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Soundtrack to Your Finals

c1f22669If you’re reading this, then a BIG congratulations is in order!  You’ve made it through the first half of finals, and are still somewhat alive thanks to the amount of caffeine flooding your bloodstream this very moment.  There’s only a few days left to power through exams and papers before it’s all over and you’re lounging around, enjoying the summer.

While you’re surely relieved that this finals season torture is coming to a close, finding the motivation to keep pushing forward can seem difficult.  The weather is great, the sun is shining and for some reason your econ textbook just couldn’t seem duller.  To make matters worse, your notes from class are actually illegible and you have no idea what your professor was lecturing on for about half of the semester.  The stress is building, and you’re starting to doubt your ability to cram four months worth of material into 24 hours of studying.  More than anything 4E knows that finals are an emotional roller coaster, the likes of which could be put to music to accurately capture all of the ups and downs.

Here is 4E’s “Soundtrack to Your Finals”:

1. One Man Can Change the World (Big Sean Ft. Kanye West & John Legend): Yes, it’s true you can change the world!  You’re feeling really motivated to start studying for your bio exam, and hey, maybe pushing yourself a little harder will lead you to find a cure for cancer.  Well, probably not… but a good grade in the course is worth it too.

2. Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day): Studying is not going well. You know nothing. Forget trying to cure cancer, you’re just trying to pass at this point.

3. I Hate College (Sam Adams): You’ve never hated anything any more. Forget keg stands and parties, college is just a never ending amount of work which no one ever seems to write songs about.

4. The Middle (Jimmy Eat World): You have some salvageable notes from class, and you attended most some lectures.  If you really focus you know that you can learn the material, it just takes some time but everything will be just fine.

5. I Won’t Back Down (Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers): Finals won’t intimidate you.  You’re finally making progress and the information is starting to click.  Only 6 more chapters to get through!

6. The Climb (Miley Cyrus): This has been the longest day ever, but look how far you’ve come!  When you sat down to study hours ago you didn’t even know what DNA is, and now you definitely know way too much.  Regardless, you should be proud that you’ve managed to make some sort of progress.

7. Closing Time (Semisonic): You’ve been in Lau for over 12 hours and your exam is at 9 AM.  It’s time to go home and attempt to get at least a few hours of sleep before you have to face the inevitable.

8. Power (Kanye West): It’s the morning of the final and you’re ready.  The proctor hands out your exam but you’re not intimidated.  The clock’s ticking, but you’ve got the power of knowledge on your side.  ***Note: We recommend listening to this song on the 10 hour loop.

9. Shake It Off (Taylor Swift): It’s over.  You’re done.  Shake off any worries you have and reward yourself with a nap, snack, Netflix binge, etc.

10. Corona and Lime (Shwayze): Some time after decompressing it’ll hit you that it’s finally summer.  Celebrate!  Go crazy!  School’s out and you deserve a drink!

Best of luck on the remainder of your finals, Hoyas!  Just remember that you’ve only got a few more days of living in a Lau cubicle with limited human interaction before you’re free for the summer.

Photos/gifs: reactiongifs.com, giphy.com, tumblr.com, 

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4E’s Ultimate Guide to Procrastination

spongebob-rainbowFinals season: it’s the most wonderful gut-wrenching time of the year! Besides spending an inhumane amount of time in the Lau basement, imbibing unhealthy amounts of caffeine, and sleeping at wholly inappropriate hours, you have likely been doing some odd things in an attempt to avoid studying.

Perhaps you have taken a Buzzfeed quiz entitled “Which Mesozoic Era Are You?” (I’m Cretaceous). Perhaps you have found yourself stalking your Grandmother’s Facebook with alarming regularity, or accidentally liking your friend’s boyfriend’s roommate’s little sister’s Instagram post from 73 weeks ago.

It may seem like you are running out of appropriate ways to procrastinate, but don’t worry! 4E is here to save the day with some innovative procrastination methods guaranteed to help you put off studying for your finals until the last possible minute.

1. Watch all 33 chapters of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”

“Trapped in the Closet” is a musical and visual masterpiece. The “hip hopera” will also give you some tips and tricks for what to do next time you are forced to hide in a closet from your lover’s husband.

Time wasted: 133 minutes

2. Wait in the Leo’s pasta line

Artistic rendering of the Leo’s pasta line. Not to scale.

Usually reserved for special occasions and days during which you have a burning desire to wait in line for an unreasonable amount of time, the Leo’s pasta line is a prime destination for procrastination. Not only will you use up a substantial portion of your study time, you will also be rewarded with a delicious bowl of handcrafted pasta.

Time wasted: 25-45 minutes

3. Listen to your voicemails

Those voicemails on your phone won’t just listen to themselves, you know. What better time than finals week to catch up on the 47 voice messages from your mom passive-aggressively letting you know that you need to call her back immediately?

Time wasted: Varies, depending on whether you delete voicemails immediately or let them sit there because who knows, you might get to them eventually.

4. Go on a scavenger hunt in the ICC

If you’re brave enough for this suggestion, just be sure to bring plenty of food and water (suggested amount: seven days worth). Also make sure to tell at least one person where you are going so that the search and rescue team will know where to look.

Time wasted: possibly eternity

5. Plan your wedding to that boy/girl in your history class that you’re in love with but have never talked to

First, decide on the perfect venue. Then, figure out what flavor you want your cake to be, make the guest list and pick out the dress. While you’re at it, you should probably also shoot a text to your preferred Maid of Honor or Best Man and hammer down a date. Maybe you’ll even drum up the courage to start a conversation with your intended spouse!

Time wasted: depends on how many things you already have pinned to your Pinterest board

6. Watch the entirety of Weird Al’s “Trapped in the Drive-Thru”

This odyssey of a song is the definition of lyrical genius. It even has a twist ending!

Time wasted: 11 minutes that you will never get back

 7. Rearrange the furniture on Lau 5

All those cubicles are not conducive to group projects or chats with your friends. Restore feng shui to the library by moving around the tables, desks and chairs as you see fit. You’re sure to get a standing ovation from all the cubicle-dwelling orgo students who have been deprived of human contact for who knows how long.

 Time wasted: 120 minutes. Possibly longer if someone doesn’t appreciate your designing prowess and decides to engage in a verbal altercation with you.

8. Fix Congress

You’re a Georgetown student, so you’re definitely opinionated and informed enough to take on this task. Don’t let your years of hard work and infinite depths of knowledge go to waste!

Time wasted: ????

We hope these suggestions have given you some inspiration for your next procrastination tactic. Good luck on your finals and on getting Congressional Democrats and Republicans to agree on something!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, youtube.com, neatorama.com, tumblr.com

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The Night Before the Map Exam

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‘Twas the night before the Map final, when all through the Hilltop,
Nervous SFS freshmen were studying, though they wished they could stop.
Their Sporcle quizzes were aced, all filled out carefully,
From Armenia with Yerevan, to Rome in Italy.

College, NHS and MSB kids were nestled, all snug in their beds,
No visions of wind patterns danced in their heads.
And you with your Atlas and I with my notes,
Were readying our brains for whatever exam JRA wrote.

When down on Healy Lawn there arose such a clatter,
I rushed from Lau to see what was the matter.
Out to the lawn I flew like a flash,
And breathlessly asked if this was about Map class.

When what to my exhausted eyes did appear,
Well, I don’t go to lecture, but I think that’s the professor standing here.
In a downpour like the summer monsoons, his capitals they came,
And he shouted with glee as he called them by name:

“Now Belize has Belmopan, now Hungary has Budapest,
On Angola with Luanda, on Romania with Bucharest!
From Russia’s long history to Greece’s financial descent,
You must know it all – er, at least 70 percent!”

So away to the files of lecture captures I flew,
To learn geographical features and geopolitics, too.
As I drew on my maps, my mind was spinning around –
We have to know rivers and seas, too? Are there no bounds?

Ukrainian elections ran through my head,
And I realized that tonight I wouldn’t be going to bed.
Reardon-Anderson, meanwhile, went straight to his work.
“What time is it in Manama when it’s 7:00 in New York?”

“In the United States South, how do voting trends go?”
“In which direction do the Trade Winds blow?”
“What are the similarities in the conflicts in Nigeria and Sudan?”
“Why does the US need to maintain relations with Kazakhstan?”

And he displayed iClicker questions up on a screen,
Then showed us the right answers, lit up in green.
Then he left Healy lawn, and went toward Red Square,
I stood all alone, feeling so unprepared.

But I heard him exclaim, as he walked to the ICC,
“The subtropical highs are north and south of the equator at 30 degrees!”

Photos: theodora.com

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Econ 001 Study Guide

12_09_13_Opinion_StressedStudent_ThinkstockFinals are upon us. Lau has become ridiculously crowded and the beautiful weather outside mocks all the gloomy students on campus. We know how stressful finals can be on the Hilltop, so your friends here at 4E have decided to help you out by typing up a few study guides. At least 250 students will be taking an Econ 001 exam soon but, luckily for you all, I’m a TA for that class. I am happy to impart my wisdom upon you.

Here is what you need to know for your “Intro to Microeconomics” exam:

Lesson #1: Supply and Demand: If you’re in the class and still can’t understand the basics of supply and demand, there is a good chance you’ll fail this final! But, for our less economically inclined readers, let me explain. People sell stuff, and other people buy stuff (simple, right?). However, these curves unfortunately move around for all sorts of reasons that no one really understands. Luckily for us, one of those reasons is Ryan Gosling:

complementsLesson #2: Normal vs. Inferior Goods: In economics we like to judge people’s choices harshly by declaring that certain goods are inferior to others. Essentially, an inferior good is a cheaper good that you want less of when your income rises. Well, that kind of makes sense but then why is the demand for Natty so high at Georgetown? After I get my paycheck from being a TA, and my income rises, I go straight out and buy myself some cheap-ass Andre. Looks like some economist must have overlooked this crazy phenomenon…

Normal goodsLesson #3: Budget Constraints: Although I wish I could buy an unlimited amount of Andre and easy mac, I do unfortunately have budget constraints. Luckily, these constraints change with the price of goods I buy and with my income. However, it’s important to note that what’s weird about income and price changes is that they’re all relative. If prices and income all go up by 10%, you gain nothing.

incomeLesson #4: Externalities: Occasionally, people do things that harm you indirectly. For example, when your neighbors host random parties at 2am on a Tuesday and you can’t sleep. This would effect your benefits, and thus changes the socially optimal quantity of parties. Clearly this is hypothetical since the socially optimal number of parties is infinity.

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So, if you can memorize these four lessons, you might be almost, sort of, half way to passing your Econ 001 exam! Just remember kids, getting an A in this class will basically define the rest of your life. Happy Studying!

wall street

Photos: memgenerator.com, depaultla.org, imgur.com, quickmem.com, reddit.com 

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Finals: As Told By “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”

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As the week winds to an end, and the study days disappear (seriously, come back), it’s inevitable that we will all soon be facing the doom of finals.  In order to provide you with a preview of the week’s worth of misery and solitude you will soon subject yourself to in a lonely little Lau cubicle, 4E has compiled a list of our favorite gifs from the Netflix hit The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

Because hey, you might as well describe one of the worst things ever with some of the best moments from our favorite motley crew… it might even dull the pain (disclaimer: nothing can dull the pain).

Finals, as told by Kimmy Schmidt and friends:

When your friends ask you if you’ve started to study for your Econ final that’s in 2 days.

So you decide to pack your entire life up and seek out a little Lau cubicle which will become your home for the next 48 hours. But not matter how much you try, it will still be as drab and uninviting as ever.

It’s time to get to work, so you crack open your text book for the first time of the entire semester.

After reaching for your 5th cup of coffee from Midnight, you start to realize that no matter how long you stare at your problem set it just won’t sink in.

But then you remember that nothing can stop you.  Not even evil professors who are definitely out to ruin your GPA and future career prospects.

Things still aren’t sinking in though, so you decide to actually attend your TA’s office hours on Lau 2 and you end up leaving understanding something.

In honor of your period of enlightenment, you decide to take a study break with your friends. They continue to complain about their exams and you’re all like:

After 15 minutes 2 hours, you decide to get back to work.  But studying isn’t going well, so you start to get a bit defensive. 

Then you finally catch a glimpse of yourself after spending hours on hours curled up in your cubicle home. What is sunlight?!

Seriously though, what is sunlight?  The only light you know at this point comes from the fluorescent lights that are giving you a migraine. You know no world outside of Lau. 

After 18 consecutive hours spent in Lau, you inevitably have to decide between sleep and food. You naturally try to multitask.

Before you know it, it’s the morning of your exam so you of course give yourself a pre-exam pep talk!

But then you walk into the exam room and all you can think is:

The proctor distributes the exam and you realize, after looking at the first question, that you might actually understand some of this.

You end up leaving the exam feeling confident, and you realize that despite all the torture that you’re still unbreakable.

But then, of course, you realize that you have another exam and paper due tomorrow so it looks like it’s back to Lau!

Best of luck this finals season, Hoyas.  Just remember, if the mole women could survive living in a bunker for 15 years under the supervision of Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne, then you can definitely handle a week of endless exams.

photos/gifs: imgur.com, buzzfeed.com, tumblr.com, thats-normal.com, huffingtonpost.com, photobucket.com, nerdophiles.com, broadwayworld.com

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Stolen Clock Hands: The Suspects

clock tower

For the first time since 2012, the Healy clock hands were stolen two nights ago. While they have since been replaced, who is responsible for the daring theft? Here are 4E’s top five suspects for who committed this most egregious (read: hilarious) crime.

Joe Biden

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Motive: Sign them and say that whoever stole them sent them to him. This would instantly increase his own status as a campus celebrity.
How: The VP attended mass at Dahlgren Chapel on Monday, likely as an opportunity to scout out the front of Healy. Using mass to hide your debauchery, Mr. Vice President?

The manager at Leo’s

Motive: Revenge on the students who steal all of his/her forks (and knives/spoons/dishes/cups).
How: While everyone was all the way across campus using meal swipes at Hoya Court, the manager snuck out of the now-abandoned Leo’s and took the hands. 4E fears that our precious clock hands will be melted into raw metal to replace all the stolen cutlery.

A freshman with a huge crush

Motive: Girl asked, “Can I have the time?”
How: I’m not really sure about this one. Some freshmen still don’t know what Healy is, so it’s impressive that he even knew there was a clock, let alone that its hands were significant.

The GU Rock Climbing Team

dsc_0344Motive: Tired of hearing, “Wait, we have a rock climbing team?”
How: They climb rocks for sport. Scaling the face of Healy? Child’s play.

That a-hole who always steals my spot in Lau

Motive: Because he’s a jerk, that’s why. You know the one.
How: I have no clue, since he has been in my spot in Lau every time I’ve checked.

Whoever the perpetrator is, it was pretty rad of them to steal the clock hands and offer us a little reprieve from the burden of finals season. 4E only hopes they send the hands to someone cool.

Photos: https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nbihK0FLU08/T59DdKW-P5I/AAAAAAAAATc/GqpjGki53mc/s1600/clock+tower.jpg; https://boston.barstoolsports.com/; gubulldogblog.wordpress.com

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4E Finals Advice

Finals Advice

This is it, everyone. The last day of study days. Tomorrow begins finals, in which a significant portion of your grade is devoted to what you could cram in anywhere from one to more than one days of furious memorizing and practicing.

For those of you who are struggling, we at 4E decided to compile some brief words of advice for you. Embrace them or don’t – not everyone studies the same way. Good luck!

For the super-night owls:
“If you’re still on Lau 5 when the cleaning crew comes to vacuum at 3 a.m., go home.” -Michaela Murphy

For the people who like to sleep in:
“GET TO LAU EARLY. Seats will fill up and you will have nowhere to wallow in your pain. Claim your territory.” -Courtney Klein

For the people who can’t spend a day in Lau without going crazy:
“Break up your time studying with some fun activities. For example, study all morning, then go ice skating or go on a run to the White House, then study the rest of the night. Everything will morph into nothingness if you live in Lau all day.” -Meg Lizza

“While you do have to get studying done, don’t just lock yourself away in Lau for 2 weeks. Some of my best friends and closest friendships were made (or made better) while struggling through (and studying for) finals.” -Max Wheeler

For the people who are already over finals:
“Grab a coffee, head to Lau 2, and be sure to spend most of the night complaining about finals. Surefire path to success.” -Griffin Greco

For people who get distracted easily:
“Don’t try to study with your friends – only share tables with people in the outer circle of friends who you still feel shy about procrastinating in front of; if you get too close to someone you become shameless and get nothing done.” -Sara Carioscia

“AVOID LAU 2! It is a bottomless pit of desperation and sadness that will bring you (and your final grades) down. Stick to Lau 1 or Lau 4 and send your braver friends to 2 for Midnight Mug runs.” -DJ Angelini

For the, shall we say, “unconventional”:
“If you convince yourself that you already know it, then you don’t have to study.” -Kyle Murphy

“Finals advice? Don’t take them.” -Julia Kieserman

And remember:

“It’ll all be over soon… If you survive.” -Catherine McNally

“Just breathe. And when all your finals are over, TREAT YOURSELF.” -Emily Min

“This will all be over in the near future. Finals do end.” -Emma Holland

Photo: wordpress.com

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Midnight Breakfast Is Here

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Tonight is the annual midnight breakfast at the fabulous O’Donovan’s on the waterfront (aka Leo’s). Students from all over campus will gather to enjoy the coolest meal of the day.

The midnight breakfast starts at 10 pm and is open to all students who show a GoCard. That means that a meal plan is not required. Warning: this event gets crazy crowded, so make sure to think through your plan of action.

Some cool things about the midnight breakfast:

  • The event is in the upstairs of Leo’s. The whole level will be decked out in all sorts of Christmas cheer. You can expect wreaths, maybe some tinsel and definitely some Christmas carols.
  • They use disposable dishes and cutlery. No searching for clean bowls!
  • The food is really good. I don’t know how or why, but something about eating breakfast food at 10 p.m. makes everything better. The pancakes are fluffier, the bacon is crispier – the food just tastes better.
  • There will probably be French Toast sticks. A delicacy of years past, French Toast sticks have only been present at breakfast a pitiful 3 times this semester. If Leo’s has any left (which they probably do, since they never serve them), you can expect platters and platters of this fine food. (Note: 4E is not promising French Toast sticks, just predicting. And hoping.)
  • The food is served by Georgetown professors. There are two long tables manned by a few of our favorite professors dishing out the breakfast entrees. This is the perfect time to ask questions about your exams and papers (jk, don’t be that guy) or questions about your professors’ personal lives.
  • Dessert. Leo’s always does dessert pretty well, but the snacks at midnight breakfast are on a totally different level. There is also a lot of fresh fruit.

Why should you go to Midnight Breakfast?

One word: Finals.

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We all need a break, and food is a great way to help the struggle. As the age-old adage says, “There is no problem that a little bacon can’t solve.”

Midnight and breakfast are two of my favorite things, and Leo’s addresses both with class and finesse. Come out tonight and enjoy delicious food and friends before the start of finals!

Photos/Gifs: https://31.media.tumblr.com/d79f2e4294fc7a9fc778ce9052614c68/tumblr_inline_n4vg1ovKD71ry9hph.gif; https://www.hercampus.com/school/duke/midnight-breakfast

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The 4E Guide to Emojis

Guide to Emojis

Here at 4E, we just have one question for you:

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And, of course, we know that you do. Emojis (or what the older generation refers to as “those tiny picture thingies”) can enhance any text or Facebook message. But, a problem arises when these little wondrous characters are used improperly. So, to make sure that everyone is using them correctly, we put together a guide to some of our favorite Emojis.

1. The Alcohol Emojis

These little guys are perfect for any party invitation via text. Whether you’ve already had your fair share of Hot Cinny Burnett’s and don’t care to type out the word “beer” or you feel like making your pre-game invitation special, you just can’t go wrong with any of these.

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2. The Chill Emoji

My personal favorite emoji is the emoji that looks like it’s just too suave for the rest of them. This can be used for so many different scenarios, but the best way to use it is when you’re trying to make moves.

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3. The Poop Emoji

We had to include this little guy just because someone at some point thought, “Hey, you know what would make an awesome emoji? A SMILING PILE OF POO!” But hey, I’m glad they did. Now, when I’m in a horrible situation, all I have to do is type out this single character.

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4. The Salsa Dancer and the Kissing Couple

Since the 4E bloggers are at the forefront of social and technological innovation, we know how to combine two emojis to convey the perfect message. Nothing goes together better than the Salsa Dancer and the Kissing Couple…

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5. The Sad/Shocked Emoji

This emoji works perfectly in situations when you really can’t tell if you are going to scream your head off or bawl your eyes out. So when you’re in this time of confusion, feel free to throw this emoji out there; the person you’re messaging will understand your pain.

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6. The Clapping Emoji

Sometimes, your friends deserve some congratulations. But when “congratulations” doesn’t suffice, give them a round of applause!

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7. The Spot-On Emoji

This is a perfect emoji to use when someone does something that is on point. Whether it’s a relevant comment in class or a solidly filtered photo on Instagram, this emoji can be used to commemorate the momentous occasion.

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Photos: wordpress.com, Fake-a-text app; Gif: tumblr.com

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The Five Stages of Finals Acceptance

5 Stages of Finals Acceptance

Study Days: a time when classes are over, alarms are turned off and fashion doesn’t exist. Sadly, they are simply a precursor to final exams, those pesky little tests that cover basically everything you’ve learned in the semester. Here at 4E, we know all too well that it takes a little time to come to grips with the impending doom. Here are your five stages of finals acceptance:

1. Denial

Finals? What finals? The first stage is always denial. It’s just too easy to go on, blissfully “unaware” of the impending finals-induced pain. You enjoy your final semi-formals, sleeping in and not having to go to class — ignoring the reason why you don’t have to go to class.

2. Procrastination

OK, so it starts to set in that all of your final exams and papers are about to hit you like a giant brick wall. That doesn’t mean that you necessarily start studying, though. It just means one more Sporcle quiz, one more phone call to your mom or one more load of laundry. Maybe it’s time for a new profile picture? Literally any excuse not to study.

3. Studying Begins

So you’ve finally exhausted all other options. It’s time to gather your books and head to Sellinger, Lau 2, Starbucks or any other social study environment. After all, you won’t be seeing your friends for a while after the next couple weeks. Who says you can’t study and have fun?

4. Panic

Looks like you’ve been having too much fun and not enough studying. It’s time to make the dreaded trip to the “bookends” of Lau (see what I did there?) and head to the silent sanctums of either Lau 1 or 5. You’ve got six pages of a Problem of God paper left to write and a microeconomics exam tomorrow. The Self-Control app is a necessity.

5. Relief

 

At long last, you are finally free! You hand in that last paper, fill in your last Scantron-bubble and crank up Queen’s “We Are the Champions” — maybe that last one is just me. Sure, you still have a lot of packing left, and yes, end of the year goodbyes are sad. But the burden of finals week is finally off of your shoulders.

Gif: tumblr.com, pandawhale.com, wordpress.com; Photo: wisconsinwatch.org