Facebook – The Fourth Edition

June 17, 2017June 18, 2017

How To: CHARMS

Is it time for you to find your first ever college roommate? Get excited for a year (or four) of pillow talks, impromptu dance parties, ~~sexiling~~ and shared bathrooms! Finding/having a roommate is nothing to stress out about. In my opinion, you can have three outcomes: A. You may find and get to live with a newfound BFFL; B. Your freshman year roommate will be someone that you can get along with well enough (not the future best man in your wedding, but trustworthy and good for a couple of 2am heart-to-hearts); or C. Getting through the year may require some Facetime-enabled venting to your parents, but you’ll emerge (mostly) unscathed with some great stories to tell about your miscommunications.

Many of you will find your roommate using CHARMS (Campus Housing Roommate Matching System….CHRMS?), which is perhaps better understood as the college-roommate-version of Tinder. CHARMS has a curiously high success rate. Is it a match made in heaven? It’s actually more like a match made by virtually dating other eligible roommate-seeking baby-Hoyas after comparing room temperature preferences and how ~~messy~~ neat you are. Using this bewilderingly successful forum is as much a rite of passage as Club Lau, getting lost in the ICC, DFMOing with a stranger on a Vil A rooftop and learning how to order an Epi quesadilla. In order to help you with this signature Georgetown experience, here are some tips and tricks to hopefully help make your CHARMS adventure a little ~easier~.

1. Use Facebook It is much easier to communicate via FB Messenger than on the CHARMS site itself. Using Facebook saves you from logging on to the Starrez Housing Portal to check messages and lets you see when someone has read your message. Additionally, friending your potential roomie on Facebook allows you to do some ~wholesome investigation~ to make sure that they were just as weird (and good at Photo Booth) in seventh grade as you were. Plus, this allows you two to tag each other in the comment sections of some stellar memes – objectively the most effective means of determining your compatibility.

2. Be Honest

This is my biggest piece of advice. There are roughly 2000 people in your grade, so don’t worry about revealing yourself to not be 100% compatible with one of the ~three people that CHARMS initially matches you with based on your Living Preference Questionnaire (a series of mostly arbitrary questions) answers. Don’t claim to be the world’s most organized person if, in fact, a greater percentage of your clothing is lying on your floor rather than neatly hanging in your closet. No need to disclose the exact number of empty water bottles currently in your bedroom, but come clean (#notsorry) about some of your messier tendencies and find a roommate who will understand (rather than resent) your system of putting your dirty clothes on the floor when your laundry basket is full of clean clothes that haven’t been put away yet.

3. Some Helpful Translations

“I’m in the McDonough School of Business” I won’t have classes on Friday. I have an extensive collection of Vineyard Vines polos. In my free time I enjoy cracking open a cold one with the MSBros. “I’m pre-med” I have early morning lectures. Aesthetic: goggle lines post-three-hour chem lab. Celebrity crush: Neil deGrasse Tyson. “I’m kind of a NARP” Direct translation: I’m a Non-Athletic Regular Person. More accurate interpretation: I have little intention of ever setting foot in Yates Field House (Field Dungeon?), but might be persuaded to go to SoulCycle if we can get acai bowls at South Block after. “I LOVE The Office” I will tag you in an endless stream of Michael Scott memes. You better understand my frequent references and respond appropriately, and also support my “Prison Mike” Halloween costume.

4. Plan ahead, but be realistic!

Coordinating some logistics with your roommate ahead of time is a good idea. Figure out what items you might want to have, what will be shared and who is bringing/buying a mini-fridge, a clothes drying rack, cleaning supplies, etc. Just remember that most freshmen dorm rooms are on the smaller side. I was particularly lucky to score what seemed to be a glorified closet of a freshman dorm room—great for some roomie bonding, less great for housing two humans and too many Bed Bath and Beyond purchases. Bill Clinton did it and you can too, but don’t plan on buying a couch or bringing your pet elephant. Best of luck finding a roommate! Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, theodysseyonline.com

April 19, 2017

A Guide To Scamming the Most Out of Free Food This GAAP Weekend

Welcome to Georgetown, new Hoyas! Your friends at 4E are so excited to meet you next year! Before you arrive, hopefully you’re going to GAAP Weekend so you can celebrate and learn more about us, regular ole Hoyas. If you are, here’s how to scam the most out of free food this GAAP Weekend.

8:30 AM on Friday – Go to St. Mary’s for breakfast. They without a doubt have the best spread. From fresh fruit to small pieces of banana bread, the NHS (School of Nursing and Health Studies for the newbies) has too much food and not enough people to share it with.

1:45 PM on Friday – For those who want to be extra ~cultured~ be sure to hit up the SFS for some Qdoba. However, if you’re not about that, then go to the MSB. If you have to venture into ~The Snake Den~ for anything, it might as well be good food from a fancy restaurant.

6:00 PM on Friday – Starving after Convocation and can’t wait the 30 minutes it will probably take to walk to Tombs and get food? Walk for 1 minute instead from Healy to the ICC for the Multicultural Reception! It ~~might~~ will definitely be the best food you’ve had all day!

9:00 AM on Saturday – You could go to Leo’s for breakfast, and it will ~~probably~~ definitely be the best Leo’s you’ll have in your Georgetown career, or you could knock on an unsuspecting upperclassmen’s Vil A door and beg food from them. No doubt they’ll take pity on you and attempt to give you something better (choose the door wisely).

12:00 PM on Saturday – Want free food AND clothing? Come to Red Square so that clubs can inevitably try to bribe you to join once you get here! The free swag and food ranging from Hershey’s Kisses to slices of pizza will be worth it. I promise.

Your friends at 4E sincerely hope that this list has helped you to scam the most food out of your GAAP Weekend and make it one you’ll never forget!

Gifs: giphy.com

March 27, 2017

Best of Georgetown’s Facebook Meme Page

For the past several months, meme culture has permeated the very fabric of American society. Everywhere you look, there are dank (or not so dank) memes. Despite the seemingly ubiquitous nature of memery, there has been a noticeable void on Georgetown’s campus… until now. In the past few weeks, the Facebook page known as “Georgetown Memes for Nonconforming Jesuit Teens” has taken the Hilltop by storm, with memes made by and made for Georgetown’s very own Hoyas.

This page really tackles some hot issues at Georgetown with prime memery. Here, we’ve compiled some of the most ~fire~ of these memes for your viewing pleasure:

Ita Uduebo takes on the ridiculous pressure and exclusivity of club culture at Georgetown with this incredible meme:

Emily Saadi similarly offers some quality satirical commentary on diversity at Georgetown:

John Matthews contributed a quality meme on being blatantly unprepared for class, as I am sure many Hoyas can relate to:

There have been a number of impressive Leo’s memes as well. Allison Kozeracki, for instance, contributed this beautiful one:

Lastly, Sayako Quinlan contributed one of my personal favorite memes on the culture of relationships at Georgetown. Truly an A+ meme:

While these are just a few of 4E’s favorites, join the “Georgetown Memes For Non-Comforming Jesuit Teens” Facebook group for an even wider selection of prime meme material. I look forward to getting that notification that “_____ has requested to join.”

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, bbc.co.uk

April 24, 2016April 24, 2016

Your Best Friends at Georgetown

We’ve all heard of the “Georgetown Stereotype.” I’m not so sure there’s only one. I present to you some of the many characters of Georgetown:

The SWUG (Senior Washed-Up Girl) In Training:
No stranger to The Tombs, she can recite the nightly specials by heart. Does she even know that the 99 Days Club is only for seniors? Evidently not. While apathetic to dressing up and personal hygiene, she’s taken up a new interest in wine tasting (which she does on her Village A couch). This girl reminds us that you don’t have to be a senior to be a SWUG.

The Girl Who’s Never NSOver It:
A double legacy, Jane Hoya eats, sleeps, and breaths Georgetown. Don’t be surprised to see a “1789” tattoo on her side. When you go to her pregame, expect to play icebreaker drinking games ~but only if you’re over 21 and in a building which permits alcohol consumption~. She’ll surely facilitate healthy dialogue, reminding you that not all Hoyas drink, and that those who do, do so responsibly. If you get lucky, she’ll even show you how she NSOs.

The Startup Guru:
After securing a modest 50k from family and friends, he dropped out of Georgetown to pursue his startup. He swears he’s going to be a billionaire by 25 and land a spot on Forbes’ “30 Under 30.” What does his startup do? No one really knows. He’ll probably be back next semester.

The MSBro:
President of SigEp, working in finance, he’ll say he didn’t even buy the textbook and then skew the class curve by getting a 100. This guy must secretly hit up Lau when no one’s around. But you just saw him at Chi-Di last night, and at Tombs the night before. Work hard play hard, right?

The Facebook Activist:
Having watched “Veducated” on Netflix, she’s a dedicated vegan of two weeks and determined to spread awareness about her cause. Apparently sharing socially-oriented articles constitutes real activism these days. She’ll send you multiple invites to local protests, which she probably doesn’t attend. This obsession will last for a month until she watches “Blackfish” and becomes determined to save Seaworld’s marine mammals from her MacBook Air.

The Pre-President:
He introduces himself as future “President of the United States” as he aggressively shakes your hand with a ~~forced~~ wide smile. When he enters a room, he nods and points into the distance, acknowledging his many friends, and then waves in the opposite direction. Sometimes you wonder if he is even waving at anyone or just wants to keep up appearances.

The (Practically) Engaged Couple:
Liz and Ben have been dating ever since they met the during the first day of their pre-orientation program. Still going strong, they’ve reserved a spot for their wedding at Dahlgren Chapel (because you HAVE to do so years in advance). Last week, they posted the cutest couple photos at the Cherry Blossoms and hold hands whenever they walk around campus. They are going to be together forever and ever, and ever, and ev… wait. Ben just DFMOed with Sarah at ChiDi when Liz was at an internship interview in New York? Yeah, I take back what I said. Oh well. #Younglove

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, dailymotion.com, bestdelegate.com

April 20, 2016

Word Wednesday: Zombieing

Lemme guess. You woke up last Friday, armed with a Saxby’s iced coffee and ready to take on a heavy-lifting day of people watching on Healy Lawn. Your phone died late last night, so you haven’t had a chance to check your notifications yet. You’re scrolling through when you notice that Jacob*, your one-time high school sweetheart has liked an Instagram post of yours. But wait, you haven’t posted since last week. Hold the phone, this picture is from 42 weeks ago! Feeling shocked, alarmed, and a little smug? Well, congratulations! You’ve been zombied.

Zombieing [zom-BEE-ing] (verb): (1) the horrifying act of double-tapping someone’s Instagram post, favoriting a Tweet, or liking a Facebook photo from more than 4 weeks back who you have not spoken to in, like, forever.

The verb derives from the root “zombie” (noun): a human who has risen from the dead. If you partake in zombieing, you have metaphorically “risen from the dead” as you have not made real human contact with your victim in an extended period of time. Zombieing is often accompanied by embarrassment upon revealing your late-night social-media stalking habits of:

1. A previous significant other (and no, it didn’t “end well.)

2. That girl from high school who just rushed Kappa Zeta WTF-ever and is SO excited to meet her Biggie!

3. The hot best friend of the cousin of your longtime BFF who has never heard of you.
4. The #PuppiesOfInstagram account of the promoter you met at Cities last weekend.
5. Your Econ TA celebrating his 2 year anniversary with his girlfriend.
Listen, we’ve all been there. Just keep those fingers to yourself, you know?

Gifs: giphy.com, https://sequart.org/magazine/

April 13, 2016

Word Wednesday: HAUNTING

4E is here to keep its readers hip and in the loop. So, if you haven’t already heard, the new word on block is “HAUNTING”. What is “haunting” you may ask? The new form of ghosting; haunting is when one breaks off the relationship without explanation or contact, but still communicates indirectly through social media. If ghosting wasn’t bad enough, haunting may be the ultimate low of our awkward relationship or “lack there of” culture.

So, what are some examples of haunting? 4E is here to help.

SNAPCHAT:

You were totally ghosted last weekend by let’s call him “Michael,” but you two are still friends on Snapchat. You thought everything was going great and you even had a Snapchat streak of 4 whole days! But, that is all long gone, as “Michael” has stopped all communication for a whole week. YET, HE STILL VIEWS YOUR STORY LAST NIGHT OF YOU EATING A CHICKEN QUESADILLA AT EPI!!! The sore reminder of him hurts the pit of your stomach. Delete your “Michael,” ladies!

FACEBOOK:

Girls can ghost and haunt, too! You totally thought that you and let’s call her “Jessica” hit it off at that VIL A golf party. You even took her to Georgetown Cupcake for a casual date on a TUESDAY night!!! After which, you thought it appropriate to Facebook friend her. She accepts and you two see each other for three weeks. And by that, I mean you go home with each other for three consecutive weekends. When all of the sudden, you never hear from “Jessica” again and thus, you have been ghosted. Two weeks later, you see her name pop up on your notifications that she liked your new profile pic. Confused? You should be. It’s probably best to just unfollow or unfriend her as it’s still a sore subject among your bros.

4E hopes that after properly defining the word HAUNTING, you will now know that there can be something worse than ghosting.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com

March 2, 2016

Hilltop Hacks: Productive Procrastination

Happy midterm season, Hoyas! While it may be crunch-time in the classroom, you can only run on a double-shot of espresso from Midnight for so long; you should treat yourself! What I’m talking about here is productive procrastination: distractions you can feel good about. The key to productive procrastination is overdoing it and doing it well. 4E is here to show you how.

Did someone accidentally jump into your Village B wall the other night and leave a gaping hole? Well, what better time than now to fix it? File that maintenance request, and while you’re at it, why not explore the other failings of your crumbling apartment? Does the right faucet in the bathroom leak? Is the outlet closest to the couch failing to charge your laptop? And what about that mysterious stain on your couch cushion left over from last year’s occupants? File them all away into the interweb for maintenance to deal with while you’re gone.
Cleanse your Facebook friends. Let’s face it, you probably don’t need to be friends with the old middle school meathead or that chick from the DC Summer Conference you attended during your sophomore year summer. Here’s a tip from a serial friend-remover: Check out your Facebook birthday list. If it’s their special day and you don’t feel inclined to send them good wishes, delete ’em. But don’t stop at just this month’s birthdays; purge through April’s and May’s while you’re at it. You don’t need all that newsfeed clutter anyway.
Cook e v e r y t h i n g in your refrigerator. By Friday, you’ll be packing your bags to head to ~~little old Oyster Bay~~ Barbados and you do not want that Trader Joe’s Alaskan Salmon getting too, uh, ripe. Save yourself the stank and prune through all of your perishables. Otherwise, you’ll be coming back to a kitchen that will make you go…
Speaking of Spring Break, what better way to use your wandering brain waves than trolling around Trip Advisor for “25 Best Things to Do in Cancun” ? There’s nothing worse than arriving at your gorgeous ~~Best Western Motel~~ all-expense paid trip and having no idea what to do next. Is there a local zoo with a rare snake exhibit? What about a modern art showcase on the intricacies of recyclable beauty? Oh, wait, is that a Groupon for bottomless mojitos and tortilla chips after 10 AM at the Crazy Frog?
And if you don’t know, now you know.
And finally, as I’m sure you haven’t called your mom except in a stressed-out, crying fit all week, give her a ring. If anything, calling now will lessen how angry she’ll feel about the inevitable “I need $100 in my bank account mom, please. This is the last time, I promise” text you send her next week. But while you’re at it, call Grandma, Aunt Sue, your long-distance ex-but-not-really-ex-girlfriend; why not? On second thought, maybe it’s best to just text dad and ask to Facetime with the dog. You do have tests to study for, after all!

Photos/Gifs: appliedvisionworks.com, giphy.com

February 24, 2016

PSA: Facebook Updated Their ‘Like’ Button

If you’ve been living under or a rock or, more realistically, been avoiding logging onto Facebook to prevent further procrastination from midterms, then you may have missed Facebook’s latest update. In response to years of users calling for a ‘dislike’ option to complement the ‘like’ button, Facebook has finally responded by rolling out a whole new set of emojis you can use to describe your response to someone’s post. The new emojis, dubbed ‘Reactions’, include six different options and can be accessed by scrolling and hovering over the old ‘like’ button. While this update allows users to more openly express their feelings, many individuals are left wondering when they should use one ‘Reaction’ over another. In order to help those users out, 4E has created an Etiquette Guide to Using ‘Reactions.’

Like: This is the same old button that Facebook users have grown to like since it was first introduced in early 2009. While it used to be appropriate to ‘like’ anything from a cute picture of a baby panda to that profound life status from an old grade school classmate, you should be warned to use this button sparingly.
Post to ‘like’: Your great Aunt Phyllis’s 1000th picture of her cats.
Love: The ‘love’ button is a big step up from the ‘like’ button. Prior to its addition on Facebook, you probably used to casually scroll through your crush’s updates and try to inconspicuously ‘like’ a couple posts here and there. The new ‘love’ button is really a game changer as you can really show someone just how creepy and obsessive you really are.
Post to ‘love’: Any and all of your crush’s old posts and profile pictures from 2008 to 2010. This will not only show off your true stalking abilities, but will be a true sign of your love from him/her regardless of their old awkward photos.
Haha: Remember how you used to write ‘haha’ every time you thought a post was funny? If you’re suffering from sort of freak amnesia, scroll back to 2011 for reference (side note: you most likely also used the :P smiley during that time period). With this new reaction, actually typing ‘haha’ is now obsolete as its inclusion as a ‘Reaction’ was most likely due to the Millennials’ pure laziness…
Post to ‘haha’: ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Think that video of a dog running into a glass door is funny? ‘Haha’ it! And that really witty status that kid you haven’t since high school posted? ‘Haha it’! The ‘haha’ is definitely the most versatile new ‘Reaction’ so feel free to use it as obnoxiously as you see fit!
Wow: Sometimes someone’s post on Facebook really just leaves you speechless. Whether that’s in a good or bad way, users have never actually had a way to accurately express such sentiment before now!
Post to ‘wow’: That ~profound~ political rant posted by that gov major who definitely thinks they’re the next Bill Clinton.
Sad: Sometimes Facebook posts are just sad, ya know? Clicking the like button to show your support was never really appropriate and sometimes commenting on a status for someone you didn’t really know was a little too awkward. The ‘sad’ button now allows users to demonstrate how a post might make them tear up just a little bit.
Post to ‘sad’: Any shared video about animal abuse set to a Sarah McLachlan song. While you’re at it, you might want to get the tissues ready too.
Angry: Ever read a post that made you really fired up? Maybe you even posted your own status as a reaction to it. Either way, after a long time coming Facebook has finally introduced an ‘angry’ button which is arguably a step up from the ‘dislike’ button that so many people had previously requested.
Post to ‘angry’: ANY post that mentions Syracuse or Villanova and does not mention Georgetown’s superiority.

Photos/Gifs: assets-creativityonline.com, tumblr.com, giphy.com

December 14, 2015

Finals Flashback: Favorite Facebook Posts

I’m about to drop the worst of the f-bombs: FINALS. Studying for these seemingly never-ending tests can be stressful and overwhelming, if not the worst part of the semester.

When I think about finals, I think about many other f-words: food (because who isn’t hungry 24/7 when studying), fun (of which I am deprived as I sit in a dimly lit Lau cubicle), and Facebook. If you want an F on your final, just open up Facebook, click on a friend’s page, and scroll down. Scroll way, way down. I’m talking pre-2010, when middle school us talked about being on Oovoo, complained about our daily lives, and felt the need to post on social media when we didn’t have any plans.

Thanks to some very l~~ow-key stalking~~ kind volunteers, 4E has compiled a list of your favorite bloggers’ best Facebook moments from their better days:

I was going to confront you about this, but looks like you already noticed.

Were you just trying to prove that you went to school? Do you want an award or something for going?

Major retweet. I, too, am overwhelmed by the fact that “groshery” stores have food, and for that very reason, want to leave America, where I hope “groshery” stores will not sell so much food.

Actually, it’s funny regardless. And don’t hate on Miley.

I tried this several times to no avail. Do you have any further advice, because I really love magic circles?

Yes! Just microwave the battery for a few minutes and it should dry out really fast.

Just trying to keep any stalkers up to date on my exact whereabouts at all times.

Sporty and fun! Gold medal in embarrassing Facebook posts.

Personally, I’m screwed for finals, but I feel the pain.

#blessed

OMG did you get his autograph?!?

Heard the one on Lau 5 is quiet and never runs out of toilet paper!

Hope you enjoyed those blasts from the past! Now get back to work!

Photos: videostir.com, facebook.com

November 10, 2015

The Profile Picture Progression of a Georgetown Student

Look back to your senior year in high school: a prospective student incessantly waiting for your Georgetown acceptance and, in the meantime, stalking all things Georgetown to try and get the best feel possible for the next four years of your life. You’re probably looking at the blog (HAY), the Instagram, your older brother’s friend’s cousin that attends Georgetown’s Facebook…

Ah, Facebook, from this random stranger’s profile you find others, you creep and you stalk and you notice a pattern. There is something Georgetown going on here.

The Profile Picture Progression of a Georgetown Student:

While you may still be an underclassman in high school, you know Georgetown is where you want to end up. You visited with your uncle that one time and got the idealistic proud (and maybe a little later regrettably awkward photo) in front of Healy and you’re showing it off.

You’ve been accepted and you make your way down to campus for GAAP weekend. Here is the opportune time to get that picture with Jack the Bulldog. You pet the dog and you’re officially part of the family.

It’s a few weeks into your freshman year and you’ve finally conquered John Carroll’s lap and documented it. You’re a Hoya with Hoya insider knowledge.

It’s now nearing the end of the semester. The holiday spirit is bustling through M Street and you step into Healey Circle on your way to Lau and see it lit with the Holiday Spirit. You, of course, get a picture with the “Hoyas” lights near the front gate.

Almost the end of March, you know you made it through winter because the Cherry Blossoms are out to greet you! You waste no time and run to the Tidal Basin to get a casual (planned) candid amidst the flowers.

Flash forward a couple years and the big day has finally arrived! No, not yet graduation, but your Tombs night. You’ve only been counting down since the first day of Junior Year to update your profile picture to a drunk one of you with a stamp on your forehead. Congrats, you’ve made it. This is the ultimate destination of the Georgetown student’s profile picture progression.

And then there is the graduation photos, you are finally a real person! Maybe you will throw it back to that first picture in front of Healy just to #tbt. You’ll always be a Hoya.

P.S. Don’t forget the Georgetown cover photo that appears sporadically throughout the four years, swapped out with friend candids, but forever returning.

Photos: 4E Facebooks, random boy on google, giphy.com, downtoday.co.uk

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