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Big Announcement: The Hilltoss Now Has Smoothies

 

smoothiesEveryone’s favorite on-campus hipster salad storefront has gotten even better, healthier and more colorful. Hilltoss now sells smoothies, and they are rad.

Each smoothie was built upon a concept and designed to represent a place in the world. The smoothies were carefully crafted by a diligent team of taste testers, striving to create new and different flavor combinations to produce the best smoothie possible.

4E, in our quest for truth and research, was given the opportunity to sample the five new and innovative fruit concoctions now available for purchase.

Here’s a rundown of the flavors:

The Rock

giphyIngredients: oat milk, Greek yogurt, banana, spinach, coconut sugar and vanilla whey protein

The Rock is based on a classic protein shake, but the ingredient combination gives it a sweet, vanilla milkshakey flavor.
Who should order it: Are you looking to get yoked? Do you look like this every time you go to Yates?
funny gifs With 40 grams of protein, The Rock is the smoothie for you.
Obscure ingredient fact: Coconut sugar is made from the sap of the flowers of coconut trees.

Eloise
Eloise
Ingredients: almond milk, coconut water, orange juice, Greek yogurt, banana, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, agave and flaxseed

The Eloise was the most smoothie-like smoothie of all the samples. It tasted like your classic strawberry banana smoothie.
Who should order it: Order the Eloise if you like to stick to the basics.
Obscure ingredient fact: Flaxseed was grown in Babylon as early as 3000, and Charlemagne passed laws requiring his subjects to eat it.

Ipanema
giphy-1 Ingredients: coconut milk, coconut water, Greek yogurt, coconut meat, pineapple and agave

The Ipanema tasted like a piña colada (minus the alcohol and regrettable decisions). If you love coconut, get the Ipanema.
Who should order it: If you chug coconut juice like there’s no tomorrow and have daydreams about the beach, the Ipanema is for you.
Obscure ingredient fact: Coconuts were named by Portuguese sailors who thought the three holes on the coconut looked like a face. “Coco” means “grinning face.”

Ashram
giphy-2 Ingredients: orange juice, pineapples, strawberries, wheatgrass, goji powder, spirulina and emergen-c

The Ashram was my personal favorite. Despite the dark green color, which suggests scary vegetables, the Ashram was very refreshing. It also has emergen-c to get you through your winter stuffy-nose blues.
Who should order it: If you’re looking to cure your cold or just want to promote your health-conscious image while drinking a fantastic smoothie, the Ashram is for you.
Obscure ingredient fact: Spirulina is the culprit for the dark green color. It’s a cyanobacteria that comes from fresh water lake moss.

Central Perk
giphy-3 Ingredients: coffee, chocolate almond milk, almond milk, banana, dates, cacao powder, cinnamon and coconut sugar.

The Central Perk is a game changer for everyone who loves their Starbucks frappuccinos. It has a strong cinnamon flavor, and was similar to a coffee milkshake.
Who should order it: If you love coffee and can’t get enough of your non-fat caramel frappuccino with extra whipped cream and chocolate sauce, give the Central Perk a try. Also, who among us is strong enough to resist Friends references?
Obscure ingredient fact: Contrary to popular belief, almond milk is not made by milking almonds.

The remnants of the Ashram, Eloise, The Rock, Ipanema, and Central Perk
The remnants of the Ashram, Eloise, The Rock, Ipanema, and Central Perk

In conclusion, spend all your money on smoothies at the Hilltoss. You will not regret it.

Photos/Gifs: giphy, gifbin.com, tumblr.com, hercampus.com

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The Best and Worst of Your Good Friend, Burnett’s

Georgetown BurnettsOur sweet love, Burnett’s. You’re there for the best of times. You’re there for the worst of times. You’re there for, and usually the cause of, the best of times that turn into the worst of times. For some strange reason (read: because of your low price), Hoyas love you. As the apt Marlene Cox and Lindsay Lee once commented, “Georgetown seems to be sponsored by Patagonia but powered by Burnett’s.” You are the wind beneath our wings, the source of all our stumbles– no. Burnett’s, you are our everything. 

Oh, who are we kidding? Most of your drinks taste like a mix of turpentine and gasoline. And quite frankly, that’s a lot of bad drinks: including plain vodka, you currently have 30 flavors of vodka beverages on the market. The majority of these are sub-par! We aren’t sure if some of them are really even vodka. Sometimes we don’t know whether to drink them or to do acid-base testing with them. But that’s why we’re here. We at The Fourth Edition have compiled a “Rookie’s Guide to Burnett’s.” We’ll tell you which flavors to buy, which flavors to never lay eyes on, and how to make the best Burnett’s beverages. (Just remember, you are working with Burnett’s… don’t expect any miracles.)

The “Best” 

1. Citrus – According to the Most Interesting Man in the World, “Normally I’d never touch a bottle of Burnett’s, but when I do, I drink Burnett’s Citrus.” If you want the most versatile Burnett’s flavor and the most bang for your buck, go for the citrus. Add it to lemonade, add it to orange juice or add it to iced tea. But for the classiest citrus beverage in town, try the Citrus Cooler. Add 1.5 oz (a shot) of Burnett’s Citrus with equal parts lemonade, cranberry juice, and club soda. Want to take it to another level? Garnish with a lemon wedge. It’s so tasty you’ll almost think you’re drinking Smirnoff.

2. Lime – Burnett’s Lime is a close second to it’s cousin, the aforementioned Citrus. Lime is actually almost as flexible as Citrus. In fact, we’d put it at number one, but Citrus sounds classier than Lime and we had to make a judgment somehow. Our favorite use of Burnett’s Lime is a secret recipe that we 4E-ers call the Fruit Fuzion. Take 1.5 oz of Burnett’s Lime and add equal parts of Strawberry Melon Fuze and sparkling limeade. So yummy, it’s practically sub-lime. (Get it? Lime?!) Note: please do not confuse this with Burnett’s Limeade. Yes. Burnett’s does make both. And yes, we think it’s stupid, too.

3. Pear – We know. Game changer. You thought we would go for Raspberry. At first, we thought we would too. But there’s just something about Burnett’s pear– dare we say a freshness?– that makes it so irresistible. We just love our PearBerry coolers: Add 1.5 oz of Burnett’s Pear to equal parts cranberry-raspberry juice and club soda. It’s fruity. It’s fresh. It’s fun. It will probably make you black out, so be careful.

The Worst

1. Maple Syrup – Yes, Burnett’s makes a vodka that is flavored like Maple Syrup. No, you should never drink it. It is inexcusable. It is wrong. It is wretched. Don’t even look at it. If you need maple syrup that desperately, go to Vermont or Canada or something. Just whatever you do, don’t buy this liquor. EVER.

2. Grape – Don’t do it. If you haven’t already guessed, it doesn’t taste like grapes. It tastes like cough medicine gone bad. It tastes like the devil. It tastes like stale purple drank, just without the hallucinogenic effects. According to every Jesuit on Georgetown’s campus, “Burnett’s Grape is a sin and, if you drink it, God will spite you.” Don’t mess with God. Don’t drink Burnett’s Grape.

3. Hot Cinnamon – Ew. Just chew some Big Red gum instead. Your mouth will already be burning from the poor quality Burnett’s alcohol, so why would you want to intensify that burning with cinnamon? Remember that old Apple Jacks commercial where it would say “Cinnamon is dee winna, ‘mon”? Cinnamon is not dee winna, ‘mon. It is the loser. And you will be the loser, too. This may be a highly contended choice for “The Worst”, because some people just love this stuff, but I call the shots here (Get it? Shots?).

Stay responsible, Hoyas.

Photo edit: Lindsay Lee/The Hoya