Finals season may be upon us, but our fall classes are right around the corner, and hopefully, next semester won’t be over Zoom! While Georgetown students have just registered, it’s clear there needs to be a revision of the schedule of classes.
“United States Political Systems?” “Problem of God?” Boring.
Georgetown clearly needs to spice up its academic roster, and we at the 4E have some suggestions for new classes that are sure to make students cry on registration day when they realize that there are no spots left.
THEO 666: Cats and Satanism
The Blue and Gray Tour Guide Society has been complaining that “Dogs and Theology” — which is a real class that I took in fall 2019, shoutout to Father Steck — has not been a compelling enough draw to get prospective students to attend Georgetown. The administration should respond to this with another whammy of a theology-requirement-fulfilling class, by offering the exact opposite. What could be more enticing than a class on Satanism and cats offered by a Jesuit school with a dog mascot? It’s perfect!
MARK 019: Rebranding After a Deadly Pandemic Takes Your Company’s Name
The unprecedented events of the last year led to one unexpected consequence: a fall in the sale and halted production of Corona beer. How can a company bounce back from such a disastrous naming coincidence? Only the MSBros can find the true answer in this tantalizing class.
INAF 101: Devil’s Advocacy
This class would be perfect for carefully cultivating Georgetown’s next generation of “Devil’s Advocates!” You know the type: a Pocket Constitution always on hand, always saying that “both sides are to blame,” and always on the lookout for their newest ~victim~ to engage in an unwilling debate.
BIOL 069: The Jesuit Identity and Your Body
This class, cross-referenced with theology, will explore the relationship between Georgetown’s Jesuit Values and your ~body~ (think: “the birds and the bees,” but if taught by Father Carnes)! With course modules featuring “Hoya No Sex-a” and “How to Use Bathroom Doors as a Propaganda Tool,” this class is sure to hit the perfect balance of scandal and intrigue.
CHEM 411: Mixology
What could be more scientific than experimenting with delicious drink combinations? This upper-level chemistry elective would be perfect for fulfilling Georgetown’s Science for All core requirement and for ensuring that the Village A rooftop has more to offer (21+) Hoyas than lukewarm Natty Lite. Plus, if your career in consulting doesn’t work out, this class would give a great backup plan for graduation!
Hopefully this refresh on Georgetown’s course offerings will make our undergraduate population much happier! Keep that GPA up, Hoyas!
My roommates and my sister have recently gotten me hooked on watching “The Bachelor,” and I quickly became obsessed. As season 25 (it’s really been going on that long?) comes to a close, here are 10 crazy things I learned that you may or may not know about “The Bachelor.”
1. Contestants are completely removed from the outside world.
Most people who know even a little bit about “The Bachelor” know that the producers cut contestants off from the outside world. I originally took this as, “Oh they can’t go on Instagram. Boohoo.” Turns out, it’s so much worse than that. They do not have access to phones, TV, music, magazines or even BOOKS. Not being allowed to have books kind of caught me off guard, but they don’t seem like the type to read anyway. You even have to be granted permission to watch a movie. But if the producers didn’t cut these girls completely off from the world, how would they get so bored that they stir up the most toxic drama for fun? I mean, that is the whole point of the show.
2. Rose ceremonies are at 2 a.m.
I mean it only makes sense because obviously it’s the best lighting. Enough said.
3. There is an extensive packing list AND YOU ARE ONLY ALLOWED THREE SUITCASES!
This sounds eerily similar to when Georgetown ~recommended~ that first-years only bring two suitcases to campus in the fall (rip first fall and spring lol). I am having flashbacks to this past summer, and I just know that my fellow first-years are too. Imagine the anxiety of trying to stuff 14 formal dresses and nine weeks of clothes, makeup and shoes into three suitcases. Bleh, I don’t even want to think about it anymore.
4. They have to buy all of their own clothes.
Yea, all those items shoved into three suitcases must be purchased by the contestant. One bachelorette took out a second mortgage to buy $8,000 worth of clothes for the show, which, according to math from Abigail Weintz’s lovely article is equivalent to approximately 894 Wisey’s Chicken Madness sandwiches. Personally, I would prefer those sandwiches to the minimum 14 fancy dresses needed for the rose ceremonies on top of all the outfits for dates. But, hey, they are looking for the love of their life, their one “true” person, so maybe it is worth it. Or maybe its worth is that they can become an influencer for three years and then fall back into oblivion. *Looks around* Who said that???
5. There are some “suggestions” for what you should and shouldn’t wear.
These strong suggestions include stripes, small checkered patterns, big patterns, solid white, and honestly anything else the producers just don’t like. While contestants would never be told that something doesn’t look good, the producers will suggest that they change “because their outfit does not translate well on camera.” I bet the producers word it that way so that they don’t unleash the wrath of these emotionally unstable women by saying their outfits are ugly.
6. They become beauticians overnight.
After the producers cheaped out on providing wardrobe, I shouldn’t be surprised that they do not provide hair or makeup, but I still am. I can’t imagine being on camera LITERALLY ALL THE TIME with my current knowledge of makeup that matches the skill of a middle schooler. One girl even hired a professional makeup artist to teach her tips and tricks before she went on the show. Maybe I should consider that if I ever hit rock bottom and audition to be on “The Bachelor.”
7. There is a two drink per hour rule.
The perfect amount to spice up life in the mansion, without any of these ladies drinking too much and stirring up drama. We wouldn’t want that, now would we?
8. They don’t eat on camera.
Apparently it’s too loud for the cameras and “nobody wants to see that.” I mean they’re right — I personally would not like to see that. But I also think that eating in front of your potential soulmate is a very telling experience. They just eat all sad and alone in their rooms before all of the dates. #depressing
9. And don’t forget about your mandatory psych evaluation.
I definitely have some questions about this one. It makes me wonder if they do the psych eval just to find the most unstable people and throw them in a house to see what happens. Maybe they need a more comprehensive evaluation considering the many irrational behaviors that occur in just one episode.
10. Chris Harrison, the host of “The Bachelor,” was fired (low key)
Harrison will not return to host the next season of “The Bachelorette,” and he has been replaced by Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe. It is unclear if ABC will allow him to return in future seasons, but it seems to me that Chris was dumped and is unable to accept it because he keeps saying how this is not the end. Although Harrison has already been replaced (by two fantastic women nonetheless — I actually know nothing about them, BUT the bar is just so low), I think a better choice would have been Ted Cruz for three reasons…
1. He is soon out of a job.
2. He is equally if not more problematic than Chris Harrison.
3. The entire “Bachelor” franchise radiates major Republican vibes, so Ted will fit in just fine.
However, “The Bachelor” has been safer during the pandemic. 🙄 Contestants had to be tested every third day for COVID during the 2020-21 seasons. Can Ted Cruz say the same? The contestants also quarantined before appearing on the show. Can Cruz say the same before he jetted off to Mexico? (Chris Harrison broke quarantine though🤭 and was temporarily replaced by JoJo Fletcher.) In all honesty, who would Chris Harrison’s replacement be if he didn’t also display problematic actions as a public figure?
I hope you enjoyed learning about some crazy things about “The Bachelor” and didn’t lose any brain cells in the process.
Georgetown University, spearheaded by the government department, has recently announced their own version of President Biden’s American Rescue Plan. The university hopes Congress will take its vast expertise on budgetary issues seriously and use its blueprint as a reference point for President Biden’s stimulus package. Here are some of the highlights:
The government department’s first priority is to allocate $30 billion in funding for a nationwide “How are you doing?” email blast from Robert M. Groves to every citizen’s inbox. Seeing as the 2020 Census was a hot mess, they are advising to tap Groves, former director of the U.S. Census Bureau, to head the new Department of Surveys, a cabinet-level position that will replace the Census Bureau as the main information-gathering agency for the government. After the smashing success of the surveys sent to Georgetown students, Congress should see the emails as a way to cut costs, streamline and modernize the government’s data collection agency. Democrats and Republicans were not able to agree on the frequency of the email blasts, so they compromised and chose to send it out bimonthly.
As part of President Biden’s promise to lower the cost of higher education, Georgetown advises to spend $90 billion of targeted funding dedicated to forgiving student loan debt, but only for business major students. Centrists were hesitant to forgive all student loan debt given the hefty price tag and catastrophic damage it would cause on the U.S. economy, so centrists did what they do best: settle on a compromise that left no one happy. Business majors understand more than literally anyone else how bad it could be to the economy to forgive all student loan debts, so they are willing to shoulder this incredible burden. The remaining 98% of people still paying off their student loan debt will be outraged but also unsurprised, the department speculates.
After days of negotiating with NHS students, the government department has advised the U.S. government to put $7 billion toward the splitting of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services into the U.S. Department of Health and Department of Nursing. The split should be expected to occur in July 2022. Given that we are currently in a global pandemic, it is wise to split the job of the HHS into two separate, but functionally identical, departments.
The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development should stay vastly underfunded, seeing as Georgetown University has gotten away with charging record-setting tuition without improving its dorms. This policy of raising prices arbitrarily, while promising no improvements, worked for Georgetown and thus should be adopted nationwide. In order to mirror Georgetown’s model, the government department is issuing guidance to raise property taxes on low-income people while also promising to dedicate zero funds for public housing improvements.
One of the more controversial suggestions laid out by Georgetown, but garnered praise from President Biden, was a $69 billion fund to place a cross in every room in every federal building. The Senate parliamentarian gave their stamp of approval for the measure, citing divine intervention as having a major impact on the budget. “Where do you think all the money we’re printing is coming from? God,” the parliamentarian was quoted saying over the weekend. While gaining bipartisan support from liberal artists and religious conservatives, the measure is not expected to stay in the stimulus package.
When the massive snowstorm hit Texas, the state had to deal with many catastrophes, such as power outages and food shortages. While Texans were struggling to stay warm and safe, what was Sen. Ted Cruz seen doing? He went on a plane to go to Cancún, hoping to stay at the Ritz-Carlton. Out of all the things he could’ve done to escape to the resort, he decided to wear a Texas state face mask, making him easy to catch.
Here are some things Ted should’ve done to make it to Cancun without being seen:
Get a private jet
I mean come on, why would Ted go on a United flight at the Houston airport when he knows there will be a crowd of people ready to take a video if they see him? With his privilege, renting a plane should not have been that hard. Although I am not a celebrity, at least I have the brain cells to figure this situation out.
Get a disposable phone
This one should’ve been easy: Go to Walmart, get a Blackberry, text to friends and family about the getaway from that phone, and smash it up into pieces and throw it into the Gulf of Mexico, obviously. As a “Gossip Girl” fanatic, I thought Ted could pull a Gossip Girl move because why wouldn’t he say “XOXO, you know you love me” to his constituents?
Hire a doppelgänger
Rumor has it that each person has two doppelgängers somewhere in the world. However, Ted Cruz is special. He has a handful of look-alikes in the United States alone. Kevin Malone from “The Office”? Definitely looks like Ted. Mrs. Doubtfire is 100% related to Ted. He has this great network of Ted Cruzes in the world but doesn’t take advantage of it. Smh my head.
Get a K-Pop Makeover
This one is my personal favorite. Why wouldn’t anyone want to look like they’re a part of BTS or Blackpink? Of course, these groups will not support Ted pretending to be one of them, but I’m just putting the idea out there. Ted could really get clear skin, color contacts, and new metallic hair color.
Should Ted have even gone to Cancún in the first place? Absolutely not. But, if anyone is thinking of escaping from reality unnoticed and safely making it to your Ritz-Carlton suite in the future, then these four tips will definitely come in handy. You have my word.
With The Hoya’s newfound TikTok fame — we have over 100,000 likes! — we at 4E have decided it’s about time to release our top TikToks so far. Is this list mostly subjective? Absolutely.
Now, in no particular order, let’s move on to our favorite TikToks from The Hoya so far.
POV: Louis Tomlinson Is Your Cashier at Vital Vittles
With over 135,000 views and about 55,000 comments, this TikTok is clearly a fan favorite. While freshmen don’t entirely get it, any One Direction reference is always welcome.
Georgetown Cupcake v. Baked & Wired v. Levain Bakery
Kinda rude for Levain to open up when I’m 3,000 miles away, but whatever.
Georgetown Schools as Hogwarts Houses
I mean, as a fan of “Harry Potter,” which as we all know was written by Daniel Radcliffe, I appreciate the effort. However, I’m sure I speak for 99% of the Georgetown student population when I say the MSB should’ve been Slytherin.
Last, but certainly not least, is the iconic, tear-jerking, makes-me-miss-campus-the-most TikTok of the century. Do I watch this daily to pretend we’re on campus? Absolutely. Does it make me cry every time? Yes. And what about it?
Happy Christian Girl Autumn, everyone. If any of you have frequented TikTok in the last two weeks, you’ve likely been bombarded with pumpkin spice, this timeless song and, of course, scandalous Halloween costumes.
Despite being jailed in our homes (or quarantined, however you want to put it), college girls are not going to be easily deterred from dressing up. During this year’s socially distanced Halloween, we’ll be seeing the return of some classic ~scandalous~ costumes, back by (un)popular demand.
(Unfortunately, I myself have been complicit in some of these.)
Last year there was a fashion breakthrough in edgy Halloween costume couture: the space cowboy. I’m still personally unsure of the costume’s origins, but you couldn’t walk down your dorm hall last year without running into one of these darn tootin’ scoundrels.
Given the space cowboy’s unprecedented rise to power last year, I am predicting this year’s most popular ~ scandalous ~ Halloween costumes using highly scientific data from TikTok. Having done extensive research (aka watching TikTok for six hours a day), these are practically Halloween prophecies.
5. This Ain’t Their First Rodeo
Space cowboys aren’t going to give up without a fight. Coming in as the #1 costume contender last year, people who are a little behind on trends — most likely millennials — will be saddling up. Major faux pas.
For my fellow lazy costume recyclers, we’ll be shaking things up with a regular cowgirl twist this year, hold the space.
If nothing else, expect a whole lot of cow print and tiny pistols.
4. Or Worse, Expelled!
Can we just talk about Draco Malfoy and Cedric Diggory for a hot second? If none of you have reached DracoTok, please click on the links above and let me enlighten you.
These men basically jumpstarted my entire sexual awakening, so it’s no wonder they’re becoming a hot topic again. Given the explosion of Draco and CedricTok (along with other painfully ironic HarryPotterToks — my personal favorite is Hagrid), it’s safe to say we’ll be seeing a lot of Hermione and Ginny costumes this year.
The hit show Euphoria sparked a new Gen Z makeup trend.
Well, it actually just rebranded ’60s and ’70s glam rock, but if I do say so myself, Euphoria makeup is pretty incredible. Glitter, bold colors, drama — these were the ingredients chosen to create the ultimate scandalous Halloween costume (Powerpuff Girls reference, anyone?).
And if TikTok god Addison Rae is participating in this trend, you can bet everyone else will be on Oct. 31.
2. Y2K (Year 2000, for all of you illiterate folks)
TikTok is having a blast-from-the-past craze, except instead of ’90s kids bragging about how only they have the ability to remember (see below), we’ve gotten far enough into the 21st century for people to romanticize the year 2000as vintage. As in, the year I was born.
Regardless, the number of low-rise jeans and teeny-tiny tank tops I have seen on TikTok are a good indicator that this trend will be in full effect on Halloween. Expect straightened hair and rhinestones.
1. Butterfly Fly Away
Not even really a butterfly, this costume is just an excuse to be wearing the skimpy sequin shirt from Amazon seen below:
Debuting in a TikTok by @sofairey that currently has over 1.6 milion views, everyone and their mother has been buying this shirt. The expected delivery dates on Etsy, Poshmark and even Amazon are in Thanksgiving territory. If you don’t see at least one girl posting in this outfit on Halloween, I will give you my firstborn child, Rumplestiltskin style.
Now that I’ve effectively roasted all these costumes, I’d like to include a small disclaimer that I do not mean to portray any of these in a negative light. This post is for good old-fashioned fun. Halloween is a time to dress however you want, free from any ridicule or shaming. In fact, I’m going to be wearing quite a few of these costumes myself.
Happy Halloween everyone! Stay safe and socially distanced!
Due to the ongoing public health crisis, Georgetown has decided the majority of students will remain home for the fall 2020 semester. Hoyas received a taste of online learning during the spring of 2020, but this fall, admin has spared no expense to offer a semester with even more precision and in-depth planning than the last.
While this won’t be the semester anyone had envisioned, we may as well prepare for what lies ahead. The 4E is here to offer you a ~sneak preview~ of your online fall semester!
With full course loads and asynchronous lectures, Hoyas everywhere can expect ~The Grind~ to never stop!
The Grind, of course, comes with its own challenges. Living at home means parents and younger siblings interrupting lectures and valuable study time. Staring at your online class crush covertly (or even enlarging their picture in Zoom) is enough of a distraction!
There are some bright sides to online classes, though. Over Zoom, Hoyas can live out their reality television star dreams by sitting in their very own confessional square! Use the background of your favorite Confessional Booth™, and, suddenly, you too are a Kardashian!
Hoyas can also take advantage of the small screen to show off their quarantine fits. Of course, stunting in Lau is a Georgetown tradition, so you can bet some students will be angling their cameras juuust right to show off a glimpse of that Gucci belt!
While the Vil A rooftop won’t be baptized with the annual syllabus week parties to kick off the semester, online classes can’t stop Hoyas from turning up! Zoom parties will be just like regular ones, only much less sweaty. And you’ll have complete control over the aux (and a mute button)!
These Zoom parties will have an unlimited capacity for fun guests, so no need for a pledge asking freshmen at the door, “Who do you know here?” Just don’t be surprised when your friends 8+ timezones away from you ~darty~ while you ~party~!
To top it all off, Natty Light will also no longer be the only alcoholic option for (21+) Hoyas to enjoy! Nothing says “lit” like the unopened red wine your mom got as a gift in 2016!
While parties can easily be transitioned online, Georgetown’s Club Culture™ is harder to recreate over the internet.
Some of Georgetown’s most ~exclusive~ clubs will have to transition online for recruitment, initiation and everything in between! This may serve as a huge advantage for the business crowd: No more running across campus in suits only to be rejected by the consulting club of your choice! For other clubs, it may not be as simple, resulting in a few hiatuses.
Reminder: The Hoya is always looking for new talent ;)
Work-Study and Internships:
Many students lost their on-campus jobs in the spring, including students working at Lauinger Library and Yates and as student guards. To compensate for this sudden unemployment, Georgetown is offering a number of online work-study positions.
Georgetown isn’t known for its IT positions (I’m looking at you, always empty UIS Service Desk on the third floor of Lau), but in this unprecedented time, innovation in student work is necessary. The 4E personally brainstormed ideas for online jobs for Hoyas:
Zoom Bombing Student Guard
Exam Proctor (see: Narc)
OnlyFans Content Creator
Author Of a Book Written in Quarantine Set To Be Published In April 2021
We also can’t forget those students experiencing remote internships! Let’s hear it for our remote Hillterns™!
Hoyas already missed out on Georgetown Day 2020, so we deserve a fun homecoming at the very least. Even though there will be no football, we all know that, at Georgetown, homecoming is never about the football anyway.
“Homecoming” can take on a new and more literal meaning in this quarantine. Hoyas could flood campus for a weekend in September (while social distancing, of course) to bring us together for the first time since March and keep the Georgetown spirit alive!
Students turning 21 will also have to adapt the Tombs Night tradition to an online platform. When The Tombs finally reopens, you can bet most of the bar’s patrons will be stamping their foreheads to make up for their missed birthdays. But for now, a postal stamp and a speech on Zoom will have to do.
While the future opening status of Georgetown is unknown, we can all do our part to stay safe now to be together as a family in the future.
For now, live your Georgetown career without regret! DM that cutie in your theology class on Canvas! Take “International Finance” pass/fail! Email your TA to round up your grade! Catfish your professor by using a hot person’s photo as your Zoom avatar!
From all of us at the 4E, stay healthy Hoyas! We hope to see you on campus soon!
Dear Witch Who Lives Under The Road Between Regents and Reiss,
What’s cooking? No, literally, what you are cooking down there? There’s always this unhealthy amount of steam coming from the manhole, and I get that you have to feed your family, but I just wanted to check in. I tried understanding the construction email updates, but that requires knowing what things on campus are called. Anyway, I’m 90 percent sure they are going to close down that street sometime soon.
You sort of smell like a rusty harmonica mixed with whatever Florida smells like. Maybe add a little paprika? Oregano? The economy is doing pretty well right now; maybe you can move away from my early morning commute to bio. I don’t want to judge your family recipe, but I will call Child Protective Services if you’re secretly poisoning your children.
Or maybe you’re just a Vape God and enjoy hitting the juul, but instead of cool cucumber, it’s just the creme brulee pod. At least it smells just as bad. If that’s the case, though, I’m still concerned about you, because it looks like you’re addicted. You gotta take care of your pulmonary health, and being Thomas the Dank Engine all day is not a good look. And, heaven forbid you’re smoking that devil’s lettuce (not in my Christian neighborhood!!)??
Whatever you’re toking definitely borders on illegal.
Considering that you live between the sad, lonely uncle STEM building and the cool millennial mom STEM building, perhaps you’re just doing some strange science experiments. If that’s the case, there’s probably enough space for the entire biochemistry department down there. Usually when there’s a constant stream of gross-smelling, billowing gas coming out of a lab, that’s when you get help from your TA. Maybe try using the fume hood?
Update: I think they’re onto you: They’ve cornered you off like some biohazard, which I guess in retrospect, you could be. Whatever you do, just stay safe, witch.
Many years ago, the mere thought of writing this article would have been absurd. There was once a time when school spirit was high, lottery picks roamed the Hilltop and students needed no convincing when it came time to buy basketball season tickets. But that was a lifetime ago.*
*I’m actually referring to as recently as 2013. You read that right. Just five years ago, Georgetown basketball finished first in the Big East, was ranked as high as fifth in the AP Poll and star guard Otto Porter was selected third in the NBA draft. Everyone needs to calm down (looking at you, @EveryAlumnusWhoGraduatedInThe1980s). We’re going to be fine.
But I digress. We are gathered here today to discuss the current state of Georgetown basketball as it exists in 2018. And I’m here to tell you why — despite what you may have heard from disgruntled seniors — buying season tickets is well worth the money.
So here we go:
I’ll admit it: I spend far more time scrolling through Daily Mail Online than I do reading The New York Times. And based on how many of you waited in line for hours to see Bradley Cooper speak in Gaston Hall, I’m guessing you’re just as obsessed with celebrities as I am.
So, even if you couldn’t care less about basketball and will spend the entire game staring at your Instagram feed instead of glancing at the court, you should still buy tickets. Why? It’s simple: Famous people might show up.
Don’t believe me? See below:
Think of how it will feel being left out when all your friends start sharing those coveted Obama selfies on Insta.
2. Less Time On Campus
Literally any day I do not have to spend stuck on this moldy, rat-infested, construction-filled campus is a day well-spent. I say this out of love, but also, please do something, @JohnJDeGioia; none of the sinks work, and the buildings are literally infested with living snakes. Search @georgetown.hotmess on Instagram for specifics. The Verizon Center Capital One Arena is nice and does not use tulips to cover its glaring problems.
3. Heyyyyyyy Baby
Even during the worst losses, the pep band plays that song that goes “Heyyyyyyyy-yyyy Baby, I wanna knoooooooow if you’ll be my girl (*dun dun dun dun*)” and everybody sings and sort of dances along to it. It’s really fun and a nice break from the routine of “Mr. Brightside.” Also, if you don’t know what song I’m talking about, just sing the words I wrote and Shazam it.
In the recent, infamous words of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named AKA Less Attractive Matt Damon AKA Are You Kidding Me @Joe Manchin: “I liked beer, I still like beer.” Capital One Arena has beer.
Disclaimer: Students must be 21 or older to drink aforementioned beer.
Chick-Fil-A is available at the games, and it’s honestly faster to Uber over to the arena, order and eat your meal than it is to wait in line at the Leavey Center location.
6. Slam Dunk
Have you ever seen somebody dunk a basketball in person? It is so cool. How do they jump so high? And make the ball go in the basket while jumping? This alone is worth the price of admission. Mac McClung, do us proud this year. Also, if you’re reading this, follow me back on Instagram.
7. The Memes
When the meme page was first born way back in the early days of 2017, the memes almost exclusively referenced a man they called “JT3”. And it was these very memes that single-handedly ended JT3’s reign and brought St. Patrick into our lives.
For you youngsters out there, this was a dark time, but an important one nonetheless. Those who do not remember history are doomed to repeat it. You must go to the games so that you can recognize the warning signs. If things ever get that bad again, it is your responsibility to make the next generation of memes. The fate of the Hilltop depends on it.
8. The Capitals
Fun fact: Capital One Arena is also home to the current Stanley Cup champions, the Washington Capitals! For the unfamiliar, the Capitals are the hockey team that locals pretend to like because all the other D.C. sports teams are bad. Also, their team captain partied at the Georgetown waterfront with the cup this summer and then jumped in the fountain. Based on the Snapchats I saw, it looked pretty fun. So maybe he’ll show up to one of our games! Fun!
Most of the fans at these games are alumni over the age of 40 who are eager to loudly remind you that school spirit “isn’t what it used to be” (and also that there was once “a pub in the basement of Healy.” Seriously, they will talk about that damn pub for hours if you don’t stop them. Like, there is no way it was that fun.)
Now I know “irate Hoya baby boomers” might not sound like a recipe for a good time, but think of it in terms of networking. It’s simple. These people love Georgetown basketball, and they’ll love you too if you tell them that you also love Georgetown basketball (see: the Transitive Property of Hoya Saxa). Get them reminiscing about the good ol’ days for five minutes in the popcorn line and the next thing you know, boom: You’ve somehow secured that elusive Goldman internship. All you MSBros do not want to miss this opportunity.
Listen up: This is my senior year, and I do not want to spend the remainder of my glory days sitting in a mostly empty arena on a Tuesday night. These memories have to get me through the rest of what will probably be a pretty boring life, so they better be good. Just buy tickets, show up to the games, get some beer, cheer and make the most of it.
Go get your tickets at wearegeorgetown.com
Disclaimer: Patrick Ewing is NOT paying me to write this article, but if you’re reading this, Coach Ewing, can you please grant me access to the Thompson Center in exchange for this free publicity?? I won’t even use any of the equipment, I just want to get a cool pic for my Insta story so I can lord it over the peasants at Yates. Email 4E if this is cool.