Guy Consolmagno: He’s Cooler Than You Think

guyconsolmagnoOK, so he didn’t say that. Kanye said that. But Brother Consolmagno is still “way more fresher” than you think. From eavesdropping on two seniors on Car Barn’s patio and reading Mug’s FML board, I’ve come to realize some seniors are a bit peeved at or just confused by the College’s decision to invite Brother Guy Consolmagno to be the guest speaker at commencement. Many college seniors just can’t understand what a Vatican astronomer could possibly say to a bunch of American college graduates.

Some of us hypothesized that Guy was just really into inspirational, sidereal sayings (hell yeah I just typed “pertaining to stars” into Google):

But the 4E thinks we’re all selling Brother Guy a bit short because one time we saw him on the Colbert Report.


He’s so cute! And it seems like he’s really going to say something substantive along the lines of, “Chill out guys, we’re pretty insignificant anyways.” Or hopefully it will be a bit more motivational, like, “LOOK AT THE STARS! THEY’RE INCREDIBLE! THE UNIVERSE IS AMAZING! BE HUMBLED! BE THANKFUL!” I’m sure he’ll be a bit more eloquent but you get the idea: This is going to be a great speech, so don’t get down on yourself that Bradley Cooper isn’t coming. He recently became the Hulk anyway.

We hope on commencement day the stars align and Brother Consolmagno’s speech is as heavenly as the bodies above.

21 Ways You Know You’re About to Graduate from Georgetown

21 ways you know
There are only three days of classes left (if we’re really counting Georgetown Day as a day of class), and for the Class of 2013, this is a bittersweet fact. Some of the seniors on The Hoya pushed through their sadness to compile this list. We salute you, seniors. So here it is, the “21 Ways You Know You’re About to Graduate from Georgetown”.

1. You no longer get lost in ICC…for the most part

2. Graduating high school seems like a primitive time, thousands of years ago.

3. You actually get mad at yourself for sleeping through a class because there are so few left.

4. The phrase “Class of 2017” makes you feel 10,000 years old.

5. You could (slash have done) the 2 a.m. walk to and from Tuscany blindfolded and blackout.

6. You start missing Leo’s unless you’re a S.E.A.L. (senior eating at Leo’s)

7. You say to yourself, “there was a one keg limit? Missed that these four years.”

8. You’re rocking gym clothes at Tombs

9. SWUG life has completely taken over

10. You tell every GAAP kid, “If I only had four more years to do it again”

11. You know what Philly P is (and still think it’s better than Tuscany).

12. You pour one out for our fallen friends: Saloun, Guards, Thirds, and Hook.

13. You know your liver is prepared for Senior Week because you survived Snowpocalypse

14. You could clothe a small country with the collection of free t-shirts you’ve accumulated over the years

15. You constantly get asked the worst question in existence, “So, do you know what you’re doing after college?”

16. The idea of Lau 2 now makes you nauseous.

17. Rhino feels like a daycare center for toddlers.

18. You get sad on the inside when you realize you never have to register for classes again.

19. You won’t have the opportunity to use Classy from The Corp.

20. “Half-Price Wine Night” at The Tombs is essentially etched into your Google Calendar.

21. The fact that tomorrow is your last Georgetown Day is killing you from the inside out.

Think we missed anything? Leave it in the comments below!