Best of 4E: 2014 Edition

Best of 2014

2014 is over! That’s right folks, another year has come and gone, and what do we have to show for it? Well, in 4E’s case, a bunch of articles. We’ve compiled a list of 4E’s 25 greatest hits written this year, ranked in order of page views. Read on and enjoy:

Georgetown-Themed Pickup LinesAn instant classic. Any of these lines were and are perfect, whether you’re chatting with that hottie in Problem of God or meeting Bill Clinton.

Lau is Soul-CrushingAnd will never not be.

Mr. Georgetown 2014Go back to the article now and change your vote to Thomas Lloyd, so you can say you were right all along.

Embassy Row Trick-or-TreatingCulture and candy, a feast for the brain and the sweet tooth.

Healy Clock Hands Went Bye-ByeUntil they were replaced one day later.

Naming the HealFamStuCentThat’s the nickname we decided on, right?

Georgetown Day EveLess than four months until Georgetown Day 2015!

Second Semester Senior ShenanigansFor all the SWUGs out there.

Tombs Cancels Wine NightSorry, SWUGs.

Things Students Would Never SayNever say never! Someday the HFSC seating will make sense!

JesRes Dorm DeetsHousing Is Coming.

Georgetown Students = Olivia PopeUh, we wish.

Georgetown 2048We know you still play it.

Wills and Kate Come to DCCome back soon, friends!

Georgetown Reacts to FergusonMany extremely insightful words from faculty and students alike.

If a GUSA Campaign Doesn’t Have a Video, Are They Even Running for GUSA? Hint: The answer is no.

Top Hoya Comments EverBecause Internet commenters are the best!

Reiss Pathway Forever In Our HeartsI dreamed a dream in time gone by…

HFSC Open for BusinessBringing another factor into the “Where should I go to study tonight?” game, which inevitably ends in hiding under the covers and watching old “30 Rock” episodes. 

4E Blogger Is Also Georgetown Confessions PhenomHe was written about thrice. THRICE!

Last-Minute CostumesYou’re not fooling anyone with your “Georgetown Student” costume, bud.

Who Stole the Hands? We know it was you, Joey B. Ugh, you’re such a Scorpio!

Which Georgetown Alum Are You? Are you more Patrick Ewing or Nick Kroll? The answer may surprise you!

Concert for Valor MixHeard Ri-Ri and Bruce killed it.

Thanks to all our readers for a wonderful year! Catch you guys in 2015!

Stolen Clock Hands: The Suspects

clock tower

For the first time since 2012, the Healy clock hands were stolen two nights ago. While they have since been replaced, who is responsible for the daring theft? Here are 4E’s top five suspects for who committed this most egregious (read: hilarious) crime.

Joe Biden

Screen-Shot-2014-10-09-at-1.48.03-PM

Motive: Sign them and say that whoever stole them sent them to him. This would instantly increase his own status as a campus celebrity.
How: The VP attended mass at Dahlgren Chapel on Monday, likely as an opportunity to scout out the front of Healy. Using mass to hide your debauchery, Mr. Vice President?

The manager at Leo’s

Motive: Revenge on the students who steal all of his/her forks (and knives/spoons/dishes/cups).
How: While everyone was all the way across campus using meal swipes at Hoya Court, the manager snuck out of the now-abandoned Leo’s and took the hands. 4E fears that our precious clock hands will be melted into raw metal to replace all the stolen cutlery.

A freshman with a huge crush

Motive: Girl asked, “Can I have the time?”
How: I’m not really sure about this one. Some freshmen still don’t know what Healy is, so it’s impressive that he even knew there was a clock, let alone that its hands were significant.

The GU Rock Climbing Team

dsc_0344Motive: Tired of hearing, “Wait, we have a rock climbing team?”
How: They climb rocks for sport. Scaling the face of Healy? Child’s play.

That a-hole who always steals my spot in Lau

Motive: Because he’s a jerk, that’s why. You know the one.
How: I have no clue, since he has been in my spot in Lau every time I’ve checked.

Whoever the perpetrator is, it was pretty rad of them to steal the clock hands and offer us a little reprieve from the burden of finals season. 4E only hopes they send the hands to someone cool.

Photos: https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nbihK0FLU08/T59DdKW-P5I/AAAAAAAAATc/GqpjGki53mc/s1600/clock+tower.jpg; https://boston.barstoolsports.com/; gubulldogblog.wordpress.com