While in the show “You” there are seven totems that mark one’s initiation into Los Angeles life, indeed there are another seven to become a full ~Hoya~. Read below to find out if you have actually reached full membership on the Hilltop.
1. Watch two rats fighting by a trash can in the dead of the night
D.C. is full of fascinating and beautiful fauna, but the rat is undoubtedly held in greatest esteem at Georgetown. If you’re lucky enough to see two of them fighting by a trash can in the dead of the night, preferably by a Henle, you’re more of a Hoya than you’ll ever know.
2. An overflowing toilet
While some may marvel at the charm of Healy and its surrounding tulip beds, I contend that the most pleasant aspect of Georgetown are the facilities — specifically overflowing toilets. Did someone clog it? Is it a simple, common malfunction? Who knows.
3. Cry over an abandoned, half-eaten grilled cheese from Epi
Anyone on the Hilltop will tell you that the proper night out ends with an excursion to Epicurean. Whether you’re merely chilling or ordering food after visiting a sweaty Henle, you and your friends (if lucky) will definitely end up sitting down at a table covered with half-eaten leftovers from your fellow, drunken Hoyas.
4. Have a cockroach in your dorm
If you thought rats were the worst thing to find in your room, guess again. Roaches also carry 33 kinds of bacteria, six different types of parasitic worms and seven known pathogens — just remember that next time one crawls across your desk.
5. Wake up to never-ending construction at 6 a.m.
If you live in Henle or Darnall, you’re all too familiar with the morning not being brought in by the sunrise, but with, well, the sound of a dump truck.
6. See the three-legged dog from SWQ
While you may have thought Jack the Bulldog was the goodest boy on campus, you were wrong. Keep an eye out for the three-legged doggo (named Crouton!) who lives in the Southwest Quad. Extra points if you pet him.
7. Admire the Harry Styles cardboard cutout in Vil A
Keep an eye out for the ominous presence of a Harry Styles cardboard cutout next time you drunkenly wander Vil A in search of a darty. You won’t be disappointed.
AKA, happy end of all things fresh, new and exciting. Happy death ‘n’ afterlife to all things green. And, above all else: a very happy ~midtermz~.
The magic of the welcome and/or return to the Hilltop has sizzled and has now begun its fall fizzle. The Stall Street Journal listing the scores of Things to Do in D.C. has been replaced. Your color-coded to do list fell victim to the avalanche of Stats printing mishaps. And perhaps, while the roomie wasn’t looking, you sent that dubious text you swore you’d never.
October brings spooky time, kids. In preparation, we here at 4E have put together a cautionary tale of sorts: the anti-bucket list.
The ANTI-Bucket List
Things you probably never thought you’d do at Georgetown.
But you probably have.
1. Epi at 2 p.m.: You thought you wanted a quesadilla, when really, you just wanted to relive 1:30 a.m. on a Saturday night.
2. Wisey’s Twice in the Same Day: Because while Aramark has tried its hand at faux &pizza, Sweetgreen and Falafel, Inc., Royal Jacket simply pales in comparison to the art of Wisemiller’s Deli & Grocery.
3. Lau At 3 p.m. and 3 a.m.: One paper needed to be written. And in those 12 hours, you’ve managed to share four Facebook posts, down three cups of coffee, make two friends at The Midnight Mug, artfully craft one new meme and write zero words.
4. Failed to Leave* Georgetown?: You swore this would be the year you ran to the monuments at sunrise, found all those evasive insta-friendly graffitied walls and checked those museums off your (bucket) list. Our lovely bubble was once yours for the bursting, but now it seems kind of perfect the way it is.
*AdMo at 1 a.m. does not count.
5. Left Your Laundry in the Washer for *Only* a Few Hours After Its Cycle Finished: And that was the day you become *that* person.
6. Easy Mac: Our most dependable friend. Just add water.
7. Fallen on the Red Brick Road: Did anyone see that half-stumble, half-pay-a-millisecond-visit-to-your-maker after you encountered that loose brick on N Street? At least some experiences make us grateful for modern marvels like poured concrete .
8. Paid a Lockout Fee: This one goes out to you, roommate who insists a $100 lock-change fee is a reasonable trade-off for the invitation that would automatically be extended to Freddy Krueger by leaving your apartment door unlocked.
9.“Insufficient Funds”: An inevitable reality, kindly facilitated by Chick-Fil-A and our helpless acquiescence to The Corp. But who thought it would happen this fast?
10.Made an Actual Bucket List: It’s okay, we have too.
If you found yourself thinking, “been there, done that,” we’re sorry: NSO-era you is probably frowning.
As cuffing season comes to an end, so will the PDA in freshman common rooms. While many were blessed to already find their soulmates in a sweaty Henle, SOME of us have already accepted our permanent statuses as third wheels (I’m not salty, it’s whatever).
Nonetheless, if you’re thinking of ending it with your significant other, consider these trendy spots on the Hilltop.
1. Lau 1: This is the quiet zone, which means no sounds. No one can hear you cry, and you can save yourself the embarrassment.
2. Leo’s on Chicken Tender Thursday: This is your last chance to be featured on @couplesatleos.
3. Yates at 12:01 AM: Word on the street is that the lights spontaneously shut off promptly at 12:01 AM—whether you like it or not. Now, no one can see you weep or mourn over your short-lived relationship.
4. Epi: I’m sure you’ll make friends with the other heartbroken Hoyas who are drunkenly eating away their feelings with a warm chicken quesadilla.
5. Walsh elevator: At least you’ll be in the cramped comfort of 18 people who chose to wait 12 minutes for an elevator instead of taking the stairs to the 3rd floor.
6. GERMS Truck: Treat your alcohol poisoning AND your heartbreak for the price of one expensive and overrated hospital fee.
But fret not—70% of Hoyas marry Hoyas, right? Its always okay to be a #SingleLady.
After having a ~fun~ night filled with about seven too many shots of lime Burnett’s, we all somehow inevitably end up at Epi. At this point, it’s a Georgetown tradition to drunkenly eat way more chicken quesadillas than our stomachs can possibly hold. Of course, though, while enjoying the food and ambiance of Epicurean, we are also bound to eavesdrop overhear some rather interesting conversations:
The Drunken Breakups
I’ve witnessed an abnormal amount of drunken breakups occur at Epi in my first year. The first one takes the prize for being the most entertaining to watch…
(I know, I know. I’m a horrible person sometimes, but aren’t we all?)
I remember sitting down in an Epi booth my first weekend at Georgetown and hearing, “BUT I STILL LOVE YOU.” Five seconds into the conversation, I was seriously invested. I did what anyone would do: I casually looked over. Picture it: A blatantly sober girl near tears and a blatantly drunk boy staring at his phone.
The awkward tension — filled with silent pauses, quiet sniffles and violently fast texting noises — was finally brought to an end when the girl slammed her hands down on the table and screamed, “JUST LOOK AT ME AND TALK TO ME.”
By this point, the horrible part of me was quite invested as I tried to sneakily watch this intense showdown while scarfing down my quesadilla. It was as though a staged and poorly-acted reality TV show was unfolding before me — truly the best late night entertainment.
But that’s not all. Perhaps the best — or worst, depending on how good of a human being you are — part was when the guy suddenly looked up at his supposed girlfriend, held his phone out and asked: “Hey, isn’t this girl hot?”
He paused to glance around as if he knew he had gathered an audience by this point and said, “We should probably end things now.”
All I can say is RIP to that relationship.
Unless you brought your own silverware to college and never have to worry about being out of forks, knives and spoons, you’ve probably suffered while trying to eat a midnight snack.
Often, I find myself laying in bed, watching “That 70’s Show,” too lazy to make my way over to Leo’s. So, naturally, I make myself some Easy Mac, only to realize I am forkless.
More often than I’d like to admit, I wander into Epi in the late hours of the night, making my way over to the silverware section while waiting for food. Naturally, I ask myself what any sane and reasonable person would ask at 1 a.m.: “How many forks should I steal?”
I’m not alone. Just last week, I heard another girl ask her friend that question. The girl then proceeded to grab a fistful of forks and carelessly stuff them in the pockets of her jeans. Stay classy, Georgetown.
“Hey, can I have a bite of that?”
I’d like to think all of us are giving, caring people who would help out a friend in need. Unfortunately, my giving, caring soul suddenly turns into an evil teenage girl when my food is at stake.
Imagine this: A girl sits down in a drunken stupor, happily gazing at a perfect grilled cheese. She picks it up, about to take the most satisfying bite when her friend taps her shoulder, his face moving close to her food while saying, “Hey, can I have a bite of that?”
Then without waiting for a proper response, he takes a gigantic bite out of her sandwich. That was probably the first time my heart actually broke. I’ve never felt so bad for another person.
I think we can come to the general consensus that the most profound, enlightening and insightful of conversations occur at Epi in the wee hours of the morning. And remember, if you want to steal all the plastic forks and spoons, bring a bag.
In just a few days, most Hoyas will be returning to The Hilltop. A select few will study abroad in the fall, but nevertheless anticipation to leave home has never been higher. But amid all the excitement and preparations to return to school, some may have noticed the blossoming of a new trend over the summer that could have serious effects on our futures: the combination of transportation apps (e.g. Uber and Lyft) and food delivery.
Uber Technologies originally unveiled UberEATS in 2014, but the service is still separate from the app that you use to transport your lazy body home from a night out. Food delivery apps quickly became a new fad; Postmates and Tapingo quickly followed and the industry boomed. Even more recently, Uber seems to have taken a step further with the ability to request an ice cream truck. I received this email recently and while the service was only available on August 11, I was still shocked to see how Uber promotes obesity continues to improve its services.
The email continued to describe an added benefit to requesting a personal ice cream truck. As if the idea of that wasn’t enough, Uber promised free ice cream at McDonald’s (every Friday until 9/22/17) when you brought your ~collectible cone~.
So now when you download Uber, you’re not just getting a car service. Instead, you’re exposed to a world of ice cream on-demand and free ice cream at McDonald’s. While I am not a huge McDonald’s fan (unless it’s Shamrock Shake season), I can’t deny that I was impressed. But just when I thought it could not get any better, I received word that Lyft was developing something called “Taco Mode”: a service that delivers passengers to the nearest Taco Bell mid-ride. Instead of matching its rival’s ice cream service and partnering with McDonald’s, Lyft has raised the bar even higher by partnering with Taco Bell and bringing customers to a food source on their way home. This means that on your way home from the bar (or wherever you are in the middle of the night), you can easily make a pit stop at Taco Bell and satisfy your dietary needs. Has science gone too far?
The correct answer to that question is: NO! This is exactly what the people (read: we, students of Georgetown) don’t need in our lives. A service that allows us to stop for food on our way home makes life incredibly easier. Rather than taking two Uber/Lyft rides to stop for food and then continue back to campus, this idea saves time and money for students who are on a budget.
As the industry continues to change, one cannot help but wonder what services will be released in the future. In order to help some wannabe MSBros aspiring business leaders, here are some great suggestions that one could take into account when developing the next great food service:
&pizza Feature for SafeRide– Building on the idea of Taco Mode, this could be both an excellent boost in business for &pizza on Wisconsin Avenue and great publicity for SafeRide and GUPD. If you are taking SafeRide back to campus at a late hour, what better place to stop? It’s close to campus and they have a variety of pizzas and free water. This feature could also mean that the SafeRide driver stops at &pizza for you and grabs your food. Either way, you’re getting pizza and a ride home all in one trip.
Corp Coffee Delivery Service– As if The Corp didn’t have enough to worry about, a coffee delivery service could prove disastrous since probably everyone on campus (including faculty) would want coffee delivered to them. The solution would be to raise a delivery price, but then everyone would probably just not use the service. This may not seem like a great suggestion, but hey, maybe someone else can put a better spin on it.
Quick Pita Food Truck– If this had happened prior to the tragedy of December 31, 2016, the eatery may have raised its sales enough to stay in business. Maybe it’s just me, but setting up this stand just off campus (in case you’re too lazy to walk the extra blocks) would’ve been a godsend.
GUTS Stop at Jumbo Slice– Georgetown may have stopped the late-night Adams Morgan route, but it may be time to bring it back if this idea gains popularity. Picture this: you are leaving Madam’s Organ (if you’re of age, of course), and you want to take the free shuttle home but you also want pizza. Now you can do both because the shuttle waits while you run in and grab a slice.
While these suggestions may seem a bit ridiculous, are they any worse than “Taco Mode” or Uber ice cream trucks? That’s up to you to decide, but just remember that in the coming weeks there probably will be a longer wait for late-night Epi than a mid-day Cosi due to something called NSO. In case you have forgotten, the counter at Epi will look something like this.
So to whomever takes up one of these ideas and actually does something with it: please remember me when you’re famous!
Who knew a tiny, ugly piece of plastic would mean so much to us? If you’re a Georgetown student, you’ve probably lost your GoCard before. And if you’re like me, you lose it almost every week. How do we cope? Well, the first step is knowing what you’re in for. If you’re not already familiar with the many feelings that come with losing that little card, here’s a reminder.
You lost it. Again. Again?! How did you lose it again? You’ve checked literally all the pockets of all your pants, the entirety of your now-messier room and retraced your steps of the past few hours. It’s over. It’s gone. You can’t go to Leo’s, you can’t print, and you can’t get into your dorm without awkwardly waiting outside for a stranger to swipe you into the building. Great.
It’s Day 3, and this whole losing your GoCard thing is ruining your life. You can’t do your laundry, and it might not be the best idea to ask your friend to borrow their GoCard for the 7th time.
Here’s how you explain your situation to the swipe-in security officers: “Hi, I lost my GoCard. I’m sorry. I don’t — is that — okay? It might be upstairs, I don’t know. Okay great, yes, next time. I live here, I promise!”Here’s how they respond: They shrug, wave you along, maybe utter a soft “K” or “You’re fine…”
Another day, another fruitless search for the GoCard. You’re sad. You’re confused. Do you keep looking for it? Do you even care at all?
Fine. It’s time for that trek up to the infamous GoCard office. You usually only go up to this location for late-night Epi runs, so this is new for you. But it’s time – it’s been time. You may be losing $25, but hey, at least you can try to get a better GoCard picture this time.
We’ve heard the rumors. We’ve seen the health code signs. But for all our favorite Georgetown restaurants, students are very much willing to forgive and forget their health code violations. To commemorate our most notorious health code offenders, 4E has rounded up all our favorite food establishments and their health code violations! We also realistically understand you’ll read this article and then go grab a bite to eat. See you there!
1. Dean and DeLuca, 2017
Not the first time its been closed for rodent infestation. But then again who in Georgetown can escape the rodent infestation?
Closed for unclean food preparation, “mold on the ice machine and employees failing to use gloves during food preparation.” But let’s be honest: Most of us come for something that doesn’t need preparation and comes straight from a tap.
Closed for violation of “improper holding temperatures, lack of proper date labels and improper food separation.” I mean, most of us eat Wingo’s at improper temperatures, with unknown dates, and no separation…it’s called the next morning.
According to a health department report, health inspectors discovered “evidence of recent rodent activity,” including “gnawed hamburger buns.” The report said that improper disposal of trash and food debris had caused the rat infestation. The department closed the restaurant…” Maybe just get a milkshake?
Who knew our favorite late night eater was up to so much? I guess we were all a little too “busy” *cough* to notice. Here are Epi’s violations:
Food was not properly “segregated, separated, [or] protected.” At the sushi station, eggs were stored in a way where they might contaminate other foods.
The restaurant was cited for unclean and unsanitized food contact surfaces.
The restaurant’s food marking and disposal methods were cited.
Food and non-critical surfaces were not properly maintained. The restaurant was cited for improper “dishware washing sanitation, and frequency methods,” which includes silverware. The final rinse temperature of the dishwasher was not hot enough.
Hot and cold foods were stored at improper temperatures.
There was no consumer food advisory for raw or under-cooked food displayed at the sushi bar or on menus
On the weekend, Georgetown students face many different choices. To wake up for Leo’s brunch, or to forego food until 3 PM when Tapingo opens? To get homework done early on Saturday, or to leave it for Sunday? To go out, or to have a rousing night in with your ~ladies~?
If you decide to pick the latter, I would suggest a wild game of truth-or-dare. But why not take it a step further? Why not make it a game of Georgetown inspired truth or dare?
Streak on Copley Lawn (we’re looking at you, Cait).
Skinny dip in Dahlgren fountain.
Steal Kim Kim’s panini press.
Find a willing friend and make out with them on every floor of Lau.
Go behind the Cosi counter and make your own meal to save yourself a two hour wait.
Have you ever stolen something from Leo’s?
Have you ever walked in on your roommate doing something awkward (i.e. lying naked on the bed singing, picking their nose, etc.)?
Have you ever excessively complimented your professor in an effort to raise your grade (Problem of God is not as easy as people make it out to be…)?
How many of your Flex Dollars go to late-night Epi quesadillas?
Where is the most embarrassing/inconvenient place you have thrown up (I hear Walsh and White-Gravenor are not very accommodating)?
With Piano as a no-go and people getting too lazy to host parties what with mid-term season in full-swing, we at 4E hope this game of truth-or-dare can salvage your otherwise boring Friday night.
*Disclaimer: if you get caught doing any of these dares, we at 4E cannot be held responsible.
It’s safe to say that the last month has been a whirlwind. The end of Thanksgiving break, all those formals, finals, finally coming home all in the holiday season, Christmas and New Year’s Eve has been a lot to handle. Amidst all the chaos, however, you probably still had time to go out and have fun with your friends. One or two nights (or maybe even all of them, if you’re ambitious) between that first study day and your first final probably looked something like this:You probably had an unbelievable night dressed as some holiday-related getup and posted the most basic picture of all time on Instagram. Meanwhile, you might have woken up the morning after and looked something like this:The mad rush to finish the fall semester ~with a bang~ included formals, sweaty Henle parties, trips to Chi Di, trips to Piano Bar (after getting rejected by Chi Di) and just relaxing evenings at Booey’s with friends. Most, if not all, of these experiences had you feeling down in the dumps the next morning or even later that night.
However, the holiday season has taught us at 4E that not all hangovers are the same. Maybe you woke up with just a slight headache one morning, but then the next morning you woke up feeling like death and slightly sick from all the Quick Pita food you had at 3 AM. So while 4E once told you how to survive those day-afters, I have composed a guide to classify what type of hangover you might be feeling as part of the Sunday Scaries.
The Classic Beer Hangover– You wake up with nothing more than a pounding headache and the warm, delightful taste of Natty Light (read: you also smell like this, which makes you feel slightly queasy). This type of hangover probably came from a trip to Booey’s or the aforementioned sweaty Henle party. You’ll typically experience this throughout your time at Georgetown. The positive side of this experience? An easy remedy is to pop a few Advil and head to Leo’s.
Death by Burnett’s– The other side to a typical party: a handle of some flavor of Burnett’s being passed around. Although you know this never ends well, you decide to go with the flow and deal with the consequences later. You wake up feeling ill. You feel sick and achy, but you manage to get up, clean yourself up, and then head out for the day. If you head to Leo’s brunch, this hangover is sure to be a thing of the past.
The Aftereffects of Various Alcohols– The pregame started at 10 and you lasted until 2 AM. You had it all: beer, Burnett’s, some sort of juice and a sip of water at Epi (because that helps with the hangover, right?). Rumor has it there were even a few ~special~ ingredients in the jungle juice you had at that Vil B. Combining the aspects of the last two hangovers, your hangover makes you feel like death. Even after a shower, Advil and eating the best of Leo’s brunch leaves you feeling hollow and just not your best. Unfortunately, the only way to get through this is to wait it out; by the end of the day, you’ll feel well enough to go out again and repeat the process.
Post-Blackout-Mortem– Similar to the previous topic, you drank a hodgepodge of everything. You went from apartment to apartment to bar to bar, and made the most of every stop. Although you can only remember so much of it, you know you drank a lot since you wake up in the same clothes with some sort of orange liquid staining the front of said clothes. Is it a drink from last night or…? You don’t want to know, and you probably won’t find out unless your friend shows you the pictures that you wish didn’t exist. In the meantime, you focus on getting out of bed, because you can only think about one thing right now and even that takes every ounce of strength. Let’s just say that brushing your teeth, which is supposed to feel good, turns into a nightmare.
Continuing Drunkenness– You wake up NOT HUNGOVER and feel like you’re on top of the world. You congratulate yourself on a job well done and figure what you can do next time to repeat the experience. As you begin to ponder this, however, your head starts to slightly throb until it feels like you’re being repeatedly thrown down the Lau steps. You start to feel sick and realize that your hangover is starting later than expected. Why? Because you were still drunk when you woke up. Although this may seem concerning, have no fear! Your options include accepting defeat or you could just keep it going! Either way you’re going to have a rough day. Nevertheless, you push forward.
…Not Hungover?– Against all odds, you wake up truly not hungover and go about your day per usual. Either you didn’t drink that much or it’s just your lucky day. Although this is rare, it does happen. If it happens to you, congratulations! You can only go downhill from here.
So readers, take this as a guide for when you’re feeling under the weather on those Saturday/Sunday mornings of 2017. Happy New Year and, most importantly, stay responsible!
Recently, it was revealed that Quick Pita will be closing at the end of 2016 (on December 31, to be precise). You can imagine the effect this news has had on me, a connoisseur of late-night food. When I heard the news, I had a meltdown comparable to that of a catastrophic nuclear accident.Many of my fellow Quick Pita regulars reacted similarly as I gently broke the news to them. In fact, some of them threatened to transfer. Hogan Lizza (COL ’19), a devout Quick Pita enthusiast, commented, “Georgetown without Quick Pita is like the Cincinnati Zoo without Harambe.” I couldn’t have phrased it better myself. Quick Pita has been around for decades, and life will just not be the same without it.The increase in rent has left Quick Pita with no other choice but to move out. I, for one, plan on venturing there every weekend until they close. I also felt Quick Pita could not go without a proper sendoff. With a nod to Edgar Allan Poe, here is 4E’s tale of the Quick Pita we know and love:
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I wandered, drunk and weary,
Thinking about my ~classy~ night out on the dance floor,
As I ambled, nearly stopping, I heard a great number of people talking,
Talking of Middle Eastern food, of a place where I had never been before.
“Just a small eatery,” I thought, “hopefully cheaper than Epi because I’m poor.”
Only this, and nothing more.
I looked up this “Quick Pita” and set off for my potential hangover cure.
I hurried down Potomac Street, both hungry and eager to explore,
Eager to learn more about this eatery of Georgetown folklore.
Once I arrived, I took in the striped awning and the hole-in-the-wall that would help me score,
Help me score my freshman 15, something to soon happen, of that I was sure.
Quick Pita, I soon realized, would make me fat, forever more.
Deep into the VCE darkness returning, I ate my chicken fingers and cheesy fries, still learning,
Learning about this wonderful taste, about to tell my friends they had to come with me.
But they didn’t listen, they said Darnall was too far from this place.
But I knew they’d come with me at some point, on my life I swore.
Eventually they ventured to Quick Pita, and their lives were changed when they walked through the double-doors.
Their hearts were changed–forevermore.
Quick Pita became my solace, a refuge for me, whether or not I was sober.
The chicken fingers, the cheesy fries, the gyro kept me coming back for more.
I got on the scale after finals last year, and yelped in horror.
My parents asked me why I gained so much weight, how I didn’t notice my expanding core,
I told them how I frequently followed the Quick Pita spoor,
The spoor that would haunt my dreams-forevermore.
It was an ordinary night in September this year when I found out what would happen,
What would happen to Quick Pita, my dear Quick Pita, my savior.
Someone’s Snapstory said that Quick Pita was closing and raised a fury among students.
This was just something that I could not ignore.
I marched down to Potomac Street in the middle of a downpour.
I had to confirm that Quick Pita would be open (I couldn’t take not knowing anymore).
I strolled in and walked up to Sammy, the cashier who any Quick Pita regular knows.
I said to him, “Is it true you’re closing? If you say yes, I may start sobbing on the floor.”
He looked at me and said in a sad voice:
“Our landlord raised rent by forty percent, we can pay it no more.”
I replied, “Is there any way at all you can stay open? This is a place I really adore.”
Quoth Sammy, ever so honest, “Nevermore.”I walked home, depressed and defeated.
I told my friends and all acquaintances of the tragedy, the end of the food we all go for.
We all protested, and we in 4E ranted when we heard the news.
The neighborhood took away Rhino, now this? It’s like we’re at war.
But for now, all we can do is sit here and deplore.
For come 2017, Quick Pita’s doors shall be open – nevermore.
And Sammy, never moving, still is sitting, still is sitting,
Sitting at the counter, aimlessly staring at the eccentric, yet lovable, decor.
And his eyes have all the seeming of a good man that is dreaming,
And the fluorescent light over him casts his shadow on the tiled floor;
And the amazing food that we eat after leaving the Brown House dance floor