50 Things Better Than Georgetown’s Housing System

Banner - HousingThe spirit of Georgetown is the best of any schools’ in the country. The housing? Not so much. It’s hard to go a day without hearing someone complaining about something related to housing. Most recent, the ire of many students was directed at the housing process for next year and the fact that rising sophomores were often excluded from Phase I selection, whereas many rising juniors and even some seniors found that they wouldn’t be able to live in their most desired places.

In honor of this tragedy and many others (including, but definitely not limited to: vermin infestations, dirty carpets, sub-par plumbing, outdated fixtures/appliances), here is 4E’s list of… 50 Things Better Than Georgetown’s Housing:

  1. Instructional continuity
  2. Leo’s coffee
  3. Losing your GoCard
  4. 8am classes

    class sleeping
    @everyone
  5. Hot Chick and Chicken Madness not winning the GUSA election
  6. GUTS bus delays
  7. The laundry rooms’ notoriously useless dryers
  8. Going to Epi on a Sunday night, only to realize it’s closed
  9. SaxaNet
  10. GuestNet
  11. Getting one out of five classes during preregistration
  12. Our basketball team this yearbasetball
  13. Getting rejected from every club
  14. The bathrooms in Reiss
  15. When people are talking obnoxiously on Lau 3
  16. Rhino closing
  17. Kehoe field
  18. Constructionconstruction
  19. Running out of meal swipes
  20. Having meal swipes (and having to use them on Georgetown’s food)
  21. JT III
  22. Brown House not being a thing next year
  23. Doing a survey and not winning the promised gift card
  24. Getting hurt by the curve
  25. Missing Bill Clinton’s speech because you have class
  26. TAs
  27. Sending a well-formatted email to your professor and getting a one word reply
  28. Getting rejected from the GAAP group
  29. That one kid who incessantly posts in the GAAP group
  30. The GAAP group
  31. LL Lau
  32. Getting stuck behind a tour
  33. Roommates who snore (in which case, try this)
  34. Lecture captures
  35. GoCard swiping machines not working
  36. RATS

    rats
    Not amused, personally
  37. Having a final on the last day of finals
  38. Georgetown Cupcakes lines
  39. When the professor shows up seconds before the class would have been cancelled
  40. Getting the snow day email after you’ve already gotten out of bed
  41. Having to give directions to a lost stranger on campus
  42. DC’s humidity in the summerdamn hot
  43. Trying to get a timely appointment at the Student Health Center
  44. The fact that we don’t have a metro stop
  45. Our NCAA appearance this year (lol)
  46. Hoverboards being banned on campus
  47. Class in Walsh and St. Mary’s back-to-back
  48. Seeing 38592740372 pictures of cherry blossoms on Instagram
  49. Being haunted
  50. Nothing

In other words, the only thing worse than the housing system, is the housing system itself. Here’s to another year in Henle.

Photos/Gifs: flickr.com, giphy.com

So You Won the Powerball?!

Banner - Powerball

America’s latest obsession: $1.3 billion in winnings could be yours! However, it is more likely that you get hit by an asteroid, find buried treasure, became president a ca-jillion times, you get the picture… But let’s just say you do win, you did it, you’ve won! What’s next?

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If you don’t faint, have a heart attack or experience any other mind-altering impairment, 4E advises you to take the following steps:

1. Stay Quiet: As much as you’d like to, as much as you’re probably rolling on the ground with excitement, don’t tell anyone! This is the kind of money that not only will have every last distant, twice-removed cousin calling you up, but also could put a target on your back (see #5 for how to hire your own secret service).

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2. Talk Business: Call your lawyer and your financial advisor. Seriously, we here at 4E believe that there is a point at which you have more money than you know what to do with (however we are giving you great guidance here), so you’re going to have to invest it. We suggest the following stocks: adult coloring books, hover-cars, Mars and fixing the chipotle epidemic (an anti-E. coli stock?).

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3. Treat Everyone: Treat your mom, your dad, and all of those distant removed relatives we mentioned before. This is a superbly greedy method — believe it or not — as spending on others will increase your overall well-being and limit the risk of becoming one of those depressed lottery winners who feels their life is without purpose.

TREAT YOURSELF. Puppies, unabashedly paying extra for guac, Uber to class and bribery. It can all be yours for the right price.

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4. Be Philanthropic: Create your empire. However you wish to change the world, the limits are endless. Now’s your time to cure cancer, to put an end to money and politics, to invest in every individual in a small country, to create a chain of charter schools and thus change the minds of the future forever! ~Create your legacy today~.

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BUT. If you don’t win, just remember: you’re not alone and you (likely) didn’t get hit by an asteroid.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, usuncut.com