A Sneak Peek Into Your Semester Online

Due to the ongoing public health crisis, Georgetown has decided the majority of students will remain home for the fall 2020 semester. Hoyas received a taste of online learning during the spring of 2020, but this fall, admin has spared no expense to offer a semester with even more precision and in-depth planning than the last.

Photorealistic representation of McKinsey consultants unraveling and editing DeGioia’s reopening plan.

While this won’t be the semester anyone had envisioned, we may as well prepare for what lies ahead. The 4E is here to offer you a ~sneak preview~ of your online fall semester!

John DeGioia, do your worst.

Classes:

With full course loads and asynchronous lectures, Hoyas everywhere can expect ~The Grind~ to never stop!

Chad from Apple Pie Delta gets frustrated during his OPIM lecture.

The Grind, of course, comes with its own challenges. Living at home means parents and younger siblings interrupting lectures and valuable study time. Staring at your online class crush covertly (or even enlarging their picture in Zoom) is enough of a distraction!

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is giphy.gif
There’s no place like Lau 4! There’s no place like Lau 4! There’s no place like Lau 4!

There are some bright sides to online classes, though. Over Zoom, Hoyas can live out their reality television star dreams by sitting in their very own confessional square! Use the background of your favorite Confessional Booth™, and, suddenly, you too are a Kardashian!

Me trying to get through a 9 a.m. economics lecture.

Hoyas can also take advantage of the small screen to show off their quarantine fits. Of course, stunting in Lau is a Georgetown tradition, so you can bet some students will be angling their cameras juuust right to show off a glimpse of that Gucci belt!

Sweatpants and slippers are also a ~stellar~ option.

Parties:

While the Vil A rooftop won’t be baptized with the annual syllabus week parties to kick off the semester, online classes can’t stop Hoyas from turning up! Zoom parties will be just like regular ones, only much less sweaty. And you’ll have complete control over the aux (and a mute button)!

The “Devil’s Advocate” from your political theory class acting like a young Ben Shapiro after drinking two White Claws again? Mute him!

These Zoom parties will have an unlimited capacity for fun guests, so no need for a pledge asking freshmen at the door, “Who do you know here?” Just don’t be surprised when your friends 8+ timezones away from you ~darty~ while you ~party~!

Class of 2024 crashing seniors’ exclusive Zoom parties.

To top it all off, Natty Light will also no longer be the only alcoholic option for (21+) Hoyas to enjoy! Nothing says “lit” like the unopened red wine your mom got as a gift in 2016!

Clubs:

While parties can easily be transitioned online, Georgetown’s Club Culture™ is harder to recreate over the internet.

How can the Hoyas get rejected from The Corp if there’s no coffee to serve in the first place?

Some of Georgetown’s most ~exclusive~ clubs will have to transition online for recruitment, initiation and everything in between! This may serve as a huge advantage for the business crowd: No more running across campus in suits only to be rejected by the consulting club of your choice! For other clubs, it may not be as simple, resulting in a few hiatuses.

An exclusive look into GU Eating Society’s next gathering.

Reminder: The Hoya is always looking for new talent ;)

Work-Study and Internships:

Many students lost their on-campus jobs in the spring, including students working at Lauinger Library and Yates and as student guards. To compensate for this sudden unemployment, Georgetown is offering a number of online work-study positions.

Georgetown isn’t known for its IT positions (I’m looking at you, always empty UIS Service Desk on the third floor of Lau), but in this unprecedented time, innovation in student work is necessary. The 4E personally brainstormed ideas for online jobs for Hoyas:

  1. Zoom Bombing Student Guard
  2. Exam Proctor (see: Narc)
  3. OnlyFans Content Creator
  4. Author Of a Book Written in Quarantine Set To Be Published In April 2021
  5. “Tennis Coach”

We also can’t forget those students experiencing remote internships! Let’s hear it for our remote Hillterns™!

“The West Wing” but make it ~virtual~

Traditions:

Hoyas already missed out on Georgetown Day 2020, so we deserve a fun homecoming at the very least. Even though there will be no football, we all know that, at Georgetown, homecoming is never about the football anyway.

“Homecoming” can take on a new and more literal meaning in this quarantine. Hoyas could flood campus for a weekend in September (while social distancing, of course) to bring us together for the first time since March and keep the Georgetown spirit alive!

Hoya Saxa!

Students turning 21 will also have to adapt the Tombs Night tradition to an online platform. When The Tombs finally reopens, you can bet most of the bar’s patrons will be stamping their foreheads to make up for their missed birthdays. But for now, a postal stamp and a speech on Zoom will have to do.

A cake also couldn’t hurt. Or, if you’re anything like me, try a piñata!

Spring:

While the future opening status of Georgetown is unknown, we can all do our part to stay safe now to be together as a family in the future.

Where’s your mask, Andy Samberg?

For now, live your Georgetown career without regret! DM that cutie in your theology class on Canvas! Take “International Finance” pass/fail! Email your TA to round up your grade! Catfish your professor by using a hot person’s photo as your Zoom avatar!

From all of us at the 4E, stay healthy Hoyas! We hope to see you on campus soon!

6 Things I Learned About Georgetown While Abroad

Did I mention I studied abroad?

Step off of the Hilltop and outside of the Georgetown Bubble, and you will find many things to learn, do and see. The decision to “study” abroad was undoubtedly one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life.  Even so, the Hilltop certainly had me homesick: Georgetown has so many incredible things to offer; from expert faculty to your first New South pregame.

One of the strange parts about being abroad was learning about Georgetown. In fact, there are many things about my home university that I only realized after going to Milan. Some were good things, and others, not so much…

  1. We all like to poke fun at and react excessively to the swarms of  students smoking outside of Lau. Emerging from Lau, you may find yourself in a situation like this:Instead, the EXACT depiction of what students do in Europe is below. They are the real smokers: they don’t just do it to look cool, but they actually like cigarettes. Get ready for secondhand smoke.In reality, we don’t have much to complain about as non-smokers at Georgetown, since it seems most smokers here don’t fall into the latter category. We are nowhere near as threatened by secondhand smoke at Georgetown as we complain we are.
  2. Our coffee on campus is TERRIBLE. Paying at minimum $3.00 for burnt and stale coffee is not ever justifiable. I don’t even know if stale is an appropriate way to describe coffee, but I shouldn’t have to wonder. Case in point: my abroad university in Italy had vending machines that made better coffee than our campus baristas. Just another thing that machines do better. Since caffeine is such an important part of the student experience in college, its time to up our game.
  3. We need to give more credit to how beautiful and put-together our campus is. Campuses in the states are exceptional; from the manicured lawns, to the behind-the-scenes campus planning, to the sense of ownership the students take, it’s hard to not appreciate how much we’ve got. Instead, even my (nice and relatively expensive) Italian university had graffiti and was not managed nearly as well as Georgetown. Construction definitely gets old on campus, but it’s always for the better (except maybe the Thompson Center and the architectural disaster that is Lau).

    A tulip endowment is good for ~something~.
  4. You’re much more likely to feel supported at Georgetown than anywhere else. While we like to complain about stress and sub-par faculty at many points in our academic careers, try having a class whose syllabus doesn’t even tell you who your teacher is or where your class meets. At least we have capable (i.e. non-tenured) faculty that know what they’re doing. I complain about preregistration results as much as the next person, but try having not one, but two of your classes cancelled for good two weeks into the semester. How do students at a university that does that function (answer: they don’t)?
  5. WE HAVE SO MUCH MORE WORK. European academics are in fact whack. In all cases, I had just one assignment for each one of my classes: an oral final exam. At Georgetown, we have countless tests, multiple midterms, homework, essays, group projects (the list goes on).

    @everday during months-long midterm “season”

    The moral of the story is that Georgetown is perhaps harder than it really needs to be.

  6. Our campus and neighborhood is even less lit than we realize. Doesn’t need much explanation.

    The ONLY establishment with the name “bar” in it within a mile of Georgetown.

Alcatraz Club, a Milanese mainstay, doesn’t even need people to be lit.

Did I mention I studied abroad?

 

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com, giphy.com, otnemea.com, flickr.com, residentadvisor.net

 

4E’s Ultimate Guide to Procrastination

spongebob-rainbowFinals season: it’s the most wonderful gut-wrenching time of the year! Besides spending an inhumane amount of time in the Lau basement, imbibing unhealthy amounts of caffeine, and sleeping at wholly inappropriate hours, you have likely been doing some odd things in an attempt to avoid studying.

Perhaps you have taken a Buzzfeed quiz entitled “Which Mesozoic Era Are You?” (I’m Cretaceous). Perhaps you have found yourself stalking your Grandmother’s Facebook with alarming regularity, or accidentally liking your friend’s boyfriend’s roommate’s little sister’s Instagram post from 73 weeks ago.

It may seem like you are running out of appropriate ways to procrastinate, but don’t worry! 4E is here to save the day with some innovative procrastination methods guaranteed to help you put off studying for your finals until the last possible minute.

1. Watch all 33 chapters of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”

“Trapped in the Closet” is a musical and visual masterpiece. The “hip hopera” will also give you some tips and tricks for what to do next time you are forced to hide in a closet from your lover’s husband.

Time wasted: 133 minutes

2. Wait in the Leo’s pasta line

Artistic rendering of the Leo’s pasta line. Not to scale.

Usually reserved for special occasions and days during which you have a burning desire to wait in line for an unreasonable amount of time, the Leo’s pasta line is a prime destination for procrastination. Not only will you use up a substantial portion of your study time, you will also be rewarded with a delicious bowl of handcrafted pasta.

Time wasted: 25-45 minutes

3. Listen to your voicemails

Those voicemails on your phone won’t just listen to themselves, you know. What better time than finals week to catch up on the 47 voice messages from your mom passive-aggressively letting you know that you need to call her back immediately?

Time wasted: Varies, depending on whether you delete voicemails immediately or let them sit there because who knows, you might get to them eventually.

4. Go on a scavenger hunt in the ICC

If you’re brave enough for this suggestion, just be sure to bring plenty of food and water (suggested amount: seven days worth). Also make sure to tell at least one person where you are going so that the search and rescue team will know where to look.

Time wasted: possibly eternity

5. Plan your wedding to that boy/girl in your history class that you’re in love with but have never talked to

First, decide on the perfect venue. Then, figure out what flavor you want your cake to be, make the guest list and pick out the dress. While you’re at it, you should probably also shoot a text to your preferred Maid of Honor or Best Man and hammer down a date. Maybe you’ll even drum up the courage to start a conversation with your intended spouse!

Time wasted: depends on how many things you already have pinned to your Pinterest board

6. Watch the entirety of Weird Al’s “Trapped in the Drive-Thru”

This odyssey of a song is the definition of lyrical genius. It even has a twist ending!

Time wasted: 11 minutes that you will never get back

 7. Rearrange the furniture on Lau 5

All those cubicles are not conducive to group projects or chats with your friends. Restore feng shui to the library by moving around the tables, desks and chairs as you see fit. You’re sure to get a standing ovation from all the cubicle-dwelling orgo students who have been deprived of human contact for who knows how long.

 Time wasted: 120 minutes. Possibly longer if someone doesn’t appreciate your designing prowess and decides to engage in a verbal altercation with you.

8. Fix Congress

You’re a Georgetown student, so you’re definitely opinionated and informed enough to take on this task. Don’t let your years of hard work and infinite depths of knowledge go to waste!

Time wasted: ????

We hope these suggestions have given you some inspiration for your next procrastination tactic. Good luck on your finals and on getting Congressional Democrats and Republicans to agree on something!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, youtube.com, neatorama.com, tumblr.com

A Very Hoya Thanksgiving

ThanksgivingHappy (early) Thanksgiving, Hoyas! Besides all of the travel plans, cheer, relatives and turkey, there is another reason for this much-needed break: giving thanks! On the Hilltop, we have many things to be thankful for. Here is 4E’s list of what we’d like to give thanks for at Georgetown:

1. Short lines at Corp locations – Hoyas need their caffeine to live. A short line at MUG can and will translate into an uncannily happy Hoya.

2. Empty machines at Yates – We all know the importance of working on that fitness. When Hoyas see an open elliptical those endorphins go crazy.

3. The Omelet Lady at Leo’s – “Get ya omelets!” Leo’s brunch would not be the same without that special bell. And if they get the order completely right? All the better.

4. Open tables on Lau 2 – Near an outlet, with chairs … oh, the joys. Staking out Lau territory is serious business.

5. Holiday drinks – Pumpkin spice lattes for days. There is not a girl on this campus who doesn’t explode with happiness when these drinks come out for the season.

6. Georgetown merchandise – You don’t own a Georgetown shirt? Do you even go here?

7. Chicken Finger Thursday – Best day of the week, no questions asked.

8. Wisey’s cookies – Any day is better when an chocolate chip Oreo cookie is involved. Actually, any day is better when Wisey’s in general is involved. Burger Madness anyone?

9. M Street shopping – You know what I’m saying. Who doesn’t like walking downtown and engaging in some retail therapy? Admit it: You’re going to use Christmas shopping as an excuse to go to M Street a little more often, aren’t you?

10. Half-priced Qdoba Tuesdays – Guacamole. Avocados. Amazingness. Could it get any better?

11. SafeRides – This is a Hilltop, and we should not be expected to climb it. Thanks for always saving our aching legs, SafeRides.

12. John B. Carroll, J.J., Jack – WE LOVE BULLDOGS!

13. The magical place we call the Hilltop – HOYA SAXA! And, of course, basketball … always basketball.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, HOYAS!

Photos: College Prowler, Turtle Techie

21 Ways You Know You’re About to Graduate from Georgetown

21 ways you know
There are only three days of classes left (if we’re really counting Georgetown Day as a day of class), and for the Class of 2013, this is a bittersweet fact. Some of the seniors on The Hoya pushed through their sadness to compile this list. We salute you, seniors. So here it is, the “21 Ways You Know You’re About to Graduate from Georgetown”.

1. You no longer get lost in ICC…for the most part

2. Graduating high school seems like a primitive time, thousands of years ago.

3. You actually get mad at yourself for sleeping through a class because there are so few left.

4. The phrase “Class of 2017” makes you feel 10,000 years old.

5. You could (slash have done) the 2 a.m. walk to and from Tuscany blindfolded and blackout.

6. You start missing Leo’s unless you’re a S.E.A.L. (senior eating at Leo’s)

7. You say to yourself, “there was a one keg limit? Missed that these four years.”

8. You’re rocking gym clothes at Tombs

9. SWUG life has completely taken over

10. You tell every GAAP kid, “If I only had four more years to do it again”

11. You know what Philly P is (and still think it’s better than Tuscany).

12. You pour one out for our fallen friends: Saloun, Guards, Thirds, and Hook.

13. You know your liver is prepared for Senior Week because you survived Snowpocalypse

14. You could clothe a small country with the collection of free t-shirts you’ve accumulated over the years

15. You constantly get asked the worst question in existence, “So, do you know what you’re doing after college?”

16. The idea of Lau 2 now makes you nauseous.

17. Rhino feels like a daycare center for toddlers.

18. You get sad on the inside when you realize you never have to register for classes again.

19. You won’t have the opportunity to use Classy from The Corp.

20. “Half-Price Wine Night” at The Tombs is essentially etched into your Google Calendar.

21. The fact that tomorrow is your last Georgetown Day is killing you from the inside out.

Think we missed anything? Leave it in the comments below!

Georgetown: Where Brains Meet Beauty

120912-intellectual

Ah, The Hilltop. We’d all like to think that Georgetown is a place where intelligent people come to bask in each others wisdom (despite the fact that so many people apparently don’t know how to flush toilets or get a napkin INSIDE of a trash can and not next to one), and this is true. But apparently brains aren’t all we have to bring to the table. According to a recent list published by Business Insider, we are ranked #4 in the “25 Colleges Where The Students Are Both Hot And Smart”.

Georgetown University was also recently ranked the 6th “Most Attractive Workforce” by the Hinge dating app.

You hear that? Brains AND beauty. Looks like you CAN have it all, my fellow Hilltop-ians!

Hoya Sexa, I mean…Hoya Smarta…I mean…

UPDATED:

See how we were stacked up on BuzzFeed’s sexiest and smartest colleges. Georgetown is highlighted for your convenience. Click here for the full article.

georgeto buzz

 

Pasta Bread Bowl > Super Bowl XLVII

bowls

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY. RAVENS v. 49ERS.

I repeat, SUPER BOWL SUNDAY. RAVENS v. 49ERS.

Yeah, I don’t really care either … but at least hockey’s back, right?

I’m no negative (*nopance*) Nancy over here, but I didn’t jump on the Baltimore bandwagon so I’m just not all that stoked about the Super Bowl. Maybe if things happened a bit differently, like if the Giants were in it (or the Jets, but that was never a thing) or if the Redskins had beat the Seahawks. (You’re fibbing if you say you don’t like watching RGIII play.) Better yet, if Destiny’s Child was performing at halftime. Wait — that’s happening.

Here are some bowl-related things that I find equally if not more exciting than the 2013 Super Bowl.

Bowl Cuts — Nothing is better than sitting right behind someone in one of your classes who has a wicked bowl cut — actually, there is literally nothing more distracting. How does it just stay so perfectly in that shape? How do you ever stop touching your hair if you have one? What does it look like after you take a shower?

Bowling for Soup — Not sure what it means to bowl for soup, but “1985” and “Girl All the Bad Guys Want” — gems. What if BFS performed at the Superbowl? WITH DESTINY’S CHILD. No. Got ahead of myself. But really, Bowling for Soup > Ray Lewis. (Brief interjection from Lindsay Lee: I AGREE WHOLEHEARTEDLY.) (Brief interjection from KP Pielmeier: CAN  I GET AN AMEN?!)

Bowling Birthday Parties — No one does this anymore. Why not? I did this in middle school and it was a raging success. The invitations were shaped like bowling pins and we ate crappy pizza and store-bought cake until we felt sick and then went to the arcade and I bought a harmonica with the tickets I won. When did this become uncool?

Fish Bowls — My roommate and I had a Chinese fighting fish in the fall. The little guy passed away in November (really traumatic day) but we had a nice run with Arthur. He brought a lust for life into Village A that was unlike anything you’ve ever seen — so young, wild and free.

Pasta Bread Bowl – As advertised, it’s “so good you’ll devour the bowl.” Maybe you can eat a Pasta Bread Bowl while you watch the Super Bowl this year. $5.99, just sayin’.

Photo: Invitation Consultation, So Good Blog, IGN, SportsCity

Autumn on the Hilltop

Congrats Hoyas — you’re on one of the best campuses to be on this autumn. According to thebestcolleges.org, Georgetown is sixth in the nation for best autumn campuses. As it says on the website, we should consider ourselves lucky with our “…picturesque New England trees and cool, crisp air.”

Although it may not feel like it with Hurricane Sandy knocking down some our gorgeous New England trees, the neighborhood is looking a lot better with the decorations out in force. We’ve got a distinct flavor in the neighborhood; walks around campus and the surrounding area are better than usual.

Georgetown is also highly ranked because of our Halloween traditions. As most students know, The Exorcist is a horror movie near and dear to the Hoya heart. The annual screening of the film in Gaston Hall is followed by the “Healy Howl.” Students go to the cemetery by Healy Hall and let out their best howl. (This is post is from a while ago, but this tradition also places Georgetown on the list of “10 Strange College Traditions“)

If you don’t feel too appreciative of how nice the area is looking, don’t worry. There’s plenty of time and the colors on the trees are just showing up now. The days where you can sit down on a nice green lawn and nap are numbered; enjoy your campus Hoyas.

Photo: https://rob-page-iii.smugmug.com/Washington-DC/Pre-2005/Georgetown-Fall-2002/0211AA20-4×6-Georgetown/140192909_YgpKa-L.jpg

We’re Number 3! We’re Number 3!

Hope you look good in bronze, because D.C. was just named the third best city in America by Businessweek.

D.C. pulled in a third place finish, behind Seattle at number 2 and San Francisco at number 1. According to Businessweek, the District has become “the nation’s leader when it comes to leisure,” based on our significant park acreage, high volume of restaurants and cultural arenas like the Kennedy Center and Smithsonian museums.

This comprehensive ranking of America’s cities comes out every year, and judges them based on a variety of categories, from libraries to crime to air quality. Businessweek and Bloomberg Rankings came up with the ranking system, which took into account five major areas:

  • Leisure (bars, restaurants, libraries, museums, professional sports)
  • Education (public school performance, local colleges)
  • Economics (income, job availability, unemployment)
  • Crime
  • Air Quality

The metrics for ranking cities were altered slightly this year to put more emphasis on leisure amenities – so while many cities’ rankings may have changed, that doesn’t mean that they’ve gotten significantly better or worse since last year’s list. Last year Raleigh, North Carolina topped the list while they came in 18th place this year. The District pulled itself up to number 3 from number 6 last year.

Check out where the rest of America’s biggest cities fall in the ranking with the whole list. How does your hometown stack up to D.C.?

Photo: Flickr user rahtenkamen

Happy and Stressed Out—Sounds About Right

Newsweek has released its 2012 college rankings, and it turns out we’re one of the happiest colleges in America! Also one of the most stressed. Georgetown was ranked the sixth happiest and eighth most stressed out of 25 schools.

Criteria for the happiest colleges were based on retention rate, student satisfaction, and likelihood that students would choose to attend the school if they had to start the whole college admissions process over again. With our sixth place finish we came in above University of Southern California, Tufts, Duke, and Harvard. Stanford was the overall winner, with Carleton College coming in second and Yale at third. The University of Chicago just edged us out in fifth place.

Newsweek used academic pressure, average student debt, and campus crime record to determine which schools were most stressed out. It turns out that Washington University is the most stressful campus in the country, followed by UPenn and Columbia. Georgetown is more stressful than Duke, Yale and BC. Guess all those laptop thefts take a toll on our mental well-being.

Sadly we failed to make the Most Beautiful Colleges list (I’m blaming Lau for that one) or the Top Party schools. You can check out the rest of the lists over at Newsweek.

Photo: Flickr user Marks_DC_Pictures