Cries for Help: Carvings in Lau Cubicles

As a nearly 230-year-old institution, Georgetown is host to secrets that current students can hardly fathom.

Hopefully no basilisks tho 🐍 #snakesofgeorgetown

Some of these secrets date back to the school’s founding. Messages etched by early students into the stone walls of Healy, White-Gravenor and Dahlgren — “Thou art fairer than a principled Jesuit,” “Thy perfume sweetens the scent of the stankiest Leo’s dish return,” etc. — have faded over time.

Actual footage of the Healy clock ringing every 15 minutes.

However, contemporary graffiti is alive and well in some of the newer and more utilized buildings on campus. Most anonymous messages, in fact, are located in none other than Lauinger Library, a hotspot of ~brutal~ nervous breakdowns on campus.

Lauinger? I barely know her.

Please join me as I reveal the most honest and repulsive thoughts of Georgetown students: those scrawled on the inside of Lau cubicles and Walsh restrooms in desperate acts of self-expression.

Me as I plumb Lau’s dusty depths. Also, if you don’t know what movie this gif is from, I can’t be friends with you.

Georgetown Confessions

It’s amazing that the president found time to helicopter over to Georgetown and vandalize our library! Spelling errors aside, this is 100% a rule to live by. #FightAgainstTheCapitalistCorp

This was found covering approximately 4 feet of vertical space on the lower level of Lau. I mean … say it loud, say it proud??? 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Breaking down gender barriers one act of vandalism at a time.

You’ve got to admit, coming out and claiming the Walsh fourth floor women’s bathroom as one of your favorite spots on campus is a bold move. Kudos to this brave soul.

Slackademia

This one is honestly too relevant right now. I love how this ~poet~ backed up some linguistics major’s revelation with a quintessentially Georgetown story of academic humiliation.

4E was tipped off that this one was drawn by a struggling freshman who started their “Problem of God” paper the night before it was due and realized that they were supposed to “conduct a survey.” Yikes.

Quarter-Life Crises

If Lana Del Rey went to Georgetown, these would be the lyrics to her No. 1 song. FYI, if unlike this songwriter, the middle stall in the Walsh third floor bathroom isn’t really your vibe, check out these other spots on campus where you can bawl your eyes out.

This picture illustrates what happens when SFSers get too into their Neo-Sovietism class and then realize that they have to make themselves marketable to consulting firms for summer internships.

Classic Georgetown Elitism

Okay, Brock, that’s only because your dad donated a swimming pool there! Get off your high horse, please.

I mean… George Washington probably would have been a Hoya. #justsayin

Hoyas Reveal Their Ugly Side

This statement is unacceptable. Georgetown students are practically defined by their constant belittlement of campus dining and love for mainstream hip-hop. Do better, Hoyas.

Now that you’ve seen some of the innermost thoughts of Georgetown students, I encourage you to look around the next time you’re struggling to write a paper in Lau at 2 a.m. You may find inspiring messages, crude drawings or desperate cries for help.

Either way, the notes left behind by past Hoyas are an important part of Georgetown’s history that current students can and should bond over.

Did you know that Ben Gates holds a degree in American history from Georgetown? #NotableAlum

Best of luck with finals, everyone! Keep scribblin’ away.

Note: I’d like to apologize to all of the people I weirded out while sneaking around Lau and Walsh taking pictures.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook (Georgetown Memes for Non-Conforming Jesuit Teens)

What to Do on GAAP Weekend: Prospective Student Edition

Dear Class of 2021, and so on and so forth,

WELCOME to the Hilltop. D.C. or, as both the cool kids and the geotag call it, “the District,”  is breathtakingly beautiful and the Georgetown bubble (aka my happy place) is nestled in a cozy corner of this vibrant and inspiring city. Home to an ambitious and driven student body, professors for whom one is willing to spend hours studying on Lau 4 and one well-loved bulldog, Georgetown is well worth visiting. Sign up to have a Blue and Gray tour guide escort you along patios strewn with empty beer cans the Vil A rooftops and point out where Bill Clinton lived in Harbin Hall, before he left communal bathrooms and his cluster for a marginally-more-upscale White House residence. Additionally, please make note of following important “Do’s and Don’ts” of visiting our campus.

Don’t try to join the meme page

Please don’t pretend that you’re a non-conforming Jesuit teen. Prep school has not prepared you for this type of meme mastery. One ~incredibly persuasive~ reason to attend this university and surround yourself with peers who also did quite well on the SAT, is the high caliber of meme quality that you will find here. However, seeing as you don’t go here (yet), you probably won’t be able to fully appreciate our self-deprecating jokes. Additionally, by bemoaning the state of Leo’s, Lau and the basketball program, the meme page fails to highlight the many things that make Georgetown so wonderful, and we don’t want you to get the wrong impression.

Don’t disrespect Leo’s

What are the odds that Leo’s will look like the Hogwarts’ Great Hall after the remodel? (unfortunately slim..)

To the hordes of red-sweatshirt clad minions getting WAY too excited about the weird ice cream flavors and groups of parents concernedly poking at salads, I don’t really understand why you are here. First of all, it’s O’Donovan’s by the Waterfront, to you. You are not allowed to poke fun at Leo’s mysterious lack of forks, soggy scrambled eggs, or constant abundance of gross Rum Raisin ice cream unless you have spent 14-18 meals a week in this fine establishment, and Kim Kim knows you by name. Second, while Georgetown is truly an incredible place, our on-campus dining options are not the reason that my future children’s first words will be “Hoya Saxa.”

Don’t brag about going to Georgetown “Frat Parties”

I would like to help you make the important distinction between a “frat party” and a party (or awkward, sweaty gathering) thrown by a frat in a cramped and dimly lit Henle apartment. I suppose I am powerless to stop you from putting a video of yourself singing along to Closer on your Snapchat story or taking a shot of Vanilla Burnett’s (Disclaimer: teen drinking is very bad, and also illegal). Just know that you’re not as cool as you think you are.

Do bask in the glory of Healy Hall

Does looking up at the Healy clock tower give you chills? Copley Lawn, peppered with Hoyas studying on blankets, throwing frisbees and laughing with their friends, feels so perfectly collegiate. The idyllic-ness of the hundreds of color-coordinated tulips gently swaying in the breeze by the front gates (almost) justifies the exorbitant cost of arranging such botanical displays. Can you resist taking a picture with John Carroll? Of course not. He is the GOAT, and you probably won’t get in if you don’t document meeting him (in statue form). Please note, this is not all too good to be true. I can assure you that one year later, when I am hammocking with my favorite people on the front lawn, it still feels just as magical.

A few additional points of clarification:

  • If you got the impression on your tour that The Corp rules this campus, this intuition is quite correct.
  • Jack the Bulldog and I are in an exclusive relationship. Take as many pictures with him as you would like, but he and I have already booked a date for our Dahlgren Chapel wedding.

Photos/gifs: msfs.georgetown.edu, giphy.com, facebook.com

Georgetown Buildings and the Hoyas You Find in Them

Welcome back to the Hilltop, Hoyas! With the first full weeks of classes upon us, you are likely still navigating your way to new buildings and classes, trying to get the hang of your new schedule. From debatably fictitious buildings like Maguire (pro-tip: it’s connected to Healy), to St. Mary’s – located even farther away than Darnall, to the labyrinth affectionately known as the ICC, to spaces within buildings that have their own designations (Sellinger Lounge?) – Georgetown seems to pride itself on the complexity of its campus layout. Alongside simply figuring out where your classes are and how you can get to them, you should also know the secrets required to assimilate into each building’s culture. Fear not—4E presents you with a quick analysis of the types of people that characterize some of the most popular buildings on campus.

Regents Hall

If the students around you look like they spent the night here, it is probably because they did. The aesthetic is pants, long sleeves, and closed-toe shoes, easily accessorized with lab goggles and a white coat. Lab chic, amiright? Safety is beauty. You know that you are in the right place if you are overhearing an excessive number of acronyms and words that may or may not be in the English language. Looking to fit in? Tell someone that you spent the afternoon doing a lab involving <insert long and complicated made-up word> acid.

Buzzwords: Erlenmeyer flask, formal lab report, pipette, preliminary plan of action, fume hood.

The ICC

Making their way around one of Georgetown’s most iconic and confusing buildings are Bill Clinton-esque prodigies, people whispering to themselves in languages other than English and an understandably large number of people who are utterly lost. You will likely come across some upshot nice students engaged in a heated argument with a PhD-armed professor who is kindly indulging their arrogant interesting ideas.

Buzzwords: proficiency test, pro-seminar, Map of Modern World, and an excessive number of acronyms that are oddly pronounced as words (STIA [stee-yah], IPEC [eye-peck], IPOL [eye-pole], IECO [echo???]) so as to fool all of us common folk not in the SFS [ess-effffffffU-ess].

MSB

You will feel immediately self-conscious upon entering the looming home of the infamous MSBros (and betches!). Surrounded by suit-clad students, you are well aware that you should have worn something other than your go-to cozy Lau-fit for class. Is one’s understanding of “Business Casual” attire considered in the business school admissions process? Very likely, yes.

While you may have been “shhh-ed” merely upon entering the MSB and your new MSBuds might be a little intimidating, don’t worry – underneath their layers of unnecessary dress clothes, the Georgetown MSB-ers tend to be friendly and dependable.

Buzzwords: finance (pronounced: “fen-ants”), interest rates, money and internship.

Reiss

Upon first glance, the inhabitants of Reiss may seem a little downtrodden: under-eye bags are all the rage, the parade in and out of large pre-med lectures appears slightly ominous and students are carting around textbooks large enough to justify foregoing weightlifting at Yates. However, look a little further and you’ll see students passionately gesticulating to each other to explain cool biological processes. You may even find new friends in the peaceful science-nerd oasis commonly known as the Blommer Research Library. Under Reiss’s crumbling (and questionably earthquake safe) façade is a group of passionate, dedicated and proudly nerdy individuals.

Buzzwords: pre-med prereq.’s, Born-Haber Cycle, R-group interactions, electronegativity, proof and lecture-capture.

Car Barn

The designation “CBN” on student schedules is sure to elicit groans as Car Barn is a full FOUR minutes farther than any other location on our ENORMOUS campus (sarcasm aside, I am groaning along with you all).

There are two primary types of Hoyas to be found in the infamous Car Barn. The first category of students is there for Einstein Bagel’s. A large number of students might be observed double-fisting bagels, eager to use a meal swipe at Einstein’s and substitute a bagel AND a smoothie for Leo’s questionable scrambled eggs.

The second group of Hoyas is involved in a Study Abroad program. You will find students excitingly chattering about their experiences studying or plans to study in exotic locations. My personal theory is that the Office of Global Education chose their Car Barn location knowing full well that students who recently spent time on the other side of the globe think nothing of walking a few blocks off of campus.

Buzzwords: strawberry-banana smoothie, “toasted, please,” language requirement and study proposal form.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com

The Healy Clock Hands Are Gone!

Clock Hands Gone

Well, it’s happened — an occurrence that this blogger had only heard of and never seen. Sometime last night, the hands of Healy clock tower went mysteriously missing.

Was it a group of seniors? A weather-related accident? Scheduled maintenance?

According to @HealyClockTower, the last time this occurred was in 2012. The perpetrators tweeted out a variety of prosthetic puns and speculatory posts, as a new set of clock hands were used to replaced the missing ones. For our money, the most amusing aspect was this lovely exchange:

Screen Shot 2014-12-10 at 8.41.08 AM

Since December of that year, @HealyClockTower has remained dormant, but who knows? Should we be expecting more cryptic statements? What will be the university response this time? And more importantly, how will we tell time? Stay tuned.

Photos: Facebook, Twitter

Georgetown eCards: Sass to the Max

It’s finals season for universities all over the country, and people are looking for ways to procrastinate. The 4E staff has collaborated to offer you a very Hilltop-specific method of getting nothing done for a few minutes. Share and enjoy!

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