The Best and the Worst: Bachelor 2016

Wow, here we are. After three solid losses, Bachelor Nick Viall is a ripe 36 and still ready to find love. His hobbies include being awkward, mumbling, and extending his 15 minutes of fame, which are all key qualities that will blow his bachelorettes away. After chatting with his “super-close” yet highly critical bros Sean, Chris, and Ben, who also happen to be former Bachelors, Nick kicked off the season with an interesting set of women. Some are cute and some are wild, which is why I’ve created an explanatory and categorized low-down of our remaining Bachelor women (you’re welcome).

The Stand-Outs

Danielle M. 

Danielle is an automatic front-runner. She’s gorgeous, takes care of little babies in the hospital and has a softer voice than my government professor, whom I literally cannot hear at all. Also, their first conversation was a seamless one about how they both make great French toast…I mean, you can’t beat that.

Danielle L. 

Whether it was her super low-cut dress or her sweet personality, Danielle #2 made a great first impression right out of the limo. Since then, she’s scored an exciting serenade from the Backstreet Boys and smooches from Nick, so she’s showing lots of potential for the future.

Rachel

Rachel’s an attorney from Dallas, Texas, which basically means she has her sh*t together way more than literally anyone else on this show. She’s gotten the first impression rose and a date rose, so we know that Nick is super into this one.

The Danger Zone

Corinne

We know Corinne likes cucumbers made by her nanny Raquel, but someone should actually go get her a glass of water. This girl is so thirsty it kills me. In addition to talking aggressively making out with Nick without knowing much about him, Corinne enjoys frequently interrupting the other girls and openly shedding clothes at any moment in time. Also, PSA: Raquel actually has a Go Fund Me page up now, so make sure to contribute to her future caregiving endeavors!

Straight-Up Crazies

Alexis

Alexis strutted up to the Bachelor mansion in nothing but a much-debated dolphin/shark costume. She loves-loves-loves dolphins much more than any adult woman should, and she makes it clear that her beloved sea friends are the priority (sorry Nick!).

Josephine

Josephine showed up and tried to woo Nick by forcibly insisting he eat a raw hot dog with her. It was almost as awkward as when she gave him a cringe-worthy serenade about wanting a one-on-one with him this last episode. Outlook = hazy.

The Weird Ones

Christen

Christen decided to wear a yellow dress the first night, which was her first bad move. Next she told Nick that she “watched him on TV for the past 3 years” and that she thought she was “meeting a celebrity.” I think Nick wanted to awkward-smile and cry at the same time.

Jaimi

There’s not much we know about Jaimi at this point, other than her interesting first impression where she told Nick she “has balls.” Turned out to be a nose ring, but she all had us wondering what exactly she meant by that…

Contestants That Make You Go “Eh”

Vanessa

Vanessa’s a fine contestant, minus her recent stunt of accidental puking on her first date. Though her one-on-one was pretty successful,  her generally forced humor and mom-like personality docks some points.

Taylor

Taylor comes off as sweet and knowledgeable…but is she? She seems cute, but she sometimes gives us the know-it-all vibe. Plus, this may be an unpopular opinion, but I don’t really see any real connection between her and Nick. Sorry?

 

Jasmine G.

Jasmine is interesting and spunky, but again, I see no fiery spark with the man in the house. Eh.

The Ones We’re Thankful For

Chris Harrison

I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. Chris is not one of Nick’s many lady friends. Yet, his presence on the show is so essential. His brief announcements of when there is a final rose are critical–how else would we know there’s only one rose left? You have to admit that Chris is a long time fan favorite.

Sarah

Sarah’s cute, funny, and seems normal so far. We must be thankful for her energy and appreciate her “in” hairstyle. Also, most people probably didn’t catch this, but her first words in the house were “Oh my God, there’s food!” which makes her more relatable than most.

Raven

I have to admit, Raven has definitely grown on me since I first saw her dangerously strolling along train tracks in her bio. She seems to be adorable and genuine. Cross your fingers she’s not one who only gets far enough to get her heart broken.

…Who?

Kristina

I think I remember crying at one point in time, but I can’t be too sure.

Whitney

Whitney might have a chance with Nick if she ever…you know, talked.

Astrid

It’s possible she was in a hot tub with Nick, but that’s literally all I remember of her.

Brittany

Brittany, are you even on the show?

…I give up.

Photos: abc.com

Econ Crushes: 7 Ways to Tell if They Mean True Love

ECONcrush

Ladies and Gents, gents and ladies, fellow Hoyas and fellow Hoya followers: Love is in the air.

With just a mere 8 or so weeks left of the semester, you may or may not be realizing that the time you spend gazing at your star crossed lover in Econ is soon coming to an end. Face it: it’s time to make your move.

He/She has stolen your heart through long weeks, problem sets and midterms already… don’t lose your opportunity to seal the inevitable deal. We here at 4E understand if you’re reluctant to swoop in; how can you be sure if he/she is into you?! Well, we have the answers!

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1. Eye Contact. Perhaps you were staring longingly at the glorious curves of their face, in the middle of a daydream about your future family, or simply scanning the room when your eyes met theirs; whatever the occasion was, catching he/she in the act is a sure sign of their undying love for you!

Next Steps: When this happens (which of course it will) don’t miss your opportunity to clarify your acknowledgement with a nice subtle wink! Make sure to make it extra obvious so that he/she knows it is meant for them!

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2.  Have you had another class together before? Boys and girls, here is a major sign that his or her obsession with you is equivalent to your own with them! Why else would they be taking macro this semester other than the fact that they took micro with you the semester before?!

Next step: Write them a handwritten note (it must be in cursive) to let them know that you know that they are stalking you. Make sure to let them know that you’re OK with it though and use this opportunity to share your mutual love for them.

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3. The “Sup Nod” Test. Perhaps, you and him/her have mutual friends, have talked at a party once or reviewed an iClicker question together and your relationship has reached the occasional “sup nod” phase. This means that in passing you are both comfortable and eager to acknowledge each other. To some this may seem like only a friendly gesture shared between acquaintances, but don’t be fooled. That simple tilt of the head is more similar to a mating call than to an innocent form of acknowledgement.

Next Step: Be bold and swoop in. As soon as this action takes place, get as close as you can to him or her, stare into their eyes and align your steps with theirs. The rest will follow.

4. Did you bump into each other? It could have been anything from a gentle brush of the shoulder to a full on fall-on-your-face fiasco – any physical contact is a sure sign of physical desire…. of course, right?

Next Step: Make it happen again. The first bump may have seemed to be only a coincidence to your soon to be lover, in order to ensure that he/she knows it was in fact fate you need to make sure that it happens again. Plan a methodical collision for your next class. Scope out where he/she is sitting and deliberately time your departure for class. Untie your shoe and give yourself at least 4 feet to fall flat out on this person. Once this happens your love will be certain.

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5. Note Sharing. Has this person ever asked or offered to share/compare notes? This is major. If this event has taken place, it is a sure sign that not only do they trust your competency and intelligence, but they’re probably into you. Let’s be honest, asking for help is the clearest indicator that a person is looking for more than answers to their recitation worksheet.

Next Steps: Use this opportunity to share a little more than just the answers/mathematical garbage. For example: (x + y) = you and me on a long walk on a beach in the sunset with our children for the rest of our lives and eternity.

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6. Sits in your row. If he/she sits in your row week after week take this as a deliberate sign of their undying love for you. Even if this is a result of your incessant stalking/ premeditated effort to be close by, because they have not moved away they are likely on mutual ground.

Next Steps: Scoot closer. Each day make an effort to sit at least one seat closer to this person. Even if the same people sit in the seats between you all everyday. It’s fine. Once you’ve finally reached the next seat over spend your classes inching closer to him/her. By the time you are in this person’s lap you will most likely be engaged.

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7. Avoids you. The last and most sure sign that shows that a person is into you is avoidance. This is an instinct we are all made aware of at a young age. If a person seems to ignore your hellos, sits at the far end of the room from you or simply is caught up in their phone every time you are around, it is very likely that they are just too nervous to contact with you.

Next Steps: Ease this person’s discomfort with persistence. Stand by them as much as possible and their sense of security will grow. Follow them around campus or search for their NetId! If you don’t have access to their phone number, send them e-mails frequently with one or two words. This will add to the mystery while allowing the person to grow comfortable with your interactions.

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The clock is ticking my friends. Be bold, be fearless, get the guy/girl.

Photos/Gifs: sparknotes.com; giphy