John Carroll – The Fourth Edition

April 21, 2017April 21, 2017

What to Do on GAAP Weekend: Prospective Student Edition

Dear Class of 2021, and so on and so forth,

WELCOME to the Hilltop. D.C. or, as both the cool kids and the geotag call it, “the District,” is breathtakingly beautiful and the Georgetown bubble (aka my happy place) is nestled in a cozy corner of this vibrant and inspiring city. Home to an ambitious and driven student body, professors for whom one is willing to spend hours studying on Lau 4 and one well-loved bulldog, Georgetown is well worth visiting. Sign up to have a Blue and Gray tour guide escort you along patios strewn with empty beer cans the Vil A rooftops and point out where Bill Clinton lived in Harbin Hall, before he left communal bathrooms and his cluster for a marginally-more-upscale White House residence. Additionally, please make note of following important “Do’s and Don’ts” of visiting our campus.

Don’t try to join the meme page

Please don’t pretend that you’re a non-conforming Jesuit teen. Prep school has not prepared you for this type of meme mastery. One ~incredibly persuasive~ reason to attend this university and surround yourself with peers who also did quite well on the SAT, is the high caliber of meme quality that you will find here. However, seeing as you don’t go here (yet), you probably won’t be able to fully appreciate our self-deprecating jokes. Additionally, by bemoaning the state of Leo’s, Lau and the basketball program, the meme page fails to highlight the many things that make Georgetown so wonderful, and we don’t want you to get the wrong impression.

Don’t disrespect Leo’s

What are the odds that Leo’s will look like the Hogwarts’ Great Hall after the remodel? (unfortunately slim..)

To the hordes of red-sweatshirt clad minions getting WAY too excited about the weird ice cream flavors and groups of parents concernedly poking at salads, I don’t really understand why you are here. First of all, it’s O’Donovan’s by the Waterfront, to you. You are not allowed to poke fun at Leo’s mysterious lack of forks, soggy scrambled eggs, or constant abundance of gross Rum Raisin ice cream unless you have spent 14-18 meals a week in this fine establishment, and Kim Kim knows you by name. Second, while Georgetown is truly an incredible place, our on-campus dining options are not the reason that my future children’s first words will be “Hoya Saxa.”

Don’t brag about going to Georgetown “Frat Parties”

I would like to help you make the important distinction between a “frat party” and a party (or awkward, sweaty gathering) thrown by a frat in a cramped and dimly lit Henle apartment. I suppose I am powerless to stop you from putting a video of yourself singing along to Closer on your Snapchat story or taking a shot of Vanilla Burnett’s (Disclaimer: teen drinking is very bad, and also illegal). Just know that you’re not as cool as you think you are.

Do bask in the glory of Healy Hall

Does looking up at the Healy clock tower give you chills? Copley Lawn, peppered with Hoyas studying on blankets, throwing frisbees and laughing with their friends, feels so perfectly collegiate. The idyllic-ness of the hundreds of color-coordinated tulips gently swaying in the breeze by the front gates (almost) justifies the exorbitant cost of arranging such botanical displays. Can you resist taking a picture with John Carroll? Of course not. He is the GOAT, and you probably won’t get in if you don’t document meeting him (in statue form). Please note, this is not all too good to be true. I can assure you that one year later, when I am hammocking with my favorite people on the front lawn, it still feels just as magical.

A few additional points of clarification:

If you got the impression on your tour that The Corp rules this campus, this intuition is quite correct.
Jack the Bulldog and I are in an exclusive relationship. Take as many pictures with him as you would like, but he and I have already booked a date for our Dahlgren Chapel wedding.

Photos/gifs: msfs.georgetown.edu, giphy.com, facebook.com

March 24, 2017March 24, 2017

Other Things at Georgetown That Should Be Fired

We were beginning to think change was impossible. That was, of course, until it happened yesterday. Coach John Thompson III was not able to answer the question “Who Do You Know Here?” and was denied entrance at the door to another season at the helm of Georgetown basketball.

While the announcement was certainly shocking, if completely justified, it was more than just someone getting fired. This means that change is possible at Georgetown. Let’s ride the wave and get rid of the people at Georgetown responsible for other grave injustices:

FIRE the person in charge of sending GUPD updates. What ever happened to the emails about drunk people waking up in the wrong bed and punching someone? Then there was the time when someone was kidnapped and we didn’t even hear about it. Change is needed.
Pictured: current reputation of GUPD
FIRE SNAPS. Do you have nothing better to do on a Friday night than break up a party that probably wasn’t good in the first place? Our tuition dollars are literally being spent to reduce the party scene.
FIRE the architect of Lau. This is probably somewhat irrelevant, but just as a preventative measure, his or her professional license should be confiscated. Our skyline would have been so perfect if it weren’t for a building that is as soul-sucking as it looks.
NO!
FIRE the people who don’t pick up their omelets. All we can ask for at a Leo’s dining ~experience~ is to be lucky enough not to see a mouse and a timely produced omelet. Nobody likes long lines. Help make this a reality.
FIRE the founder of Instructional Continuity. Who in John Carroll’s name ever signed off that this was a good idea? I dare the administration to put out a survey about students’ and teachers’ satisfaction around this perversion of the education system.
FIRE professors that don’t round grades up. It’s not even about common courtesies; it’s about properly representing numbers. One rounds 8.6 to 9.0 so why isn’t an 86 an A-?
FIRE Saxanet. If I lose my progress while working on something one mor..

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com, giphy.com, memecrunch.com, Rachel Skaar/The Hoya

October 13, 2016

So You Need A Halloween Costume?

We’re almost two weeks out from Halloween, and even though we’ve been celebrating and talking about it since mid-April, it’s actually time to get ~serious~. If there’s one thing we all know for sure, it’s that Halloween isn’t so much about having fun as it is about getting a new killer cover photo or breaking 200 likes on your Instagram pic. With the help of 4E, you have four solid, not totally atrocious nor totally basic costumes to choose from. Better yet, they’re all tailored to Georgetown, so it reduces the likelihood that that one person you hate from your high school will be wearing the same costume as you. With one of these bad boys on, we wager you might even break, like, 300 likes.

1. John Carroll (Statue)

To start off this list we have a Georgetown classic: the John Carroll statue. I’m tailoring this costume to specifically refer to the statue because I don’t know what John Carroll looks like in non-statue-form, and neither do you. Anyways, this one is great because you can decide how far you want to go with it, you can keep it simple and wear a long sleeve shirt and wrap a sheet around your lower half or you can go all the way to statue-mime-street-artist.

This costume will also buy you at least like 15-20 minutes of good, solid attention at any party you walk into, and once everyone is over it, just saunter right on to the next party.

*Sexy “John Carroll”: for girls this just means making the skirt shorter. For guys, no need for a sexy upgrade: the freshman girls will already be crawling up on you to take pictures with you. I mean, that’s what the John Carroll statue was intended for, right?

2. MSBro

Does this one even need explaining? The multiple layers of polos (extra points for Vineyard Vines brand) are both warm and super stylish, the rest are lifestyle choices if you truly want to commit to the character. Alternatives include a SigEp shirt or even a Goldman Sachs zip-up you got from your internship over the summer. Both are great options.

Pursue this costume with reckless inhibition. Who cares that Halloween is on a Monday? You weren’t going to go to class anyways!

3. Jack the Bulldog

A potential downside to this costume is that for the ladies, it may be slightly more difficult to stand out among the abyss of other animal-eared gals, especially when being a cat for Halloween is basically the same thing as wearing Stan Smith’s on campus…we’ve all done it and we’re all guilty. But whatever–the upside to this costume is that, like most animal-themed costumes, it’s really easy to make this sexy.

Dog ears + Georgetown crop top and maybe even some dog face paint (if you’re willing to try out that Instagram DIY against your better judgement) = perfect five minute costume and you’re not even going to have to use the snapchat dog filter all night!

Seriously, don’t use the dog filter with this costume, its too meta and you’ll probably end up looking something like:

4. Chesapeake Babe

This is every Georgetown girl’s last minute costume. Just throw on your Lilly Pulitzer shift dress, Jack Rogers (obviously the gold ones), navy LongChamp (all which should have been included in your welcome package) and you’re good to go. Oh, and for the hair, just take the two pieces around your face and clip those bad boys together in the back. Bonus points: bring a Martha’s Vineyard windbreak in case, like, it gets chilly.

Sexy version: Try a two piece Lilly set; some of the skirts are seriously short and you can always throw on a monogram necklace or some Cartier love bracelets to spice things up.

Enjoy every moment because this is the one night in the Georgetown/DC area that you could stand out wearing any combination of these items.

Show up to the party with a few of your friends and start talking about Nantucket and how Exeter parties were so much better than the ones here:

If you don’t have something to wear yet, then you def need to get yourself together and take one of our suggestions. Don’t be too picky or you’ll end up wearing some stupid banana suit you got from a friend-of-a-friend under some bed in New South. Beggars can’t be choosers and these next two weeks are crunch time.

And in case you thought you finally found a Halloween-related post without a Mean Girls reference or gif: SURPRISE! Happy Hoyaween!

Photos/Gifs: pinterest.com, huffingtonpost.com, wikipedia.com, lilypulitzer.com, iwalk-free.com

November 10, 2015

The Profile Picture Progression of a Georgetown Student

Look back to your senior year in high school: a prospective student incessantly waiting for your Georgetown acceptance and, in the meantime, stalking all things Georgetown to try and get the best feel possible for the next four years of your life. You’re probably looking at the blog (HAY), the Instagram, your older brother’s friend’s cousin that attends Georgetown’s Facebook…

Ah, Facebook, from this random stranger’s profile you find others, you creep and you stalk and you notice a pattern. There is something Georgetown going on here.

The Profile Picture Progression of a Georgetown Student:

While you may still be an underclassman in high school, you know Georgetown is where you want to end up. You visited with your uncle that one time and got the idealistic proud (and maybe a little later regrettably awkward photo) in front of Healy and you’re showing it off.

You’ve been accepted and you make your way down to campus for GAAP weekend. Here is the opportune time to get that picture with Jack the Bulldog. You pet the dog and you’re officially part of the family.

It’s a few weeks into your freshman year and you’ve finally conquered John Carroll’s lap and documented it. You’re a Hoya with Hoya insider knowledge.

It’s now nearing the end of the semester. The holiday spirit is bustling through M Street and you step into Healey Circle on your way to Lau and see it lit with the Holiday Spirit. You, of course, get a picture with the “Hoyas” lights near the front gate.

Almost the end of March, you know you made it through winter because the Cherry Blossoms are out to greet you! You waste no time and run to the Tidal Basin to get a casual (planned) candid amidst the flowers.

Flash forward a couple years and the big day has finally arrived! No, not yet graduation, but your Tombs night. You’ve only been counting down since the first day of Junior Year to update your profile picture to a drunk one of you with a stamp on your forehead. Congrats, you’ve made it. This is the ultimate destination of the Georgetown student’s profile picture progression.

And then there is the graduation photos, you are finally a real person! Maybe you will throw it back to that first picture in front of Healy just to #tbt. You’ll always be a Hoya.

P.S. Don’t forget the Georgetown cover photo that appears sporadically throughout the four years, swapped out with friend candids, but forever returning.

Photos: 4E Facebooks, random boy on google, giphy.com, downtoday.co.uk

October 18, 2014October 19, 2014

Staffer of the Week: Brian Carden

Once a week, The Hoya recognizes one or two staffers who have done a particularly awesome job — now you can get to know about them, too. Here’s our interview with Staffer of the Week Brian Carden:

Hometown: Port Washington, N.Y.

School: MSB
Major: Finance and Operations & Information Management
Minor: Economics
Year: 2016
Position on The Hoya: Director of Sales
Why did you earn Staffer of the Week?

I sold a bunch of ads, including breaking the record for the New Student Guide. To quote Executive Editor Mallika Sen, “#nonewsfriday.”

What famous actor would play you in a movie about your life?
I’d have to say Adam Scott since I have a strikingly uncanny resemblance to Ben Wyatt.

What advice would you give a young Brian Carden – let’s say four years ago?
Don’t take yourself so seriously.

Are you a Jack the Bulldog or a John Carroll?
While the idea of lounging around Copley Lawn and winding up in the profile pictures of squatting freshmen certainly sounds appealing, I’m going to have to go with John Carroll. Like me, he seems like the kind of guy who liked to get stuff done. (I mean, after all, he founded Georgetown.)

Congrats to Brian! May you continue in your sales success.

Photo: Facebook

September 16, 2014

Calling All Mascot Hopefuls

We at 4E like to keep up with the Georgetown-themed social media pages. Georgetown University rocks an official Facebook page, Twitter profile and it racks up the likes on perfectly filtered Instagrams. Georgetown Hoyas, the athletic program’s social media moniker, does the same. You couldn’t believe the excitement the 4E bloggers exhibited while reading this tweet just a few days ago:

Students: We are looking for some new Jack the Bulldogs! If interested in being the mascot email [email protected] pic.twitter.com/PcfrQrO1xv

— Georgetown Hoyas (@georgetownhoyas) September 9, 2014

NEW JACK THE BULLDOG MASCOTS! Obviously, people are going to jump at the chance to represent the coolest college canine around. However will the athletic program choose? Well, we have a few ideas on how to get a Jack the Bulldog worthy enough to represent the Hoya community.

1. Cheddar Cheese and Carrot Eating Contest

Anybody who knows anything knows that Jack the Bulldog LOVES cheddar cheese and carrots. For a new Jack the Bulldog mascot, they should definitely be able to eat their fair share of this underrated delicacy. We will accept all forms of the food. (Bonus points if cooked in an Epi quesadilla.)

2. Georgetown History Trivia

Jack the Bulldog is a smart animal. Many a time he can be seen lounging on Healy Lawn amongst the frantically studying Hoyas. Any mascot should be able to have half of this dog’s intelligence. We think a Jeopardy!-style game show would separate the true Jacks from the phonies. 99% of the questions should be about Patrick Ewing’s cameo in Space Jam.

3. Race Around the John Carroll Statue

Jack likes to hang out around Healy Circle. He struts his stuff around our founder John Carroll for hours on end. All prospective Jack mascots should race around Healy Circle to see who can separate themselves from the pack. To make it more of a challenge, the mascots need to navigate the crowd of freshman girls waiting for a Valencia-filtered Instagram on John Carroll’s lap.

4. Trash Carrying Contest

As pictured above, Jack knows how to take out the trash. To test general strength and determination, I propose a hardcore weightlifting competition. Participants should lift trash bags full of half-eaten Verizon Center chicken tenders and the tears of our opposition after a Hoya victory.

5. General Cuteness

I don’t think any explanation is needed.

6. Dance Dance Revolution Throwdown

We propose bringing this nerd-learns-to-dance-in-arcade game back, just as Justin brought sexy back. DDR would test the prospective mascots’ stamina and flair for the art of dance. We want to see you get down with your bad selves in the student section during basketball games.

As this post should show you, if you want to be the next Jack the Bulldog rallying the student body, you better be on your A game. Not just any person can strut their stuff in a bulldog costume. So break out your running shoes and your obscure Georgetown facts. Good luck to all hopefuls!

Photos: georgetown.edu, brookhollowbulldogs.com, zimbio.com

January 5, 2014January 6, 2014

A Lonely Hoya on the Hilltop

When you arrive on campus four days before classes start, you’re greeted by something that looks a little like this:

You know it’s bad when you can walk from Epi to Village A and not see a single soul cross your path. Except that squirrel digging in the dirt. Hey, squirrel! Wanna hang out?

As lonely as it is without all of you here on campus, having the Hilltop to yourself does have a few advantages:

1. There’s no problem finding open tables on Lau 2! But wait, I have no homework to get done.

2. No homework! No classes! No rules! But no one to go out with.

3. I can pass the time with hours of Netflix! But I was already doing that for the last 3 weeks.

4. I can build a snowman out of the snow that’s already melted.

5. I can appreciate the architectural beauty of Lau.

6. I can write a blog post.

7. I just wrote this blog post.

8. I can… I can…

I guess there are only so many things a girl can do when she’s got a whole campus to herself. And I’m pretty sure the pipes in my apartment have never made so much noise as they did last night. It just goes to show how much Georgetown is really made by the students who are here. Georgetown is an impressive place with big, beautiful buildings, but it’s just not the same without the people who make it tick.

So hurry back to campus, Hoyas. John Carroll and I miss you!

Photos: Georgetown University, Deviant Art GIFS: Marnie Wallach for The Hoya

September 27, 2013September 27, 2013

Gadzooks! Where’d Our Seal Go?

Uh-oh-spaghetti-oh! Heavens to Mergatroid! It’s a John Carroll conundrum. From the looks of it, the Georgetown University school seal on the steps outside of Healy Hall seems to have disappeared – just in time for Homecoming Weekend.

In other words, what is supposed to look like this…

…currently looks like this:

Though we haven’t received word yet on the seal’s whereabouts or why it has gone missing (or potentially covered), we do have some wild speculations of our own about the disappearance. Take a look at them below:

1. A heartbroken Hoya alum stole the seal upon returning to campus for homecoming so he/she could keep a piece of Georgetown forever.

2. The University – in anticipation of our new mascot’s homecoming debut – took the seal away in case “new” Jack needed a bathroom break.

3. Someone from Syracuse just performed an elaborate heist to ruin Georgetown’s homecoming … Just kidding. Nobody from Syracuse could think of something that elaborate.

4. A prospective student who had previously stepped on the seal (and was subsequently denied from the University) destroyed the seal because he/she was denied entry to the best place on Earth.

5. Blue and Grey Tour Guides stole it so they could have some new material for their fall tours.

6. The University stole it and moved it to Clarendon, despite the results of the referendum voting.

7. This is a part of Nicholas Cage’s newest movie National Treasure: Georgetown where he steals Georgetown landmarks. LOOK OUT, JOHN CARROLL.

8. A Mr. Georgetown candidate made it disappear as a part of his talent for tonight.

What are your theories, Hoyas? Where’s the seal? Check The Hoya for all the latest updates!

Photo: Adam Ramadan, flickr, wikimedia

May 25, 2013May 24, 2013

What I Miss Most…

Hey, Hoyas, how long’s it been?

Oh yeah, that’s right, two weeks.

It’s only been two weeks since we’ve left campus for summer vacation, but if you’re feeling anything like I am, there’s already a soft, yearning pain deep within your soul that pulls at your heartstrings and cries out “Hoya Saxa” with the same melancholy nostalgia of Céline Dion in this classic video.

Though you might be happily abuzz with your summer job or internship, and though you might be comfortably lounging in your own bed at home, there are some parts about the Hilltop that might be making you feel a bit, well… homesick. Here’s what I (and probably many of you) miss most about Georgetown over summer vacation:

Seeing Healy every day

There’s just something I miss about returning back to campus at night and looking up to see this:

Or waking up to this:

And walking to class and seeing this:

And it would always make me feel like this:

I miss eating Wisey’s…

…and Sweetgreen…

…and GUGs burgers…

…and Baked & Wired…

And I’m like:

I miss the Georgetown Waterfront…

…even in the winter!

I miss The Tombs.

It’s such a great place!

Though I doubt I miss the establishment as much as those in 99 Days Club. Now that they have graduated, they probably feel like this:

I miss Chicken Finger Thursdays…

…and brunch!

And I miss Hoya Basketball…

… and Bill “Slick Willy” Clinton!

But more than anything, I miss my friends…

NO! Not those friends. These friends:

See you in August, Hoyas!

Photos: University Registrar, GU82HoyaSaxa, Casual Hoya, Crashing the Goalie, GU Dining, Tombs, Georgetown DC, Capital Spice, Flickr, DC About, Georgetown Metropolitan, Guest of a Guest

Gifs: Tumblr.com

February 11, 2013March 12, 2013

Valentine’s Day: Single Style

Take a moment from reading this blog post and freeze. Stop whatever you’re doing and just sniff the air in front of you. What do you smell? Love? Happiness? Chocolates? Now, what do you see? Was that Cupid just buzzing by? Did you just get hit by some little flickering hearts? Is Celine Dion singing a ballad that gently tugs at your heartstrings? Do you feel the love? Want some Candy Hearts? Will you be my Valentine?

If your answer is no to these questions, this post is for you. Here are the “Top Five Things to Do on Valentine’s Day if You’re Angry, Bitter and/or Most Importantly, Single”:

5. Get drunk and sit on John Carroll’s lap Don’t have a date for this year’s V-Day? Neither does Johnny-boy! John Carroll is faithful and committed, and you know exactly where to find him. He’s smart, sturdy and above all, loves it when people sit on his lap …

4. Crash the Interhall Housing Mixers I know you’ve seen the fliers. These events might be for people without roommates, but they’re also perfect for people without Valentine’s Day dates. So if you’re single and ready mingle, get dressed up and bring your A-Game. Or your C+ Game? Or look for a roommate? I don’t know.

3. Have a date with yourself That’s right. Stay in your room. Don’t wear pants. Eat three tubs of Ben & Jerry’s. Cry a little bit. Stop crying. Watch your favorite movies. Eat your feelings some more. Just celebrate being you.

2. Go to Cafe Milano and wait for a celebrity to come and get you I’m dead serious, though. Bradley Cooper was just there. George Clooney is always there. Every celebrity on Earth goes there. Basically, if you go to Cafe Milano, you will fall in love with an A-list star. It’s like waiting for a knight in shining armor, but instead of being locked in a castle, you’re being pampered and eating a veal chop.

1. Don’t do anything at all Be a normal person. Stop getting so caught up over Valentine’s Day and just treat it like Thursday. As in, Thirsty Thursday. As in, you know what that means …

Photo: MissIndependentMind

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Photos: Georgetown University, Deviant Art GIFS: Marnie Wallach for The Hoya

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