So… How Was Your Valentine’s Day?

Shh!It is over. The love is gone. Instagrams about how perfect your relationship is are now unacceptable. And it is certainly time to put those pickup lines away and try something else.

1.148Since it is Feb. 15, people have bombarded me with questions about my Valentine’s Day. People must think I have an interesting life or something … which is clearly stretching the truth.

Are you also sick of being asked how your day was? Here at 4E, we understand that. So here are a few ways to spice up your answers. Because nothing is worse than continually saying the same thing.

“So, how was your Valentine’s Day?”

Make up a crazy tale that will make people instantly jealous. The more craziness, the better. I went to a party downtown and fell madly in love with a European prince. We danced all night and now I’m pulling a Princess Diaries and I am a princess. BOOM. 


Food is always better. Make up a story that involves some amazing dinner. The more you describe the food, the more jealous people will be. And you better spend at least 25 minutes talking about your penne. The pasta was so amazing, I felt like I was in Italy. The smell intoxicated me and the cheese melted like an ice cream cone in July. 


Put a ring on it. Totally pretend that you got engaged. Who will know? He liked it and then he put a ring on it. 


Ignore the question. If you make it seem like a secret, people will instantly think the best. Oh sorry I can’t tell you, it is a secret. But if only you knew…


Forever alone? More like party of one. You can always make it seem better, no matter what the circumstances are.

So go, my friends, and lie about your exploits. Oh, and the truth about my night? Ha, well you kinda had to be there…

Photo: GIFS: 

What to Do Feb. 14, As Told by Frank Underwood

house_of_cards2So, what’s happening Feb. 14? If you answered Valentine’s Day, you would be WRONG. The correct answer is: the season two premiere of “House of Cards!” If you’ve been planning that romantic date with someone special, think again. The only thing you should be doing next Friday is taking all those Valentine’s Day treats, snuggling in your bed and getting ready for an epic TV marathon. Still not convinced? Perhaps our friend Frank Underwood can be more persuasive. (And believe me, Frank Underwood can definitely be persuasive.)

If you don’t watch the new season, everyone else will know what happened and you’ll be “in the dark.”


Frank Underwood might also take your failure to watch as a personal betrayal, and that would not be good.


Valentine’s Day is too predictable anyway; make a bold choice instead.


Don’t think you can watch a full season in one day? You’ve just got to power through.


Watching 10-plus hours of Netflix in a row is hard; you’ve just got to be a rock. Besides, do you know how many calories the brain burns? Frank Underwood does. Who needs the gym when you have the ability to focus all your brainpower into complicated plot twists, murderous congressmen and ruthless journalists?

That’s right, I’m telling you to blow off your significant other for a night of drama and intrigue, Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and your comfiest pajamas.


Okay, so maybe don’t lie to your significant other. But, even if you do, it will all be worth it. Cancel those reservations, put on your slippers, grab your laptop and get ready for Frank’s scandalous bid for the White House.

How NOT to Get a Guy in 10 Days

403naleyintrudedRelationships are crazy. As the genius Katy Perry once sang, “You’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no, you’re in then you’re out, you’re up then you’re down.” Truer words have never been said.

The classic chick flick How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days tells the story of a woman who attempts to drive a man away in only (gasp) 10 short days. After re-watching this movie for the millionth time, I got to thinking … hold on a second. If a girl “got” a guy, why would she want to lose him? Hello? That makes no sense.

So over the last few days I have been strolling the paths of Georgetown, investigating and observing the student body. And while I still don’t know why anyone would want to lose a guy in 10 days, I realized how easy it is not to get one. After countless hours on Lau 2, I have concluded that these are the 10 things that women do that make themselves unattractive to the men of the world. If you do these things, you will NOT get a guy in 10 days:

1. Shrieking when you see your friends in Leo’s While this may seem like the perfect way to get a guy to like you (and seem more popular), it really isn’t. You look, seem and sound like that annoying girl who pretends to be friends with everyone.


2. Only talk in classwork lingo Sometimes it is good to talk about class, but it is not good to only keep the conversation about how that problem set was so hard. Bridge the gap between class and “extra-curriculars.”

3. Stalking in class Yes, having friends in class is great, but it reaches the point where it is weird. Stalking can go from innocent to awkward real fast. It will not help your case.

4. “Study” in public places to be seen Your grades and relationships will not get better … I promise you.


5. Walk around Lau aimlessly We all know those girls who are always just walking around. I’m 90% sure that they do not have any particular destination.

6. Giving code names to guys Many girls think that the more indiscrete they are, the more chance they have. No, guys do not want to be called “eyes” or “ya know.” I’m not saying I haven’t done it…

7. Poke your crush on Facebook This is the epitome of desperation. Totally not acceptable.

8. Get really drunk and text them at 1 a.m. I’m pretty sure that they know you really don’t wanna know “what’s up?” at that time of night.

9. Get the machine next to them at Yates Every. Single. Time. Creepy.


10. Saying “OMG, me too” every time they say something new Girl, there is very little chance that you have everything in common. Get a grip.

It is harsh, but true: We girls often do things that aren’t in our best interest. This Valentine’s Day, do less, Lady Hoyas. Do less.


GIFS: tumblr

Staffer of the Week: Braden McDonald

Braden McDonald (Executive Editor) and his dream team counterpart Victoria Edel (Managing Editor)

Name Braden McDonald
School College
Year 2014
Major Government
Hometown Ottawa, Canada
Position on The Hoya Executive Editor

What did you do to earn Staffer of the Week?

There were a lot of people who did a lot of excellent things this week, so there were numerous people given due credit in honorable mentions. I think Hiromi Oka (City News Editor) did a great job covering the tragedy in Boston. She got really deep into and was working extremely hard, and the same went for her coverage of the Dahlgren vandalism. I’m really humbled to have received it. I think it’s a testament to my trend of quirky vocabulary and commitment to this paper. And I’ve never heard the term “giving friendship” before (a reason why he received the award), but I do like to think of myself as a good friend. (Editor’s note: he’s much too modest. He received this award for all of his outstanding work this semester as Executive Editor.)

What’s your favorite part about working for The Hoya?

I like how it has this effect on people, including me, where it overpowers you and you become subservient to it and you love it without even thinking of it. It happens very gradually, yet very forcefully, and it stays with you for a long time.

If you could pick someone on The Hoya to write your biography, who would it be, what would the biography be titled, and what would it say on page 37?

Well, page 37 would be blank because there wouldn’t be that much to say (Writer’s note: he’s being modest again!) I would actually ask Zoe Bertrand (Layout Editor) to write my biography because she always jokes that she doesn’t do words, and I want to set the record straight that she can write English well even though she’s a layout-maestra. I always look at biographies in Barnes & Noble and they’re named such underwhelming things – wasn’t there one about Bill Clinton called A Life or something? I find myself in a similar position to those individuals without compelling titles for their lives, but given the need to sell and the need to appeal to the masses, I would title mine #thatshitBray. And you can add a “421”  at the end for special Hoya editions, and that’s the name of my twitter account because there was already some “Bray” out there saying crazy things. It would be good for Hoya exclusivity.

This week happens to be Hoya Spirit Week in the office, and tonight’s theme was “Dress Up Like a Hoya Staffer.” You’re currently dressed up as Eitan (Sayag, Deputy News Editor), so how would you describe Eitan’s style?

It’s a very noticeable style because he seems to cycle through a formidable rainbow of pants every week. And he mixes it up. It’s not like on a Monday he’s always wearing yellow or on a Wednesday he’s always wearing teal. But it is pretty consistent, and he’ll wear each pair of pants once a week. I really like his style because the cut of his pants is very modern and even though he experiments with wild colors, everything always matches, and I respect that. I asked Eitan for the story behind how his wardrobe came to be and he said basically he has these distinct colors so he can remember which day of the week it is. I thought it was a fable more than anything, but it was a clever answer and it stayed with me.

If you could play Cupid and set up two Hoya staffers to date, who would you shoot with your golden “love” arrows?

Peitan, (Penny Hung and Eitan Sayag, current Deputy News Editors. Soon to be City and Campus News senior editors respectively) no question. I doubt this comes as a surprise to many people — let’s be real, they already have a collective name — except maybe to them. Everyone has been whispering for months that they should date, surely inspired by their cute cohesion as campus news deputies this semester. Sorry if this is awkward, guys, but I have every confidence that this tabloidism won’t get in the way of your ongoing solidarity as senior news editors next semester.

WikiWhat? Oxytocin? LOVE IS A LIE?

WikiWhatPicture this: a frantic biology student searches through Wikipedia for better explanations of the concepts sure to be on Wednesday’s midterm. Of course, Wikipedia is already a questionable method of studying … both for its spotty information and because we all know that one thing leads to another and we somehow end up checking celebrities’ pages for their birthdays and discographies. This time around, I came across something that could debunk love as we know it: oxytocin.

Sure, you might be claiming that love is in the air this Valentine’s Day. I am, however, quite excited to burst your bubble of happiness in telling you that it’s not your heart telling you that you’re in love — it’s your brain. Oxytocin is a hormone secreted from the pituitary gland that serves various purposes in your body. In several scenarios, oxytocin is found at high levels during sexual activity, breastfeeding, and right before birth in the mother’s body. What’s more interesting is that oxytocin induces feelings of security and calmness around your significant other. It reduces fear, and there also exists a positive correlation between oxytocin levels and measuring romantic attachment. A study even showed that when couples are separated, oxytocin comes to the rescue by alleviating sentiments of anxiety. It even allegedly keeps men faithful!

Yes, yes, I know that just because there exists a strong correlation between romance and oxytocin, that does not imply that oxytocin causes romance, when it could very much be the opposite. However, given that Valentine’s Day is around the corner, I will take any opportunity I can to rain on that parade.

So, the next time your special person tells you they have “love” for you in their heart, know this: That ain’t love — that’s oxytocin!

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!