonder.  And there definitely an emphasis on “odd”.

Out Of My Head- Fastball Short, sweet, and to the point, Fastball’s moment in the sun lasts just over two minutes, but the chorus is instantly recognizable.

Stacy’s Mom- Fountains of Wayne Show me someone who claims to not like this song, and I’ll show you a liar.  Fountains of Wayne gets extra points for the music video for this one.

Bittersweet Symphony- The Verve The success of this song was overshadowed somewhat by legal issues, but there are some KILLER strings in here.

Walking in Memphis- Marc Cohen I don’t know if walking in Memphis is as awesome as Marc Cohen makes it seem, but this song really makes me want to visit.

Dancing in the Moonlight- King Harvest Looking for a great song to dance to at a party, but don’t want to listen to rap or hip-hop? I’d like to try and see you sit still with this song on.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s- Deep Blue Something While I didn’t see the movie, I certainly can sing along to this song.  So what about breakfast at Tiffany’s?

Photo: changemakernetwork.edublogs.org
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WINNER – MARCH MADNESS: The Best of Georgetown

FI march madness winner

After weeks of voting, many heated matchups and some exciting upsets, we at The Fourth Edition are proud to announce that we do, indeed have a winner!

In the Final Four battle between Hot Chick, The Tombs, Georgetown Day and Bill Clinton, there was no clear frontrunner.

In the end, Georgetown Day triumphed over The Tombs by a small margin to clinch the title!

Incidentally, Georgetown Day is only eleven short days away! So be sure to read up about this famous Georgetown tradition.

bracket final winner

Unhappy with the outcome? Well, March Madnesss will be back next year with new regions and new matchups. See you then!

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MARCH MADNESS: The Final Four

FINAL FOUR fi

After two weeks of voting, we’ve finally made it to the Final Four in The Fourth Edition’s March Madness bracket: The Best of Georgetown!

To catch up on the arguments for every round, click here.

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HOT CHICK

Screen Shot 2013-04-01 at 3.24.36 AM

Emerging victorious from the Wisey’s Sandwich region was the third-seeded Hot Chick, who defeated Burger Madness in the first round and then bested the first seed Chicken Madness to clinch the region. Its combination of chicken fingers, cayenne ranch dressing, pepper jack cheese and tomatoes is a force to be reckoned with. A Hot Chick is only a couple of blocks away from our hallowed front gates and brightens the days of many students when the task of waiting 20 minutes in the Leo’s wok line is just too daunting. But is it the best part about Georgetown?

———————–

THE TOMBS

Screen Shot 2013-04-01 at 3.27.26 AM

The Tombs predictably destroyed Mr. Smith and Rhino in the first and second rounds, respectively. The delicious spinach and artichoke dip, proximity to campus, and tradition surrounding this Georgetown bar make it a strong contender for the win. Every Hoya needs to have their forehead stamped on his or her 21st birthday, and every under-21 Hoya longs for that day to come. Do you think all the hype is worth it?

———————–

BILL CLINTON

Screen Shot 2013-04-01 at 3.28.47 AM

Bill Clinton pulled out the win against Zoey Bartlet and then crushed Patrick Ewing, who was the  Cinderella story of this bracket. President Clinton brings much prestige to the Georgetown name, which was demonstrated earlier this year when the lovely Hillary came to speak in Gaston. It’s hard to pit a person against a sandwich, a bar and an event, but do you think Bill can hold his own?

———————–

GEORGETOWN DAY

Screen Shot 2013-04-01 at 3.30.43 AM

Georgetown Day faced no problems in the Georgetown Traditions region, demolishing Swimming in Dahlgren Fountain and holding a more special place in the hearts of Hoyas than Running to the White House. Georgetown Day is a light for many Hoyas that shines at the end of the tunnel of a difficult school year. A day full of fun and libations right on campus is hard to compete with, but, then again, I’m a freshman who has yet to experience this firsthand. I’m sure there are just as many unpleasant memories associated with this day as there are positive ones, but can they really outweigh the Georgetown-iness of Georgetown Day?

———————–

VOTE NOW TO DECIDE WHO WILL WIN “THE BEST OF GEORGETOWN”

Polls close Saturday, April 6th

[cardoza_wp_poll id=20]

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MARCH MADNESS: Wisey’s Sandwiches Round 2

See full bracket and results here

Chicken-Madness-Hot-Chick

Results from the First Round of the Wisey’s Sandwich Region are in, and it appears our fellow Hoyas have an affinity for chicken, as the Hot Chick and the Chicken Madness advanced to Round Two.  The #1 Seed Chicken Madness outlasted the Gangsta Wrap as expected, while the Hot Chick (much to my excitement) pulled through with the upset over Burger Madness.  So now it’s down to two.  Which fantastic, heavenly, wild, chicken-based creation will come out of this death match to represent the Wisey’s Region in the final four? That’s up to you.

I should remind you that this is officially the second time in one semester that Chicken Madness and Hot Chick have gone head to head… Maybe this time the results will be different.

The Chicken Madness is certainly a One Seed for obvious reasons, combining the deliciousness of grilled chicken and mayo with the sizzle of bacon…2321551065-184x300

But Colonel Sanders (and the Leo’s chefs) would approve of the fried chicken fingers on the Hot Chick

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Plus, the Hot Chick has cayenne for a little extra kick

GrandmaCayenne

Picking against the Chicken Madness seems like.. well.. madness

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 Yet if any 3 seed has a shot at a cinderella story, I think it’s this Hot Chick (see what I did there?)

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While the Chicken Madness took care of business as a one seed, I think (and hope) that the Hot Chick has the potential to make this the upset of the bracket.  It’s not up to me, though.  Which sandwich reigns supreme in the hearts of Hoyas alike? Vote here, and check back in for the results.

[cardoza_wp_poll id=18]