Congratulations! You made it through first semester (barely). But now you’ve returned wiser, crazier, somehow smarter and definitely fatter! This is what I’ve learned after my first semester of freshman year. Let’s go.
1. Clubs aren’t as big of a deal as they were first semester. If you don’t get into the clubs you want this semester, it’s honestly okay. You have friends now :’)
2. Ask a friend from MSB to print out that paper for you. We basically have unlimited printing. There’s no way we can use all 1,500 pages in a single semester.
3. There’s a method to falling asleep in class. Basically, after you meet eyes with the professor after dozing off, master this face for as long as possible:
4. Take every opportunity to explore and get involved in D.C. First semester is already over and before we know it, this year will be gone. College is short, so savor it.
5. There’s a bus to Safeway in front of Darnall that leaves every 20 minutes after 2 PM. You do not have to walk there.
You do not have to walk there.
6. If you haven’t stolen anything from Leo’s, you’re doing Georgetown wrong. Mugs, forks, spoons, 15 bananas, the panini press–whatever it is, take it. Except the waffle maker. Don’t ruin everyone’s day.
7. You will never stop running into that one specific hookup. It’s a given.
8. Your philosophy class probably sounds something like this:
9. On Thursdays in MSB, there are free bagels, juice, and coffee around 10 AM. Go and grab one, even if you’re not in MSB; it’s scheming time.
Recently, it was revealed that Quick Pita will be closing at the end of 2016 (on December 31, to be precise). You can imagine the effect this news has had on me, a connoisseur of late-night food. When I heard the news, I had a meltdown comparable to that of a catastrophic nuclear accident.Many of my fellow Quick Pita regulars reacted similarly as I gently broke the news to them. In fact, some of them threatened to transfer. Hogan Lizza (COL ’19), a devout Quick Pita enthusiast, commented, “Georgetown without Quick Pita is like the Cincinnati Zoo without Harambe.” I couldn’t have phrased it better myself. Quick Pita has been around for decades, and life will just not be the same without it.The increase in rent has left Quick Pita with no other choice but to move out. I, for one, plan on venturing there every weekend until they close. I also felt Quick Pita could not go without a proper sendoff. With a nod to Edgar Allan Poe, here is 4E’s tale of the Quick Pita we know and love:
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I wandered, drunk and weary,
Thinking about my ~classy~ night out on the dance floor,
As I ambled, nearly stopping, I heard a great number of people talking,
Talking of Middle Eastern food, of a place where I had never been before.
“Just a small eatery,” I thought, “hopefully cheaper than Epi because I’m poor.”
Only this, and nothing more.
I looked up this “Quick Pita” and set off for my potential hangover cure.
I hurried down Potomac Street, both hungry and eager to explore,
Eager to learn more about this eatery of Georgetown folklore.
Once I arrived, I took in the striped awning and the hole-in-the-wall that would help me score,
Help me score my freshman 15, something to soon happen, of that I was sure.
Quick Pita, I soon realized, would make me fat, forever more.
Deep into the VCE darkness returning, I ate my chicken fingers and cheesy fries, still learning,
Learning about this wonderful taste, about to tell my friends they had to come with me.
But they didn’t listen, they said Darnall was too far from this place.
But I knew they’d come with me at some point, on my life I swore.
Eventually they ventured to Quick Pita, and their lives were changed when they walked through the double-doors.
Their hearts were changed–forevermore.
Quick Pita became my solace, a refuge for me, whether or not I was sober.
The chicken fingers, the cheesy fries, the gyro kept me coming back for more.
I got on the scale after finals last year, and yelped in horror.
My parents asked me why I gained so much weight, how I didn’t notice my expanding core,
I told them how I frequently followed the Quick Pita spoor,
The spoor that would haunt my dreams-forevermore.
It was an ordinary night in September this year when I found out what would happen,
What would happen to Quick Pita, my dear Quick Pita, my savior.
Someone’s Snapstory said that Quick Pita was closing and raised a fury among students.
This was just something that I could not ignore.
I marched down to Potomac Street in the middle of a downpour.
I had to confirm that Quick Pita would be open (I couldn’t take not knowing anymore).
I strolled in and walked up to Sammy, the cashier who any Quick Pita regular knows.
I said to him, “Is it true you’re closing? If you say yes, I may start sobbing on the floor.”
He looked at me and said in a sad voice:
“Our landlord raised rent by forty percent, we can pay it no more.”
I replied, “Is there any way at all you can stay open? This is a place I really adore.”
Quoth Sammy, ever so honest, “Nevermore.”I walked home, depressed and defeated.
I told my friends and all acquaintances of the tragedy, the end of the food we all go for.
We all protested, and we in 4E ranted when we heard the news.
The neighborhood took away Rhino, now this? It’s like we’re at war.
But for now, all we can do is sit here and deplore.
For come 2017, Quick Pita’s doors shall be open – nevermore.
And Sammy, never moving, still is sitting, still is sitting,
Sitting at the counter, aimlessly staring at the eccentric, yet lovable, decor.
And his eyes have all the seeming of a good man that is dreaming,
And the fluorescent light over him casts his shadow on the tiled floor;
And the amazing food that we eat after leaving the Brown House dance floor
Spring break came and went very fast. Some of us went to help the less fortunate in areas like Mississippi and Honduras. The rest of us did not. Instead of making a decent contribution to civilization, many of us at 4E (and Georgetown in general) went to places that were farther and much more dangerous, and then partook in ~debauchery~ once we got there. By that, I mean we either went home or to tropical beaches. The people in ABP and Global Brigades may have followed the message of the Gospel, but we followed the message of Parks and Recreation:
While thinking of your friends on service trips during spring break, you might have begun to think about something else while you relaxed on the beach: your increase in weight since coming to college. For some, being with other people really magnifies such thoughts and propels them to assess their physical state. In order to document this common occurrence for college students, here 4E has created a general timeline of how you gain weight during your freshman year:
Late August: It’s time for move-in day! You’ve been running/swimming/lifting/starving all summer long. You’ve done it all for the idea of going into college in pristine physical shape. In your eyes, you’re a workout warrior; nothing can bring you down now!
NSO to mid-September: You’ve been having the time of your life for the first few weeks. Classes have not really picked up speed yet, and you’re going out two, three or maybe even four nights per week. Then there are EPI QUESADILLAS and, even better, CHICKEN FINGER THURSDAY. You know that you can’t keep this up forever, but it’s the beginning of college! You’ve been keeping up with exercising and haven’t noticed any physical changes yet, so you figure you’re in the clear.
Late September to Homecoming: It’s midterm season, and classes are dragging you down. You stay in a few nights focus on your studies and skip a few parties. However, this also comes at a price: you can only work for so long before making a run to Vittles or Epi. And this is where the downfall beings. By the time Homecoming rolls around, these food runs are part of your daily routine. You are also confident in your ability to down fifteen chicken fingers for lunch. But hey, don’t sweat it…you’ve got plenty of time to work out, even if the last few weeks of midterms have caused you to miss a few days.
Homecoming to Halloween: Madness. Absolute madness. You’re just finishing up midterms, and the excitement on campus is building due to the closeness of Halloweekend. You’re being super productive, and you don’t even think about your runs to Corp storefronts or Epi. You finish all your work before the big weekend, so you’re super excited to eat and drink everything whatever comes your way this weekend. But wait! Your Flex Dollars run out, and then you realize that you are not only gaining weight, but also losing money. Before you know it, you have to dip into your beloved Debit Dollars in order to satisfy your desires those wild nights.
Morning after Halloween to Thanksgiving: You dressed up as a Goth person for Halloween and wore black clothes and black makeup. However, you wake up with also a black tongue. Did you ingest some of your makeup out of desperate, drunken hunger? No, because that’s gross. Luckily, you begin to recall a hazy memory of going to Vittles and eating an Oreo ice cream sandwich…..after eating a chicken quesadilla with extra guac AND extra bacon (a recent revelation). The post-Halloween lull sets in, and staying in becomes a regular occurrence. But fear not! You find solace in food. At this point, you are sure that you are out of shape and are gaining weight. Instead of working out, you are now porking out.
Thanksgiving to Christmas: After stuffing your body to the point where you hate everything about yourself, you return to campus for a surprise: warm weather’s back! It’s in the 60s and you see this an opportunity to bring the shorts back out. You do notice, however, that they feel a bit…tight, and the pockets appear to be…stretched. You are beginning to accept that your original plan to stay in shape is failing, and you make it your goal to get back into decent shape over break.
Christmas break to mid January: Does this plan work? Of course not. Christmas break was like Thanksgiving, except it continued for three weeks. Sitting on a couch while watching four seasons of SVU (five times through) is never good. You also indulge with your friends from home, which kind of(?) makes it okay. You start going out after basketball games, and while your pants feel tight, they don’t seem to be getting any tighter! You take this as a good sign, and keep doing what you’re doing.
Mid-January to Spring Break: Long weekends, Valentine’s Day, and midterms all take their respective tolls on you. You go out to eat more, but you can still squeeze into your pants for formal. You discover other items at Epi, such as the buffet and the 1984, that satisfy your cuisine needs. In the week before spring break, your beloved Vittles ice cream sandwiches are the only things keeping you going during those late nights in Lau and MSB.
Spring Break: Assuming you are not on a service trip, you’re living it up either at home or a hotel. No words necessary; spring break is not good for weight loss and physical fitness. You bring running clothes to Florida, but only run to the store for ice cream. The rest of your days are spent watching TV, going to the beach, and overall throwing up having a good time raging relaxing. You generally ignore how much you consume during this week.
Post-Spring-Break-Mortem: You feel awful about yourself because you ate and drank things that you shouldn’t have consumed. Does this make you improve your dietary habits? You already know the answer. It’s Sunday morning before classes resume. Leo’s is closed, and you’re HUNGRY. None of your friends respond to your invitation to eat, so you decide to go to either Wisey’s or Booey’s alone. Next thing you know, you’re at Good Stuff before 12 PM with a burger and shake in your hands, and you’re eating alone at a table. Instead of just getting a Snapple or an ice cream sandwich at Vittles, you now polish off a pint of Häagen-Dazs AND a quart of milk in one night. You finally realize that you have officially transformed from a workout warrior to a complete couch potato.
If you identify with these stages, you’re not alone! Some view gaining weight as an unavoidable part of college. Don’t sweat the food runs; everyone does them at some point. My prediction for the future? Going to Good Stuff alone is probably as low as you can go, so you should be in the clear. Just keep doing whatever you’re doing because you have all summer to get in shape. In the meantime, remember that once Georgetown Day comes…nothing’s going to hold you back.