love on the hilltop – The Fourth Edition

March 21, 2018March 21, 2018

What’s A Boya?

All Hoya ladies know that, like rats and out-of-order bathroom stalls, f–kboys abound on the Hilltop.

See Snakes of Georgetown to learn about GU’s most prevalent demographic.

The mixture of confidence, political-mindedness and neurosis within Georgetown men is a veritable Molotov cocktail of personality traits, which can be triggered to explode by both academic debate and debauched social gatherings.

Before you accuse me of misandry, a disclaimer: #NotAllMen.

Especially not Armie Hammer and his spectacular dance moves.

Some guys at Georgetown are absolute diamonds — ladies, if you find them, hold on tight. However, some Hoya boys (henceforth known as “Boyas”) are still in a little more of a “coal” phase.

Donald Trump attempting to dig up an alibi, 2017 (colorized).

Love them or hate them — and usually it’s a confusing mixture of both — Boyas are a group to watch.

Since 2018 is sure to be another year of, like, realizing stuff, please consult this guide to educate yourself on how to spot a Boya, both at a distance and up close.

Side note: Welcome to the world, Stormi!

Without further ado:

1. When he uses the Jesuit values to justify late-night booty calls.

2. If his room has a distinctly “fiscally conservative, socially liberal” aesthetic.

Romney 2012 poster, Vineyard Vines blanket and GUASFCU mug = red flags.

3. When he asks you for your NetID.

Okay, maybe you’re doing a group project together, but ladies, we all know what this guy wants. Sliding into your Gmail is the ~ultimate~ Boya move.

4. If every time you text him “what’s up?” he replies, “at Yates 💪🚨💯.”

5. If he wears his Patagucci like it’s a uniform.

6. When Chad is the name and ghosting is the game.

✌ out.

7. If his party attitude can best be described as “hit it and quit it.”

In conclusion: don’t play yourself.

Best of luck, ladies! Stay vigilant.

Sources: giphy.com, popkey.com, free-stock-illustration.com

February 13, 2018

Georgetown Crushes – Valentine’s Day and Everyday

After a brief break, Valentine’s Day is back on my list of favorite holidays.

My grade school self loved Valentine’s Day — a lovely day of receiving candy from each of my third grade classmates. My friends and I prepared for this important holiday by meticulously constructing “Valentine Mailboxes” and carefully addressing pieces of candy to all of our classmates, with hearts drawn on the ones reserved for our best friends and the boys we like liked.

In high school, Valentine’s Day got more complicated — with raging hormones, a relative lack of driver’s licenses and a slew of ambiguously-defined relationships, Valentine’s Day was full of awkwardness, parent drivers and unrequited love.

Valentine’s Day has grown on me as I have (almost) gotten over no longer receiving candy from each of my classmates. I have become more confident in unashamedly buying myself chocolate and have recognized the holiday as a time to remind all of my loved ones how much I care about them.

In celebration of this holiday about love, I have categorized the types of crushes the average Georgetown student is prone to having.

1. Nerdy classmate crush

The adorably sweet nerd who raises their hand a lot in discussion section and always has beautifully succinct and articulate points to make. Thank you for your nerdiness and for sharing your long, detailed study guides with the entire class in an A+ display of cura personalis.

2. Coffee

With a student body eager to juggle a full class schedule, on- and off-campus jobs and internships, research positions, club leadership and a slew of meetings on the G-cal, coffee is held in high esteem on the Hilltop.

Large quantities of caffeine are readily available from the adorable blue-awning of Saxbys just two blocks from campus or — if you must — from various outposts of the largest student-run nonprofit corporation in the world¹, which is more than willing to take all of your flex dollars.

3. Epi Quesadilla

How many people/foodstuffs in your life are faithfully there for you ~~regardless of your level of sobriety~~ AND readily provide you with sides of guacamole, salsa and sour cream??

4E would like to assert that the Epi quesadilla is NOT just a 2 a.m. post-Brown House booty call snack. This wholesome and respectable delicacy is deserving of your love at all hours of the day.

4. Sweet Professor

Here we have the unbelievably kind professor who has been teaching at Georgetown longer than you have been alive and is still so clearly in love with the material they get to teach you. True, their love of nineteenth-century British poetry will always come before you. But that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate their extensive scarf collection and the way they’ve coordinated the perfect scarf for every outfit from afar.

4E wants you to act on your crushes, Georgetown! Show all of the “crushes” in your life — romantic, platonic, nerdy, caffeine-containing or otherwise — how much you appreciate them.

______________

Taken from the segment of the Blue and Gray tour seen in the HSFC. Who doesn’t love a good study session punctuated by a recitation of the wonders of ~The Corp~?

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, georgetown.edu

January 30, 2018January 30, 2018

4E’s Guide to Cuffing Season Playoffs

With just two weeks until the Cuffing Season Super Bowl on Feb. 14, we’re coming down to the playoff push. We here at 4E want to ensure we all make it through the end of the season unscathed, so we have advice for everyone, no matter how your season has gone so far. Let’s start with…

You’ve Got a Bae.

You’re firmly in a playoff spot this cuffing season. It would take a string of bad losses to fall out of this position. Now, you need to buckle down and focus. Continue to take it one game at a time: No forgetting date nights and no leaving them unseen. God help you if you lose your Snapstreak. You can almost taste the chocolate and smell the roses — just don’t mess it up.

You’ve Maybe Got a Bae.

At 4E we have a very simple mantra: DTR. You must — and we cannot stress this lesson enough — define the relationship. No team can make it to the Super Bowl without a set roster. It’s just impossible. This situation might take a couple texts; it might take an *adult* conversation.

You can’t take someone out to dinner on Feb. 14 as a friend — unless you want to. That’s actually totally cool. It’s 2018.

You Definitely Don’t Got a Bae.

Rarely would we ever advocate poor shot selection, but sometimes shooters have to shoot. The great quarterbacks forget the losses. The great shooters always think the next one is going in. You might need to fire a couple “sup” chats, maybe a couple of subtle smiles to strangers on the Chick-fil-A line, maybe some not-so-subtle winks. Maybe you’ve been in the gym all season working on your jumpshot. We can’t all ride the bench forever. It’s definitely not too late in the season to put together a little run and sneak into the playoffs — it’s your time to prove the haters wrong!

You’ve Got a Couple Baes.

This one is maybe the toughest situation. You’ve been experimenting with your rotation all season. Nobody knows who’s starting or who’s riding the bench. As the coach and general manager of your squad, you have to make some tough cuts. You might have to trade some players for future draft picks. If worse comes to worst, you could be looking at waiving some players or buying out some contracts. It’s the cost of doing business.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, nydailynews.com

February 6, 2017February 6, 2017

Four Ways to Spice Up Your Valentine’s Day

There are many painful realities of growing up. At a certain point, you are expected to make your own doctors’ appointments, have a Linkedin profile, pay for the Christmas presents that you are giving, proofread your own emails and put someone other than your mom down as your emergency contact. One of the most regrettable hallmarks of ~adulthood~ is the point at which Valentine’s Day goes from being a lovely holiday where you exchange candy with each of your fellow third grade classmates, to a day of overrated expectations

(Not to mention the societal expectation that you have one singular valentine, which means that you are only receiving candy from ONE person… Who decided this was the norm?)

While the prospect of Valentine’s Day is typically met with groans, chocolate and wine have gone on sale at CVS and this opportunity must be capitalized on, regardless of your relationship status. Whether your valentine is your wife of 50 years, your dog, your BFF, your serious boyfriend^TM, or (treat) yourself, 4E is here to help you show the important people in your life how much they mean to you.

1. Bake a cake

I HIGHLY recommend putting your love into homemade, edible, frosted form. Impress your beloved with your ability to maneuver a questionable common room kitchen. Judge whether or not your Tinder date is truly a “match” by how compatible your cake preferences are!

*If they think that red velvet is clothing material, call GUPD asap*

Frost out a romantic haiku to let a special someone on the Hilltop know how you feel. Take away: baking is a fast and foolproof way to just about anyone’s heart.

2. Sing a Taylor Swift song

T-Swizzle’s canon of relationship woes has plenty of material for all relationship statuses. What better way to celebrate your favorite mushy-gushy holiday than whipping out some T. Swift circa-2008 hits? Maybe you have a relationship serious enough to merit a re-enactment of the “You Belong with Me” music video. Or maybe you and your gal-entines are belting out “Teardrops on My Guitar” in between sips of rosé. Thank you, Taylor, for providing us with this kind of versatility.

3. Go out to eat

4E prohibits any semblance of a Leo’s date on February 14^th. Nothing says “I love you” like taking a break from the meal plan together. Good news: as good as Leo’s Chicken Finger Thursday is, the bar has been set low. As long as you’ve made reservations, it’s hard to go wrong here. Whether you’re going to be proposing at 1789, or you and your best friend plan on ordering all of the Good Stuff milkshakes together, good food is a power move.

4. Steal the Hope diamond

We live in Washington D.C., people! You have the Smithsonian Natural History Museum at your disposal and little blue boxes can’t compete with Countess Mona von Bismarck’s sapphire necklace. Perfect gift for your history buff S.O., but maybe not so perfect for your Intro to Ethics crush who’s a proponent of altruism.

Gifs: giphy.com

April 5, 2016

Five Possible Dining Alone Scenarios at Leo’s

They say that the enemy of success is comfort. Leo’s is likely to be a place you find yourself often — and if not poopoo for you, because Leo’s is HOT. The triumphant marketing team’s latest endeavor, inspired by the altruistic and chumley community that is the Hilltop, has developed table sharing signs. Not only are these well designed “Dining Solo? Join me, this is a shareable table” signs equipped to add flare to your table and meal, but they are also something bigger. They are invitation to community, to love, and to the ever-beloved networking skills that Hoyas pride themselves on.

While the prospect of inviting or approaching a fellow stranger to share company over a meal of chicken fingers may seem daunting, 4E urges you to take the leap — for as some wise human once said, “achievement thrives on the extended peripheries of our comfort zones,” or something like that. If you take the leap this may happen…

1) HoyaLoveStories.

Heard the stories? It could be you. Sit down stay awhile. A long while. Eventually you’ll be buried together.

2) The Best friend.

Who knows maybe you’ll end up getting Leo’s together every night?! Be each other’s best man? Go to your kids first birthdays? Retire together? There is so much room for possibilities.

3) The Business Partner

Uhuh hunny. Handshake is the name, entrepreneurship is the game. Let Chicken Finger Thursday inspire you to develop the next Facebook, waffle press, air travel machine…

4) Discover your best friend’s old hook up

When they sat down you thought they looked familiar, but the more their little idiosyncaries begin to reveal themselves, like how he says bro after every other word, or laughs lika hyena… it finally clicks, your roommate used to go out with him. Now you sit, devour your food, and hope nobody saw you.

5) The Stalker

Hey, this could very much be the biggest liability of taking the leap. But really, how bad could having someone’s undivided attention be?… There’s always restraining orders if you start to feel unsafe.

And follow @georgetowndining on Instagram cause rumor has it, I may be behind the scenes…

gifs: giphy.com

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