Front Page Fakeout: The Rowdy Life of a Retired Mascot


Notice: Front Page Fakeout is back, ladies and gentlemen! FPF is a parody post in which a 4E writer takes a story from The Hoya and puts an exaggerated and entirely false spin on it. Genius, we know. Front Page Fakeout uses invented names in its stories, except in cases where public figures are being blatantly satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. 

Jack the Bulldog may not frequent Verizon Center anymore due to his retirement, but that doesn’t mean he needs to stop being an all-star. Contrary to popular belief, Jack has found new stomping grounds, new ways to have fun and new crazy friends. In other words, he’s having a rollicking good time. But is it too good?

With Jack’s career coming to an end, the Hilltop needed a puppy replacement, pronto. Along came John B. Carroll, our new baby mascot. Jack’s first thought when he was notified of his long-awaited replacement was indubitably, TURN DOWN FOR WHAT? It was time for him to let loose.

Many university officials and Jack-insiders have said that since retirement, Jack still loves playing with other students. This is the understatement of the century. Jack has been “hanging out with the students” more than ever. He’s been spotted at Rhino, Malmaison, Brown House and even Rí Rá, despite only owning a vertical ID. Apparently, he’s quite the dancer. And allegedly, the Jumbo Slice workers in Adams Morgan have already made him his own tab.

What's in the water bottle, bro?
What’s in the water bottle, bro?

That’s not to say Jack is wasting away his retired weekends boozing. Jack always drinks responsibly, like all Hoyas over 21 and also like the Dos Equis Man suggests. (He and Jack are friends, obviously.)

Jack also has fun staring at fountains, reflecting in the Jesuit fashion and contemplating whether to jump in said fountains. Sometimes — to Fr. Steck’s dismay — he even goes skinny dipping, only to streak around campus minutes later.

"Wanna bet that I won't?"
“Wanna bet that I won’t?”

And you should see the way he’s been hitting the club scene throughout the District. He has his own personal table at Opera, and one worker there even commented that Jack “is constantly seen with models and other celebrities.” Basically, Jack lives life to the fullest. Rumor has it he’s even DJ-ing this week at the 9:30 Club.

"Okay, now pay up."
“Okay, now pay up.”

Jack is getting older, but he just doesn’t seem to want to slow down. He has been described as having a diva personality and, as we all know, there is no stopping a diva.

According to one Hoya, “Jack really seems to be going crazy in retirement. Apparently he blew off a press event with the Butler bulldogs so he could go party with Drake.”

Some students question what wild situation Jack will get himself into next. Here at 4E, we can only guess. But one thing is for sure: Though his mascot career may have ended, there seems to be no end in sight for Jack’s rowdy retirement.


While We Were Out: Summer News Roundup

while we were out

We know you’ve all been busy backpacking around Europe, interning your behinds off, catching up on credits in summer school, or sleeping until 1pm every day in your hometown so you may not be up to speed on all things Georgetown. There’s been a lot of noteworthy summer news, so 4E is here to catch you up with some of the highlights.

Click on the titles for the full story from The Hoya.

Jeopardy Jim – Jim Coury (SFS ’15) won $100,000 in the College Jeopardy finals.

UIS updated Blackboard – “Four months after conducting a survey of students and faculty, University Information Services updated Blackboard … to help further integrate the online resource in the classroom”.

President DeGioia and Fr. O’Brien meet Pope Francis – “University President John J. DeGioia and Vice President for Mission and Ministry Fr. Kevin O’Brien, S.J., attended Mass with Pope Francis at the chapel of Casa Santa Marta in the Vatican”.

Blatty’s catholic criticism –  “William Peter Blatty (COL ’50), author of the “The Exorcist,” submitted a petition … to the archbishop of Washington, D.C., calling for Georgetown to comply strictly with canon law or be stripped of the right to call itself a Jesuit and Catholic institution”.

The fall of Tuscany – Late-night Georgetown favorite, Tuscany Cafe, is now permanently closed.

Jack Evans entered mayoral race – “Ward 2 Councilman Jack Evans officially declared his candidacy in the April 2014 Washington, D.C. mayoral race”.

Alumnus Rep. John Dingell  John Dingell (D-Mich.) (C ’49, LAW ’52) became the longest-serving member of Congress in its 224-year history.

GU Turkish students participated in protests – Hoyas in D.C. and Turkey alike joined in the protests against the Turkish government.

Law student wins against Fox Searchlight – Eric Glatt (LAW ’15) won his lawsuit against Fox Searchlight Pictures, which argued that the company had violated minimum wage laws by not paying two interns during production of “Black Swan.”

President Obama speaks at Georgetown – President Barack Obama became the 14th president to deliver remarks from the Old North steps with the announcement of his plan to curb climate change.

Northeast Triangle developments – The University, in collaboration with Sasaki, released a preliminary design for the Northeast Triangle Residence Hall across from Reiss Science Building, which officials hope to be completed for fall 2015. The design and location of the dorm were criticized by students and alumni. The Advisory Neighborhood Commission 2E approved the plan, but the Old Georgetown Board postponed deliberations until Sept. 4.

Fall study abroad in Cairo cancelled – “The Office of International Programs cancelled its fall study abroad program at the American University in Cairo in response to a State Department travel advisory”.

Georgetown competes for Walter Reed redevelopment – The university presented a proposal against eight other design teams for redevelopment of Walter Reed Army Medical Center.

GU to cover contraception –  “After revisions to the Affordable Care Act in late June, Georgetown student and faculty health insurance will cover contraception through United Healthcare beginning August 15”.

Parking prohibition –  After a change to the Code of Student Conduct, students will no longer be able to bring cars to campus.

Fake stabbing – A student claimed he had been assaulted outside of The Tombs and stabbed in the left arm and knee, but later admitted that he had been injured after punching a car window.

GUSA launches Tenant Association –  “The Georgetown Student Tenant Association… will train advocates to help students deal with uncooperative or negligent landlords”.

Student loan interest rates – Undergraduates will borrow at a 3.8 percent interest rate starting in the fall, while graduate students will borrow at 5.4 percent.

Mascot troubles – Georgetown’s Office of Communications confirmed that Bulldog Jack Jr., the mascot in training, was leaving and would not become the next mascot. The bulldog had to leave because of behavioral issues. J.J. bit a child last fall and the university settled with the parents of the child. “Objective experts” evaluated J.J. over 15 months and determined that he was not suited to be a mascot, according to University Spokeswoman Stacey Kerr.

“J.J. moved in with a local family with experience raising bulldogs on Sunday after a successful trial run at their home.

Code of Conduct changes – The Disciplinary Review Committee rewrote the Student Code of conduct to be shorter and clearer. It is the first step in implementing recommendations from an external review for the disciplinary review process. GUSA and the Disciplinary Review Committee are going to push for more substantial changes to the code of conduct this fall.

HFSC Pub design was presented – Mason Inn owner Fritz Brogan (COL ’07, LAW ’10) held a forum and consulted students about various details of the pub in Healey Family Student Center.

New restaurants to come in Hoya Court  The opening of Elevation Burger, Salad Creations and a larger Subway in Hoya Court are now scheduled for October.

Alum deported from Bahrain –  “Georgetown graduate Erin Kilbride (COL ’12) was deported from Bahrain … for what the government described as her “radical” writings on Twitter and other websites”.

Photo: Eugene Ang/The Hoya

Eat That Box: Jack is Back

It’s been three months since Jack the Elder went under for surgery on his ACL, and he’s already back in the game, tearing up boxes like a young pup.

Jack has been benched since last March, when he injured himself while jumping on a couch. A surgeon confirmed that he had torn the dog version of an ACL, and would have to take it easy while he prepared for surgery on April 23rd.

But Jack wasn’t alone while he was limping around outside the Jes Res and taking tours of campus in his personal golf cart. A few weeks after his injury, the pending arrival of a new mascot-in-training was announced. Jack Junior was a gift to the university from Janice and Marcus Hochstetler, parents of Nathan (COL ’12) and Rachel (COL ’13). Once J.J. is done with his training, he’ll take over as the sixth bulldog to serve as Georgetown’s mascot.

Jack the Elder will resume his mascot duties for the fall sports season, with J.J. serving as his apprentice.

While nobody loves Jack Junior  more than  us (we haven’t even taken him off our logo since J.J. Day), it’s nice to see his big buddy back in action. Besides, who else would teach J.J. how to properly devour a box?

Friday Fixat10ns: Puppy Love

FIXAT10NS: Puppy Love from thehoya on 8tracks.

All day long, we’ll be celebrating J.J.’s arrival on campus with a series of cute puppy-related posts (and with a special version of our banner and logo). To get you ready for the arrival of the new puppy on campus, we’ve compiled the best dog-themed songs we could think of.

The Dog Days Are Over — Florence and the Machine Actually, Florence, the Dog Days are still alive and well here on the Hilltop. But, then again, Dog Days are good a good thing up here.

Love Dog — TV On the Radio There are some bands that write a disproportionate amount of their songs about dogs. TVOTR is one of them. (They’ve got at least two about dogs and one about wolves.) Like us, they must love dogs.

Who Let the Dogs Out — Baha Men Then there are some bands that only make one song, and that one song becomes the go-to song for anything about dogs. No dog-themed playlist this century would be complete without this unfortunate 2000 chart-topper.

My Friend — Dr. Dog A great feel-good song to welcome Man’s Best Friend to campus.

Neighborhood #2 (Laika) — Arcade Fire  This song is evidently about a dog. (Laika means “barker” in Russian and was the name of the dog they launched into space in 1957.)

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing — Jack Johnson OK, this isn’t about a dog. But dogs sit, wait and wish all day, and we have a dog named Jack. (I admit, this song’s relevance to the  playlist is tenuous at best.)

Walking the Dog – Fun. Speaking of walking the dog, the Jack Crew must be excited to walk a puppy instead of Jack, a 9-year-old cripple who often refuses to walk out of the New South courtyard.

Dog Problems — The Format Jack is going into surgery with a broken ACL, and as any former resident of New South 4 will tell you, he drools all over the common room, chokes on paper and gets a little too excited when he sees any form of cardboard detritis (or the mascot costume, for that matter.)

Guns and Dogs (Acoustic) — Portugal. the Man This song describes better my dad’s college experience in Wyoming than mine. One thing we had in common was the dog though. (Albeit, mine is Jack and his was an Australian Shepard/Husky mix he adopted as a junior).

Puppy Love — Lil Bow Wow I love the dog barking in the background. Anyone remember this 10-year-old rapper from our grade school days?

Let the J.J. Day Festivities Begin

In celebration of the imminent arrival of Jack Junior, we’re going all out. Welcome to J.J. Day on The Fourth Edition. Our usual Friday posts will be Jack themed, and look out for some special posts about the biggest  little puppy on campus.

Happy J.J. Day, and be sure to stop by Healy Circle at 4 to #WelcomeJJ!

Photos on banner and logo: Georgetown University and Charles Eldridge

Meet Our Future Mascot

A new bulldog puppy is headed to the Hilltop to begin training to become our university’s most beloved mascot. The new Jack, known as Jack Jr., or J.J., will arrive on campus the afternoon of April 13 to begin his training to eat boxes on the floor of the Verizon Center, among other things.

J.J. is a gift to the university from from Georgetown parents Janice and Marcus Hochstetler, whose children Nathan (COL ’12) and Rachel (COL ’13) are Georgetown students, according to the University.

The university’s website has a bevy of information about little J.J. — including his journey, several adorable videos, a photo gallery and information about current Jack.

J.J. will be the sixth bulldog to serve as the university’s bulldog mascot, and will be replacing our current 9-year-old bulldog, who, if you’ll remember is suffering from a torn doggy-ACL. Current Jack will undergo surgery in April, but will return to his work during the fall sports seasons.

Keep following 4E for more updates on J.J.’s journey to the Hilltop from L.A. and for updates on his training!

Update: Now with adorable footage of 2-month-old Jack mugging for the camera.