15 Extreme Things to Give Up This Lent

Lent is here and you know what that means: the classic forfeit of chocolate, the avoidance of french fries and the (unpromising) theory of exercising more often.

Chalk it up to one word? Boring!

Instead of the old, dull suggestions of the past, why not try some innovative ideas that call for real sacrifice? Here are some of our proposals:

1. Give up peeling bananas.

Sound hard to you? Exactly. How are you going to open it? A friend? A knife? Are you going to avoid bananas the entire Lenten season? Let us know.

2. Give up smiling awkwardly at people you sort-of know when you walk past them.

I know it’s hard, but that’s the point of Lent. Keep a straight face, avoid eye contact or run away! Whatever is easiest, really.

3. Give up opening your mouth when you laugh.

      Chuckle softly, or not at all!

4. Give up wearing socks.

Whether you opt for sandals or challenge yourself with sneakers, this will definitely keep you on your toes. (Get it?!)

5. Give up eye contact altogether. 

      Shyly bat your lashes toward the ground to let people know you’re avoiding eye contact. They should catch on pretty quickly!

6. Give up all candy flavors except for grape. 

    Relish in the incredibly medicine-like taste of grape, a feeling you won’t know you can stand until you are forced to.

7. Give up sleep between the hours of 3:15a.m. and 4:45a.m.

    Set an alarm and keep your body constantly alert to change!

8. Give up contacts, glasses or any other aids to your vision. 

    Whether you’re mildly impaired or actually blind, this is a challenge to not only you but the people around you!

9. Give up the use of your hands. 

      Pick up items with the strength of your toes if you have dropped something. Otherwise, kindly ask an acquaintance to do literally everything for you!

10. Give up Piano Bar. 

      Hmm…too soon?

11. Give up stopping for pedestrians.

      Got a car? Make a point! Though dangerous, this Lenten promise will really challenge you!

12. Give up the letter “E.”

    Paprs, -mails, and prtty much any tchnological communication may b slightly mor difficult, but if you put your mind to it, you can do anything!

13. Give up the temperatures between 70 and 78 degrees. 

    Often the comfortable temperatures for a generally cold person, give up familiarity and either shiver or sweat yourself to sleep!

14. Give up opening doors.

    Trying to get out of your classroom? Let someone else help you out. Trying to get into a car? Just let that Uber driver know you need his assistance. How about a way out of your dorm room? Kick it down like Jack Bauer or loudly cry until a concerned neighbor comes to your aid.

15. Give up turning left. 

Live on the wild side and avoiding turning left at all costs. It’ll hurt your brain and annoy your friends, but it’s sure to keep you occupied during Lent!

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“Totally Real” Yahoo Answers: The 4th Edition

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We did not make this up, or at least, the questions. Pulled straight from the World Wide Web’s very own Yahoo Answers, 4E has picked out some classic questions from the “education” category. We tried to come up with an answer with common sense, but sometimes the questions are too much…

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Are 60 seconds and 1 minute really the same?

No, absolutely NOT.  This common misconception is all part of the Illuminati’s plot to make us lose track of time as they slowly take control over our minds #conspiracy.  Rihanna writing that she’s “four five seconds from wildin'” is a perfect example of their work.  What does that even mean, and why is “wildin'”?  The world will never know, but luckily there are some people working to prevent the Illuminati from gaining complete control.  After all, we can thank Rebecca Black for helping us to accurately remember the days of the week!  Just keep reciting her insightful lyrics and remember ~they’re watching~.

What does “K” mean in terms of money?

K, noun, is a term that delves into the question of the existence of money. Where does it come from? Is it a figment of my imagination? How do I got more of it? Derived from the infamous Kardashian family, K is demonstrative of how money exists seemingly without grounding; it is something that just ~is~.

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How do I get my sister not to go to college?

In researching the answer to this question, some sources actually provided reasons like: since she’s a girl she shouldn’t make money, a college degree would guilt her husband into letting her get a job (oh no!), and college will make her promiscuous (so truuuuu). In light of these answers, our answer is that your sister MUST go to college to combat these ludicrous ideas that say she shouldn’t.

What incantations work best for summoning Jesus?

The absolute best way to bring Jesus back from the dead is to wear your pajamas inside out, run around your dining room table five times, and leave a spoon under your pillow.  Ironically this also works for snow days!  If you’re not really feeling this incantation, we recommend leaving a milkshake outside on your lawn.  We’ve heard this method is known for bringing all the boys to your yard.

 

Are UC Applications due December 1?

Irrelevant because Georgetown’s application is due January 10th and that’s all you need to know.

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Photos/Gifs: iboommarketing.com