When the massive snowstorm hit Texas, the state had to deal with many catastrophes, such as power outages and food shortages. While Texans were struggling to stay warm and safe, what was Sen. Ted Cruz seen doing? He went on a plane to go to Cancún, hoping to stay at the Ritz-Carlton. Out of all the things he could’ve done to escape to the resort, he decided to wear a Texas state face mask, making him easy to catch.
Here are some things Ted should’ve done to make it to Cancun without being seen:
Get a private jet
I mean come on, why would Ted go on a United flight at the Houston airport when he knows there will be a crowd of people ready to take a video if they see him? With his privilege, renting a plane should not have been that hard. Although I am not a celebrity, at least I have the brain cells to figure this situation out.
Get a disposable phone
This one should’ve been easy: Go to Walmart, get a Blackberry, text to friends and family about the getaway from that phone, and smash it up into pieces and throw it into the Gulf of Mexico, obviously. As a “Gossip Girl” fanatic, I thought Ted could pull a Gossip Girl move because why wouldn’t he say “XOXO, you know you love me” to his constituents?
Hire a doppelgänger
Rumor has it that each person has two doppelgängers somewhere in the world. However, Ted Cruz is special. He has a handful of look-alikes in the United States alone. Kevin Malone from “The Office”? Definitely looks like Ted. Mrs. Doubtfire is 100% related to Ted. He has this great network of Ted Cruzes in the world but doesn’t take advantage of it. Smh my head.
Get a K-Pop Makeover
This one is my personal favorite. Why wouldn’t anyone want to look like they’re a part of BTS or Blackpink? Of course, these groups will not support Ted pretending to be one of them, but I’m just putting the idea out there. Ted could really get clear skin, color contacts, and new metallic hair color.
Should Ted have even gone to Cancún in the first place? Absolutely not. But, if anyone is thinking of escaping from reality unnoticed and safely making it to your Ritz-Carlton suite in the future, then these four tips will definitely come in handy. You have my word.
If you applied to study abroad this year, the cancellation news a few weeks ago may have come as a disappointment to you. But fear not! Here is a compilation of alternative destinations where you can fulfill your wanderlust this upcoming spring.
Forget the churros this semester and replace Madrid, Spain, with Madrid, Iowa! This agricultural town has loads of natural and historical sites – from the Iowa Arboretum to the Madrid History & Clay Castle – and not to mention this nifty-looking bridge pictured above – you will never run out of spots to check out. Life in this rural land might look a little different from the abroad experience in Spain you might have imagined, but Madrid supposedly has great high school sports teams. So, why not relive your glory days by going out to check out a football game?
Ahhh, yes. The glorious capital of Italy — alas, this year, one can only dream. A semester in Rome, Maine, however, might not be all that bad of an alternative! Switch out the classic Italian caffè e cornetto for clam chowder and replace spaghetti with lobster, and there you have it. Who needs Rome’s Colosseum when you have nature parks and lakes at your fingertips in Rome, Maine!
Although you may have to say goodbye to schnitzel and German lagers this year, consider an alternative trip to Berlin in our very own United States. Don’t let Connecticut’s reputation as a commuter state scare you away — the Nutmeg State has much to offer. The shrimp and clam pie, the various nature centers and a prestigious university in New Haven *cough cough* are all within arm’s reach. Although you might have to replace Germany’s cobblestone streets with the interstate highway, look on the bright side — all of Berlin, Connecticut’s attractions are just a quick drive away!
You can’t drop your croissant if you don’t have one to begin with! The City of Light may have had to shut its borders to you this year, but our very own Paris, Kentucky, is quite the fine alternative. Don’t be afraid to leave behind the baguettes and wine and grab yourself an Arnold Palmer and some wings instead. Switch things up and visit Paris to learn a thing or two about horses, history and hospitality.
And there you have it, folks. Your favorite European destinations, minus the fancy food and high price tag!
With The Hoya’s newfound TikTok fame — we have over 100,000 likes! — we at 4E have decided it’s about time to release our top TikToks so far. Is this list mostly subjective? Absolutely.
Now, in no particular order, let’s move on to our favorite TikToks from The Hoya so far.
POV: Louis Tomlinson Is Your Cashier at Vital Vittles
With over 135,000 views and about 55,000 comments, this TikTok is clearly a fan favorite. While freshmen don’t entirely get it, any One Direction reference is always welcome.
Georgetown Cupcake v. Baked & Wired v. Levain Bakery
Kinda rude for Levain to open up when I’m 3,000 miles away, but whatever.
Georgetown Schools as Hogwarts Houses
I mean, as a fan of “Harry Potter,” which as we all know was written by Daniel Radcliffe, I appreciate the effort. However, I’m sure I speak for 99% of the Georgetown student population when I say the MSB should’ve been Slytherin.
Last, but certainly not least, is the iconic, tear-jerking, makes-me-miss-campus-the-most TikTok of the century. Do I watch this daily to pretend we’re on campus? Absolutely. Does it make me cry every time? Yes. And what about it?
There are three constants to a fall as a Georgetown student, even remotely: midterms, good friends, and the Georgetown Program Board’s annual Mr. Georgetown pageant. Not even a global pandemic could deter this beloved tradition, with 12 of Georgetown’s most ~dashing~ Hoyas taking to the (Zoom!) stage to represent their organization, strut their stuff and entertain the masses.
While this year’s pageant may look different from years’ previous, taking place virtually over the course of three Friday nights, October 16th, 23rd, and 30th, the event’s history and purpose still shine through. Mr. Georgetown was founded in 2005 as a spirited celebration and a way to showcase the many talents and personalities of senior men on campus. It was also created as a way to critique the notion of gender in pageantry, as pageantry is typically considered as female events, by putting men in the position of being evaluated as representatives of Georgetown and their respective student organizations.
We at The Hoya are excited to introduce to you this year’s dazzling contestants representing the Class of 2021, but first, to ensure a positive Mr. Georgetown experience for all Hoyas, GPB has released a statement regarding Georgetown’s community values because while the event was created to challenge gender norms, GPB wants to encourage an conversation about the role of gender in the event.
“The mission of GPB is to create an atmosphere of community spirit at Georgetown, and to provide high-quality, low-cost entertainment for the entire undergraduate campus community. In alignment with this mission, we are committed to examining the role that gender has played in Mr. Georgetown in the past and would like to open a discussion with the community about ways to make our event more inclusive of all gender identities. To connect with us please email [email protected]“
With that, meet the candidates for Mr. Georgetown 2020!
Christopher Le: Mr. AASA
Hometown: York, Pa.
What do you love most about AASA? I love the endless jokes we have, even though most are targeted at me. Love the fact that we can be truly ourselves and be goofy and no one judges anyone bc everyone else is just as goofy!
What is your go-to late night Epi order? Chicken quesadilla, if you get anything else—wrong. Those slap after a long night.
If you had to choose a song to describe your semester, what would it be? “Supalonely” by BENEE and Gus Dapperton. It describes my semester in two fold. The title makes sense because can’t see everyone so I’m lonely. And the second part is that it came from TikTok, which has helped me pass the time during the semester.
Samuel Nelson: Mr. The Hoya
Hometown: Cocoa Beach, Fla.
Major: operations & information management and marketing
What do you love most about The Hoya? Working with such creative and passionate people
What is your go-to late night Epi order? What I would give for one last late-night Epi! My go-to order was a grilled cheese on ciabatta, add sliced tomato and pesto mayo. Soooo satisfying and a full $3 cheaper than the quesadilla.
What is your favorite spot on campus? My favorite spot are the window seats on Lau 4. I love gazing at the fall leaves and beautiful pastel townhouses all while disassociating on a Hi-Chew/Red Eye-induced high. Doesn’t quite feel the same at home…
Onrei Josh Ladao: Mr. Club Filipino
Hometown: San Diego, Calif.
Majors: art and sociology
What do you love most about Club Filipino? What I love most about my club is how welcoming the atmosphere is. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from — CF will always be your home away from home.
What is your go-to late night Epi order? ALWAYS Epi quesadillas. The quesadillas just ~ * hit different * ~ at 1 a.m.
What is your favorite spot on campus? My favorite spots on campus are the GSP and CMEA offices. I always take a nap in the office.
Eli Lefcowitz: Mr. Pep Band
Hometown: Port Washington, N.Y.
What do you love most about Pep Band? The Pep Band is full of the most hilarious, supportive people I know at Georgetown — they can cheer you up even when the Hoyas lose by 40 (trust me, it’s happened). Oh, and the unlimited free Domino’s pizza is pretty nice too.
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? It would have to be Leo J. O’Donovan. I am a big fan of his chicken tenders.
What is your go-to late night Epi order? I used to just order a cup of sour cream, but one day the sandwich man said that would no longer be allowed. Since then, I’ve just ordered a chicken quesadilla, hold the tortilla, chicken, cheese and salsa. Yum.
Felipe Lobo Koerich: Mr. SFS Academic Council
Hometown: It’s complicated…technically, all of the ones listed: Campinas, Brazil; Jundiaí, Brazil; Amsterdam, the Netherlands; Houston, Texas; New Orleans, La.
Major: international politics
What do you love most about SFS Academic Council? The passion everyone brings. It’s a small group of highly committed individuals that genuinely want to make Georgetown and the SFS better for their peers. It’s incredibly inspiring, especially when our advocacy translates into actually meaningful changes.
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? Jan Karski, who served as a resistance fighter and diplomat during World War II and risked his life on multiple occasions to learn about what the Nazi government was doing in Poland and tell the United States about the Holocaust. To me, he exemplifies many Georgetown and SFS values. He’s a deeply inspiring, although far too unknown, hero.
What is your favorite spot on campus? I have so many memories of places on campus that it was hard to pick, but I have to go with the red armchairs right next to the elevator on top floor of Lau. I spent many hours my sophomore and junior years studying and finishing assignments there, with a beautiful view of Healy and Copley Lawn and those two buildings, which was especially nice during sunset and during the fall. It makes me really miss the more mundane, everyday moments and experiences from back when we were all on campus.
Andrew Molinari: Mr. GU Pride
Hometown: Rochester, N.Y.
Major: economics and performing arts
What do you love most about your club? I think GU Pride holds many places in many different people’s hearts. We’re here to celebrate your identity and build community. We’re here to advocate for you and comfort you in times of need. We’re also here to dance with you when you need a night out with some Donna Summer. Pride is everything to me; it’s what I live by.
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? Easily Bradley Cooper. Did you know he was interested in a career in diplomacy, but then went and became a famous actor instead? That’s the kind of Georgetown success story I like to see.
If you had to choose a song to describe your semester, what would it be? “Party For One” by Carly Rae Jepsen. Need I say more?
Hunter Congdon: Mr. GREEN
Hometown: New Haven, Conn.
Major: international politics
What do you love most about your club? What I love most about GREEN is the vibrancy and enthusiasm of our community. We may come from all different parts of campus but we all care a lot about the environment and are eager about taking action, but we also know how to have fun.
What is your favorite spot on campus? The lower level of Lau. There’s never anyone there so it’s a great place to go to hammer out that 10-page paper that’s due in two hours, and there’s all these microfilms and government documents, which feels like such a retro throwback but is also cool and interesting at the same time.
What is your go-to late night Epi order? The vanilla milkshake or the hot chocolate.
Tim Adami: Mr. The Voice
Hometown: Morris Plains, N.J.
Major: international politics
What do you love most about your club? Nothing beats production night with the rest of the board. Staying awake till 4 a.m. never gets old with the rest of the design staff and board members. I made some of my favorite memories during those late nights.
If you had to choose a song to describe your semester, what would it be? “SOS” by Miss Rihanna…
What is your favorite spot on campus? My favorite spot on campus to have a solitary cry was within Lau 5’s labyrinth of bookshelves. Suppose I wanted to have a more public breakdown, though…in that case, I’d go to the Leavey Esplanade to make the med/grad students feel uncomfortable during their breaks.
Nicolo Ferretti: Mr. GUSA
Hometown: New York
What do you love most about your club? The People
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? My favorite Georgetown alumnus is definitely Tony [Anthony] Coscia cause I like trains. I also saw him speak the other day. Seemed cool.
What is your go-to late night Epi order? You gotta get a grilled cheese sandwich with mozzarella as the cheese and Italian (or rye) bread. You 100% gotta add tomatoes. If you’re there, you add peperoncini. Pesto sauce. And if you’re a real winner, you get guac on the side, not as a topping, but an actual side dish.
Kyle Dudzinski: Mr. Club Lacrosse
Hometown: Port Murray, N.J.
Major: international politics — security studies
What do you love most about your club? I think the club lacrosse team has the perfect balance of being competitive while still having fun. It’s great to go compete against other schools with your friends without taking yourself too seriously.
Who is your favorite Georgetown alumnus? John Mulaney, no doubt. His Netflix specials have gotten me through so many midterms and finals seasons!
What is your favorite spot on campus? Definitely Dahlgren. It is serene, picturesque and quite literally the heart of our campus. Of all things Georgetown, I think I miss this place the most.
JP Nguyen: Mr. GERMS
Hometown: Houston, Texas
What do you love most about your club? I love the long weekend nights when we stay up and watch movies before the calls start to pick up. We might be up together until 5 a.m. some nights, but the people we get to meet make it enjoyable. :)
If you had to choose a song to describe your semester, what would it be? “Stay Away” by Carly Rae Jepsen, the Queen of Social Distancing
What is your favorite spot on campus? The ICC bathrooms <3 because that’s where I cry on the toilet before Spanish class.
Casey Wetherbee: Mr. IRC
Hometown: Ithaca, N.Y.
Major: international political economy
What do you love most about your club? What I love most about the IRC is how it welcomed me during my freshman year into a diverse and inclusive family that has supported me across the board, and that I’ve had a lot of opportunities to mentor younger Hoyas interested in international affairs since then!
What is your go-to late night Epi order? The onion rings from Epi slap, but honestly their veggie wrap is super slept on, and hits different at 3 a.m.
What is your favorite spot on campus? My favorite spot on campus is the Healey Family Student Center because it enables my caffeine and procrastination habits and it’s really pretty. I’ve also cried and sang in the piano rooms too many times to mention, which I’m grateful for.
We hope to see you all this Friday, October 23, on Zoom, for the second round of competition!
Let’s face it: as a current freshman, we have had a difficult semester so far, especially because everything is online. When we talked to upperclassmen before committing to be a Hoya, they promised us a wonderful campus life, but here we are … So, I’m going to list five expectations and realities of what we’ve gone through, from the summer to now.
Expectation #1: The Roommate Process
We all made Facebook accounts to find our potential roommate. We were expecting something similar to “The Bachelor,” in which we would have a few candidates in mind who we wanted to room with, but we narrow it down to THE ONE.
Or, we waited until CHARMS opened to have our own Tinder experience to see who we matched with.
Reality #1: Umm … Where Will We Be Living?
While our friends from high school were getting ready to leave their homes, we waited, and then waited some more, and waited a little more …
… only to find out that most of our roommates were going to be …
… our “cool” parents. So much for the freshman dorm experience.
Expectation #2: First Day of School
Whoo!!!! We made it! Our first day of college. We were ready to pop off with our glamorous outfits for the new start of our lives.
We were also excited to meet some potential BFFs: the Patrick to our Spongebob.
We might have been running across campus to make it from Car Barn to the ICC for our classes on time after realizing how far away they were.
Reality #2: First Day of ~Zoom~ University
How was the first day of college, you may ask? Well, our looks definitely weren’t 100% fresh. Our top half? Maybe. Our bottom half? Definitely not. If you have worn jeans to a class and not just sweats, I want to congratulate you from the bottom of my heart.
In terms of our best friends — yeah, definitely not. In large lectures, people turn off their cameras, and in seminars, there’s no time for socializing. Guess we’ll have to wait a few more months to find real friends.
And, as for making it to class on time, that’s easy-peasy. Just by walking, at max, 10 steps, I can go from my bed to my desk. It’s almost impossible to be late to a class, but I will admit it can happen once in a while. Time is irrelevant right now.
Expectation #3: CAB Fair
We would have been on Healy Lawn, super excited to see all the clubs Georgetown has to offer. From a capella groups to ~exclusive~ consulting clubs, we would have walked around and experienced it all by signing up for a million clubs, especially the ones that bribed us with free food.
Reality #3: Shindig
Let me just say that Shindig was an interesting experience. With freshmen and club leaders not knowing how the website worked, it was semi-chaotic. And, all I could hear was my computer fan working up because my laptop was HOT. My poor computer was ready to explode at any minute.
Word on the street is CAB Fair will be back on Zoom(!) in a few weeks. Only time will tell.
Expectation #4: The Campus Life
We were definitely warned about some aspects of the campus experience. First, the rats. We heard the horror stories of seeing them running around in the middle of the night and creeping into the dorms. We were prepared to at least try to befriend them.
Then, there’s Leo’s. Many upperclassmen have also said that it’s college food, so you can’t expect it to be a Michelin-star meal.
Next up is the @georgetownhotmess account on Instagram: the infamous page dedicated to cringeworthy moments on campus. From bugs coming out of Leo’s food to rats popping out of garbage cans, we saw it all. My high school friends asked me before I committed to Georgetown if I really wanted to go to a college with roaches and rats everywhere, and I fully said, “Yes. And, your college isn’t cool enough to have a hot mess account on Instagram.”
Finally, there are the parties. We would have spent our weekend nights with our friends having the time of our lives. With the perfect shot on the Vil A rooftop, our Instagrams would have officially confirmed that we were a real Georgetown student.
Reality: Virtual “Campus” Life?
One thing is for sure: For those of us at home, we still have not seen any of the famous Georgetown rats. Maybe that’s a good thing because the campus rats get more freedom and less hatred. Hopefully, those rats are partying for us on campus.
And, maybe it is a great thing that we still get one more semester at home with better food, but I for sure am craving Epi quesadillas right about now.
The same goes for the Hot Mess Instagram account. I definitely would rather not eat food with roaches in it or experience horrifying events in the bathroom that some students have noted.
The big sad part is the parties. Being alone in a room on Zoom is just different. The typical online games like Skribbl.io will do for now, I guess. Hopefully, spending at least one night a week drawing random stuff will make all of us Picassos by the end of the year.
Expectation #5: Study Groups for Midterms
For the big lecture classes that have midterm tests instead of essays, the ideal would have been studying together with the ~perfect~ study group. Imagine the squad from “Community” but so much better.
Reality #5: Not-So-Fun Studying
Studying together virtually is super difficult. Especially for big classes when everyone has their cameras off, it is not easy to find people you connect with. If we want to find someone to study with, we have to work for it: ask for their numbers, if they want to study together on Zoom, etc., which requires so much more effort than in normal times.
Obviously, college life is drastically different this semester than in the past. We feel more disconnected, and for those of us living in smaller towns or cities, there are not that many fellow Hoyas living by us. That being said, when we all get to be on campus together, it is going to make the college experience so much better. We will get to enjoy on-campus life more than any other class because the first semester of college online was rough, and no one else has gone through it. So, whether it will be in January, March or August, I cannot wait for our class to finally unite together in person. Until then, remember to wear your mask and stay safe, Hoyas.
Hoyas everywhere know the struggle of tuition, Flex dollars, Canada Geese (Gooses? Goslings?). Living in Washington, D.C., is costly and drains students’ wallets.
In honor of the release of a ~certain someone’s~ tax returns, here’s a shocking list of some items some Hoyas spend over $750 on over the course of a semester, or about 16 weeks.
Wisey’s Chicken Madness (or Hot Chick if you’re feeling ~spicy~)
Certified Wisey’s Fan // Seven days a week // Delicious @%$ sandwich make all Hoyas weak.
A gal can’t survive on Olive Branch grain bowls for every meal! At $8.95, a Chicken Madness from Wisey’s is a staple food in the Georgetown neighborhood (especially if you live in LXR). If you eat one Chicken Madness a day, your soul may thank you, but your wallet definitely won’t.
$8.95 x 16 weeks at Georgetown x 7 days a week = $1,002.40
Cover Charges for a Night Out
College for students 21 and up isn’t complete without some wild nights, right?
Heading out to the bars and hitting the clubs on the weekends come at a cost. With the average cover charge around $30 and many students going out both Friday and Saturday, 21+ Hoyas are looking at nearly $1,000 in costs.
$30 x 16 weeks at Georgetown x 2 nights a week = $960
A Double Room in Darnall
This one may be both self-explanatory and the most shocking. A dorm room in one of the worst dorms in America is expensive af! While Darnall residents (current and former) think of their time in the Dirty D fondly (Author’s note: I was a Darnall resident 2018-2019! <3), it has garnered a certain reputation among students.
For the cost of the room, which you share with a roommate, you’re paying more than four times the cost of some D.C. residents’ income taxes!
A closet staple of the ~chilliest~ Hoyas! Who can forget about this overpriced parka?
Women’s parkas range in cost from $795 to $1,595. Imagine how many properties you could own (or Chicken Madness sandwiches you could buy) with that money!
Let’s call it an even $1,000
What late night Lau study session is complete without a few cans of the ~Yerbz~ (Author’s note: It’ll catch on, just wait)?
Hoyas can’t get enough of this caffeine-infused tea, and so, at about four cans per day for the ~most avid~ Yerba fans, and about $2 per can if bought in bulk, students are spending to get their fix.
4 cans per day x 7 days per week x 16 weeks x $2 dollars per can = $896
Due to the ongoing public health crisis, Georgetown has decided the majority of students will remain home for the fall 2020 semester. Hoyas received a taste of online learning during the spring of 2020, but this fall, admin has spared no expense to offer a semester with even more precision and in-depth planning than the last.
While this won’t be the semester anyone had envisioned, we may as well prepare for what lies ahead. The 4E is here to offer you a ~sneak preview~ of your online fall semester!
With full course loads and asynchronous lectures, Hoyas everywhere can expect ~The Grind~ to never stop!
The Grind, of course, comes with its own challenges. Living at home means parents and younger siblings interrupting lectures and valuable study time. Staring at your online class crush covertly (or even enlarging their picture in Zoom) is enough of a distraction!
There are some bright sides to online classes, though. Over Zoom, Hoyas can live out their reality television star dreams by sitting in their very own confessional square! Use the background of your favorite Confessional Booth™, and, suddenly, you too are a Kardashian!
Hoyas can also take advantage of the small screen to show off their quarantine fits. Of course, stunting in Lau is a Georgetown tradition, so you can bet some students will be angling their cameras juuust right to show off a glimpse of that Gucci belt!
While the Vil A rooftop won’t be baptized with the annual syllabus week parties to kick off the semester, online classes can’t stop Hoyas from turning up! Zoom parties will be just like regular ones, only much less sweaty. And you’ll have complete control over the aux (and a mute button)!
These Zoom parties will have an unlimited capacity for fun guests, so no need for a pledge asking freshmen at the door, “Who do you know here?” Just don’t be surprised when your friends 8+ timezones away from you ~darty~ while you ~party~!
To top it all off, Natty Light will also no longer be the only alcoholic option for (21+) Hoyas to enjoy! Nothing says “lit” like the unopened red wine your mom got as a gift in 2016!
While parties can easily be transitioned online, Georgetown’s Club Culture™ is harder to recreate over the internet.
Some of Georgetown’s most ~exclusive~ clubs will have to transition online for recruitment, initiation and everything in between! This may serve as a huge advantage for the business crowd: No more running across campus in suits only to be rejected by the consulting club of your choice! For other clubs, it may not be as simple, resulting in a few hiatuses.
Reminder: The Hoya is always looking for new talent ;)
Work-Study and Internships:
Many students lost their on-campus jobs in the spring, including students working at Lauinger Library and Yates and as student guards. To compensate for this sudden unemployment, Georgetown is offering a number of online work-study positions.
Georgetown isn’t known for its IT positions (I’m looking at you, always empty UIS Service Desk on the third floor of Lau), but in this unprecedented time, innovation in student work is necessary. The 4E personally brainstormed ideas for online jobs for Hoyas:
Zoom Bombing Student Guard
Exam Proctor (see: Narc)
OnlyFans Content Creator
Author Of a Book Written in Quarantine Set To Be Published In April 2021
We also can’t forget those students experiencing remote internships! Let’s hear it for our remote Hillterns™!
Hoyas already missed out on Georgetown Day 2020, so we deserve a fun homecoming at the very least. Even though there will be no football, we all know that, at Georgetown, homecoming is never about the football anyway.
“Homecoming” can take on a new and more literal meaning in this quarantine. Hoyas could flood campus for a weekend in September (while social distancing, of course) to bring us together for the first time since March and keep the Georgetown spirit alive!
Students turning 21 will also have to adapt the Tombs Night tradition to an online platform. When The Tombs finally reopens, you can bet most of the bar’s patrons will be stamping their foreheads to make up for their missed birthdays. But for now, a postal stamp and a speech on Zoom will have to do.
While the future opening status of Georgetown is unknown, we can all do our part to stay safe now to be together as a family in the future.
For now, live your Georgetown career without regret! DM that cutie in your theology class on Canvas! Take “International Finance” pass/fail! Email your TA to round up your grade! Catfish your professor by using a hot person’s photo as your Zoom avatar!
From all of us at the 4E, stay healthy Hoyas! We hope to see you on campus soon!
It’s that time of year again, when a whole new cohort of sophomores sets out to choose which major they want to cry over for two more years. Each department picks out its best outfit and lines, naive enough to think they’ll have a chance of beating government but quickly humbled by the lack of phone calls asking for a second Leo’s date. Don’t worry, this stops today — this is a list made for all of the majors pushed aside and hidden from the limelight, like a freshman in Darnall. This is for you:
You may be ancient, but you have aged like fine wine. A true classic beauty that some would even say resembles the likeness of a Greek god. Given a little consideration, students will Rome in flocks to meet you on the third floor of Healy — to heal your broken heart.
To American Musical Culture:
You’ve been a little bit out of tune, huh? Don’t worry — no one noticed with your great composer. Always remember, you AmeriCAN get those prospective newcomers.
You may need to work on your communication. Once you learn to not overanalyze, the conversations will seem a lot less daunting, and I alphaBET you’ll be number one!
To Theater and Performance Studies:
We know you don’t play around, so it’s no act when we say you hold a special place in our hearts and deserve all of our props. The talent you craft is a gift curtsy of your amazing faculty, tied together with the perfect bow.
You’re on this list because you software your heart on your sleeve but are still looking for that someone to find the key to it. Hint: It’s QWERTY. Get ready for the influx of applications and try not to file too many away. They may call the MSBros snakes, but we all know you’re the real python.
In no way are you an absolute zero, but for sure a solid seven and a half. Some stand out qualities: you give off great energy, you care about what matters, you’ve never broken a law, you love a good jam session to “Free Fallin’” and they don’t call you the Big Bang for nothing!
While in the show “You” there are seven totems that mark one’s initiation into Los Angeles life, indeed there are another seven to become a full ~Hoya~. Read below to find out if you have actually reached full membership on the Hilltop.
1. Watch two rats fighting by a trash can in the dead of the night
D.C. is full of fascinating and beautiful fauna, but the rat is undoubtedly held in greatest esteem at Georgetown. If you’re lucky enough to see two of them fighting by a trash can in the dead of the night, preferably by a Henle, you’re more of a Hoya than you’ll ever know.
2. An overflowing toilet
While some may marvel at the charm of Healy and its surrounding tulip beds, I contend that the most pleasant aspect of Georgetown are the facilities — specifically overflowing toilets. Did someone clog it? Is it a simple, common malfunction? Who knows.
3. Cry over an abandoned, half-eaten grilled cheese from Epi
Anyone on the Hilltop will tell you that the proper night out ends with an excursion to Epicurean. Whether you’re merely chilling or ordering food after visiting a sweaty Henle, you and your friends (if lucky) will definitely end up sitting down at a table covered with half-eaten leftovers from your fellow, drunken Hoyas.
4. Have a cockroach in your dorm
If you thought rats were the worst thing to find in your room, guess again. Roaches also carry 33 kinds of bacteria, six different types of parasitic worms and seven known pathogens — just remember that next time one crawls across your desk.
5. Wake up to never-ending construction at 6 a.m.
If you live in Henle or Darnall, you’re all too familiar with the morning not being brought in by the sunrise, but with, well, the sound of a dump truck.
6. See the three-legged dog from SWQ
While you may have thought Jack the Bulldog was the goodest boy on campus, you were wrong. Keep an eye out for the three-legged doggo (named Crouton!) who lives in the Southwest Quad. Extra points if you pet him.
7. Admire the Harry Styles cardboard cutout in Vil A
Keep an eye out for the ominous presence of a Harry Styles cardboard cutout next time you drunkenly wander Vil A in search of a darty. You won’t be disappointed.
Attention all single Hoyas! Looking for love this Valentine’s Day? Well, look no further than this list of perfect options to be your next Valentine!
The Student Guard Who Doesn’t Make You Swipe
They see your hands are completely full: Olive Branch Grain Bowl in your left, your “International Finance” textbook in your right. You make eye contact, and they give you a nod to pass through. Sparks fly.
Your RA Who Only Gave You a ~Warning~
You were blasting “Gotta Go My Own Way,” as performed by Vanessa Hudgens in “High School Musical 2,” clearly going through it. While your RA was doing their rounds on the floor, they were startled by the volume (but appreciated the bop, of course). A soft knock at the door alerts you: You are going to be in so much trouble. Sensing your struggles, they let you off with a warning: “Turn the music down.” How compassionate!
The Midnight MUG Worker Who Drew a ’Lil Heart on Your Iced “Beloved”
Could there be a clearer choice for a Valentine? They clearly are interested (and not just trying to get a tip)! You proudly showcase the heart at your crowded table on Lau 2, only to see Becky from WRIT-015’s coffee has the exact same symbol. Let the battle commence.
The SFS Kid in Your Philosophy Discussion Who Always Plays “Devil’s Advocate”
. . .Maybe he just needs someone to advocate for him <3
The Guy Who Left You On Read Two Months Ago
Valentine’s Day shouldn’t just be about forming new connections, but it should be about ~reviving~ old ones. Give him a second chance to prove you wrong! Slide up on his Snapchat story with his new girlfriend with Justin Bieber lyrics, post that selfie to your Instagram and check maniacally whether he saw it or not, or even show up at his dorm (it worked in “Love Actually”)!
An Elkay LZS8WSLK EZH2O Bottle Filling Station With Single ADA Cooler, Filtered, 8 GPH
Are you an environmentalist? Are you a Yates bro? Are you both? Well, lucky for you, the Elkay LZS8WSLK EZH2O Bottle Filling Station with Single ADA Cooler, Filtered, 8 GPH is single and ready to mingle. Although sedentary, it ~mingles~ with everyone, so don’t expect to be Elkay’s only Valentine!
Todd A. Olson
They don’t call him vice president of student ~affairs~ for nothing ;)
Leo’s Workers Who Call You “Sugar” or “Baby”
Nothing is more pure than the interactions with our service workers! Treat them with respect every day, not just if they’re your prospective Valentine! But, a little chocolate and a teddy bear couldn’t hurt.
My favorite flowers are lilies, my favorite type of chocolate is dark and my favorite metal is silver ;)