Meet the 4E’s Spring 2020 Hires!

Earlier in this semester, we at The Fourth Edition welcomed three new fantastically ~quirky~ sophomores to our staff: Jessica Alexander, Melanie Boychuk and Katie Watke!

As the year progresses, we hope you get to know them through their incredible work, but for now, here is each new hire’s “Top 5” list!

Jessica Alexander (COL ’22)

Top-Five Bagels (Dedicated to Einstein’s Lovers and New Jerseyans alike): 

  1. Everything 
  2. Pumpernickel 
  3. Cinnamon Sugar
  4. Sesame Seed
  5. Plain

Melanie Boychuk (COL ’22)

Top-Five Most Pretentious Grocery Stores 

  1. Whole Foods: Whole Foods takes the (organic, gluten-free, $30) cake for most pretentious grocery store. Under the guise of “all natural, non-GMO” products, Whole Foods is ironically a serious detriment to shoppers’ health when they immediately have a stroke upon seeing their receipt total.
  2. Trader Joe’s: Trader Joes is not simply a grocery store; it’s an entirely different universe. In what other world can you buy wine for $4 while hipsters in Hawaiian shirts ringing you up tell you what you’re buying is “totally one of their favorites?” However, out of respect for their low prices, they get to be No. 2 on this list. 
  3. Wegmans: Wegmans is well known for having relatively cheap products for good-quality food. However, its weirdly strong following places it in the middle of this list — ask anyone in Jersey and they’ll tell you they would sell their soul to keep shopping at Wegmans. 
  4. The Fresh Market: The Fresh Market is trying to reinvent grocery stores by focusing on fresh food. Anytime a business uses the word “reinvent,” you can be sure there’s some sort of gentrification going on there. 
  5. Safeway: Posing as a regular grocery store among the likes of ShopRite or Stop & Shop, Safeway fools its shoppers with its almost too ordinary appearance. However, Safeway’s jacked-up prices are most definitely not ordinary — and puts it at No. 5 on this list. 

Katie Watke (COL ’22)

Top-Five Best (and I mean the absolute very best) Chinese Foods To Order and Crave on a Daily Basis:

  1. Bao Bun (preferably of the pork variety) 
  2. Shrimp (specifically) Soup Dumplings 
  3. All Other Types of Soup Dumplings 
  4. Egg and Tomato Soup (for those days when you’ve eaten one too many bao buns)
  5. Peking Duck (would be number one if — and only if — the delectable dish weren’t so inaccessible!  The only Peking Duck anyone should ever eat exists only in Beijing, so until teleportation becomes a modern mode of transportation, I must sadly place this beloved dish at No. 5)

Real or Fake: Trader Joe’s Food

hd_3154df63b110dad9e02b2bbb4bd7d44cTrader Joe’s: the holy grail for college kids without meal plans, yo-pro couples and fun-loving elderly folks. Put on your thinking cap and Hawaiian lei and test your knowledge of America’s punniest grocery store. How familiar are you with original Trader Joe’s food? One of the answers for each question is the name of a real Trader Joe’s food item; the rest of the options are made up by a troll on Lau 2 who didn’t own a sports bra until junior year of high school when she had to buy one for a school play.

[playbuzz-game game=”https://www.playbuzz.com/keatono10/real-or-fake-trader-joes-food”]

Common Room Cooking: Tomato and Mozzarella

So you think you want to be a chef? Miss the feel of a home cooked meal? Maybe you just want to pull out your iPhone and show off your latest creation. Coming to college, I knew that I would be missing one thing dearly, my mother, and let’s face it, her cooking. Leo’s isn’t exactly a replacement. So what is one to do? Lets get to it: cooking in the common room!

Now if you’re feeling particularly lazy, there’s always a great microwave option. You can make everything from oatmeal to mac and cheese in there and never have to bat an eyelash.

Personally, I love to go to the Farmer’s Market on Wednesday and stock up on some great bread and tomatoes. Make a trip to Vittles, Safeway or Whole foods (wonderland that it is) to pick up some mozzarella cheese, arugula, and balsamic vinegar. With just a few simple ingredients, you could be making yourself the most beautiful sandwiches with little to no effort. Sprinkle with a little olive oil and mozzarella cheese while its hot, and the mozzarella will melt right in.

While you’re at the grocery store pick up some pasta; arguably the easiest food to cook in the world. With the same ingredients as above, you could have a delicious dinner. Just don’t forget the wine (assuming you’re over 21).

There you have it, you’re on your way to becoming the next top chef. Hey, I even heard that someone managed to make sushi in the common room. That could be you! Take your stomach into your own hands, okay, that sounds a little iffy, maybe don’t do that. Oh, what’s that noise off in the next room? The mystery, the drama….Well, it’s not you’re stomach grumbling after a nice common-room cooked meal!

PS Maybe add a Nutella creation for dessert? DO IT.

Photo: Anna Goldberg/The Hoya