An Open Letter to Kylie Jenner

kylie openl etter

Dear Kylie,

How goes it? What’s happening, sweetie? I think I speak on behalf of the entire world when I ask — why are you doing this?

You have complete autonomy over your life choices. However, if I may offer some constructive feedback, Tyga is an objectively worse life partner/baby daddy/PR tool than Travis. Travis is hot, talented and successful. He’s a good dad. Please refer to exhibits A through D for evidence.

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she won’t let go of that purse 👛 😫

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Only love Us vs The globe

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I realize that Tyga holds some sentimental value for you. Let’s all take a moment to remember that episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” in which Tyga performed at Kendall’s Sweet 16 and shared a ~moment~ with a wide-eyed, thin-lipped teenage Kylie.

Start watching at 3:35.

Despite that, it’s about time we all moved on from our teenage crushes. Don’t you think?

As further evidence, let’s compare the artistic abilities of the two men. Would you rather be in “Rack City” or “ASTROWORLD”? Would you rather have six Grammy nominations or a $20 million lawsuit for showing women topless in the “Make it Nasty” music video without their consent? If you’re still uncertain, a text study is provided below.

Kylie, I know what you’re thinking. Who is this girl to criticize me and my decisions? And you’re right. I can’t say I’m a member of your fan base; I had a short Kardashian phase in 2012, but didn’t we all? Yet, after watching your pregnancy video, I have been rooting for you, Travis and Stormi. How could you give this up?

At the end of the day, it’s your life. This is just my opinion, so take it or leave it. I just hope you continue to “Rise and Shine” and I think that Travis is the best person to do that with.

Sources: Giphy, Tenor, YouTube, Instagram

What Clubs Famous People Would Be In At Georgetown

As one of the top 20 schools in the U.S. (and home to the hottest college men, according to Tinder), Georgetown is generally accepted as a place for the ~elite~.

We’re not an Ivy but… yeah, pretty much.

While a fair number of VIPs have walked these hallowed halls (I sometimes daydream about running into Bradley Cooper in the dish return at Leo’s), with a 16% acceptance rate, it’s hard to “catch ‘em all.”

I still cringe…

Once you’ve figured out what famous Hoya you are, come take a break from procrastinating for finals reality with me and imagine what clubs your favorite celebs would be in if they had sported the good ol’ blue and gray.

*wipes away tear*

The Kardashians – Thirty-Seventh

We all know that these gals enjoy the finer things in life. I can’t attest to their academic aspirations, but I have a good feeling that if Kardashoyans existed, they would be major contributors to Georgetown’s premier lifestyle and fashion blog. #Yeezys #For #All

If you stop reading 4E, Kim will be mad. 

Emma Watson – Blue and Gray

This is the friend that you want to hate but can’t because they’re just too nice. Smart, beautiful, vaguely international—they make Georgetown look damn good. You may resent this pal’s borderline *magical* talents, but you have to admit that this kid is going places.

A typical Georgetown know-it-all.

Mark Ruffalo – The Corp

To all my Ruffalovers out there, this one’s for you. This Bernie Bro can sport a knit fleece like no other, and will engage you in a long-winded discussion on conspiracy theories if you so much as whisper the words “inside job.” Can’t you imagine the man behind The Hulk, once dubbed a “sentient farmer’s market,” serving you your double shot of espresso at Midnight MUG with a crinkly, good-natured smile? We know we can.

That woven bracelet tho :-O

Ivanka Trump – GUASFCU

The First Daughter was a student in the MSB for two years before transferring to Penn (*cough* complicit). Her penchant for fancy shoes and ambiguous business buzz-words would make her a prime candidate for Georgetown’s most prestigious financial association.

If you don’t sleep in a suit, are you really an MSBro?

Zac Efron – GUGS

The High School Musical and Neighbors star is truly a man of the people. For this reason, he’d be a member of one of Georgetown’s most accepting clubs, flipping delicious meat spheres burgers for the masses on Friday afternoons. *sings We’re All In This Together with added enthusiasm*

 
If only Georgetown had real frats…
 
 
Stay warm, people. If Bradley Cooper made it through finals, so can we.
 
 
Photos/GIFS: youtube.com, giphy.com, fastccompany.net
 
 
 

Things We Forgot Happened in 2015

Banner - 2015 memories

2015 was a long year — 365 days to be exact. A lot can happen in 365 days. Friendships can be made (and broken), phone screens can be cracked, Netflix binges can be completed and begun and completed again. There are a ton of things that we forgot happened in the last twelve months. Here are a few:

Ariana Grande licked a donut and said she hated America

Justin Bieber got hot (and – dare I say – talented) #Sorry

Neil Patrick Harris hosted the Academy Awards in his underwear

Leonardo DiCaprio still didn’t win an Oscar

Tom Brady was accused of deflating balls in an incident known affectionately as “Deflategate”

Tom Brady set the record for most Superbowl wins by a quarterback

Left Shark stole the Superbowl half-time show

The war on gluten kicked in to high gear

The Pope came to DC

The Pope’s encyclical Laudato Sí focused on the environment

Microbeads were banned in the U.S.

New York Times asked, “Would you kill baby Hitler?” and people freaked out

Obama tweeted that NYT was ridiculous for suggesting peas in guacamole

“The dress”

Georgetown opened the old Jes Res dorm

Georgetown renamed the buildings of the old Jes Res

Georgetown basketball won a game in the NCAA Tournament

Georgetown blew out Villanova by 20 points at the Verizon Center

Villanova included Georgetown gear in its basketball fan pack (dummies)

Bradley Hayes learned to play basketball (and is actually really good)

DSR broke our hearts by declaring for the NBA draft (but then came back)

LJ Peak played on the gold-medal winning USA U-23 basketball team

Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Part 2 premiered

Star Wars: The Force Awakens broke a bunch of records

Hillary Clinton lied about her emails

Volkswagen lied to everyone

People sucked cups to try to get Kardashian-esque lips

Kim Kardashian’s rear end continued to break the Internet

Hoyas, we at 4E hope you had an incredible 2015 with some truly unforgettable memories.

Photo: wisegeek.com, TMZ.com,