Basic Wine Knowledge for the Basic Bitch

2013-06-07-SpikedSummerWine-586x322Before I start, I want to make one thing very clear. I am not a wine expert, I am a wine enthusiast. So if you’re looking for legitimate information or “facts” about wine, you should probably go elsewhere. But, if you just want to know some basic ins and outs of God’s greatest, grape-ilicous gift to humanity, read on.


  1. Color: Wine comes in three colors: white, red and rose (aka pink). What color wine you like to drink says a lot about you, so select carefully.

White wine is what most moms drink. You know when your mom says she’s going to “book club.” Well, the name of that “book” is chardonnay. But, as always, mother knows best. White wine is the classic and classy choice for a fun night hanging with your girls (and my personal go to).

Red wine is bad ass. The perfect drink for any moody, sassy betch (shout out to Alicia Florick, Olivia Pope and most other TV goddesses). If you are going through heavy stuff, like a break up, or you finally realized your hair will never be as perfect as Kate Middleton’s, it’s time to break out the red.

Rose is the girliest choice when it comes to wine. Hello, it’s pink. I don’t like to judge, but unless you’ve been invited to some sort of classy garden party (which you haven’t because you’re a college kid), you probably don’t need rose in your life.

  1. Storage: White goes in the fridge. Red goes in the cabinet. I thought this was common knowledge, until in my recent travels I discovered a bottle of Merlot in a refrigerator – it was disturbing.

  1. Glass: If you are somewhere important, like a fancy shmancy networking happy hour, know that you are supposed to hold white wine by the stem and red wine by the bowl. Otherwise, you do you.

With these basic guidelines, you are ready to go fearlessly into the world of wine. Remember, the glass is always half full as long as there’s wine in it.