For Immediate Release: We Were Robbed and We Understand Why

LEAVEY 421— It was with great shock we discovered the abduction of our beloved vacuum, Eureka, today, at the hands of The Georgetown Heckler.

The identity of the culpable group saddens us; this shift in relations between us and our previously earnest admirers is regrettable. Nevertheless, we should have assumed that a souring of our friendship would be inevitable. We have not published a piece on The Heckler in ages; this is obviously symptomatic of a cry for attention.

While we acknowledge the petulance behind this act, we refuse to coddle its perpetrators. Thus, we have taken action. We are holding Heckler staffer and former managing editor Connor Rohan (COL ’16) in a secure, undisclosed location until further notice. As you can see, he is still in good condition, though his mouth is not presumably operational (thank God).

IMG_2738*no Georgetown University Student Association vice presidents were actually harmed.

 

An Open Letter to the Heckler

Toddy Boy

Hey Heckler staff,

Wikipedia defines “Journalism ethics and standards” as “the principles of ethics and of good practice as applicable to the specific challenges faced by journalists. Historically and currently… [blah blah blah etc] most [codes] share common elements including the principles of – truthfulness, accuracy, objectivity,” and the rest don’t matter because I’ve made my point. OBJECTIVITY.

As a major source of campus happenings for the student body, you are responsible for maintaining careful journalistic integrity and objectivity in your posts. Who can forget the Tom Brokaw-reminiscent musings of “Desperate Mitt Romney Announces ‘Believe in Georgetown’ Campaign for GUSA”? I sure can’t.

But the recent spate of Todd Olson-centered posts have me foaming at the mouth, and not just because the Starbucks barista went overboard with my latte. What’s up with all of these pro-Todd Olson posts? I think that I speak for the student body when I say that we want answers and we want them now. Continuing this strange charade of posts violates every aspect of student autonomy that we at 4E strive for.

So if you have any respect for the tenets of freedom that this school – nay, that America – was founded on, then I demand to you, staff of the Heckler: TEAR DOWN THIS WALL [OF LIES AND TELL US THE TRUTH BEHIND THESE TODD-OLSON-RELATED POSTS]!!!

Best,

4E

Photo: blogspot.com