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What to Expect During Semi Formal Szn

In between the time of the turkey and the weeks of Michael Bublé and Mariah Carey Christmas carols, Georgetown celebrates another special season: Semi Formal Szn. Around this time, the Facebook notifications roll in, the online shopping begins, and the number of people getting hospitalized skyrockets.

With these many options of which formal to crash, our wallets are begging us to be selective. So, I’ll make it easy for you and summarize what to expect at each event:

Any Frat/Sorority

If you’ve never been to any of the Greek life semi formals, just pull up any video on Barstool’s Instagram page and you’ll get the picture. Girls will be taking photos everywhere, begging their dates to “take one with flash, one without and one with portrait mode.” The guys, of course, will be screaming jibberish at each other, lightly punching each other until it eventually turns into a spectacle of a public fistfight. Nonetheless, a good time!

GUES

Mini hot dogs and Red Bulls are not a great combination for the stomach. If you really pay attention, you can hear the attendees, 99 percent of whom are not even in GUES, complaining about the lack of food and eventually taking the late night trek to Epi (the pesto grilled cheese is underrated, by the way, so be sure to try that). Each semester, at least one person has needed to be ~escorted~ into an Uber back to campus, and you can bet that this year will be no different.

The Hoya

This will probably be the most sophisticated-trashy formal you’ll ever attend. Hoya members will gladly debate politics, compare their high school subject test scores and argue about which section of The Hoya is ‘better’ (s/o to “tHe BlOg DoEsN’t EvEn CoUnT!”). Basically, it’s the typical GPB basement party, but much classier (and less crowded)!

Couples at Leo’s

I still don’t know who runs the Couples at Leo’s Instagram account, but if you’re reading this, I love you (and thank you for following @picsofjennaeating #shamelessselfpromo). No one at this formal will bring (or have) a significant other, but that won’t stop them from ~classily~ sharing a beverage together at Hawthorne. The lucky stars who have been featured on @CouplesAtLeos will receive their deserved clout and moments of fame, as overexcited freshmen will scream, “You’re the one who played footsies!” or “Aren’t you the one who ate alone?”

The Corp

I don’t know why on earth people would pay $100 for a formal, but they better be willing to get their money’s worth out of a night at the Andrew M. Mellon Auditorium. Freshman girls will finally be able to rewear their prom dresses, only to realize how uncomfortable they truly were. It might be tough to convince your non-Corp friends as to why they should pay $100 for a ticket to one formal when they could just go to the three formals listed above for the same price, but you can at least send your family some wholesome and classy photos before you spend most of the night waiting in line for the fancy bathroom.

Formal szn can be overwhelming, but you should at least try to go to one for the experience. And if you go to all of them…how do you have the money, energy and liver for that?

Have fun, Hoyas.

 

Gif/Photo Sources: giphy.com, flashbak.com

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10 Things Hoyas Should Be Thankful For

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, HOYAS!

Can you believe it? Midterms are (finally) over and Christmas is literally WEEKS away!

Before I get too far ahead and offend all those people who “love” Thanksgiving, let’s jump right into what this article is actually about. Today, I’ve decided to give you the 10 things you should be most thankful for as a Hoya — and yes, I know it can be pretty difficult to figure it out sometimes. Here they are:

  1. That one time a semester when you think a rat is about to jump out of the bush and it turns out to be a bunny                                                        
  2. All your tuition money is being spent on a “green space” that will not be finished until after we all graduate.
  3. The elevator in Regents that is ALWAYS there for those of us who have given up on taking the stairs up to Leavey
  4. When the workers at Einstein’s learn your name — it’s a great feeling, speaking from personal experience here.       
  5. Pasta week at Launch — it’s 100 percent the best week, don’t try to deny it.      
  6. When Jack’s Crew lets you get less than 3 feet away from Jack to take a picture
  7. The Georgetown meme page
  8. The smell on the second floor of the ICC is almost completely gone.
  9. Well, you go to Georgetown. I know this is kind of soft, but it’s true.
  10. MAC MCCLUNG…have you seen him dunk??

Animated GIF

Have a happy Thanksgiving, Hoyas. See you soon!

Gif/photo sources: giphy.com, countryliving.com

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4E’s Thanksgiving Countdown

It doesn’t seem valid to get excited year after year about a holiday that commemorates our subjugation of native peoples and destructive colonial ways, but let me tell you: I am excited for Thanksgiving break.

You may ask me, “What could be so exciting about five days in central New Jersey?” Well, first of all, New Jersey is the most underrated state. Second of all, a brief reprieve from midterms is exactly what I need to restore my sanity.

Please join me on a ~journey~ to cozy, fall-time feels. Whether you’re travelling home for Thanksgiving or not, these activities should allow you to start healing that part of your soul that a semester-long midterm season has sucked out of you.

First, play this song for maximum reading experience.

Day 1: Nov. 5

Divine your Thanksgiving horoscope. What’s in the stars for you this year? If you’re going home, will you finally hook up with your high school crush? Will you get taken to the hospital with an irreversible food coma? Only one way to find out…

Day 2: Nov. 6

Go vote. If you haven’t voted yet, please motivate yourself with the thought of Great-Grandma Pat’s wrath when you tell her you abused the right she fought so hard for back when they only showered like once a week or whatever. This way, when your family members start arguing at the dinner table, you’ll be able to validate the opinions you’ve honed in all of those SFS classes by proving that you’re an active participant in our democracy.

Day 3: Nov. 7

Plan out your plate. Everyone knows that going into the holiday meal without an attack plan is a fool’s errand. Use the below image to prevent future discomfort and maximize future deliciousness.

Image result for thanksgiving plate outline

Day 4: Nov. 8

Get the 411 on those crazy relatives you’re afraid to see. Call your mom. You should probably do this anyway, but for your own safety, ask her to give you an update about Aunt Linda’s “situation” so you’re not blindsided on the big day.

Day 5: Nov. 9

Start filling up your shopping carts. Two weeks before Black Friday, go against your better judgment and let those natural consumer instincts run wild. I’ve never actually shopped on Black Friday before, but I like to imagine that filling up online shopping carts is just as good.

Day 6: Nov. 10

Check out those fall colors. Get out of your musty apartment for once and take a walk somewhere in the city — it’s actually very beautiful here and we tend to take that for granted too often.

Day 7: Nov. 11

It’s cuffing season. Have you found your big/little spoon yet? It’s getting pretty chilly outside; you should probably get on that.

Day 8: Nov. 12

Convince your dad that a turducken is a bad idea. Tell him the hard truth: 55 is too old to spice things up, especially with the multi-meat equivalent of the Human Centipede. Like him, sometimes oldies are goodies — no more of this millennial nonsense.

Day 9: Nov. 13

Start packing. I’m serious. If you do it this far in advance, you’ll avoid that last-minute packing nightmare in which you somehow only bring home booty shorts, a turtleneck and over-the-knee boots.

Day 10: Nov. 14

Do something ~cute~ with your friends. Make a pie. Drink some chai. Discuss the best moisturizing strategies for preventing dry winter skin (non-spon but pls check out this account @dewydudes). Put aside homework for a sec and appreciate the value of good, wholesome fun.

Day 11: Nov. 15

Come up with a fake major to get your grandparents off your back. They don’t understand that you’re not wasting their money; you’re just finding yourself. So, pose as a Future Government Official/Investment Person to get out of hot water with the old folks.

Day 12: Nov. 16

Learn how to play football (?). I’m very thankful that my family does not maintain this tradition, but if yours does, it’s probably time to tighten up that spiral. Who knows, maybe you’ll get concussed and won’t have to take any more exams!

Bradley Cooper in “A Star is Born,” 2018 (colorized).

Day 13: Nov. 17

Thank your roommate(s). Whether you’re best friends or mere living partners, be grateful to this person for putting up with you. This way, your inability to wash dishes and sexiling habits won’t weigh heavy on your conscience over the break.

Day 14: Nov. 18

Friendsgiving! Get together with all of your friends for one last hurrah before going your separate ways. A group dinner feat. Leo’s turkey and mashed potatoes never looked so cute.

Day 15: Nov. 19

Watch the twurkey dance. This is a good distraction that will get you hype for the holiday.

Day 16: Nov. 20

What? Sorry. I’m already gone. If possible, remove yourself mentally and/or physically from the Georgetown environment. This could be done in the form of a really long nap, ripping up a blue book — you name it.

Hoya Saxa! I’m grateful for you <3

Sources: festival-collection.com, giphy.com, youtube.com, people.com

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Essential End-Of-Night Songs

Well, it looks like summer is coming to an end, which means the incoming wave of mixed emotions that comes with ~going back to school~.

I know how you must be feeling at this time. If you’re like me, you’re probably grappling with the fact that school inevitably means deadlines and applications and stress and what have you. There are just certain activities that don’t quite lie in my “personal strength” category, including (but not limited to) packing, scheduling, planning and making simple decisions in general.

But hey! Look on the bright side for once: Coming back to school also means returning to an exhilarating, debauchery-filled lifestyle that you now have the privilege of sharing with all your best friends!

And what better way to spend your last few days of summer than dreaming of all the ~great~ parties you’re gonna throw in that brand new Henle.

But beware, young ones! Party hosting is no joke! A few distinguishing factors can turn a potential rager of the century into a total lame-fest faster than you can say DJ Khaled.

Luckily, you have a full bench of experienced professionals here at 4E to advise and protect you — specifically in any aux cord-related endeavors that involve essential Georgetown party classics.

1. Mr. Brightside – The Killers

No other song in the history of humankind has ever got drunk white people more hyped than Mr. Brightside. Ever.

I have sincerely never been to a party where this song didn’t play. And I can’t say I’m mad about it.

2. Georgetown Fight Song

I don’t know a single word to the Georgetown fight song and it still bangs.

3. Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus

This song is so obviously a classic that I don’t even feel the need to explain why you should play it.

4. Walmart Yodel EDM Remix – Yodeling Boy // Famous – Mason Ramsey

If at any point during the night you start to feel yourself hitting the wall, I PROMISE this song will revive you. Don’t fight it. Feel the beat. Feel the passion.

And for anyone who might mind disrespecting the musical artistry of the beloved Mason Ramsey, you can always opt to play his other best song — “Famous.”

This song is just the perfect balance between country and, like, hip. The lyrics are just so real, it breaks my heart. In a, you know, fun-loving, rager, party type of way, sort of. Sometimes, though, you just need some emotional head banging to make your night worth it.

5. Tik Tok – Ke$ha

I don’t think I have to remind anyone that stanning Ke$ha gives you not only a reason to pretend like it’s still 2009, but also to party harder than you ever would have without her. We play this song out of pure reverence for a true queen. After all, Ke$ha is the reason you could ever wake up with dirt and glitter all over yourself and call it a “look.”

But if you really want to mix it up, you can always play the Avril Lavigne acoustic cover of the song just to see how everyone in the room reacts.

(link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OahmkdWS3kQ)

6. Kiss Me Thru the Phone – Soulja Boy

It is a well-known fact that almost nothing gets a party going more than the words “soulja boy tell ‘em.”

Though some people might prefer the classic “Crank That (Soulja Boy),” I have always been a believer that “Kiss Me Thru the Phone” is a just as good, if not better song. I mean, anyone can crank that, but there’s just something about someone pulling out a flawless “678 triple 9 8212” that is just so damn impressive.

7. Thrift Shop – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

This song has not just one but three (at least) iconic lines, including but not limited to:

“Macklemore can we go thrift shopping?”

“What what what what da da da da dadaba da”

And of course,

“Walk up in the club like whaddup I gotta big c–k”

How could you pass up such poetry?

8. Whatcha Say – Jason Derulo

A healthy JaSoN dErUuLo throwback for when you get tired of listening to “Swallalala” for the millionth time.

Wait, seriously, what did she say tho?

9. Africa – Toto

A classic so great it has consistently reappeared in the top charts since the 80s. This song is the absolute best to sing at the top of your lungs with all your dearest friends.

10. Follow Me – Jamie Lynn Spears (Zoey 101 theme song)

In general, I’m usually against the notion of pretending theme songs to tween shows are real songs, but Zoey 101 is quite the exception. This is one of those songs where when it first starts playing, you might be like “aw man, come on, seriously, like, who would play this song right now dude,” but then it actually starts and you just can’t not sing along.

“Ooooh. I know ya see me standin’ here”

Plus, Chase. Am I right, ladies and gents?

11. Bring Me to life – Evanescence

So you can rock that early 2000s misunderstood, emo, goth girlfriend vibe for 3 minutes and 56 seconds before you get over it and go back to being a basic b—h.

12. All Star- Smash Mouth

someBODY once told me the WORLD is gonna roll me,

I feel like this song would never not be welcome at a Georgetown party. Also, if this song doesn’t remind you of Shrek, wyd?

13. You Belong With Me – Taylor Swift

This one’s for all of us who refuse to accept the death of Old Taylor.

Old Taylor stays reminding us of that pure and innocent optimism we all used to have about being nerdy and cute.

Not to mention that, strategically speaking, playing a Taylor Swift song is the surest way of clearing out the party so you can finally go to bed.

So good luck out there, my fellow Hoyas. And remember, please aux responsibly.

 

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com, wallpaper-house.com

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Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

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Places to Eat at 2 AM Now That Wingo’s Is Gone

My time at Georgetown has not been without its fair share of tragedy.

Hillary lost the election. Quick Pita closed. Chi Di (allegedly) shut down. Leo’s has (somehow) remained open. My GoCard picture turned out terribly. Hot Chick/Chicken Madness lost the other election. JT3 was allowed to coach a Division I basketball team. I once accidently made eye contact with a professor on a weekend. And Jack the Bulldog has straight up ignored me every single time I’ve asked to take a picture with him. To say the least, it’s been a rough three years on the Hilltop.

But none of these calamities could have prepared me for the news that broke on June 26th, 2018. As I’m sure you know by now, our beloved Wingo’s has burned down, and its soon-to-open new location is much further away. My first inclination was to write a eulogy that encapsulated what this little restaurant meant to a certain young Hoya who possessed a special love of both chicken wings and the ability to eat chicken wings at 2:00 a.m.; however, I had to abandon that plan when my tears started making it too difficult to see the laptop screen.

But because I am a professional journalist, I will work through the profound pain of this loss in order to write the type of hard-hitting article I know our readers have come to depend on from 4E. So, without further ado, here is a definitive guide of Places to Eat at 2:00 A.M. Now That Wingos is Gone.

Epi  

(Open 24/7)

If you love the feeling of hating yourself in the morning, Epi is the place for you. Their famous quesadilla is a classic choice, and the fries and onion rings are solid options as well, but I am also a big fan of “accidentally” stealing somebody else’s order and just eating whatever it is they decided to get.

Hoya Snaxa

(Technically only open until 1:00 am but whatever you get the point)

If you don’t die from walking downhill to get there, Snaxa is a pretty solid late night choice. Nothing says “Thank God my parents don’t know what their tuition money is really going towards” quite like using your GoCard to buy Cool Ranch Doritos and Cucumber Juul Pods in the early hours of the morning.

Mono Diner

(Open 24/7)

Do you remember that time freshman year when you DFMO’d at a Henle party and then the next week you started feeling gross and tired all the time and then you started panicking because you couldn’t get an appointment at student health for over a month? Have you ever wanted to relive that exact experience but while eating food at 2:00 am? Well look no further than Mono Diner. Located across from the CVS on Wisconsin, Georgetown’s newest 24-hour diner looks pretty good from the outside, but I just do not understand the name choice. Eat with caution.

Muncheez

(Open until 4:30 am)

Muncheez is a conundrum. Much like GUSA or attending a Georgetown basketball game, it has the potential to be great, but always ends up being disappointing in reality. It’s fine. Not good. Not awful. Just fine.

Quick Pita

(Closed forever)

Domino’s 

(Open until 3:00 a.m.)

Delicious (of course), but now that Chi Di is gone, you’ll probably never have a reason to walk on Prospect Street at 2:00 a.m. ever again. Delivery is fine I guess, but it doesn’t run as late and cheesy bread is really meant to be eaten at those blue plastic tables in the store. Why does The Neighborhood of Georgetown find a way to ruin everything we love?

&pizza

(Open until 4:00 a.m.)

Do you like spending more money for pizza that is less delicious and less filling than Dominos? Take the stroll down to Wisconsin Avenue for an overpriced rectangular pie at &pizza.

Bulldog Tavern

(Open until 2:00 a.m.)

Do you like waiting an hour and a half for cold mozzarella sticks? Then Bulldog Tavern is the place for you!

Wisey’s

(Sadly only open until 11:30 p.m.)

It is absolutely baffling to me that Wisey’s closes at 11:30. p.m. It has a prime location near campus and its sandwiches are tailor-made for those whose standards have been lowered after consuming a few adult beverages. If anybody reading this has enough influence to change Wisey’s (’s ?) hours (@JOHNDEGIOIA, @BILLCLINTON, @THEWISEYSRAT) please contact 4E ASAP. I really need for this change to happen in time for my senior year.

So there you have it. A few late-night options to fuel your late-night shenanigans.

This Article is in Loving Memory of Wingo’s (2002-2018). Gone too soon. RIP to the GOAT.

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com, pinterest.com, wingos.com

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Cries for Help: Carvings in Lau Cubicles

As a nearly 230-year-old institution, Georgetown is host to secrets that current students can hardly fathom.

Hopefully no basilisks tho 🐍 #snakesofgeorgetown

Some of these secrets date back to the school’s founding. Messages etched by early students into the stone walls of Healy, White-Gravenor and Dahlgren — “Thou art fairer than a principled Jesuit,” “Thy perfume sweetens the scent of the stankiest Leo’s dish return,” etc. — have faded over time.

Actual footage of the Healy clock ringing every 15 minutes.

However, contemporary graffiti is alive and well in some of the newer and more utilized buildings on campus. Most anonymous messages, in fact, are located in none other than Lauinger Library, a hotspot of ~brutal~ nervous breakdowns on campus.

Lauinger? I barely know her.

Please join me as I reveal the most honest and repulsive thoughts of Georgetown students: those scrawled on the inside of Lau cubicles and Walsh restrooms in desperate acts of self-expression.

Me as I plumb Lau’s dusty depths. Also, if you don’t know what movie this gif is from, I can’t be friends with you.

Georgetown Confessions

It’s amazing that the president found time to helicopter over to Georgetown and vandalize our library! Spelling errors aside, this is 100% a rule to live by. #FightAgainstTheCapitalistCorp

This was found covering approximately 4 feet of vertical space on the lower level of Lau. I mean … say it loud, say it proud??? 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Breaking down gender barriers one act of vandalism at a time.

You’ve got to admit, coming out and claiming the Walsh fourth floor women’s bathroom as one of your favorite spots on campus is a bold move. Kudos to this brave soul.

Slackademia

This one is honestly too relevant right now. I love how this ~poet~ backed up some linguistics major’s revelation with a quintessentially Georgetown story of academic humiliation.

4E was tipped off that this one was drawn by a struggling freshman who started their “Problem of God” paper the night before it was due and realized that they were supposed to “conduct a survey.” Yikes.

Quarter-Life Crises

If Lana Del Rey went to Georgetown, these would be the lyrics to her No. 1 song. FYI, if unlike this songwriter, the middle stall in the Walsh third floor bathroom isn’t really your vibe, check out these other spots on campus where you can bawl your eyes out.

This picture illustrates what happens when SFSers get too into their Neo-Sovietism class and then realize that they have to make themselves marketable to consulting firms for summer internships.

Classic Georgetown Elitism

Okay, Brock, that’s only because your dad donated a swimming pool there! Get off your high horse, please.

I mean… George Washington probably would have been a Hoya. #justsayin

Hoyas Reveal Their Ugly Side

This statement is unacceptable. Georgetown students are practically defined by their constant belittlement of campus dining and love for mainstream hip-hop. Do better, Hoyas.

Now that you’ve seen some of the innermost thoughts of Georgetown students, I encourage you to look around the next time you’re struggling to write a paper in Lau at 2 a.m. You may find inspiring messages, crude drawings or desperate cries for help.

Either way, the notes left behind by past Hoyas are an important part of Georgetown’s history that current students can and should bond over.

Did you know that Ben Gates holds a degree in American history from Georgetown? #NotableAlum

Best of luck with finals, everyone! Keep scribblin’ away.

Note: I’d like to apologize to all of the people I weirded out while sneaking around Lau and Walsh taking pictures.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook (Georgetown Memes for Non-Conforming Jesuit Teens)

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Blue and Gray, Please Be Honest

Nothing says spring on the Hilltop like being boxed into a corner by a tour group on your way to class.

In my experience, while college tours seem informative as a naive senior in high school, seeing them as an actual college student has given me a greater appreciation for the level of BS that every school is able to make up. In honor of this year’s GAAP weekends and possible future Hoyas, here’s a more honest look at Georgetown’s campus.

Get excited

First, there’s Dahlgren Quad, home of one of our beautiful chapels. Georgetown is a Jesuit university–but don’t worry, we tokenize every other religion to make up for it. Look up and you’ll see a clock with some handles. This is the last time you’ll ever hear about it. This is a step where a lot of Presidents have stood. Sorry, did I hear someone say Bill Clinton?

Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton?

Bill Clinton. Bill. Clinton.

Have you heard of him? His name is Bill Clinton, and he went to Georgetown. Bill Clinton.

If you’ll follow me, up next is the Village A rooftop, overlooking the scenic Rosslyn skyline. You won’t have a chance of getting an apartment here until you’re a junior, but you might as well live here the first month of your freshman year. I will clearly avoid mentioning the plethora of beer cans scattered on the ground, but we all see them.

So, we’re going to be entering the Healy Family Student Center, or as students call it, HFSC. This building was designed with a lot of student input. One thing we heard was that students needed a place to plug in all their devices, so it’s full of outlets that don’t work. We also incorporated new studies that showed that green space and natural light help students study, so this ivy is real. I know because one time I saw a rat jump out of it.

A similar situation may also be found on a Vil A rooftop

Now we’ll be passing Hilltoss, one of our Corp locations. The Corp is the largest student-run non-profit in the world, making $5 million each year (assuming they’re not bankrupt). Everyone from the CEO to the barista handing you your coffee is a student employee and will tell you about it every time you happen to even breathe their way.

Next we have our dining hall, Leo O’Donovan Hall. If you’d like to grab a few croissants after the tour from the lovely-but-somehow-consistently-dysfunctional Whisk, it will probably cost you upwards of tuition. Leo’s is also great because as a child I loved the movie Ratatouille, and Georgetown has allowed me to experience the live action version.

This is Red Square, where we have our farmers’ market every Wednesday when it’s warm out. It’s the only time you’ll feel joy on this campus.

An avocado, thankss!

Finally, as we enter Leavey we’ll be passing by the offices of GUASFCU, the most needless acronym ever created. The likelihood of both getting into Georgetown and GUAFSCU is less than getting struck by lightning while simultaneously winning the lottery. However, you have worse chances of getting into a club that just goes out to eat. If you love the Common App process, you’ll love Georgetown clubs.

That concludes our honest tour of Georgetown’s campus. Blue and Gray, feel free to incorporate any of this student-sourced information into a new and improved (more accurate) tour format for prospective Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, goldstar.com

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The Very Best of D.C. TV

Get #hype, Hoyas, because Hollywood is coming to Georgetown! Kind of.

On April 17th, Joshua Malina and Bradley Whitford, former stars of the television classic The West Wing, will be making an appearance in Gaston Hall to record a podcast about what it was like to work with someone as handsome as Rob Lowe on the set of an ~iconic~ political drama. For many of you, I know this is a BFD (s/o Joe Biden) because Josh Lyman was, like, 90% of the reason you decided to pursue a PoliSci degree.  For those of you who are less familiar, The West Wing was that show you had to watch in high school when your AP Gov teacher didn’t feel like doing a real class that day. So whether you’re old a longtime fan or a relative newcomer, it’s sure to be a good time and you should definitely stop by!

And in the meantime, we thought this would be the perfect opportunity to review the very best of what D.C.-themed television has to offer. Look no further for an insightful and comprehensive guide to the pros and cons of the shows that qualify as true #DCTV.

Bonus: Watching any of the following shows is a great way to pretend like you’ve  left the Georgetown Bubble this semester without all the inconvenience of actually figuring out how to use the Metro!

Me, trying to blend in when I venture beyond the corner of M and Wisconsin

 

The West Wing (1999-2005)

Pros:

  • Allows us to believe that extremely beautiful and smart people like Rob Lowe and Allison Janney would willingly choose to live in D.C. and work for a government salary. Optimistic!
God I miss the 90s
  • The West Wing on The West Wing is lead by a rational, intelligent, and not-morally-bankrupt President. Martin Sheen does not attempt to build a wall or have an affair with an adult film actress at any point in this show. Wholesome!
  • The President’s daughter (Elisabeth Moss) is a Hoya. They even film a graduation scene on campus at one point. Fun!

Cons:

  • Show creator and head writer Aaron Sorkin went to Syracuse. Yikes…
  • Has apparently convinced a generation of Georgetown undergrads that they physically and/or intellectually resemble Rob Lowe’s character. Inaccurate!
When some guy compares himself to Sam Seaborn

Scandal (2012-2018)

Pros:

  • Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) attended Georgetown Law!
  • Makes working in D.C. seem cool and sexy, rather than sweaty and soul-crushing.
D.C. every day from May through September. Also, every class I’ve ever had in Walsh.
  • Brenda Song was a character on the show for a hot minute
  • Shonda Rhimes. Enough said.

Cons:

  • If I ever saw someone even half as beautiful or stylish as Kerry Washington walking around D.C., I would go into cardiac arrest. Extremely misleading portrayal of life here.
When some girl compares herself to Olivia Pope
  • The camera-snapping noise that plays between scenes. Irritating.
  • A lot of crossover between Grey’s Anatomy characters. Distracting. What is Meredith’s dad doing in the White House??

House of Cards (2013- present)

Pros:

  • Robin Wright. Nothing but respect for MY President.
When the professor finally tells that guy in your discussion section who claims to read The Economist and prefaces all his sentences with phrases like “just to play Devil’s Advocate here…” that he needs to stop talking and give other people a chance
  • That scene where Kate Mara gets pushed in front of the Metro is my primary reason for spending so much money on Ubers. Thanks for letting me justify my laziness by citing safety concerns!

Cons:

  • Kevin Spacey. Gross. Wya, Christopher Plummer??
@netflix, make the final season a musical while you’re at it #HireJulieAndrewsToo
  • Depressing and dark content. But not in a fun, Black Mirror way.
  • No important characters attended Georgetown. Sad!

Madam Secretary (2014- present)

Pros:

  • I have never actually seen this show, but the Wikipedia page is very  informative.
  • The husband of the main character (Madam Secretary) teaches at Georgetown! I am now picturing him as a Kroenig lookalike. Please let me know if this is accurate.

Cons:

  • When I started writing this article I guess I thought that Madam Secretary and The Good Wife were the same thing, and I was only going to write about it because I remembered that Big from Sex and the City is the main character’s husband on The Good Wife. I was very disappointed to find out that I confused the plots of these two vaguely-Hillary-Clinton-inspired TV dramas. Big from Sex and the City has yet to make an appearance on this show. Poor casting choice.
Me, upon realizing Madam Secretary’s husband is actually portrayed by someone named Tim Daly

Veep (2012- present)

  • Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Iconic actress, amazing human being, and one of the rare women who could actually pull off a perm back in the day.
  • Buster from Arrested Development. 
Me, any time Tony Hale is on screen
  • Mean, but in a witty and fun way. It’s like The Office, but if all the characters were as comically narcissistic and rude as Jim. (See: my future article on how Jim Halpert is actually a terrible person).

Cons:

  • Need an HBO account to watch it. Fellow Hoyas, please help a girl out and email 4E with your account password ASAP. I promise I need it for article research purposes and not just to binge watch Sex and the City.
  • One time on a plane I tried to watch an episode over the shoulder of the guy sitting next to me. He saw me and turned the screen away. If you’re reading this, rude stranger, please email 4E with a formal apology. I had clearly forgotten to bring my own earbuds, the GoGo internet access didn’t work, and that flight was like five hours long. You could have shown some compassion.
Dramatic reenactment of me and the rude Veep fan

So there you have it, Hoyas. A complete and objective guide to television shows about ~The District~. Coming up next week: a guide to the very best of New York-themed TV (Spoiler: Sex and the City is featured very prominently). 

Gif/Photo Source: giphy.com, pinterest.com

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You Are What You Eat: What Your Georgetown Dining Preference Says About You

Let’s be honest: Georgetown isn’t exactly known for its food. (Fun fact: Niche.com ranked us 1,017 out of 1,384  schools in its 2017 rankings for the “Best College Food in America”).

Nevertheless, with the renovation of an upper level of Leo’s that only flooded once this year and the addition of Chick-fil-A, we shouldn’t be complaining too much. And with all these new eateries come new types of people. Here are all of the different types of hungry Hoyas you’ll see throughout the Hilltop.

5 Spice

Probably an ex-boarding school student, this person is a veteran of Chinese takeout, constantly ordering the chicken fried rice, egg rolls and fried pork dumplings. Perhaps 5 Spice isn’t as luxurious as Shanghai Lounge, but with limited flex dollars you gotta ball on a budget with those meal swipes and make the most of it. You’ll probably never see this person actually eating in Leo’s — they’re most likely munching away at their sesame chicken while playing League of Legends or watching the basketball game on their laptop.

Sazón

One of the most annoying eaters, a Sazón lover is that person screaming when “Despacito” comes on in a sweaty Henle. This person probably studied abroad and applied to live in a Spanish LLC after getting an A- in Intermediate II. Oh, and did they mention they studied abroad? The yellow rice from Sazón must have cultured them and ingrained both some ~diversity~ and ~perspective~.

Bodega

This one’s a joke. Does anyone even eat here? Although I’ve never seen a line here, I imagine a Bodega lover is the type of person you’d see on a Georgetown brochure — organized, studious, disciplined and never puking off a Vil A rooftop on Georgetown Day.

Olive Branch

Found in a Moncler coat and some hipster glasses, the standard Olive Branch customer is either a faux Italian or an expat who believes  a ham, feta and spinach pizza really reflects their ~international status~. You’ll often find this person hanging out with the same three people every single day. Catch them at Sax or some bourgeois club away from us plebeians who don’t have cool accents.

Downstairs Leo’s

You should always eat with this person, as they probably have zero standards for food and therefore will never complain about your cooking. The typical Downstairs Leo’s customer has both a large heart and stomach and probably complains about the small portion sizes at 5 Spice while defending the integrity of Georgetown mice — “They’re not even that bad.” These people are the least uptight and most carefree people you’ll  meet in your life — a nice change of pace from the SFS kid who reminds you of his internship every day in class or that one freshman who claims she needs to live in a Henle or Vil B next year.

Crop Chop

“Did I tell you I don’t eat complex carbs?” A regular Crop Chop fanatic will often be found ordering a kale salad inundated with a sour vinaigrette dressing. You can often spot Crop Chop lovers in Lululemon leggings on the way to Yates. If they don’t remind you  they’re vegan or complain that “greasy” upstairs Leo’s promotes college obesity and unhealthy living,  consider yourself lucky.

Royal Jacket

You should envy this person. How does someone have so much time to wait 30 minutes in line for a turkey and cheese sandwich? God forbid this person be found in Lau. Lauinger? Never heard of her. You’ll only spot them in the bourgeois resorts of Regents or working arduously in the MSB.

And of course, we mustn’t forget the majority of Hoyas who will be found drunkenly ordering Insomnia Cookies or Wingos in the late hours of the weekend. Good luck on your exams and happy eating!

Sources: niche.com, giphy.com