holiday – The Fourth Edition

February 12, 2020

Valentine’s Day: Valentine Alternatives

Attention all single Hoyas! Looking for love this Valentine’s Day? Well, look no further than this list of perfect options to be your next Valentine!

The Student Guard Who Doesn’t Make You Swipe

They see your hands are completely full: Olive Branch Grain Bowl in your left, your “International Finance” textbook in your right. You make eye contact, and they give you a nod to pass through. Sparks fly.

Your RA Who Only Gave You a ~Warning~

You were blasting “Gotta Go My Own Way,” as performed by Vanessa Hudgens in “High School Musical 2,” clearly going through it. While your RA was doing their rounds on the floor, they were startled by the volume (but appreciated the bop, of course). A soft knock at the door alerts you: You are going to be in so much trouble. Sensing your struggles, they let you off with a warning: “Turn the music down.” How compassionate!

The Midnight MUG Worker Who Drew a ’Lil Heart on Your Iced “Beloved”

Could there be a clearer choice for a Valentine? They clearly are interested (and not just trying to get a tip)! You proudly showcase the heart at your crowded table on Lau 2, only to see Becky from WRIT-015’s coffee has the exact same symbol. Let the battle commence.

The SFS Kid in Your Philosophy Discussion Who Always Plays “Devil’s Advocate”

. . .Maybe he just needs someone to advocate for him <3

The Guy Who Left You On Read Two Months Ago

Valentine’s Day shouldn’t just be about forming new connections, but it should be about ~reviving~ old ones. Give him a second chance to prove you wrong! Slide up on his Snapchat story with his new girlfriend with Justin Bieber lyrics, post that selfie to your Instagram and check maniacally whether he saw it or not, or even show up at his dorm (it worked in “Love Actually”)!

An Elkay LZS8WSLK EZH2O Bottle Filling Station With Single ADA Cooler, Filtered, 8 GPH

Are you an environmentalist? Are you a Yates bro? Are you both? Well, lucky for you, the Elkay LZS8WSLK EZH2O Bottle Filling Station with Single ADA Cooler, Filtered, 8 GPH is single and ready to mingle. Although sedentary, it ~mingles~ with everyone, so don’t expect to be Elkay’s only Valentine!

Todd A. Olson

They don’t call him vice president of student ~affairs~ for nothing ;)

Leo’s Workers Who Call You “Sugar” or “Baby”

Nothing is more pure than the interactions with our service workers! Treat them with respect every day, not just if they’re your prospective Valentine! But, a little chocolate and a teddy bear couldn’t hurt.

Me!

My favorite flowers are lilies, my favorite type of chocolate is dark and my favorite metal is silver ;)

November 4, 2019November 4, 2019

Things To Cook for Your Loved Ones This Thanksgiving Season

The Traditional Friendsgiving Meal

You could show your love with the standard wholesome potluck, or choose to get a little creative this year: Pick up the tab on your group’s late-night Domino’s order, congregate in Leo’s to taste the Fresh Food Company™’s seasonal creations or Venmo all of your stressed-out friends a couple of bucks for coffee at Midnight Mug. Share the love!

Parental Appreciation Breakfast

Get up early one morning during Thanksgiving break and make your parents some pancakes, French toast or maybe even a frittata if you’re feeling inspired. This gesture will basically repay them for the accumulated costs of tuition, room and board, Uber Eats and everything else they’ve done for you since birth.

“Give Me an A” Brownies

Drop these in your professor’s mailbox with a personalized note as a last-ditch effort to save your grade. Ah, sweet, sweet bribery. If the president’s doing it, we can at least try to do it too.

Disclaimer: The Hoya does not endorse bribery.

“Be My Friend?” Picture Cookies

We all know about those cute, delicious sugar cookies with seasonally appropriate decorations. Make a batch of the ones with turkeys on them, park yourself at a table on Lau 2 and wait for your new friends to arrive. This will make up for the feelings of homesickness and isolation that are bound to arise this holiday season.

“Goodbye Forever” Cake

If you’re going abroad like me, soften the blow of your last rendezvous with friends and family by saying what everyone is already thinking in cake form. This way, you can all get over your separation anxiety by eating your feelings together.

Sources: me.me, pillsbury.com, giphy.com, threewells.co

November 20, 2017November 21, 2017

Six Types of Relatives You’ll Meet at Thanksgiving: Hoya Edition

As the holiday season draws near, Hoyas are gladly anticipating a break from their usual Leo’s meals—but at what cost? Here’s 4E’s rundown of the six types of relatives that we all just ~can’t wait~ to reunite with over this Thanksgiving dinner…

1. The Interrogative Relationship Guru

“Do you have a boyfriend? That’s too bad! What about the cute boy in your Instagram post?”

First of all, Grandma, he’s gay. Undeterred, she offers up her very best date ideas from “back in the day” as you stifle your laughter at the thought of any MSBro at a drive-in theater. You wonder if the sort of “fine young men” she continually references even exist on the Hilltop.

2. The Millennial Wannabe

Lucky for you, this aunt’s midlife crisis seems to have perfectly aligned with your annual encounter. Having seen your Snapchat story from last Friday, she proposes a “girls’ night out” at Chi Di next weekend. You promptly delete your social media and apply to study abroad.

3. The Deadbeat

Maybe your college life isn’t as wholesome as your grandparents may think, but unlike this cousin, at least you’ll definitely most likely end up with a diploma. You decide that introducing him to your SFS friends might set his life back on track but quickly think better of it. Having him around will make you feel better about yourself when next semester’s club rejection season rolls around.

4. The Diehard Trump Supporter

Tattooed with the U.S. flag and shamelessly sporting a MAGA hat, this uncle finds a way to blame everything on the immigrants—even this year’s burnt turkey. You politely bear the brunt of his incessant rant until he spots the GU College Dems and H*yas For Choice stickers on your laptop, after which he avoids all interaction with you for the rest of the night. Success.

5. The Shy Guy

Exchanging forced pleasantries with this relative is even more uncomfortable than leading a tour group on Georgetown Day. As awkward as the conversation is, though, it’s just like the ICC: you can’t find a way out.

6. The Annual Alcoholic

This relative looks as tipsy as the Wisey’s rat before the turkey’s even carved. She must have mistaken Thanksgiving dinner for a late-night Epi gathering, but at least by tomorrow she’ll forget the night ever happened, and you can equally pretend that it never did.

We at 4E bestow our deepest sympathy and respect upon any Hoya that successful endures a conversation with three or more of these ~special~ relatives. On a serious note, we hope you all enjoy your well-deserved break from school and express thanks for all the family members who’ve supported you from afar (even those who fall under one of these categories)!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com

March 1, 2017

15 Extreme Things to Give Up This Lent

Lent is here and you know what that means: the classic forfeit of chocolate, the avoidance of french fries and the (unpromising) theory of exercising more often.

Chalk it up to one word? Boring!

Instead of the old, dull suggestions of the past, why not try some innovative ideas that call for real sacrifice? Here are some of our proposals:

1. Give up peeling bananas.

Sound hard to you? Exactly. How are you going to open it? A friend? A knife? Are you going to avoid bananas the entire Lenten season? Let us know.

2. Give up smiling awkwardly at people you sort-of know when you walk past them.

I know it’s hard, but that’s the point of Lent. Keep a straight face, avoid eye contact or run away! Whatever is easiest, really.

3. Give up opening your mouth when you laugh.

Chuckle softly, or not at all!

4. Give up wearing socks.

Whether you opt for sandals or challenge yourself with sneakers, this will definitely keep you on your toes. (Get it?!)

5. Give up eye contact altogether.

Shyly bat your lashes toward the ground to let people know you’re avoiding eye contact. They should catch on pretty quickly!

6. Give up all candy flavors except for grape.

Relish in the incredibly medicine-like taste of grape, a feeling you won’t know you can stand until you are forced to.

7. Give up sleep between the hours of 3:15a.m. and 4:45a.m.

Set an alarm and keep your body constantly alert to change!

8. Give up contacts, glasses or any other aids to your vision.

Whether you’re mildly impaired or actually blind, this is a challenge to not only you but the people around you!

9. Give up the use of your hands.

Pick up items with the strength of your toes if you have dropped something. Otherwise, kindly ask an acquaintance to do literally everything for you!

10. Give up Piano Bar.

Hmm…too soon?

11. Give up stopping for pedestrians.

Got a car? Make a point! Though dangerous, this Lenten promise will really challenge you!

12. Give up the letter “E.”

Paprs, -mails, and prtty much any tchnological communication may b slightly mor difficult, but if you put your mind to it, you can do anything!

13. Give up the temperatures between 70 and 78 degrees.

Often the comfortable temperatures for a generally cold person, give up familiarity and either shiver or sweat yourself to sleep!

14. Give up opening doors.

Trying to get out of your classroom? Let someone else help you out. Trying to get into a car? Just let that Uber driver know you need his assistance. How about a way out of your dorm room? Kick it down like Jack Bauer or loudly cry until a concerned neighbor comes to your aid.

15. Give up turning left.

Live on the wild side and avoiding turning left at all costs. It’ll hurt your brain and annoy your friends, but it’s sure to keep you occupied during Lent!

Gifs: giphy.com

December 5, 2016

How To Throw A Holiday Party As Told By Michael Scott

It’s that time of year again. A time when you need to choose between spending more time perfecting that final paper or perfecting that hilarious Secret Santa gift. While it may be difficult to manage it all, 4E is here to help you make this season a bit less stressful. Here are five tips on how you can throw the perfect Christmas/Holiday party. Oh, and we got a little help from our old friend, Michael Scott.

Give your holiday party a theme.
It’s Santa Bond.
Decorate. Decorate. Decorate.
Get the proper libations (if you’re 21 of course) or drinks to get the party started.
Take your Secret Santa to the next level.
Make sure you have proper holiday music to continue the party!

While it may be daunting to throw a holiday party during this hectic time, we hope that our five tips give you the boost you need. And let’s just take a minute to remember why we are celebrating in the first place.

Images: giphy.com, https://theofficescreenshots.tumblr.com/page/6

November 21, 2016

Thanksgiving Pro-Tips

It’s about that time again….FOOODD!!!!

…and, you know, spending time with family and giving thanks, I guess. With all the anticipation that comes with Thanksgiving dinner, you may forget the other things you have to deal with on this holiday. Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Here’s a list of pro-tips that’ll help you through this Thanksgiving.

1. Simultaneously make yourself two plates of food so your lazy future self doesn’t have to get up for seconds.

2. Continually whisper shady things about the desserts so that no one feels compelled to eat them except you. Let your family members know that “these desserts look super expired” or “I licked the entire pumpkin pie before this”.

3. Wear sweatpants, festive pajamas, or a loose-fitting outfit to dinner. Comfy-casual is essential…something that says, “I’m dressing formally to respect my family, but I also want to be comfortable when I gain 10 pounds”.

4. To avoid college questions from extended family members, simply stare at them as if you heard nothing. If they persist, promptly crawl under the table and assume the fetal position. It’ll throw them off for sure!

5. Bring a flask and make a Thanksgiving drinking game for you and your favorite sibling. Not only will it make the food better, but you can drown out the humdrum details of your little cousin’s 4th grade classes, too!

6. Dress your dog up like a turkey so you can laugh and distract yourself when that crazy extended family member starts one of their offensive rants again.

7. If you feel threatened by the appetites of others, steal a large piece of turkey and keep it in your pocket for later.

8. If a family member asks you your position on politics, fear not. Just divert their attention by hurling the bowl of mashed potatoes at the wall and reporting that you had seen a spider.

9. Finally, when asked to help cook the meal, gracefully explain that you have broken both your hands and are physically unable to contribute. Take your lie to the max by wrapping your hands in gauze and telling everyone you “wrote too many essays at school” and that your professors have “physically and mentally exhausted you”. Works every time!

Happy Turkey Day Hoyas!

Images: www.giphy.com, www.salon.com

November 18, 2016

The 4E Guide To Friendsgiving

Thanksgiving is coming up, which means that every foodie’s favorite holiday is almost here! In the great (slightly reworded) saying of Regina George “Thanksgiving is the one day of the year when every foodie can eat anything they want and nobody can judge them for it.” So, if Thanksgiving is the best day of the year, Friendsgiving is the pregame. We at 4E are going to tell you how to have the best one yet:

Wear elastic pants.

Friendsgiving is practice for Thanksgiving. Eat as much as you want and practice not getting a food coma! Bonus points if they’re Thanksgiving themed ones!

2. Have EVERYONE bring something.

If you’ve been the dorm mom this semester (if you don’t think there’s a dorm mom it’s definitely you), you’ve probably been cooking quite frequently. Take a break and make everyone else bring the food! Even if it’s the worst food you’ve ever had, at least it’s practice for when Aunt Sally makes the worst pumpkin pie you’ve ever had!

3. Ask the tough questions.

Friendsgiving is great practice for explaining everything that you never wanted your relatives to know! Everything is fair game! Why not practice escaping with your friends?

4. Find something to be thankful for.

A heartfelt thank you that makes everyone at your table shed tears is the best kind of brownie points for mom and dad. Jack, John Carroll, that C on your IR midterm, just pick something beautiful!

Have a happy Friendsgiving and an even better Thanksgiving next week. However your Thanksgiving is, remember to make it classy!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, partycity.com

December 23, 2014December 23, 2014

How to Survive Awkward Family Parties

The holiday season is always the perfect time of year to lounge around binge-watching Netflix, take advantage of home cooked meals and attend as many family holiday parties as can be jammed into three weeks.

What? That last one doesn’t sound too fun.

Admittedly, family parties this time of year can be stressful, as you’ll likely find yourself deflecting questions left and right about your major and life plans from relatives you didn’t even know existed.

The worst thing you can possibly do in such a situation is be unprepared. If you find yourself stumbling over your words as you try and tell your Uncle Jim about Georgetown’s social scene, then you may want to keep reading as 4E presents the best ways to answer relatives’ awkward questions this holiday season.

Imagine this: you’re at a family party, minding your own business, sipping on some non-alcoholic eggnog and enjoying a festive holiday cookie.

Things are going pretty well, you’ve made some rounds and managed to avoid any super uncomfortable encounters so far. You feel like you’re in the clear when all of a sudden you hear your name being called loudly from across the room. Your palms begin to sweat as you slowly turn and see your mom’s third cousin twice removed wildly waving her arms in an attempt to flag you down. Sheer terror crosses your face as you realize it’s too late, she’s spotted you. After a customary awkward greeting the interrogation begins…

You know, when I was your age, I was already engaged. Any prospects for you?

Yeah, I’m really hitting things off with [insert roommate’s name here]. We’re basically inseparable, so inseparable that we’re living together. We have a lot of the same interests, I mean we both agree that sloths are really weird animals. Plus, no one understands my eternal love of Eat & Joy pizza after a really late night quite like my roomie. I really think I’m in this one for the long haul!

Have you decided on a major yet? You don’t really have a lot of time left to decide!

I’m actually more of a free spirit so I don’t really think it’s necessary to make such definitive plans. I’ll just go with the direction of the wind and see where I end up. Nothing is really permanent anyway. You should understand where I’m coming from, right? Weren’t you at Woodstock?

How’s the social scene? I remember all my crazy times back in college!

When I’m not in the library studying, I sit quietly in my room all day waiting for my professors to assign more work. There’s really no time to be crazy in college anymore these days, things must have really changed…

So do you know what you plan on doing after graduation?

Yup, I know exactly what I’m going to be doing. After finding the cure for cancer, I plan on personally building a spaceship to take me to Mars. I’ll then use my new spaceship to get off of this planet in order to avoid any future awkward encounters with you. And hey, if this plan ever fails, I’ve always got my parents’ basement as a backup!

[Insert any question that takes you by surprise].

Quickly shove as many holiday cookies as possible into your mouth and start mumbling a response. Pretend to choke on the cookies so you can quickly excuse yourself and hide for the remainder of the party.

Best of luck this holiday season, Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: survivingcollege.com, howlatthemoon.com, tumblr.com; kanyetothe.com

December 14, 2014

Totally Absurd Christmas Gifts

Tired of giving your friends and family members the standard, generic Christmas gifts: jewelry, gift cards, food, clothes? This year, get a little more creative with some totally absurd presents. You can be completely sure that your acquaintances won’t have – and probably have never heard of – any of these gifts. Here is 4E’s list of unique and novel gift ideas that even the most picky loved/tolerated person on your list will appreciate and use forever.

Facebook Finder

This nifty device will notify you whenever a Facebook friend is within 2 miles of you. Stalking your exes just got a lot easier. Instead of looking through their photos (and those of the girls/boys they’re tagged with) you can go find them and actually physically stalk them. Goodbye sanity, hello psychiatrist!

The Tie Tie-r

Tired of wasting precious time tying your tie every single morning (and some nights)? Buy that friend or family member this device with settings to make all the crucial knots – Eldredge, Tulip, Trinity – in about 10 minutes!

Solar Powered Flashlight

How often are you outside in broad daylight wishing you had a powerful flashlight? Simply push the “on” button to harness the energy of the solar system’s most powerful star into a hand-held beam that shines with the same brightness as a blubber lamp. Must have access to direct sunlight to be effective.

Cargo Shorts Kit

Love cargo shorts, but hate the bulky pockets? This kit gives you the best of both worlds. The khaki slightly-below-the-knee-length shorts feature strips of Velcro on the side of each leg, allowing you to add the included fake pockets (piece of fabric resembling a pocket) in whatever design, ratio or even shape that you desire. Kit comes in a variety of colors and themes including camouflage, Hello Kitty and Disney princesses. The perfect gift for anyone on your list!

Remote Control for iPhone 6

Ever want to change the song or check social media but don’t feel like taking out your cell phone to do so? Use this remote control instead. Roughly the size of the ancient relic known as “the iPhone 4s,” this remote will fit conveniently in your other pocket and allow you to control your new iPhone 6 with just a few taps.

iPhone-6-vs-iPhone-5s-vs-iPhone-4s — Left: iPhone 6. Right: Size of iPhone 6 remote.

Relationship Scoreboard

This computerized device will keep track of everything you argue about in your relationship: Who forgot to do their chores? Who had the last sassy remark? Who made a mean comment? Fights will be more productive than ever and revenge will be surprisingly easy. Warning: may cause deterioration of relationship.

Recipients of these gifts have deemed them “life changing” and “what gets me out of bed in the morning.”

When asked if they recommend the gifts, people on the internet said:

“The Cargo Shorts Kit saved my marriage.”

“Thanks to the Tie Tie-r, tying my tie is knot a problem.”

“I saw a commercial for the Facebook Finder while I was in prison and immediately sought parole so I could get one ASAP.”

Hurry up and get these gifts before they’re sold out and everyone’s lives are ruined forever.

Photos: agreeordie.com; www.gottabemobile.com; https://www.theguardian.com/money/2011/nov/05/christmas-shopping-rights-return

December 11, 2014

5 Ways to Get in the Holiday Spirit at College

Here at 4E, we rejoice in all things Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanza-related. Not even the soul-crushing Grinch that is Lau during finals can bring down our holiday spirits. This week, we did some Pinterest trolling (instead of our long list of papers) for the best DIY ways to celebrate the holidays at college and spread some joy.

1. Drink Nutella Hot Chocolate

Why waste precious Facebook stalking study time on the last-call Mug line (#ugh) when you can make your own unbelievably good – and easy – hot chocolate? Seriously, this is doable even in a common room kitchen. Just heat milk until steaming in a saucepan on medium-high heat, then whisk in two tablespoons of Nutella until dissolved. Pour in a thermos, add some whipped cream and chocolate syrup, and you’re ready to go! Buddy the Elf approved.

2. Make Holiday Cookies

This next one is slightly more complicated, but equally delicious. Nothing says “Ho Ho Ho” quite like Christmas cookies. If you don’t lose your self control at the sight of Pillsbury’s holiday themed slice-and-bakes, something is wrong with your childhood (or you’re just not an obese American #sorrynotsorry).

For those with more gourmet tastes, we recommend these hot cocoa cookies with chocolate chunks and marshmallows melted on top. Find the recipe here, then wipe the drool off your face.

3. Create a DIY Christmas Tree from Lights

The drab plaster and fluorescent lights of most dorm rooms can sometimes make it hard to feel like you’re walking in a Winter Wonderland during the holiday season. Get two for the price of one by building a Christmas tree on your wall out of twinkle lights! Bonus points if you hang up some homemade ornaments.

4. Build a Solo Cup Wreath

In case your neighbors didn’t already know you #rage, make a holiday wreath from red solo cups to hang on your door. Tape cups together in the arrangement of your choosing and finish it off with a nice big bow. Also, it’s a great way to reduce, reuse and recycle!5. Take a Christmas Card Instagram

Like Friendsgiving, but with the extra ego boost that is breaking your likes record. Get your closest friends or roommates, grab some Santa hats and ugly holiday sweaters, and gather round for a snapshot in the jolliest pose you can think of. Nothing says, “We know the true meaning of Christmas,” quite like fighting over which filter makes you look most tan.

So bring some cheer to your finals season the 4E way. When in doubt, quote Elf and eat tons of chocolate.

Images/GIFS: tumblr.com; feedly.com; pinterest.com; pandawhale.com; https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/nutella-hot-chocolate/; https://d12vb6dvkz909q.cloudfront.net/uploads/galleries/16600/elf-1.jpg

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