Friday Fixat10ns: The Soundtrack to Your First Freshman Crawl


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Attention freshman: tonight is the night you’ve all been waiting for. You’re finished with your first week of classes, and your friend that you met once at Leo’s has texted you about a lead he has about a party at Brown House. “Hey, I heard this party was gonna be crackin’. My roommate’s brother is in a class with one of the people who live there, so I can probably get us in.”

You heard Brown House was the place to be on Georgetown’s campus, so you can’t believe your social prowess. You’ve already established yourself as one of the swaggiest freshmen on campus only one week into the year, now all you need is a pregame to attend.

Luckily for you, you just received a text from the guy in your NSO group who lives on New South 3. “Huge pregame in my room tonight. Bring some friends. 10pm.” SCORE!

You know full well that it’s social suicide to show up to a pregame on time, so even though you’re all ready to go at 8, you make sure to hold off until 10:15 to show up. By the time you get there, the pregame is lit, you had no idea this many sweaty freshmen could fit into one room. With the music blaring, your night out has officially begun. Here are some of the songs you can expect to hear as you embark on a formative part of your freshman experience.

1. “Shots”-LMFAO: As much as Map is a graduation requirement for SFS students, enthusiastically blasting this song at a pregame is the only way to truly establish yourself as a freshman.

2. “Trap Queen”-Fetty Wap: A staple of any pregame, this song must be played in order to unquestionably establish your knowledge and love of trap music. Make yourself familiar with it now, you will be hearing it multiple times a night for the rest of your Georgetown experience.

3. “Faded”-Tyga ft. Lil Wayne: Because you will be.

4. “Ignition (Remix)”-R. Kelly: Affectionately known as “the beep beep song” (by me), this song is the turning point at which your night swings into full party mode. You’re impressing the ladies with your knowledge of every single music, and expertly choreographed dancing-just remember to mime bouncing a basketball when you hear “Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce.”

5. “Get Low”-Lil Jon: No party is complete without everyone dropping their red solo cups to let out an enthusiastic “TO THE WINDOWWW!”

6. “Can’t Feel My Face”-The Weeknd: The Weeknd has been getting lots of recognition lately, much to the chagrin of people who’ve known about him for a long time and who hate nothing more than people thinking he’s a band. You should expect this song to become pretty popular this year around the Georgetown party circuit.

7. “Uptown Funk”-Bruno Mars: If you don’t hear this song and sing along to every word, were you really at a Georgetown party?

8. “All Night Longer”-Sammy Adams: This song describes exactly how you’re feeling: you’re absolutely killing the game at this party, and you cannot imagine leaving. Despite the fact that it’s 11:45, you’re ready to stay out until the sun comes up, assuming the Brown House table you’re dancing on doesn’t break.

9. “Blank Space”-Taylor Swift: At this point, you’re ready to showcase your shadow love of T Swift to all your newfound best friends and belt out all of the lyrics to Blank Space. Just make sure you get to this point before you’re sent running for the exits because you heard DPS was about to show up.

10. “Take 5”-Mike Strickland: It’s 12am, and you’ve made it to Epi. Get ready to drop $8.42 on the best quesadilla you’ve had in your life. Although the music here isn’t quite as poppin’ as what you’ve been hearing all night (think elevators), the gooey, melty and ridiculously overpriced pile of cheese more than makes up for it.


How to Make the Most of GAAP Weekend


Dear joyous prospective students,



Your friends here at 4E would like to welcome you to to our home, the Hilltop, which we look forward to sharing with you next year! With the onset of the first GAAP weekend we know your mind must be bursting with questions, anxieties, fears, hopes and dreams. With your jumble of emotions in mind, we have decided to help.

One thing you can be sure to confront during your jam-packed GAAP weekend is a tour (perhaps your first ever) around the Georgetown Campus! We get the pressure, the desire to take it all in: aesthetically pleasing buildings, wandering randos, perhaps spotting a Jesuit or better yet Jack the Bulldog?! We don’t want you to miss a thing!

For this reason we have come up with a list of questions to ask your GAAP tour guide:

  1. Ask them what they had for breakfast. This is important because it fills you in on their credibility. If the say nothing they are not to be trusted as they either are lying about the mound of tater tots they had at Leo’s or they are not responsible enough to replenish their body with essential nutrients during the most important meal of the day, but don’t judge them too hard.
  2. Ask what Jack the Bulldog had for breakfast. This too is key because it again will fill you in on just how honest they are being with you. Don’t accept any answer other than golden kibbles and bits. Insist.
  3. Ask them about their deepest darkest fears. A final way to test their credibility, here is a great way to dig deep and really build a connection with your guide right off the bat.
  4. Favorite meal/station/concoction at Leo’s. Here’s the time to get serious. Make sure to have your notebook and pen out because you will need to be documenting the hidden gems of Leo’s ASAP to make sure you get the most of those meal swipes.
  5. Ask for directions to Lau 6. Don’t tell anyone the answer. It is the biggest secret on campus.
  6. Best Class/Professor(s)? This might actually be really beneficial information.
  7. Ask for their favorite weirdest party theme. This one could be interesting given the periphery of parents that are likely to be surrounding. If their first answer seems to avoid the question ask for 2 runner ups.
  8. Ask them to connect the Jesuit values with different episodes of How I Met Your Mother. This may take some time and pose a bit of a challenge for your guide, but their answers will sure to be ripe with useful information about our culture and Jesuit identity here on campus.
  9. Then ask them if they are religious. Before they can answer say, “Because you’re the answer to all of my prayers.”
  10. Choose one of the following from the NYT’s list of questions that lead to love:
  • How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  • Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
  • For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

Note: This one should be super fun, especially if your guide is attractive. Save this for the near-end of your tour, gaze into their eyes, pretend as if it just you and this other person, rid your mind of the idea that your parents and future classmates are surrounding you.


200 (Please disregard the inappropriate behavior of the Hoya in center.)


(Some of your future favorite people on campus??)

<3 4E

Photos/Gifs: giphy;

DFMO or Dating?


We here at 4E excel at a few things… like channeling our inner Beyoncé, partaking in debauchery and giving dating advice, allegedly.

Word of that last area of expertise seems to have reached our readers, as we received a letter from a seemingly distressed freshman in desperate need of our guidance. Hopefully our response will be enough to help her navigate the many trials and tribulations of being a freshman looking for l-o-v-e, love.

Hey 4E,

I’m writing to you because I need your advice, like really badly. So there was this guy, let’s just call him “Steve”, in my Problem of God class last semester who I totally liked. He definitely looked like Bradley Cooper combined with Ryan Reynolds, but he was also super sensitive like Ryan Gosling. Anyway, I think he was super into me too because he used to sit next to me in class every time we had a reading quiz. I’m pretty sure he really wanted to talk to me, but he was definitely just too shy to make a move.

So fast forward to last weekend. I decided to go out with about 15 of my closest friends because we heard this crazy party was going on at Brown House. We made sure to get there around 10:30 p.m. so we could get in before it got way too crowded. All 15 of us got in no problem though because my roommate’s sister’s friend was the bouncer and was totally psyched to see us at his party. The party was so much fun and so #college that I had to document as much of it as I possibly could on my SnapChat story. I was trying to take a selfie with all my friends (should have brought my selfie stick, rookie mistake) when I saw Steve across the room. “Shake It Off” started playing, and I knew this was my chance. Long story short, things got super crazy because Steve and I totally DFMO’ed at Brown House!

Now, here’s my problem. I’m really into Steve and clearly he’s really into me, what should I do?! I just feel like we need to talk about what happened and define this relationship. My friends think I’m overreacting to this DFMO, but I think Steve could be the one … especially because my tour guide told me 60% of Hoyas marry other Hoyas.

Please help me 4E!

Lovestruck Freshman

Dear Lovestruck Freshman,

First off, your friends are obviously crazy because you’re definitely not overreacting! In fact, you might even be under-reacting. If you really think Steve could be the one, then you’ll definitely want to define things before he finds another girl to DFMO with next weekend.

There’s a few things you can do to ensure that your relationship is defined before it gets to that point. First off, I suggest you send him a Facebook relationship request as soon as you can. Nothing clears up ambiguity quite like this direct approach, plus Steve will really appreciate your willingness to take control of the situation.

While you wait for him to inevitably accept your request you should take it upon yourself to stalk him on every form of social media back to 2007. Bonus points if you can find his old MySpace page! You’ll want to know everything you possibly can about Steve to prove just how dedicated you are to making this relationship work. Try not to get jealous when you see old posts about his 7th grade girlfriend, she was so 2008 anyway. Next, figure out which dorm Steve lives in and where he has class so you can casually wait around for him and ask why he hasn’t responded to your Facebook relationship request. Let him know that you really want to clear things up regarding your Brown House DFMO and make sure he knows that you really see a future for the two of you.

If this approach doesn’t work and Steve ends up thinking that you are certifiably insane, then he obviously isn’t worth your time. Go ahead and cry over a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, because they’re the only boys you need in your life anyway!

Love forever,



Disclaimer: This letter is entirely fictional and does not reflect the views of any Georgetown freshman. Also, we’re really bad at giving advice.


4E’s Unconventional Packing Guide

Unconventional Packing

As the summer slowly winds down, and move-in weekend draws closer by the day, it is time to start shopping and packing for the school year.  For incoming freshmen, that means getting ready to live away from home for the first time, and packing up your life to bring to the Hilltop.  While the generic packing lists at all of the stores are great, they don’t always cover everything.  So we at 4E put our heads together, and came up with some things you won’t want to leave home without.

Sporting Equipment 

Whether it’s a baseball glove or a tennis racket, a quick catch or rally can be a great icebreaker when you’re meeting new people.

Fanny Pack

Especially important for a particular end of the year celebration (GEORGETOWN DAY!!!).

Small Personal Fan

D.C. can get humid, so a small fan that fits to your bed can be very useful.

Random Costume Stuff

Costumes are no longer just for Halloween.  Any given weekend can present you with a themed party, and Georgetown isn’t an area known for its thrift shops (although if you need a thrift fix, Buffalo Exchange is the place to go), so come prepared.

Desk Chair Cushion

Pretty self-explanatory, but the freshman room desk chairs aren’t known for being particularly comfortable.


Just in case, I don’t know, you hit your head or something.

A Tool Kit 

You probably don’t need to lug a whole toolbox to D.C., but a screwdriver can come in handy, especially during move-in.

Home-made Cookies/Brownies, etc.

Nothing cures homesickness quite like desserts.   

A Solid Pump-up Playlist

Whether you’re an incoming freshman entering a long night of common room socializing, or a returning Hoya who needs some power behind you before seeing your Biology crush, a little “Eye Of the Tiger” never hurt.

A Good Attitude! 

Cheesy? Absolutely. But move-in, while super exciting, can be pretty draining; however, with the right mindset, you’ll be ready to enjoy NSO.

That’s all for our packing list, but check out the New Student Guide for some more packing tips.



Freshman Fails: If the Sun’s Cradle Rests in the West, but VCE is to My Left Then Where the Hell am I?


freshman-failsWhat is life? I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately. Not in a philosophically deep or soul-searchy way, but because I’m just super confused most of the time.

That girl turning in circles in Red Square? That’s me. I’m a freshman. I don’t know where things are, when I’m supposed to be there, or what any of the acronyms mean (but, who didn’t think NHS was the National Honor Society for a while?)

Luckily, I had the Hoya to fill me in on exactly what a DFMO is. But I still managed to fail in quite a few ways:

  1. I’ve already lost my key once. I’m not used to having to be accountable for these kinds of things.
  2. I’ve lost my GOCard about five times, not remembering if I left it on the mess that is my desk, the mess that is my floor, or in the mess that is my backpack.
  3. I signed up for the 24 meal swipe plan, because how could I possibly eat less than 3 meals a day? Leo’s. Leo’s is how.
  4. I always go really hard at the fight song, but once we get to the part about the western skyline and cradles, I just sink into my Georgetown sweatshirt and hope no one sees me mouthing nonsense. Don’t worry, I totally redeem myself by chanting “Saxa!” when the song is over. I mean, are freshmen even allowed to lead with “Hoya”?
  5. I waited ten minutes at Midnight Mug for my drink to show up, even though it was sitting right in front of me, because I just assumed that all lattes were iced lattes. Though, this might not be a freshman thing, this might be a “Me” thing…
  6. In general, specialty coffees make me nervous. Especially at Uncommon Grounds where the writing on the menu is so small and hard to read. Helpful Hint: The register is not the place to bust out your distance glasses with your phone in one hand, your wallet in the other, and ten hungry people wait behind you.
  7. I went to late-night Yates. Everyone was there.
  8.  I went to late-night Leo’s right after late-night Yates. The only food there included a few slabs of unwanted meat and, conversely, nobody was there.
  9. I asked multiple people if they were freshmen when I wasn’t sure. It’s like asking a woman if she’s pregnant. You just don’t do it. If you’re not sure just guess that they’re juniors.
  10. Same goes for asking sophomores if they’re transfers. I live in VCE so that happens pretty often and those who aren’t transfers get weirdly offended.
  11. I tweeted an academic revelation from Lau. No favorites. No retweets. It hurt. But I’m going to tell you about it anyway. “Sigh No More” by Mumford and Sons is totally based on “Much Ado About Nothing”. Half the lines are direct quotes from the play. If that’s not tweet-worthy I don’t know what is.
  12. And every freshman failed at least a few of the alcohol awareness questions, right?

So, I failed a lot. What do you want from me? I’m a freshman. I figure I might as well laugh at the failures instead of trying to act like I’ve got it all figured out, because I’d probably fail at that too.

Survivor: My First All-Nighter

Well good morning Hoyas! Or, if you’re like me, you’re wondering why it’s so bright out when the night still hasn’t ended. Yes, I have survived my first all-nighter (read as: I’m a freshman taking only 14 credits) but trust me…it wasn’t pretty. I’m going to allow you to re-live my experience and learn from my mistakes, the first of which was waiting to write this paper until last night…or…this morning? I don’t know, I’m sleepy and confused. Hopefully you’ll find this either informative, amusing, or reminiscent of your first all-nighter. Regardless, this is going to be pretty shambly.

12:05am Get out of rehearsal and head to Lau 2, sit with a friend.

Clearly these are mistakes 1 and 2. As much as you try to delude yourself, Lau 2 is not a productive place and friends are poopfaces who distract you.

1:20am Very little has been done, but now I am ravenously hungry. I go to Midnight to get a bagel but am told that they are out of ALL KINDS OF BAGELS. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS. Proceed to cry.

Mistake number 3 is made, but not by me. By all other bagel consumers: why did you take all my bagels. Why? Why would you do this to me.

1:35am Research Grubhub delivery places, contemplate options, be indecisive. Then get convinced that we should make a caffeine run to Midnight then go to Vittles for snacks. But we have to hurry because “Vittles closes at 2”!

1:47am While waiting for our drinks, I run into my lovely deputy editor, Kate Wellde who works at Vittles. I go over to her, intending to ask her to text the person with the last Vittles shift of the day to ask them to stay open for just 5 more minutes. Kate apologetically tells me that Vittles closes at 1 every day…

Mistake number 4= not knowing the hours of Corp locations. Even Kate Wellde couldn’t cushion this blow. Deep sigh…

2:00am Go to Hariri to study anyhow and order pizza from Grubhub to be delivered to the Hotel lobby because my stomach is growling more than a wild Zigoon with no attack moves.

Best decision of the night. It got there in 16 minutes. Delicious. Worth it.

Continue reading “Survivor: My First All-Nighter”

Do You Know Your Hoya ABC’s?

After sharing my Freshman fails with you, it got me thinking: what are the fundamental things every Georgetown student should know? Or, at least, what are the things so basic that even I, a fresh little freshy, know about being a student here. So test yourself, do you know your Hoya ABC’s?

Acronyms: GUGS, GUSA, GUAFSCU, GUTS… by now you should know that around here ‘GUAVA JUICE’ (Georgetown uses acronyms very abundantly, just understand it’s commonly exercised)

Bagels: They are the best bang for your buck on campus in my opinion. From the toasted Asiago bagel from MUG/UG to the free bagels on Lau 2 after Midnight Mug closes, they’re the best way to quench your hunger on a budget.

Chicken Madness: $7.50. Wisey’s. Heaven. ‘Nuff said. 

Dahlgren quad fountain: Make sure you take a swim in it before you graduate! (Maybe even pour a little laundry detergent in the nozzle and take a nice bubble bath!).

Epicurean: it’s a great place to treat yourself when you’re sick of Leo’s (aka always) or to just watch the game with friends (unless your team loses and then your friends have license rub it in your face in public…this is the mistake I made when I watched the Pats-Seahawks game this past Sunday with my friend from Seattle. Needless to say we aren’t friends anymore.)

Fight Song: It’s been so long since last we met, lie down forever, lie down… this is the reason I’m broke. Online ordering from tons of restaurants for delivery right to your door step… or I guess dorm* step. 

Hoya Saxa: By now, you should know what Hoya Saxa means and should be able to succinctly explain it to your non-Georgetown friends from home. 

Continue reading “Do You Know Your Hoya ABC’s?”

Freshman Fails: What’s a DFMO?

So I’m a freshman – you were all in my shoes at some point, but it doesn’t make those shoes any less awkward. And nothing is funnier than the misfortune of others, so here is a list of 10 of my more embarrassing Georgetown moments that only a freshman could have:

1. I walked into the library, located the stairs, and proceeded to walk UP to find Lau 2.

2. I didn’t know that Wisey’s was a nickname for Wisemiller’s and tried to figure out where it was by Googling “Wisey’s”.

3. I’ve still never had an Oreo cookie from the aforementioned Wisey’s.

4. I thought you could use flex dollars at Sweetgreen and was accordingly confused when my card said insufficient funds.

5. I left my laundry unattended… bad choice.

6. I had to look up “dfmo” on urban dictionary.

7. I still don’t know where Brown House is, or why it’s called Brown House. I’m assuming it’s because it’s brown. But I wouldn’t know.

8. I wore uncomfortable shoes to D.C.’s Fashion’s Night Out and have the blisters to prove it.

9. I tried to take a sandwich and a fruit cup from Grab-and-Go and got yelled at by the attendant. Apparently EVERYONE knows that a fruit cup is considered an ENTRÉE. DUH.

10. I walked all the way through the University Hotel to get to Starbucks, unaware that there was a much faster and direct route through Hoya Court.

I do genuinely hope this will be my last ‘Freshman Fails’ post, but let’s be realistic, I still have a lot to learn about Georgetown. So stay tuned for more humor at my expense.

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